Side Effects

by VK Powell

  Neela’s words sounded protective and Jordan was grateful for the intervention. Bina’s questions would’ve been quite harmless to anyone else, but each one pierced her like a blade, reminding her of the missing parts of her life and the void in her heart. She had to refocus on work because Bina was skirting too close to her pain.

  “Neela, can I talk to you for a minute outside?” Jordan didn’t wait for a reply. She rose and said to Bina, “It was a pleasure to meet you, and I look forward to seeing you again soon.” She stepped onto the back deck and waited for Neela.

  “You haven’t told your mother about the threats, have you?” Neela shook her head. “What does she think happened to the window?”

  “Vandals. Why would I upset her? She’s dealing with enough already.”

  “I appreciate that. I really do, but she needs to know, especially when she’s home all day alone. We need to take more precautions.”

  “We?”

  “I think it’s time to reconsider those cameras you were so dead set against. And I’d like to install sensors around the boundary of your property.”

  “Forget it.”

  “You don’t even have an alarm system or a dog, and Bina is by herself a lot. Don’t you care what happens to your mothe—”

  Neela’s brown eyes burned as she stepped into Jordan’s body space and lowered her voice. “You don’t get to question my life, especially when it concerns my mother. Are we clear?”

  Jordan’s customary anger vanished as the hurt in Neela’s eyes turned to tears. She’d crossed the line, but she couldn’t imagine having someone who loved her as fiercely as Bina loved Neela and not protecting her in every possible way. She reached out but Neela backed away. “Please.” Neela stopped, her shoulders slumped, and Jordan pulled her close. “I’m sorry. I know you’d do anything for Bina. I just want to help. Please let me.”

  “Why?”

  Neela’s voice was muffled against her T-shirt, her tears soaking into the fabric, and she’d never felt more needed. “It didn’t take long to realize what a special person she is and how important she is to you. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to her.”

  “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  “Totally.”

  “Why is this so important to you, Jordan?”

  The feelings Bina had stirred in her were new but reminiscent of the way she and Amy had bonded in the orphanage. Amy had accepted her immediately and completely, never questioning her basic goodness. “She reminds me of someone…I cared about deeply.”

  Neela looked up, surprised and searching Jordan’s face as if to confirm she hadn’t misheard this small glimpse of her soul Jordan had revealed. I see you.

  “Then I guess we better get busy building a little fortress for Bina. Call your tech guys while I explain the situation to her. External cameras only, but the boundary sensors and alarm sound like a good idea.” She started back in the house but paused. “And thank you.”

  “Just doing my job, ma’am.” Jordan tried to be cavalier though she felt anything but.

  “Not just for that, but for speaking from here,” she placed her hand over Jordan’s heart, “for the first time.”

  Jordan couldn’t breathe for several seconds as her heart pounded under Neela’s hand. For just an instant she’d let her guard down and her feelings about Amy flooded out. She smiled as she walked around the house, happy and also slightly concerned that Neela had felt her sincerity.

  As she approached Harry and Phil, they edged closer to their car, readying for her wrath. “What happened last night, guys?” She was surprised how cool her voice sounded. When she arrived, she’d been so angry she was ready to take them both on. But Neela’s assurance that she was okay and her calming influence had soothed her. “Any leads on the suspect?”

  Phil shook his head. “Sorry. He came out of the bushes in a flash and was gone just as quickly. He smashed the window on the fly and scaled the fence next door like a ninja. No way we could catch him.” Harry and Phil looked like they’d let down their side, and that was probably punishment enough.

  “Doctor Sahjani has agreed to cameras around the house. We’ll also put sensors on the perimeter and alarm the house. Hopefully, all of that will be in place when you come on tonight.” The guys drove away and Bex shook her head. “What?”

  “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it for myself.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I expected you to chew both of them a new asshole for letting this guy slip through their fingers. Could you be mellowing?”

  “Shut up.”

  “Are Neela and her mother okay?”

  “They will be. Neela has a few minor cuts from flying glass, but Bina slept through the whole ordeal. She seems so frail and crippled she can barely move, but she doesn’t let it get her down.” Jordan admired Bina’s determination because she’d been unable to overcome her comparatively minor emotional problems.

  “You really like her, don’t you?”

  “She’s what I always imagined a mother should be—” Her voice cracked, and Jordan turned her back to regain her composure. “You mind shadowing Neela today while I supervise the camera and alarm installations?”

  “No problem. How long before she’s ready to leave?”

  “Not sure. She’s explaining the situation to Bina right now. Why don’t you grab some breakfast? I’ll text you when she’s ready to go.”

  “My day’s looking better all the time, breakfast and a little one-on-one time with the doctor.”

  The picture of Bex and Neela that flashed through her mind made Jordan cringe. “Bex—”

  Bex slapped her on the back. “Don’t worry, partner. I was only kidding. You’re obviously hooked.”

  “Seriously, shut up.” As she walked back to the house, Jordan wondered about Bex’s comment. Was she falling for Neela? Ridiculous. They were like feral cats, fighting one minute and fucking the next. Had a couple of groping tangles been powerful enough to tame her dark side? More like the first look at her. “Shut up.” Even if she was attracted to Neela, she didn’t know how to show her. She didn’t do sweet, kind, and loving.

  Neela met her at the front door again with her finger pressed to her lips. “Bina has gone back to bed. She tires easily and takes frequent naps. Is everything in order?”

  “The tech guys and the alarm company should be here in a couple of hours. What about the glass company?”

  “Same.”

  “I can wait for both. No point in holding you up.” Jordan was simply being practical, at least that’s what she told herself. In reality, she wanted to help Neela and Bina beyond the basic requirements of her job. The reason wasn’t as clear as her need.

  “That’s very kind of you, but I thought I’d stick around for a bit, in case Bina needs anything when she wakes up. Is that all right?”

  “Sure.” Jordan tapped the side of her leg and tried to figure out how to say what had been bugging her since her less-than-chivalrous behavior in the university parking lot. “Can we talk?”

  “Never thought I’d hear you say those words. Of course, come in.” Neela led Jordan into the family room where they’d had sex. Not Jordan’s ideal spot for an apology, since she’d been less than gallant in here as well. Neela rubbed her arm reassuringly and waited.

  “I just wanted to apologize for the other night, in the car. Not my finest hour in many respects.” She still hadn’t figured out why she always had such a visceral response to Neela and how to contain or at least direct it in a more appropriate way.

  “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

  “Trust me. You’re better off keeping your distance from me.”

  “Maybe I don’t want to keep my distance. Maybe I enjoy your charming personality and challenging conversation.”

  “We haven’t had a real conversation.”

  “So you see why it’s challenging.” She grinned and slid her hand across the back of the sofa. “I got
my first spanking as an adult right here.”

  Jordan glanced at the brown leather and quickly looked away as heat gathered in her middle. “I remember. Sorry about that too.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I didn’t realize I enjoyed being spanked.” She leaned against the sofa and tried to pull Jordan between her legs.

  “What are you doing, Neela?”

  “Trying to seduce you. Am I that bad at it?” She rose on her toes, then licked Jordan’s lips and probed for access. Her eyes sparked with sexual hunger.

  Jordan tried to swallow. “Bina is—”

  “Sleeping soundly. I really need you right now, Jordan.”

  Neela licked the scar over Jordan’s lip and then kissed her so fiercely that Jordan gasped. Neela radiated a mixture of passion and barely contained fear.

  “You’re just feeling the effects of the trauma, the adrenaline rush.”

  “I don’t care.” Neela grabbed the hem of Jordan’s T-shirt and tried to pull it over her head. “I need you. No strings.”

  “It’s not me you need.”

  “Who cares? It’s just sex, right?” Jordan tried to pull away, but Neela cupped her crotch and squeezed. “You want this, don’t you?”

  She brushed Neela’s hand away.

  Neela straddled Jordan’s leg and rubbed against her thigh. Her eyes were wild, asking for something Jordan didn’t have and seeing someone who didn’t exist. “I can’t do this.” When she pushed Neela away, the expression in her eyes was pure agony.

  “What is it with you? Can’t you accept what’s given freely? Or do you have to take it?” Neela shoved her and ran down the hall. Jordan followed into a small bedroom. “Get out.”

  “I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say.

  “Really? What are you sorry for this time? Because you weren’t turned on when I threw myself at you? Because you’re not attracted to me? Because I’m not enough of a challenge? You started this game, Jordan. Let’s play.” Neela grabbed Jordan’s belt and pulled her toward her.

  “Neela, you don’t understand.”

  “I thought you liked aggressiveness, or is it just yours that gets you off?”

  Neela’s words were like strokes across Jordan’s sensitive clit. She was wet and aching. “Neela…please.”

  “Please what?” She tugged again before releasing her grasp and plunging her hand into Jordan’s pants. “Jesus, you’re soaked. Look at me, Jordan, while I make you come.”

  Jordan’s mind spiraled into memory, and all she saw was someone else groping for something she couldn’t give. She jerked Neela’s hand from her pants and spun her around, ripping at her slacks and blouse.

  “Take me, Jordan.”

  When Neela was naked, Jordan guided her onto all fours on the bed and plunged three fingers into her.

  “Yes, oh God, yes,” Neela said, rocking against her hand.

  Jordan pumped hard and fast until she lost track of time and was suddenly in another place—a place where she was being forcefully entered with no concern for her pleasure. She was drenched in sweat, no longer aroused, and Neela wasn’t responding. “Is this what you wanted?”

  Neela’s response was soft, almost sad. “No, darling. It’s what you wanted.”

  She froze in mid-stroke, withdrew her fingers from Neela’s body, and slumped to the floor at the foot of the bed. Covering her face in her hands, Jordan tried to block out where she was and what she’d done. How long had it been since she’d actually made love, not just taken what she wanted like an animal? Never. She didn’t belong in the same room with Neela, much less in her home with her mother nearby.

  “Jordan?” Neela was sitting beside her on the floor, still nude and making no effort to cover up. She was the most beautiful creature Jordan had ever seen and not just physically. Her goodness radiated from her. Why had she never really looked before? She’d been too consumed with possessing the unattainable, proving she could, playing her games, and moving on before anyone saw what she was really like.

  “Jordan, please talk to me.”

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “First, are you all right?”

  “Why do you always try to take care of everybody? I’m fine. Did I hurt you?”

  “You’ve never hurt me. You haven’t done anything I didn’t want you to do. But I need to know what’s going on between us. If this is just fun, tell me. I can handle anything as long as I know what it is.”

  “Neela, I can’t give you what you want.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I prove it every time we’re…close, like this. Don’t you see? I can’t do it?”

  “Can’t do what, Jordan?”

  She put her hands on Neela’s breasts and caressed the tender flesh until her nipples puckered and Neela moaned. “How does that feel?”

  “Fantastic.”

  “I mean how do you feel inside?” She tweaked Neela’s nipples between her finger and thumb, pressing and releasing as Neela rose to meet her touch. As Neela’s breathing increased, Jordan’s body heated.

  “I feel soft, hot, wet, like I’m melting and like my nipples are attached to my clit. I’m desperate to touch you and be filled by you. I want all of you, now.”

  Jordan’s hunger raged. “Know what I feel?”

  “Tell me.”

  Neela’s voice was languid with need, and Jordan put one hand between her own legs to slow the torment throbbing so painfully it almost blinded her. “I feel like a volcano full of fire and fury. I need to ravage something, to tear it apart. And it’s…so hard…to come. I want to so bad it hurts. But I’ve never felt that soft, sweet stuff you do. I’m not…normal.”

  Neela stretched out on the floor and pulled Jordan down beside her. “Normal is overrated. The only one who gets to decide what’s normal in my bedroom is me, and my lover. What do you need, Jordan?”

  Neela wouldn’t understand what she needed, and if she did, it would only disappoint her more. Something inside Jordan tightened like a pulley about to break. If it snapped, she’d fly apart. She pushed away from Neela, fastening her jeans as she rose. “I need to go.”

  Neela stood in front of her, naked and glowing as she flushed with emotion. “And God knows it’s all about what you need, isn’t it, Jordan? What about what I need right now? Isn’t it bad enough I have to beg you for sex? This time I thought you’d understand. I’m scared and crawling out of my skin. I know it’s the adrenaline. I’m a damn doctor. But I need to do something with these feelings.”

  She’d been where Neela was. The surge of energy that coursed through her was like fire and ice, simultaneously searing and numbing. Jordan could relieve her sexually, her body was drenched with wanting her, but she couldn’t allow Neela to depend on her emotionally. She’d only disappoint her, so she said the first thing that came to mind. “We’re not in a relationship.” She regretted the words the instant they left her lips. A physical slap probably wouldn’t have affected Neela as profoundly.

  “You’re exactly right.” Neela stooped, picked up her ripped clothes, and walked calmly toward the door. “Thank you for reminding me of the rules of the game. I won’t forget again. If you’ll excuse me, I need to re-dress for work.”

  You total fuckup. But what else could she do? She had to keep Neela at arm’s length or she’d only be hurt much worse. Jordan found a bathroom, then splashed cold water on her face and washed her hands before texting Bex. She waited on the front porch until her partner pulled up outside. “Nice breakfast?”

  “Great. Uh-oh, you’ve got that look. Did you upset Neela? You in the doghouse again?”

  “When am I not in somebody’s doghouse?”

  “True.” Bex shoved a file toward her. “I reread these over breakfast. Take a look and see what you come up with. We’ll compare notes later.”

  “What did you find?”

  “I’d rather talk later. Maybe nothing, but if we agree, could be something.”

  Neela exited the house once again
dressed for work and looking only slightly less gorgeous than thirty minutes ago when she’d been naked and sweaty. “You don’t have to wait here, Jordan. Bina can handle the window man, and I’m sure your professionals are capable of installing cameras and an alarm without supervision.”

  “I’d like to make sure they know where everything goes, if you don’t mind.”

  “Suit yourself.” She waved to Bex, who got into her car and began to pull out of the driveway.

  “Yep, definitely in the doghouse.” Bex took off behind Neela’s speeding vehicle.

  Behind Jordan the front door opened and Bina motioned her in. “We have more tea.”

  She took Bina’s arm and walked with her to the kitchen, placing the file Bex had given her on the table. “Shall I make the tea?” Bina nodded and gave directions from her chair. Jordan never realized how complicated making a cup of masala chai tea could be, but she lost herself in the task and prepared for Bina’s questions.

  Jordan poured the steaming milk concoction into a child’s sippy cup and set it on the table in front of Bina. She hooked one of her swollen fingers through the handle and attempted a toast. “I guess it is true that we all return to our childhood. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Can I get you anything else?” Bina shook her head. “I guess Neela told you what’s going on.”

  “Yes, but I do not understand why anyone would want to hurt Neela. She is so good.”

  “Try not to worry. I’ll do everything I can to keep you both safe.”

  Bina patted her hand. “I know, brave one.”

  “I don’t feel very brave.”

  “But I see you. Inside you have the heart of a warrior, but you try to hide. Something has made you fear your power. You and my Neela are both protectors. She protects the heart and soul, and you the body. It is hard work alone. Maybe you can help each other?”

  Jordan didn’t have anything to offer Neela, and if Bina was as wise as she sounded, she’d understand. “I don’t know how I can help. Neela seems pretty independent.”

  “You speak of external things. I speak of what is in here.” She placed her hand over her heart. “You like my Neela.”

  Jordan thought about her answer. So far she’d been concerned only with the chase and having Neela sexually. She hadn’t seriously considered if she liked her as a person. After she’d found out Neela wasn’t a conservative, disengaged politician or a cheater, it had been easier to spend time with her. Neela was a classy woman with good values and a sense of dedication, but did she really like her, or just admire her? “Yes, she’s an amazing woman. I do like her.”