‘Yes, I know.’ She turned her gaze on him and he was trapped again. In one of those delicious moments that he fought to ignore, but didn’t know how. ‘Where’s that coffee you promised me?’
That was a much easier prospect. She followed him into the kitchen, looking around at the shiny white cupboard doors, and sleek stainless-steel fittings.
‘Wow. Do you ever cook in here, or just make coffee.’
‘I cook.’ He opened the refrigerator door, and the contents betrayed him. Two pints of milk, four large cartons of juice and a ready meal. He grabbed some milk, and closed the door again quickly. This had suddenly turned into an exercise in questioning his lifestyle, and Matt was happy with the way he lived. No ties that could turn into bonds. No strings to cut.
She leaned back against the worktop, watching him, as he filled the machine with water and ground coffee. Then Hannah spoke.
‘Matt, this has been hard for us both. Making the kind of relationship that allows us to push our own boundaries, and win.’
That was a good start. Matt wished he’d thought of it himself. ‘I think we’ve done pretty well.’
‘Yes, we have. This next phase is going to be even more challenging.’ She gave him a knowing look.
Coffee had dripped into the two cups, and he added milk to Hannah’s, leaving his black. He could do with the bite, to concentrate his thoughts. She walked across the room, picking up her cup, and then retreated back to the other side of the kitchen.
‘Hannah, over the last four weeks I’ve come to really respect you. You’re an amazing person.’ An amazing woman. But it was best not to think of their partnership as that of a man and a woman.
She took a sip from her cup, as if allowing his words to sink in. ‘That’s nice. Thank you.’
‘If I were anyone else, I’d... I wouldn’t be hesitating. Last week, I wouldn’t have let you turn away from me on the doorstep, without asking if I might kiss you.’ He gave a smiling shrug. ‘I would have followed up with roses, of course.’
‘It sounds as if I’ve been missing out.’ She was tracing the rim of her cup with her finger. ‘You’re not... I don’t know. You don’t have a secret wife or girlfriend somewhere, do you?’
‘No, I’ve never been married, and I don’t have a significant other either. It’s nothing like that.’
‘Then you could be in witness protection.’ She was regarding him steadily. ‘Or you could have a dark past...’
‘No.’ She was getting warmer, and Matt would prefer that Hannah stop there. ‘Nothing like that either. Just...baggage.’
She narrowed her eyes in thought. ‘I know about baggage. So what kind of baggage makes you ask me out for a meal and then change your mind when you get to my doorstep? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you for it, I haven’t been all that consistent either.’
Hannah was refreshingly honest. And she made it sound as if she’d hear pretty much anything that he could say, and understand. He liked that about her.
‘I didn’t have much of a childhood. My work is everything and settling down with someone—anyone—just isn’t for me. But I do care about you, and that’s why I’ve been giving you the kind of mixed signals that don’t produce very good teamwork.’
She nodded. ‘If I hadn’t waited for you to ask, and kissed you...?’
The thought made him tremble. Locked in Hannah’s gaze, he couldn’t dismiss it as just something that would have rounded the evening off nicely.
‘I would have loved every minute of it.’
‘Every minute?’
It was useless to suppose that if Hannah had kissed him, it wouldn’t have lasted minutes. The flush of her cheeks showed Matt that she knew that as well as he did. He could have kissed her for hours without quenching the impulse to kiss her again.
He had to think rationally, though. Matt tore his thoughts from all that their kisses might have meant to him.
‘Can we just accept this, Hannah? That there’s something between us, but neither of us wants to take it any further. Just let it be.’
She smiled. ‘I guess...yes. I’d like that.’
‘So we’re good? Ready to face whatever’s thrown at us next, and win this thing?’
‘Yes, we’re good. I really want to win too, and we needed to clear the air a little.’
The air between them didn’t feel at all clear. It felt full of all the same heavy anticipation and frustrated longing that had built up over the last month. But they’d acknowledged what they both wanted out of this, and that would stand them in good stead for London, and the finals of Hospital Challenge.
Hannah drained her cup, putting it into the sink. ‘I’d better be going. I think that Sam wants to do the victory dance. Yet again...’
That was his cue to let her go. Matt had every intention of letting her go, but he couldn’t, not just yet. It wasn’t helping that Hannah was suddenly still, her gaze locked with his. Matt had thought that acknowledging this would make it easier to set it aside...
Hannah took one step towards him. ‘Since we both know exactly where we stand now, I’m just wondering whether our own victory dance would be out of the question?’
Actually... No, it wouldn’t. There could be no harm in stepping across the boundaries now, since they both knew exactly what the boundaries were. It gave them permission for a little flirting.
‘Not sure I can manage the wiggle...not the way you do it, anyway.’ Matt allowed himself a step. They were standing close now.
‘We could go for something a little more sensual.’
Matt reached for her, laying his hand lightly on her back. She curled her fingers into his other hand, and he felt her body against his. The effect was electrifying. He took a few slow dance steps, feeling her follow his movements.
‘Like this?’
‘It’s a great start.’ He felt Hannah’s hand on his arm, and as the muscles flexed involuntarily under her touch, she smiled.
Breathless moments, locked in each other’s arms. Matt knew that anyone with any sense of caution would move away now, but he couldn’t. He ached for just one step further.
‘I can’t help wondering...’ She laid her head against his shoulder. Matt knew exactly what she was wondering because he was wondering too.
But before he kissed her he had to hear her say it. Out loud and in words of one syllable. ‘May I—’
‘Yes, you may.’ Suddenly, he was too impatient to let her even finish. Matt raised an eyebrow and she laughed. ‘Kiss me. Then I can kiss you back...’
Maybe that would be an end to it. But he wanted this, even if he couldn’t take any more from Hannah. He wanted to show her that if things had been different then he could have loved her.
She stood on her toes, and he bent, kissing her lips. Just as soft and sweet tasting as he’d imagined, but he hadn’t bargained on the searing jolt of feeling that ran down his spine. Hannah’s hand gripped his shoulder and she gasped as he lifted her up, turning round to sit her on the kitchen counter.
‘Too much...?’
She grinned. ‘Not enough.’
The more he let hunger percolate into his kiss, the better Hannah liked it. He planted his hands on the counter top, on either side of her, leaning forward as she wrapped her arms around his neck. It was sweet and arousing, and he was going to have to stop soon... Not just yet, though.
When he drew back, he found he was still caught in her gaze, and there wasn’t one thing he could do about it. Hannah had to be the one to set him free.
‘I really do have to go.’
‘I know.’ He stole one last kiss from her lips and then lifted her down onto her feet. Keeping his arms around her, he began a long, slow dance that took them out of the kitchen and into the hallway.
‘I like this...’ Hannah laughed and he performed a dip, holding her securely in his arms.
His lips almost touched hers in another kiss but not quite. This had to end soon, but while it lasted he’d squeeze every ounce of delight from it.
He managed to get the front door open without breaking the swaying motion, and then Hannah spun away from him. He raised her fingers to his lips, in one last gesture.
‘Goodnight, Hannah.’ Her real name suited the moment a little better than the joking nicknames.
‘Goodnight, Matt.’ She gave him one last smile, and then she was gone. He heard her footsteps on the stairs that led down to the lobby and he closed the door, leaning back against it.
That should have been a big mistake. Something that led to an embarrassed goodbye and the need to make things right afterwards. But it wasn’t. They’d struggled against this, but it was what they both wanted. Maybe making it clear that it was just for this moment, and it would lead nowhere, had made it all the sweeter.
And somehow it had made things easier. No more wondering what might happen if he kissed her. They had a way forward, and that way was clear. In two weeks’ time it would lead to the greatest test they’d faced.
CHAPTER TEN
HE’D BEEN PERFECT. Kissing her as if she wasn’t just the most beautiful woman in the world, she was the only woman. Dancing her slowly towards the door, and in a gesture of old-fashioned charm kissing her hand. Every time she thought about it, she was back in that moment, feeling everything she’d felt then.
The idea that any man could make her want him so badly should have been terrifying. But Matt understood that this would go nowhere, and so did she. They’d allowed it in because they both wanted it, but it wouldn’t divert them from their purpose.
Texting him had been a lot easier than it had before. Hannah had asked herself none of the agonised questions about whether this was too soon, or not soon enough. When she’d received the email, giving details of their trip to London, she’d just picked up her phone and suggested they meet to discuss it.
Their arrangements to meet up for coffee, at the end of Hannah’s shift, had been put off for a day. A major accident on the bypass around the town had left ten people, travelling on a coach, with serious injuries, and they were both busy. The next day, Hannah was waiting for him in the hospital canteen.
Matt sat down in the chair she’d saved for him, and Hannah pushed towards him the black coffee she’d bought for him.
‘You got this for me? Thanks.’
‘I’m guessing you must be tired.’ She could voice those concerns now that they’d come to an understanding. It was okay to feel something, and okay to notice him.
‘Yeah. We were operating pretty late into the night last night.’ He smiled suddenly. ‘We didn’t lose anyone.’
‘Thanks. I was wondering, and Sophie and I haven’t had a chance to find out yet.’
‘There were a number of injuries that were as a result of passengers being thrown around in the coach that was hit. The driver was badly hurt, and he’ll probably need more surgery, but he’s stable and doing better than I’d expected.’
Hannah nodded. She didn’t often get the opportunity to discuss the patients she brought in with the surgeon in charge of their case, and this was the kind of good news that both she and Sophie always hoped for.
‘I was worried about him. He’d lost a lot of blood from his stomach wound.’
Matt nodded. ‘You were right to be. There was a lot of damage, and we had to remove his spleen. But if my stitches hold, then he should be okay, given time.’
‘They’ll hold.’ Hannah grinned at him. It was okay to recognise that Matt was a talented surgeon as well.
‘I’m grateful for your confidence in me.’ His gaze met hers, and Hannah didn’t try to fight it. They’d acknowledged this, and set their boundaries.
‘So. What about the email, then...?’ She reached into her pocket for the paper copy she’d made, and found that Matt had a similar copy in his hand. They both smiled at the synchronicity.
‘It seems pretty straightforward. Nothing about what we’ll be doing, just that we need to turn up on Thursday evening, and we’ll have no contact with the outside world until the winners are announced the following Monday evening.’
Hannah nodded. She hadn’t explained yet to Sam that she wouldn’t be calling him every day. ‘That’s the first hurdle...’
‘I...um...took the liberty of calling them. I asked whether contestants might be allowed one call to their families every day, and they said yes. Supervised, of course, so that you don’t get to chat about the competition. But you can call Sam and tell him goodnight.’
He’d done that for her. Matt clearly wasn’t too worried about calling his family.
‘Thank you. It didn’t occur to me to do that, I just hated the idea of not being able to talk to him.’
‘Yeah, I didn’t much like the idea either.’ He scanned the paper in front of him again. ‘How are you getting down to London?’
‘I thought the train?’
‘I was going to take my car. The hotel has parking for guests, and you never know, we might need it.’
‘Won’t they provide us with cars if we need them?’
He shrugged. ‘Who knows? It can’t hurt to prepare for every eventuality. Would you like a lift down there?’
‘Yes, okay. Thanks. What are you taking in the way of...anything else?’
‘A full range of clothes. From a smart suit to sweats and trainers.’
That sounded a bit over the top. They weren’t going for a whole month. But Matt seemed serious about the idea.
‘I was thinking...’ She’d hardly thought about it at all, actually. ‘Probably just a couple of pairs of trousers and a few tops?’
Matt grinned. ‘Think about it this way. They’ve told us nothing so I reckon we should be prepared for anything.’
He had a point. ‘I’ll bring a dress and high heels, then. And whatever else I might need for any situation.’
He grinned suddenly. ‘If you don’t get to wear the dress, I’ll take you to dinner. And don’t forget your swimsuit either, the hotel has a really nice pool in the basement.’
Dressing up for dinner with Matt. Hannah was going to have to put in a little more thinking time over her packing.
‘You know this place, then?’
‘I was there a long time ago. It’s a little off the beaten track, but very exclusive. A well-kept secret.’
‘One that you know about.’ She grinned at him and Matt shrugged.
‘Someone’s got to. Or they’d never have any guests.’
‘All right. Play the man of mystery if you must. I hope your car boot is bigger than it looks, because my luggage expectations have just tripled.’
Matt grinned, taking a sip of his coffee. ‘We’ll manage.’
* * *
They strolled together back to the ambulance parking bays, and Matt took his leave of her. He’d pick her up at two o’clock on Thursday afternoon, along with all the luggage she could manage to wheel down her driveway.
‘You two are looking very cosy.’ Sophie was waiting for her in the front seat of the ambulance.
‘We’re teammates.’ Hannah felt herself redden. Sophie couldn’t possibly understand this. How it was okay to touch Matt’s arm and smile when they parted.
‘And I thought that I was your teammate.’ Sophie turned the corners of her mouth down.
‘You’re my real teammate. Matt’s just temporary...’ Hannah shook her head as Sophie laughed.
‘That’s okay. I know when I’m beaten. I don’t have his outstanding set of attractions.’
‘No, you don’t.’ Hannah decided to play Sophie at her own game.
‘Ah, so you admit it. You are attracted to him.’
‘Who wouldn’t be, Sophie?’
Sophie stared at her. ‘Then it’s one of two things. You’re either sleeping
with him already, and not telling anyone, or there’s a massive deal breaker in there somewhere. He’s not gay, is he?’
‘He’s not gay, and I’m not sleeping with him.’
Sophie leant back in her seat puffing out a breath. ‘So you’re not going to tell me, then.’
Hannah laughed. ‘There’s nothing to tell. We’re attracted to each other and I kissed him. But neither of us wants to take things any further, we’re just... Neither of us are in the right place for that.’
‘You kissed him? How was it?’
‘It was...fine. Nice.’ Beyond describing. ‘I’m not going to give you a blow by blow account of it. We like each other, but that’s it.’
‘That’s very adult of you.’ Sophie’s tone told Hannah that she didn’t believe it for a moment. When Hannah thought about it, she’d probably have exactly the same reaction. But that was the way things were with Matt, and she had to make it work.
‘I’ve got Sam to think about...’
‘Yeah, yeah. I know. There’s nothing like having kids to bring out the adult in you...’ The radio on the dashboard burst into life suddenly, signifying the end of their break, and Sophie grabbed it, taking a note of an address and then manoeuvring the ambulance out of its parking space.
‘You can’t do it, Hannah. You can’t fancy the pants off him, and then kiss him, and then just decide that’s enough and you’re going to stop there. I know you like things neat and tidy, and I’m the last person to blame you for it after what happened with John. But relationships are untidy things.’
It was a piece of wisdom that Hannah didn’t need right now. ‘Well, maybe this is the way this particular relationship has worked its way through. It’s for the best anyway. We need to work together.’
‘Right. You just go ahead and believe that.’ Sophie flashed her a grin as she turned out of the entrance to the hospital. ‘If it turns untidy, then you know who to call. I promise not to tell you that I told you so.’
* * *
Sophie wouldn’t need to say I told you so because none of this was anything that Hannah hadn’t been saying to herself. But when Matt picked her up at two o’clock on Thursday afternoon, his relaxed and cheerful mood was infectious. Sam flung himself at him, and Matt took the time to play with him for a while. Her mother made tea and then Matt took her bags to the car while she hugged Sam, telling him that she’d call him.
Winning the Surgeon's Heart Page 11