Women in Clothes

by Sheila Heti

  ANITA ABRAMS When having outfits made, I tend to hark back to Edwardian style, with lots of buttons down the back and on the sleeves, nipped waist, hip-covering jacket, and a curvy look, from well before the liberation of Chanel and the flapper styles. I associate this look with the elegance of the suffragettes and George Bernard Shaw’s heroines. I also keep buying shoes with a heel and “Oxford” detail on them. They have a kind of Edwardian elegance, something like a feminine version of a man’s formal shoe. Am I trying to convey that I am in a man’s world but there’s a female way of doing this?

  CONVERSATION

  I’M NOT A FUCKING D

  MUSICIAN HELEN KING GOES BRA-SHOPPING WITH SHEILA HETI

  SHEILA: Oh my god, there’s so many bras in here. Have you ever had a bra-fitting?

  HELEN: (laughs) No!

  SALESLADY: We’ll do it this time, but you definitely need to make an appointment.

  HELEN: Okay, thank you. Do we have to get naked?

  SHEILA: Well, you probably do, but I’ll sit out here. I’ll close my eyes.

  SALESLADY: I’m sorry, my hands are a bit cold. This one that you’ve got on is too tight.

  HELEN: Yeah, a little. I’ve put on weight recently.

  SALESLADY: (measuring) You’re in between sizes 34 and 36. Would you like to try on something like this?

  HELEN: Yes, one like this would be fine.

  SALESLADY: I’ll bring you the first 34D. . . .

  HELEN: D?

  SALESLADY: Yes.

  HELEN: Oh my god.

  SALESLADY: Well, sometimes it depends. It can be C as well, it just depends how the cup is. (leaves)

  HELEN: Oh shit. I brought a white bra because I’ve been going to these sex parties in the suburbs . . . it’s really bad. I don’t understand how I’m a feminist, and yet indulging these scenarios in which random men tell me what to wear. . . . (laughs)

  SHEILA: Oh my god. Strange men?

  HELEN: Yeah. And the three that have done it are really fat. (laughs)

  SHEILA: Is it a turn-on?

  HELEN: Totally! I wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t.

  One of the guys was like, “I would like it if you wore white knickers.” And I was like, Okay, I don’t normally do that, so maybe I need to get a white bra to match it.

  SALESLADY: I brought three different sizes.

  HELEN: I’m not a D, am I?

  SALESLADY: It’s better to try on, because sometimes it will surprise you.

  HELEN: I’m not a fucking D!

  SHEILA: What are you?

  HELEN: (laughs) As far as I know, I was a B, right?

  SHEILA: That’s a big difference.

  HELEN: I’m not a fucking D! You’re a D!

  SHEILA: I’m a B, maximum.

  HELEN: I am not a D!

  SHEILA: Do you feel excited that you’re a D?

  HELEN: No, I feel ashamed.

  SALESLADY: Are you going to try? You can try.

  HELEN: I am not a D!

  SALESLADY: Try C, then.

  SHEILA: D is really big. But I think they just changed the sizes recently, so everyone’s a size bigger, because they have to do double A’s and triple A’s.

  HELEN: If I’m a fucking D I’m going to kill myself. My whole life I’ve been fighting against the family curse of massive tits. (laughs)

  SHEILA: Why is it a curse?

  HELEN: Because then I’ll be fat and depressed!

  SHEILA: You said your breasts grew because you started drinking milk.

  HELEN: I didn’t drink any milk, I just ate pizza that had milk in it. Oh shit. What the fuck is this? I never wanted to be fat and now I am.

  SHEILA: You’re not fat at all.

  HELEN: I am.

  SHEILA: Oh my god, you’re not fat at all.

  SALESLADY: Let’s have a look. It’s a good fit. Do you feel all right?

  HELEN: What size is it?

  SALESLADY: Right. So that’s 34C.

  HELEN: It feels good.

  SALESLADY: But it’s not a bit tight on your back?

  HELEN: I don’t mind. Well, it is a bit.

  SALESLADY: Let me try something else.

  HELEN: If they tell me I’m a D, I’m gonna kick them in their . . . face. Honestly, this fetish website I’ve been going on. . . .

  SALESLADY: Try these on, see if you can get any more comfort from one of them.

  HELEN: So the fetish website I went on, I was really stupid when I first went on it. I had some guys asking me, “How tall are you? What’s your bra size?”

  SALESLADY: How’s that one. Better?

  HELEN: Yeah.

  SALESLADY: What I’ve done is I’ve gone up on your back and down on your cup.

  HELEN: Yeah, that feels good.

  SALESLADY: Because you’re between a 34 and a 36. So I gave you a 36B. But really you’re 34C.

  HELEN: Okay. Brilliant. Thank you. So what do I do to buy one of these?

  POEM | TEXTILE NAMES III

  A fish is a fish is a fish

  Femme écoutant

  Farmer’s dinner

  Savage parade

  London wall

  Light bulb

  Black goose

  Mr. Man

  Ballerina

  Radishes

  Acrobats

  Coupons

  Palisade

  Poppies

  Melons

  Grapes

  Iberia

  SURVEY

  MORE ADVICE AND TIPS

  “Try not to eat cake every day.” —FRIEDERIKE GIRST

  COLLEEN ASPER The only thing I can imagine recommending that every woman do is to work to destabilize the category “woman.” This doesn’t really translate into clothing advice, though. At various points it has translated into things like “Wear trousers,” but that seems awfully literal to me.

  RACHEL L. If I can answer yes to the question “Could I wear this in any capital city and still look the part?” then I’m happy with my style.

  NICHOLE DELAFIELD-BROMME It’s very helpful to take a picture of yourself in clothing when you plan to wear it to something important. Wedding, reunion, some other event where you especially care about your appearance. What we see in the mirror is NOT how we really look. Having a photo to look at helps pick out little details like: the hemline on that dress should be a little longer, the belt or shoes aren’t quite right. I once wore an evening dress and thought it was smashing, then later saw a picture and realized the neckline wasn’t fitting right. I could have easily fixed that had I bothered to have someone snap a quick pic on my phone a few days before.

  PATRICIA MARX My mother told me to stay away from plaids based in white.

  PENELOPE C. A trick is to not have full-length mirrors. If you can’t see yourself, you spend less time being critical of yourself, and that’s important.

  TRISH KALICIAK The smartest thing I ever did was hang twenty-four hooks along my wall. That’s where my most-worn clothes live. Sure, it looks like a hallway at a primary school, but it keeps my stuff off the floor, where it used to live.

  LEORA MORINIS I admire the unapologetic. I admire women who have a sense of humor about the whole thing. I mean, about our lumpy little bodies roaming around the planet, covered in bits of woven cloth.

  CHRISTINE MUHLKE I like things to be casual but special. Like if I have a dinner party, I want the best food, but the most relaxing way of eating it.

  SARA FREEMAN My friend Julia is probably the best-dressed person I know. She told me that a couple of years ago she decided to stop buying things simply because they were sexy or alluring. She wears beautiful, functional clothes every day and she always looks amazing. Before our conversation, I’d only bought clothes because they made some part of my body look good. After, I started thinking about clothes as things to wear to do certain activities, instead of things to wear to make my breasts look bigger and rounder, or my thighs smaller, or my waist thinner.

  MARGARITA TUPITSYN If a shop assistant tells yo
u that you look good in something but you don’t feel it, it doesn’t matter. It’s a sales pitch.

  GILDA HABER I use very little makeup—only eyebrow and eyeliner, lipstick, and a spot of lipstick spread on cheekbones. I wear my hair with long side curls like a Cossack to make my face look thinner and fiercer.

  GINI ALHADEFF No synthetics. They are hot and cold. They are treacherous. The wife of the film director Francesco Rosi, who was a friend, went up in flames when a spark from her cigarette landed on her synthetic caftan.

  RAMOU SARR Spanx are probably killing me and I do not give a shit.

  AMY TURNER If it’s over a hundred bucks, wait twenty-four hours. Money is freedom. Don’t give away your freedom for assimilation.

  GILLIAN SCHWARTZ My mom says, “If you see a cashmere sweater, buy it.” It’s good advice. I wear my three cashmere sweaters more than anything else in my closet. She says the same thing about extension cords.

  KARIMA CAMMELL Wearing an apron renders everyone incapable of processing your outfit. When I get dressed, nine out of ten times I realize, “The apron is missing.” So I add it. The outfit works and other things happen. I meet strangers and they assume I don’t speak English—that I’m not from around here. But generally speaking, I think, “If the outfit’s not working, add an apron.”

  PROJECT

  WEAR AREAS | ANNIKA WAHLSTRÖM

  1 My front teeth don’t meet when I bite. Until I was twenty, and a new dentist pointed it out to me, I didn’t know this was unusual. Then I remembered, ten years earlier, sharing a piece of candy with a friend. I was supposed to bite the candy in half. I couldn’t do it. Now I wonder what else is different about me that I’m not aware of.

  2 The single most sensual experience I ever had was in my teens. I had a huge crush on a guy. He came up beside me, put his hand on my shoulder and said hello. I can still recall the feeling—the jolt in my stomach. Nothing has surpassed it since.

  3 I am cursedly, giftedly flatulent. I can perform sounds that would silence an army band. Unfortunately, it is not always socially accepted. Often it is more of a nuisance than a skill.

  4 I bit my nails because my big sister did. For her, nail-biting was a problem; for me, it was something cool.

  PROJECT

  WARP & WEFT NOs. 1–6 | KARIN SCHAEFER

  COLLECTION

  IVORY SIMMS’s aprons

  CONVERSATION

  A FRENCH GIRL HOEING

  FARMERS BARBARA DAMROSCH & ELIOT COLEMAN SPEAK TO HEIDI JULAVITS

  HEIDI: I’m wondering about the romance of dressing for certain careers. Did you harbor any style romance about being a farmer?

  BARBARA: I was completely into the romance of it. Utterly. I basically left the academic life because of the whole back-to-the-land thing.

  HEIDI: What year was this?

  BARBARA: Oh, good question. It was like ’77 or something. The clothing that reflected that romance for me was overalls. Since I was cutting my own wood and all of that, I ordered some red suspenders from a company and they said “Logger’s World” on them. This was when I was changing oil in my truck myself.

  HEIDI: What had you been wearing when you were an academic?

  ELIOT: Miniskirts.

  HEIDI: Miniskirts?

  BARBARA: Absolutely. I got into trouble for teaching in micro-miniskirts. I also got in trouble for seizing a building.

  HEIDI: You seized a building in a miniskirt? Double violation.

  BARBARA: I’d been at a poetry reading and I had an all-night babysitter because of the reading, and the students had seized a building, so I went in.

  HEIDI: Let’s talk about what you decide to wear when you get dressed in the morning to go to work. What’s the process? Do you have a uniform?

  BARBARA: My outfits are very weather-dependent, but they also rest a lot on comfort. I don’t like baggy jeans, I like tight jeans, but I don’t like to feel constrained when I’m squatting a lot, so I’ll wear things like Garnet Hill leggings, or old beat-up jogging pants. Sometimes stretch jeans or stretch pants or something like that. The one thing I never, ever wear is boxy T-shirts.

  HEIDI: Why not?

  BARBARA: I don’t like boxy on me. So I’ll wear fitted T-shirts like the one I’m wearing now, or ones I’ve worn out or that have gotten irreparably stained or something. What I’m wearing at the moment would be my “going to town” outfit—clean jeans, a clingy top, sleeve three-quarter length, depending on the weather. And I’m big on layers. You go outside to work in Maine, you could start in your parka, then strip down to a flannel shirt, then have a tank top underneath in case the sun comes out.

  HEIDI: Have you ever stolen a style idea from one of your farmhands? You’re known around here for having a very attractive and stylish staff.

  BARBARA: Their sense of style is only one of the many, many reasons we love living surrounded by twenty-somethings. Everything about them is fresh and fun and challenging. Diane has an incredible sense of style. A natural grace.

  ELIOT: As does Vera.

  BARBARA: Vera wears little, cut-on-the-bias, longish fifties skirts, and her guy wears red suspenders all the time. The person I think was the most inspirational was a woman named Lydia. I would note things she did, like wearing underwear showing, or integrating something lacy and nightgowny into a tailored outfit. That’s been around a long time, but she did it better than anybody.

  ELIOT: I thought you were gonna talk about Aubrey.

  BARBARA: Well, Aubrey was in a class by herself. Aubrey would be sitting around on the grass after work in a little black dress and a heavy gold necklace.

  ELIOT: Aubrey was the queen of the little black dress.

  HEIDI: She would wear that to work?

  BARBARA: She wouldn’t actually garden in it, but once she wore jeans and a white, clingy, translucent tank top, with a black lace bra underneath, at the Brooksville farmers’ market. She was just the best.

  ELIOT: You have a bunch of hand-me-ups from my daughters, don’t you?

  BARBARA: Oh yeah. Like a thrift shop, only free. I have a Betsey Johnson dress that Eliot’s youngest daughter outgrew in high school that I wear still. I call it my hooker dress.

  HEIDI: The way you dress is very contra how people expect farmers to dress.

  BARBARA: I don’t think people expect . . . Well, okay, when we go to organic conferences, I don’t look like the women there.

  HEIDI: What do those women look like?

  BARBARA: What would you say, Eliot?

  ELIOT: Dowdy.

  BARBARA: Totally utilitarian. I think the way I dress is utilitarian, too, but I always have to look sexy.

  ELIOT: With many back-to-the-landers, that’s not the case.

  BARBARA: There’s always exceptions—you’ll see some farm chick who really knows how to tie a muffler. They can do a nice thing with a scarf. Actually, here’s my favorite farmette story: I’m in France, we’re at a museum that’s a medieval monastery, and it’s a plant museum where they’ve got historical gardens from all the different eras, and antique herbs and vegetables—

  ELIOT: Their gardens were pre-Columbian. So no tomatoes. . . .

  BARBARA: So there’s a vegetable plot out there with a French girl hoeing it. And she was wearing green velvet pants. Clingy bell-bottom green velvet pants to garden in. It wasn’t that she was trying to be medieval. She was just French.

  ELIOT: Now, I was there with her and I don’t remember that at all, so this is something only a woman would notice.

  BARBARA: They were probably pants that she’d trashed in a rainstorm or something, you know?

  HEIDI: Why is it important for you to look sexy?

  BARBARA: Why not? Some people don’t consider it important to look attractive to the opposite sex, and I just don’t think I will ever be that way. I think I’m going to be one of those 125-year-old slow drivers and still dress the way I do now.

  HEIDI: Do you feel like you’re dressing for men rather than women?

  BARBARA:
I wouldn’t say I dress for men. It’s just the way I like to think about myself.

  HEIDI: What about the sauna?

  BARBARA: Oh yeah, the sauna.

  HEIDI: You host regular naked coed saunas that have become pretty famous. Who comes to them?

  BARBARA: Our workers, our neighbors, our guests. Sometimes it’s just me and Eliot. It’s just a holdover from the sixties. I had my first nude sauna in 1970 when I was on the faculty at Middlebury, and there was a rock quarry where faculty and students swam naked—it was just what you did in the sixties and seventies.

  HEIDI: What happens when people are uncomfortable being naked around strangers or friends or bosses?

  BARBARA: We try to explain that it’s not obligatory. We have not been able to predict who’s gonna dig it and who isn’t. That is what’s really, really interesting—you’ll find somebody who’s a complete suit but who embraces the birthday suit just as readily, whereas somebody who you think is going to be very open to it is like, “Oh my god, no no no.” You never know. Often with a couple it’s one and not the other. But if somebody is uncomfortable with it, I don’t remember once feeling judgmental about it. It’s just: Oh, that’s who you are, that’s fine, that’s how you feel.

  HEIDI: Let’s talk about Helen and Scott Nearing, whose property this once was. They were married, and they were the preeminent back-to-the-landers with a very specific style. Was Helen an inspiration to you?

  BARBARA: Aesthetically, what was wonderful about Helen was that she had a Dutch background, so her garden didn’t look like a hippie garden. It looked like a European garden. It was tidy, well grown, she had this stone wall around it. She was a stonemason. She was the one behind all that stone building, not Scott. I loved that about her. But she dressed kind of. . . .