Meant To Be

by Karen Stivali

  Her other friends were not much help either. None of her old girlfriends had ventured into motherhood yet, and she felt herself growing further away from them as their lives revolved around their careers and upcoming vacations and hers became increasingly focused on the new person about to enter her life.

  Justine seemed the most uncomfortable of all, and would change the topic whenever it came up. Justine’s whole body seemed to reject the idea of anything related to pregnancy or babies. The only person who listened intently to Marienne, who seemed interested in hearing about what she was experiencing and never failed to try to make her feel better, no matter what the issue, was Daniel.

  Daniel was nothing short of amazing. He’d been intrigued by her pregnancy since she first told him. The fact that he’d been so concerned about her that she’d felt compelled to tell him, even before she’d told anyone else, still touched her deeply. Unlike her other friends, who easily bored of hearing about the details, Daniel seemed to want to know everything. He often lead her back to the topic even when she tried to steer away from it to talk about something she thought he might prefer to discuss.

  He seemed to sense that she needed to express her fears and feelings, and she was more thankful than she could begin to tell him. She didn’t know how she’d have made it through the past several months without his support. The fact that he confided in her so much during their conversations, telling her about his own hopes for children, made her feel that much closer to him.

  As they pulled into the driveway, she saw the lights flip on in the backyard and wondered why.

  Frank grabbed the beer from the back seat while Marienne struggled her way out of the car. He was halfway to the front door before she managed to get the car door closed. She wondered if he’d even notice if she stayed in the driveway.

  When Marienne finally made it inside, she was shocked to find Justine standing at the kitchen sink, rinsing lettuce. It was the closest she’d ever seen Justine come to cooking. Frank unloaded beer bottles into the fridge. Daniel was nowhere in sight. She was about to ask where he was when she heard a strange dragging sound on their patio. She looked out the sliding glass door and saw Daniel pulling their large grill behind him.

  “What the fuck is he doing?” Frank asked.

  “Daniel has decided we’re barbecuing tonight,” Justine said, with a very fake smile.

  “It’s freezing out,” Frank said. “Why the hell is he barbecuing?”

  Justine made a face, but didn’t answer.

  “Can I help with anything?” Marienne asked. She hated feeling useless and lately she felt that way all the time.

  “Nah.” Justine stepped away from the sink and started to tear the lettuce into pieces. “All I have to do is scrub those potatoes and throw them in the oven. Besides, you shouldn’t be standing. Go sit down.”

  Marienne pulled out a kitchen chair, feeling useless once again. She saw Daniel outside, trying rather unsuccessfully to get a fire started.

  “I’ll go sit outside and keep Daniel company,” she said. “I’m so warm all the time the cold air feels good. Plus it looks like he may need some help lighting that.”

  Justine snorted. “I’m sure he does. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing.”

  “Well, I’m pretty handy with a match, I’ll set him straight.” Marienne smiled as she headed outside.

  “Hey,” he said. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m fine.” She ambled toward him, trying not to wince from the pain that shot through her sciatic nerve with each step. “How are you?”

  “I’m good. This fire on the other hand….”

  “How much paper did you put underneath?”

  “What?” he asked.

  “You’re using untreated charcoal, you need to put crumpled newspaper underneath the briquets, along with a few twigs or branches, otherwise your coals will never get hot enough.”

  “Oh,” he said.

  “Never a scout, I take it?”

  “Uhhh, no. Not really the outdoorsy type back in those days.”

  “As opposed to now?”

  “Ha ha.” He put down the tongs he’d been using to poke the coals. “Let me go grab some newspapers out of the garage. You should go inside. It’s really cold out here.”

  “Not to me. I’m a human furnace these days.” She reached out and touched his hand. Her fingers burned hot against his icy cold palm.

  “Wow.” He looked shocked. “And you’re usually the one who’s cold. I guess there are some pluses to having your hormones in overdrive.” He laughed. “Just made you sound more like a horny teenager than a pregnant woman.”

  “Shut up and get your newspaper.” She pulled a chair closer to the grill and lowered herself into it. “And don’t forget a few branches.”

  Marienne shifted uncomfortably as she waited for Daniel to return. She could see Frank and Justine talking in the kitchen. Frank was waving his beer around as he spoke and Justine appeared to be cutting something on the counter. Seeing him laughing and talking with Justine made her annoyed.

  He never keeps me company in the kitchen. He’s barely ever home anymore.

  “Okay,” Daniel said. “Fire starting 101. Please begin the lesson.”

  Marienne laughed as she proceeded to explain the basics of charcoal grilling to her student.

  In no time at all the fire was going strong. The dusky smell filled the air.

  “So, why are we grilling in January?” Marienne asked.

  “Would you believe I had a craving?”

  “Oh you did, eh?”

  “Yes.” He grinned. “See, I have this pregnant friend and she’s always having cravings, and I think it’s started to rub off on me.”

  “Really?” She pretended to humor him. “You feeling kind of tired and cranky, too?”

  “Yes, now that you mention it. And my shoes are tight.”

  Marienne swatted him with the remaining newspapers and he laughed, ducking out of her reach.

  “Your cravings are so strong you decided you’d stand outside in below freezing weather. That’s impressive. What are we grilling anyway?”

  “Steak,” he said.

  “Pan frying wouldn’t have satisfied your craving?”

  “The last time I tried to pan cook a steak I set off the smoke alarm. I figured starting a legitimate fire, outside the range of the smoke detector, was probably a safer alternative.”

  “I could have helped you.”

  “The whole point is that we’re supposed to be providing dinner for you, not for you to be over here cooking for us. Though I already needed your help starting the grill, so I don’t know how well thought out this whole plan was.”

  “We could have done Chinese, you know.”

  “That’s not good for you,” he said.

  “Is that what this is about? You’re out here lighting things on fire because you don’t want me to eat too much sodium? Daniel.”

  “What?”

  “I….” She stopped with an exasperated sigh.

  “What? You don’t want people making a fuss over you? You don’t want anyone doing anything for you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Too bad. You’re over there making another person, I’m cooking a steak, well, not yet, but I will be. Still, hardly comparable.”

  “You’re crazy.”

  “That’s a separate issue entirely.” He winked. “Be right back. You want a drink?”

  “Water.”

  He disappeared into the house.

  ****

  “Hey.” Daniel clapped Frank on the shoulder.

  “What the fuck are you doing out there?” Frank asked.

  “If I knew, I’d be done by now.” Daniel got the steaks out of the fridge then filled a glass with water.

  “I’m done.” Justine dried her hands on a paper towel and tossed it into the trash. “The potatoes are in the oven, and the salad is in the fridge. Anything else you want, you make.”

  “Thanks,” Da
niel said.

  “You wanna shoot some pool while smoky Joe over here works on the steaks?” she asked Frank.

  “You’re on,” Frank said. “Sorry buddy, you’re on your own out there.”

  Daniel didn’t mind. He wasn’t on his own.

  ****

  The cold night air made the charcoal slow, but eventually dinner was ready and they were able to sit down to eat. By the time they finished it was almost ten in the evening.

  “I was going to run and get ice cream for dessert,” Daniel said. “Who wants what?”

  “I’m full,” Justine said. “Besides I have to pack.”

  “That’s right,” Marienne said. “When do you leave for LA?”

  “I was supposed to go Sunday morning, but I found a direct flight that leaves tomorrow night, so I’m taking that instead. It’ll give me an extra day to hang out.”

  “Ice cream?” Daniel asked Frank.

  “No,” Frank said. “You know me, not a fan. I’ve actually got some work I need to finish up, too.”

  “Marienne?” Daniel was certain she wanted ice cream, but wondered if she’d say yes when the others said no.

  “No, I’m good,” she said.

  He raised his eyebrows. “It’s no problem. I can be back in half an hour.”

  “Thanks.” She smiled. “But I shouldn’t. Besides, I have to start packing, too. The nurse told me at my appointment yesterday that I should have my hospital bag ready to go.”

  “You’re sure?” he asked. “I’ll even deliver it to your house.”

  Marienne laughed. “As much as I like the idea of ice cream on demand, that’s not necessary. Thanks though.”

  They said goodnight and Marienne waddled back out to the driveway.

  Their car had barely pulled out of the driveway when Justine turned to Daniel.

  “Did you know they haven’t had sex for months?” she asked, her eyes wide.

  “What are you talking about? Frank told you that?”

  “Mmmmhmmm.” She nodded. “Can you imagine?”

  “No. Wait. What did he say?”

  “He was complaining. I mean, wouldn’t you? Christ.” She placed her wineglass in the sink.

  “Well, I don’t know.”

  “Oh please. Like there’s anyone who wants to give up sex for months on end?”

  “Exactly. I mean it’s not like Frank’s the only one involved here. I’m sure Marienne would rather be well enough.”

  Justine rolled her eyes. She put her arms around his neck. “You know who’s well enough?” She kissed him, flicking her tongue into his mouth.

  “I have some idea.” He was amazed at how quickly she could shift gears.

  “Think about how lucky you are. Poor Frank over there, suffering through another sexless night, while you’re here.” She purred and started to unbutton his shirt, kissing her way down his chest.

  “You know you probably shouldn’t evoke images of Frank while you’re trying to seduce me,” Daniel said, though it was clear his body was responding in spite of what she was saying.

  “Okay.” Justine slid down his zipper and slipped her fingers inside his pants. “How about we don’t talk at all?”

  Chapter Thirty

  Frank wasn’t on the train on Monday morning. He usually called if he was driving in, but he hadn’t. Daniel hoped Marienne was okay.

  When he got to work he looked for her online, but she wasn’t logged on. He checked again after class, still no sign of her. There was no answer on the house phone. Heading home, he wondered if maybe she’d gone into labor. He couldn’t get her out of his mind. It wasn’t a particularly cold night, but he shivered as he walked home from the train station.

  His own house was dark. He stepped inside, not bothering to turn on any lights, and went straight to the kitchen window to look over at Marienne’s house. The lights were on and he could see her moving around in the kitchen. He shook his head, feeling foolish for having spent the day worrying. What on earth will I be like if Justine gets pregnant some day if I’m this concerned now? A nagging voice in his head said that might never be a problem.

  Daniel browsed the contents of the fridge, but nothing appealed to him. All day he’d been craving a gyro. He didn’t feel like walking anymore, so he got into the car.

  He got a spot right on Easton Avenue, halfway between Evelyn’s and Thomas Sweets Ice Cream Shoppe. As he walked toward Evelyn’s he remembered how Marienne had turned down ice cream on Friday night, so he decided he’d bring her some on his way home.

  He devoured his gyro, then finished off his iced tea and walked back up to Thomas Sweets. The smell of chocolate hit him the second he opened the door. The glass display case was overflowing with their latest confections. A row of chocolate covered Rice Krispies Treats on sticks adorned the top shelf. In spite of the cold weather, it was crowded. Daniel read the list of flavors while he waited.

  What would Marienne want?

  “Can I help you?” the guy behind the counter asked, before Daniel was ready.

  He tried to recall her favorite combinations. “Okay. I need four medium blend-ins: chocolate with M&Ms, cookies and crème with Peppermint Patties, vanilla with Heath Bars, and chocolate marshmallow with KitKats. To go.”

  “You got it.” The guy began to scoop the first cup of ice cream. Daniel watched as the young man loaded the ice cream and topping into the drill-like blend-in machine. The swirling concoction poured into the cups below.

  “Anything else, sir?”

  “Yeah, I’ll take one of the Rice Krispies Treats.” Jesus. I’m ordering like a pregnant woman. He chuckled.

  Not wanting the ice cream to become any softer, he drove straight to Marienne’s house. Frank’s car was not in the driveway and Daniel wondered if it was in the garage or he simply wasn’t home yet. He checked the clock. It was 8:30.

  He grabbed the bag and walked to the front door, intending to drop off the treats then head home. He rang the bell and waited, the night air making him shiver once again.

  A few moments later he saw Marienne through the glass panels.

  “Hey,” she said, as she opened the door. “What are you doing here?”

  “Delivery.” He held up the bag.

  Her eyes widened. “Thomas Sweets?”

  He nodded, thrilled when her face erupted into a huge grin.

  “Oh my God, come in.” She stepped aside. “I can’t believe you’re bringing me ice cream, it’s all I’ve been thinking about since you mentioned it the other night.”

  “Ah-ha.” He felt very proud. “I knew it.”

  He followed her to the kitchen and set the bag down on the table. She lowered herself into a chair with such care he could practically feel the pain.

  “How are you?” he asked.

  “More bored than anything else. All I can do is sit and think. Even drawing is uncomfortable because the table seems out of reach. I spent three hours playing solitaire today. Owww.” She cringed.

  “You okay?”

  “Just a strong kick. Hey, that reminds me. Watch this.” She grabbed the box of playing cards and placed it atop her tummy. Two seconds later the deck leapt off her.

  “Oh my God, did the baby do that?”

  “Yes. The other night we were watching TV, and Frank put the remote down on my stomach, as a joke. The baby kicked it right off. Anything I put on it gets kicked off.”

  “That’s hilarious. Future soccer star.” Daniel leaned toward her stomach and whispered. “Arsenal.”

  Marienne giggled. “Don’t let Frank hear you saying that.”

  “Oh, right, I imagine he’d be happier with Eagles or Jackie Chan.”

  “Well, that too, but I meant Frank thinks talking to the baby is ridiculous. He says I’m crazy.”

  “That’s silly,” Daniel said. “The baby can hear you, and is with you all day long, why wouldn’t you talk?”

  “Exactly.”

  “Okay, pressing matter here, the ice cream is melting. I didn’t kno
w what you’d want so you have four choices.” He repeated the combinations to her as he handed her the Rice Krispies Treat and unpacked the bag. He removed the lids and stuck a spoon in each cup before setting them in front of her.

  “You’re a pregnant woman’s dream date.”

  Daniel laughed. “I’ll have to update my resume. Maybe you can work on that for me tomorrow.”

  Marienne took the spoon out of the chocolate and M&Ms blend-in and slipped it into her mouth. “So good.” She closed her eyes.

  Daniel was delighted to see her happy. “Did I do all right with the flavors?”

  “Like I said, dream date. You’re amazing.” She pointed to the ice cream. “You have to eat some too, though. Normal sized people must eat with fat pregnant women. You know the rule. Speaking of which, why didn’t you get any peanut butter cup blend-ins? You don’t like them anymore?”

  “You said peanut butter’s been giving you heartburn.” He took a spoonful of the Heath Bar concoction.

  “That’s when I eat it, not when I’m around someone who’s eating it.”

  “I know you like them too so I wouldn’t eat them in front of you when you can’t have any. Show of solidarity.”

  “Justine’s going to be a very lucky pregnant woman some day.”

  “We’ll see.” Daniel scooped up a spoonful of the KitKat blend as the phone rang.

  Marienne glanced at the cordless and groaned.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “It’s my sister.” Marienne rolled her eyes. “She’s been calling me daily, trying to convince me to let my mother come when the baby is born. I don’t want to hear it.”

  “That’s your decision.” Daniel noted the deepening furrow in her brow, even after the phone stopped ringing. “It’s your choice, you know. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

  “I know. I can’t win either way. If I don’t let her come, I feel guilty, and if I do let her come I know she’ll make me feel bad. And the worst part is all I keep thinking about lately is what if I have a daughter, and I wind up having the same horrible relationship with her as I have with my mother? What if I’m an awful mom?”

  “That’s not going to happen.”

  “You don’t know that.”