Meant To Be

by Karen Stivali

  “I’ll go with you,” he said, though he was not at all tired.

  “No need.” She yawned again. “I’ll be asleep before my head hits the pillow.”

  There was no hiding the meaning behind what she said. She was going to sleep, not to bed so he might as well stay and watch TV because he didn’t have a better offer at home.

  “You sure?” he asked, walking her to the back door. He kissed the side of her neck as he helped her on with her coat.

  “I’m positive,” she said. “Watch the movie.” She spoke louder. “Goodnight, Marienne. Thanks for dinner.”

  “Glad you could come.” Marienne waved from the couch.

  Daniel watched Justine walk across their yards and waited until he saw her enter the house before he turned back to the family room.

  Frank had woken up and was finishing the remains of his beer when Daniel strolled into the room.

  “Want me to grab you another?” Daniel asked.

  “Nope, I’m done. I’m toast.” Frank rubbed his eyes. “I got about eight hours sleep all week this week. I’m heading up.”

  “I should go,” Daniel said, but Frank interrupted.

  “Hey, we only made it through one movie so far. You might as well watch another. We already paid for them.”

  Ever-practical Frank.

  Daniel looked at Marienne. She was sipping her margarita.

  “I’ll be up for hours,” she said. “You’re welcome to stay.”

  “Go ahead,” Frank said. “There’s still a whole pitcher of margaritas.” Again, ever practical. “Goodnight, babe.” He gave Marienne a quick kiss. “Daniel.” He clapped him on the shoulder. “G’nite.” He trudged out of the room.

  “Seriously,” Daniel said. “I should go. I don’t want to keep you.”

  “Seriously,” Marienne said, mirroring his tone. “Stay. Let’s watch another movie.”

  “Okay.” It felt good to be wanted somewhere. He picked up the remaining stack of movies. “What should it be? Serious, well-acted drama?” He held up The Shawshank Redemption.

  She crinkled her nose. “Too serious.”

  He nodded. “Action packed but somewhat less well-acted drama?” He held up Speed.

  She shook her head. “Too tense.”

  Again he nodded. “Ahhh.” A grin spread across his face. “Romantic comedy starring very talented actors who apparently have occasionally questionable taste in terms of scripts?” He held up Joe Vs the Volcano.

  “Yes,” she said, then added with an impish grin. “And we drink every time they say the name ‘Joe’.”

  They clinked glasses, and each took a sip before Daniel got up to put in the DVD. He was already happier than he’d been all week.

  They watched the movie for about an hour, laughing and drinking each time the name ‘Joe’ was spoken, which was very, very often. Daniel was buzzed enough that it was becoming difficult to concentrate on the television screen. He was glad when Marienne started talking.

  “What are your students up to this term?” she asked. “Anything interesting?”

  “They’re an entertaining group. My sophomore lit class had a big discussion yesterday based on the premise ‘If you could spend one day as a member of the opposite sex, what would you do, and why?’”

  Marienne let out a snort.

  “I know,” he said. “I figured for certain they’d all say they’d spend the entire day shagging, but that’s not what they said at all. I was shocked. For three hours they debated gender identity and societal roles, and only one daring soul even mentioned that if he was a woman for the day he’d spend a fair amount of time staring at his own breasts.”

  Marienne giggled and he was pleased, he loved to make her laugh. “But honestly,” he said. “I’m pretty sure that even as a guy that particular student spends a good deal of time doing exactly that.”

  She giggled again, sounding even more impish.

  “So,” he asked. “What would your answer have been? If you got to spend an entire day as a man, what would you spend it doing?” He lifted his glass to his mouth, licking his lower lip.

  She paused for a moment then, just as he took a mouthful of margarita, she said, “Probably jerking off.”

  The tequila-lime liquid singed the back of his sinuses, threatening to shoot its way out of his nose, but he managed to spit it all back into his glass instead. Still sputtering he set his glass down on the coffee table and grabbed the pitcher.

  “That’s it,” he said. “I’m officially cutting you off. This is now my glass.” He took a swig straight out of the huge blue jug, beyond amused by the words that had left her lips.

  Marienne grinned, looking quite proud that she’d gotten such a dramatic reaction out of him.

  Daniel took a deep breath. “You were saying….”

  “Yesss.” Her eyes fluttered innocently.

  “Jerking off?”

  More giggles escaped as she said, “Yes.”

  “That’s it?” he asked, growing more amused, and aroused, by the second.

  She nodded.

  “The entire time?” he asked.

  “Well, if I spent enough time doing that then I’d, by nature, spend the rest of the time sleeping, so, yes, probably the entire time.”

  “True enough.” He chuckled. “And why? Can’t forget the second part of the question, Ms. Valeti.” He was teasing her, but attempting, with the use of her last name, to remind himself that she was Frank’s wife.

  Frank’s wife, Frank’s wife, Frankswife.

  The words blurred together as he repeated them without effect. All he wanted was to hear her reply.

  She paused, running her finger along the edge of her glass in a thoughtful way that seemed insanely sexy.

  “Okay,” she said, looking right at him. “I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this. I’ve never told anyone before.”

  “Am I at risk of snorting margarita out my nose again?” He was intrigued.

  “Probably.” She laughed as he put the pitcher back on the table.

  He turned to face her. “You have my full attention. Tell away.” His hand moved before him as though the tequila had given it a mind of its own.

  “Okay,” she said. “My first sexual experience.” She hesitated, and he felt his eyes widen in anticipation. “Was an act of….accidental voyeurism.” His mouth fell open, which elicited fresh giggles from Marienne.

  He stared at her.

  “When I was thirteen I was good friends with my neighbor, Felicia. In the summers we spent pretty much every day together, usually at her house, so I could get away from my mom.” The raw, truthfulness of the last part of that statement seemed to catch her by surprise, and she stopped for a second. Daniel heard it, and allowed her to skip a beat before prodding her to continue.

  “Go on,” he said. His mind tumbled over itself as he tried to figure out where she was going with this story. The words ‘sexual experience’ and ‘voyeurism’ bounced around his brain.

  “Felicia had an older brother, Rodney, who paid no attention to us. Felicia annoyed the crap out of him, and he spent most of his time in the garage fixing up his crappy old car.” She took another sip of her drink. He couldn’t take his eyes off her.

  “One day Felicia and I were out on her deck, tanning—I used to tan back then.” She gestured to her pale skin.

  His eyes raked over her, and she shuddered ever so slightly.

  “She decided we needed to flip through her brother’s yearbook to make a list of cute high school guys so we’d be prepared for freshman year. She sent me into the house to get the book. She said it would be on the desk in Rodney’s room. I told her she should go get it, but she said she couldn’t because of her wet toenails—Felicia was kind of a princess—so I headed to her brother’s room. I didn’t think anyone was home. Rodney was supposed to be at work. But as I was about to push open his door I heard a noise.” She paused and took another sip. “I froze, thinking there was a burglar in the house, then I hear
d the noise again. It sounded like a moan, and I was about to freak out and run screaming out of the house when I looked through the crack in his open door, and I saw Rodney lying on his bed. At least I assumed it was him. The door was only open a few inches, and I could only see half his body.”

  Daniel’s jaw had gone slack, his mouth completely dry. “Which half?”

  “The lower half,” Marienne said, sipping again

  “And he was….”

  “Naked.”

  “And?”

  She paused. “Busy.”

  “And you…watched?” He was still unable to take his eyes off her.

  “I couldn’t move. I was shocked.”

  “And you watched,” he said. His heart thrummed faster.

  “Well, yes.” She flushed. “I couldn’t help it.”

  They sat in silence.

  “Anyway,” she said. “That’s my answer. Ever since then I’ve wondered what that would feel like, as a guy. And don’t give me any bullshit about ‘penis envy’ because that’s not what it is. I’d just be curious.”

  He laughed. He’d been about to make a joke about how ‘Freud would say…’ He loved that she knew him well enough to call him on it before the words had even left his mouth.

  “Besides,” she said, “everyone knows what a popular pastime it is for men, so if I got to be one for a day I’d think it would be worth trying.”

  “You never cease to amaze me.”

  “You mean that in a good way, right?”

  “I mean that in the best of all possible ways.”

  “So.” The playfulness returned to her voice. “If you were a woman for a day what would you spend it doing and why?”

  “Same as you.” He grinned. “Only it would surely take much longer, as I wouldn’t know what I was doing.”

  Marienne giggled. “I’m not sure I believe that.”

  “Though it wouldn’t matter nearly as much, because even if I did get it right, I wouldn’t fall asleep straight away, so then I think I’d go out and let men buy me lots of free drinks.”

  She smacked him on the leg, and his eyes flashed at her, for if she’d smacked a few inches higher she’d have become aware of how much he was enjoying their conversation.

  “If your goal is to spend a day with men buying you free drinks you’d better hope you spend your day inside a woman who looks like Justine,” she said.

  A second passed before he heard the double meaning of her statement. She apparently caught it too, because they both roared with laughter.

  Actually, I’d much rather spend my day inside a woman who looks exactly like you.

  The realization hit him swiftly and was accompanied by far less guilt than he’d have anticipated, which delighted and terrified him at the same time. For the first time since these feelings had started, ages ago, he didn’t care. He was happy to be sitting there, laughing with her and for this one night he wanted to leave it at that.

  ****

  Later, as Daniel weaved across the yard toward his house, he replayed their conversation in his mind. He never tired of being with Marienne. She was different from anyone else he’d ever known, so honest and open, yet shy at the same time. She listened like she really wanted to hear what he was saying. He couldn’t remember anyone ever being that interested in him or his thoughts, and it touched him in a way he couldn’t put into words. The more he talked to her, the more he wanted to talk to her, and that was something he’d never been able to honestly say about anyone else he’d ever met. He felt like he could tell her anything. And that made him want to tell her everything. The thought made the dizziness in his head stronger.

  He crept up the stairs of his house, knowing full well that Justine would be so deeply asleep that he could be singing pub songs at the top of his lungs, and she wouldn’t awaken. The TV was on and she was tucked beneath the sheets, hair pulled away from her face, sleeping soundly, as he’d predicted.

  Daniel considered going straight to bed, but knew he wouldn’t sleep yet. His mind was still a jumble, and the alcohol was too fresh in his veins. Plus he was achingly aroused. He considered getting into bed and attempting to start up with Justine, but he knew that wouldn’t go well. He’d been down that road too many times. When Justine wanted sex, she made it clear she did, and tonight she’d made it clear she didn’t.

  Instead he opted for a shower, thinking the warm water might make him sleepy. He decided to use the hall shower rather than the one in the master bath, because Justine got cranky if he steamed up the bedroom while she slept. Something about too much humidity in the air. It was another thing he’d learned not to question.

  He rather liked the steaminess. The air in the bathroom clouded with moisture, and he stepped under the warm spray. His fingers raked through his hair as the soothing water ran along the contours of his scalp. Though he tried to clear his mind, he couldn’t stop thinking about Marienne. The way her hair swept across her face when she bent forward with laughter. The sweet vanilla scent that lingered whenever she was near him. The mischievous gleam in her eyes when she’d said the words ‘jerking off’.

  The feel of her touch on his leg.

  His hand moved swiftly to his now throbbing cock. It didn’t take long, the images invoked feelings so intense he came after a few dozen hurried strokes. Relief washed over him as the sexual tension that had been building for hours spiraled down the drain. He felt more than ready for bed.

  He crawled beneath the covers then felt around for the remote to turn off the flickering television. His hand closed around something long and hard, but he realized it was not the remote. It was one of Justine’s many vibrators. He snorted, shaking his head at himself for being such an idiot. It wasn’t that she hadn’t wanted sex tonight; she just hadn’t wanted sex with him. And for the first time he could honestly say he hadn’t wanted sex with her either.

  ****

  Marienne teetered dangerously close to falling as she made her way upstairs to bed. Her head spun from both the cocktails and the evening’s conversation. She was shocked at the things she’d allowed herself to say, but not shocked that she’d been able to say them to Daniel. Never in her life had she felt more comfortable talking with another human being. It was so effortless, so natural, and ever so appealing.

  She always looked forward to spending time with him. She felt like she could talk to him forever. They were in synch, more so than she could recall feeling with anyone in her entire life. And, though she hesitated to admit it, being with him made her feel sexy in a way she never had before. The way he listened to her, the way he focused on her, was more intoxicating than the margaritas.

  She climbed into bed feeling slightly disgusted with herself, yet still good enough that she tried to arouse Frank. She laid her head on his chest and ran her hand down the length of his body. He stirred in his sleep, but didn’t awaken. She tried to concentrate her efforts, slipping her hand beneath his waistband. Instead of responding as she’d hoped, he snorted and rolled away, snoring in a deep even pattern.

  Hurt, but not surprised, she returned to her side of the bed, and her mind drifted back to Daniel. The way he’d laughed when they were watching the movie, the way he’d stared at her, so intensely, as she told her story, the way his eyes had flashed when she’d touched his leg.

  She knew it was ridiculous to think that a man like him, with a wife as beautiful as Justine, would even give a woman like her a second thought, but sometimes, just sometimes, she liked to allow herself to believe it could be true. She let her hand wander down her body and slip into her pajama bottoms. Moving slowly, so as not to shake the bed, her fingers slid lower. She was shocked to find how wet she was—all from a conversation and some fantasies. Her fingers moved with a gentle rhythm, and she allowed herself to imagine that it was Daniel’s hand. Quicker than she even thought possible she found herself silently gasping as an orgasm shuddered through her. Hovering between guilt and pleasure, she drifted into a restless sleep.

  Chapter Sixte
en

  They were supposed to be in NYC, to meet up with Frank and Justine for the benefit, by six in the evening, so Daniel arrived at Marienne’s house at four o’clock. He knocked at the front door, but there was no answer. He was about to knock a second time when a window opened up above, and he heard Marienne’s voice.

  “It’s open. Come on in. I’m sending a fax to work.”

  Daniel turned the doorknob and walked into the house.

  “Come on up,” Marienne called.

  He’d never been upstairs to her office. He walked up, taking note of the pictures along the wall. As he moved down the hallway toward her voice, he could see her standing in the far corner room. The door was only partially open, so he knocked before entering.

  “Come on in.” She smiled, feeding more papers into the fax machine. “I’ll be done as soon as this stupid thing decides to cooperate.”

  Daniel turned in a slow circle taking in the images of the room. His eyes stopped as they came to rest on the antique desk, next to the rear window. While everything else appeared to be work related, this desk stood out as different.

  A few colorful pastel drawings were propped against the wall at the back of the desk, one with a striking black silhouette of an intricately patterned tree painted atop it. The rest of the desk contained a pleasant clutter of pencils and pastels scattered amongst cards and knickknacks. An array of sketches was strewn along one side.

  These sketches weren’t like the others. These were in pencil and seemed personal. Glancing at them Daniel recognized everything, one was the playground at the park, another was the sweeping arch of Marienne’s front porch. He noticed they were all spread across an open sketchbook. As he looked closer he saw that the bottom of the book was peeking out from beneath the drawings. On the corner of the page, a single word was written: Daniel.

  He was surprised to see his name, and almost reached for the book, but stopped himself, asking first, “May I?” He knew he’d been invited in to have a look around, but he still felt like he was snooping. He was so curious to see the paper with his name on it he wasn’t sure what he’d do if she said, ‘No.’