Side Effects

by VK Powell

  She knocked on the door but didn’t wait for Neela to answer. Trying the handle, she twisted and turned until her palm grew sweaty. She pounded again. When the door finally opened, Bina and another woman stood on the opposite side with overnight bags and purses.

  “Ah, Jordan. You are right on time.” Bina pointed to the woman behind her and kept walking toward the driveway. “My friend, Mrs. Scott. This is our bingo night. I will spend the night with her, maybe two. Neela is in the shower. Make her rest…and you too. And take good care of our Blue.” She waved good-bye as they pulled away.

  Jordan stood in the hallway feeling self-conscious. She’d been so certain Neela needed her that she’d practically broken down the door, responding like an overreacting rookie on her first call. What now? Should she wait quietly in the family room until Neela returned? Should she let Neela know she was in the house? Or should she go away and let the other officers handle the case?

  She’d almost lost Neela, and that had uncovered feelings she couldn’t identify. When she looked in Neela’s eyes she saw possibilities she’d never imagined—hope, home, and real love. One thing was certain: it would be hard to contain all the emotions she’d suppressed much longer. Seeing Neela again injured, but alive and alone, would test Jordan’s limits.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jordan paced back and forth in the hallway, debating whether to wait for Neela to come out of the bathroom or go to her. If she caved to her desires and barged in, that would be typical Jordan. If she waited, she’d stretch her patience and restraint to the max but might make a positive statement. She took deep breaths, released them slowly, and willed her muscles to relax just as Molly had suggested. Each exercise seemed to only exacerbate what she tried to control. The pull of Neela naked, wet, and alone in the shower was too great, and she was weak.

  She stood just outside the glass enclosure straining for a better look at the gorgeous body shrouded in steam. As she watched Neela rub her body and stroke between her legs, Jordan’s crotch dampened and her throat dried.

  “Are you watching or joining?” Neela opened the shower door and waited.

  She was magnificent. Her long, dark hair hung down her back in shiny waves. Sheets of water cascaded over her body, and droplets clung to her nipples and to the tuft of hair at her middle. Her brown eyes glimmered as she licked her lips and held her arms out. Just seeing her was more than some could hope for in a lifetime.

  Jordan turned away, afraid of the raging need inside her. “I’ll wait out here.”

  “Jordan, please.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Yes, you can. You have my permission. I want you to join me.”

  Jordan forced herself to leave the room and then collapsed on the floor at the foot of Neela’s bed. Blood pulsed in her ears and she counted the hard pounding of her heart, trying to calm it. She pressed her hand against her wounded shoulder to distract herself from the wanting.

  “Don’t hurt yourself.” Neela knelt beside her, naked and still dripping from the shower, and pulled her hand away from the injury.

  Jordan tried to stand, but Neela pressed her body closer, her breasts and thighs hot and inviting.

  “What do you need?” Neela kissed her so tenderly Jordan barely felt her touch.

  “Don’t want to disappoint you again.” Neela’s kiss deepened and she rolled them onto the floor, her injured leg on top of Jordan’s thigh.

  “Neela, please.”

  “You have no idea how much I need you.” She slid on top of Jordan, pressing her leg between Jordan’s jean-clad thighs.

  Jordan gently rolled to dislodge Neela, but she clung to her neck. “Not right.” She needed to rub against something hard and fast. Neela was too tender, her needs soft and normal.

  “Jordan, look at me. Look at me.”

  She opened her eyes and saw Neela’s passion burning so close to the surface. She wanted to please her, but she knew only one way.

  “I want to touch you, Jordan.”

  “No touching.” Neela rocked against her and thrust her knee hard into her crotch. “That’s good. More.” She pulled her arm out of the sling and placed her hands on Neela’s full hips, pushing and pulling until Neela ground against her crotch and her clit stiffened. “Yeah, that’s it.” She cupped Neela’s breasts and kneaded them in her hands, pumped against her leg, and watched Neela’s eyes fill with tears. How could someone so beautiful cause so much turmoil inside her?

  “Don’t stop, Jordan. I’m so close. You make me come so fast.” Neela arched into her hands and climaxed in convulsing waves. “Oh, Jor—dan.” Neela collapsed on top of her, kissing the side of her neck and working her way down her body.

  “Neela, don’t.”

  “I want to taste you, to make you come.”

  She grabbed Neela’s shoulders to pull her up, but Neela bit down on the crotch of her jeans, catching her clit in the folds. A flash of memory accompanied the pleasurable pain, and she struggled to free herself. It felt good, but she didn’t want it. She moved again, more pain, more pleasure. She was about to come. “Oh. My. God.”

  Neela blew on the fabric and tightened her grip again.

  “Ahhh.” Jordan was soaked and so close. But this felt wrong. She forced her weak legs to move and rolled Neela onto the floor. When Neela’s mouth left her crotch, Jordan doubled over from the loss. Her need for release was an all-consuming pain. She clutched herself and winced.

  Neela lay on her back panting. “You wanted to come. I felt it. Why didn’t you let me finish you?”

  Jordan stroked herself and looked away from Neela. “I can’t.”

  “Can’t what, Jordan? Can’t be pleased, touched, what?”

  “Any of that.” Jordan searched Neela’s gaze for the inevitable look of disapproval, but it wasn’t there.

  “I’m pretty good with my hands.” She wiggled her fingers, and Jordan would’ve laughed if she hadn’t been hurting so badly.

  “I have to do it.” She unzipped her jeans and slid her fingers into her shorts. “But you could help.”

  “Whatever you need. I’m here.” Neela’s gaze followed the curve of Jordan’s arm to her hand, where it rested between her thighs.

  “Do it with me? Touch yourself. Unless you think I’m pathetic.” Jordan looked at herself, hand buried in her shorts like thousands of times before, clawing for relief that never came easily. But this time Neela sat only inches away, willing to do whatever she needed, and Jordan didn’t know how to let her. What kind of freak was she? “I understand if you think—”

  “I think you’re an amazing person with very special sexual needs, and I’m just the woman to satisfy them.”

  Jordan exhaled and some of the tension drained from her body.

  Neela leaned back against the bed between Jordan’s outstretched legs and draped her knees around Jordan’s thighs. Jordan’s body pulsed hard and insistent as Neela spread herself wider. Her creamy mocha skin glistened with arousal, and she dipped her fingers before stroking the tip of her engorged clit.

  “Tell me what you like, Jordan.” She wet her lips and her eyes never left Jordan’s.

  “Two fingers, down the sides of your clit. Slowly.” Jordan did the same, but the pleasure doubled as she watched the effect on Neela’s face.

  “So hot and slick. Are you as wet as I am, darling?”

  “Wetter.” Jordan panted as the pressure grew. She watched Neela breathe into each stroke as she touched herself, undulating like an exotic dancer. “Faster, Neela.”

  She followed Jordan’s directions and the tip of her clit turned bright red. Jordan couldn’t take her eyes off Neela’s slender fingers and the flesh that grew between them.

  “Jordan, you’re gorgeous. Your face is flushed and your nipples are so hard. Looking at you makes me hurt. I need more pressure. Please.”

  “Not yet. One finger inside but no rubbing.” Neela licked her middle finger, slid it into her opening, and thrust to Jordan’s rhythm. It was almost like he
r finger was inside Neela, making her writhe and moan. “With your…other hand…ahh…rub your clit. Hard, but tell me before you come.”

  Jordan pumped against her hand and her hips slapped the floor. She wanted to come so badly. Neela was about to climax and she needed to join her, to prove she was at least semi-normal. Please let me be normal. She squeezed her eyes shut as the pain built, and another image—a harsh, twisted face—replaced Neela’s beautiful body. She grabbed her folds and twisted. Damn it. Please.

  Neela’s encouraging voice broke through her haze. “Jordan, look at me.” She forced herself to gaze into Neela’s eyes and saw her arousal and compassion. “I’m coming, Jordan. Stay with me.”

  She eased her grip and watched as Neela’s back arched. “Can I touch you?”

  “What about your shoulder?” Neela asked.

  “Don’t care. Come here.”

  Neela slid closer and placed Jordan’s free hand between her legs. “Do what you’re doing to me too. I want to know what you’re feeling.”

  Jordan felt another flood between her legs as she squeezed Neela’s slick lips together and heard her moan. She worked their flesh in unison like two parts of the same body, ignoring the tinge of pain in her shoulder. Neela pressed into her hand and Jordan matched her pace.

  “Make us come, Jordan.”

  She wedged her hand deeper into her shorts until she could penetrate and rub at the same time. She fingered Neela’s clit with her thumb and entered her, rocking back and forth as she grew hotter. “Come for me now, Neela.”

  When Neela’s orgasm hit, she threw her head back and groaned deep in her throat, bearing down on Jordan’s hand. “Yes, Jordan. Yes.” She couldn’t look away from Neela’s clit as it jerked rhythmically in her grasp. She’d never seen anything so beautiful or felt its effects so immediately in her own body.

  With Neela’s first contraction, Jordan’s own release began. As Neela pulsed around her fingers, Jordan’s climax ripped loose. She tugged her turgid flesh and strained to force the pent-up energy out. Her spasms milked her over and over until she was breathless and weak. When they finally stopped, she slumped forward with her head on Neela’s breasts and her hands still buried between their legs. “Neela, what’re you doing to me?”

  She held Jordan and rocked back and forth until her breathing returned to normal. “I’m teaching you to share, my darling.”

  Jordan had never combined sex and humor, but Neela made it seem natural. She’d never let anyone so close while she pleasured herself, but Neela seemed to fit. Neela didn’t make her feel broken or inadequate or even a little weird. They were sharing even though she hadn’t allowed Neela to touch her intimately. “What could possibly be next?”

  “I’m thinking sex without clothes, for both of us.” When Jordan started to object, Neela said, “When you’re ready, of course. I’m in no rush. This slow, getting-to-know-you stuff is agonizing but so hot.”

  “How can you be so patient and understanding? You don’t really know me.”

  Neela pulled a blanket off the bed and snuggled closer into her arms. “But I see you.”

  “Bina says that to me. What does it mean?”

  Neela touched her arm, her tone soft and soothing. “It’s a saying in our culture that means I see beyond the physical. I see your goodness, your soul.”

  “You can’t…you don’t understand.”

  “Then tell me. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Jordan wanted to believe that was true, but could she? No one had ever been there for her. Her cheeks stung and she brushed away the wetness. For the second time in two days Neela had reduced her to tears. “I’m not sure I…have a…soul.”

  Neela didn’t look shocked. She simply pulled Jordan closer and kissed her forehead. “My darling, everyone has a soul. Yours has been terribly bruised, but it will heal with time. I’d like to help, if you’d let me.”

  Thinking of her soul as injured made Jordan feel less self-conscious and defensive. Maybe she wasn’t damaged goods, just unhealed. Trust Neela to put a positive spin on a life of distrust and doubt. “That might be a pretty big task.”

  “I’ve taken on the governor and the legislature of North Carolina. You’d be a walk in the park, when my leg heals.”

  Jordan hugged Neela tighter. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d held a woman even briefly after an orgasm. Once she’d climaxed, she was usually on to the next orgasm, the next job, or the next thrill, but with Neela, this sated period of rest felt right. Maybe she’d just never felt safe enough to rest anywhere. Molly’s words flashed through her mind and almost took her breath. “You’ll know you care when sex isn’t enough. When you’re not okay just getting off and walking away.”

  “Neela…” She had no idea what to say, but the moment called for something other than that was great or I’ll see you later.

  “Could we just lie here quietly for a second, please. I’d really like to listen to the beat of your heart.” Neela placed her ear against Jordan’s chest and closed her eyes.

  Once again Neela seemed to know exactly what she needed though she had no clue. Jordan relaxed into their embrace and for the first time wondered if she might actually have a chance with this woman.

  “I love what we just did,” Neela said. “It was so hot and sexy but also intimate and trusting. I felt almost like I was touching you, bringing you to orgasm with me. Thank you.”

  “Umm.” Jordan had already disengaged, started second-guessing her feelings. Neela’s words were like stone pillars between them—intimacy, trust, touch—could she really be everything Neela wanted and deserved? Her heart ached for the connection, but Neela would have to accept her as she was. Could she ask that of anyone? Or would Neela simply accept her idiosyncrasies temporarily and resent them when she couldn’t change? Jordan’s skin dimpled as a shiver of uncertainty and fear claimed her.

  “Are you cold, darling?”

  She moved out of Neela’s embrace and reached for her clothes. “No. I just remembered I have something to take care of.”

  “Right now?”

  “Yeah. You’ll be all right. The guys are outside.”

  Neela reached for her, but Jordan rose and straightened her shirt. “Can’t you stay a few minutes? I really enjoy holding you, especially after—”

  “I have to go. I’ll see you later.” Jordan bent and kissed Neela’s forehead, just as she’d done to numerous lovers in the past, and walked out without looking back. Her stomach roiled like a sickness and she wasn’t sure why. She needed fresh air and a nice long ride on her bike.

  *

  After she and Jordan had sex, the energy around them had shifted almost immediately. She tried to keep Jordan in the moment, safe in her arms, but felt her distance before she physically pulled away. The emotional gap they’d begun to bridge widened again. Jordan’s blue eyes had turned stormy as an avalanche of emotions played across her face.

  She’d tried to talk her down, emphasize the positive and reconnect, but she’d failed. Jordan had shown a glimpse of her heart, shared a fragment of intimacy, but Neela had been unable to protect it from the ghosts. She watched helplessly as Jordan walked out, as detached as she’d been the first day they met.

  Neela lay there reliving the exchanges between her and Jordan since they’d met—no conversation at all, barely speaking, guarded comments, and finally sharing past hurts and disappointments. The road had been long, arduous and often frustrating, but what they’d shared today seemed like a breakthrough. So what had happened? Had Jordan suddenly realized she only wanted casual sex, that they really had no future? Or had she inadvertently offended Jordan or reminded her of the past in some unpleasant way? She had to know. Their joining had felt too right to be so easily dismissed.

  Neela grabbed her cell off the nightstand and dialed Jordan’s number. No answer. She tried again with the same result. On the third attempt, she left a message. “Jordan, please. Come back. We need to talk, and we can’t do it on the phone. Pl
ease. Come back, or at least call.”

  She started to lock her phone but noticed she had several messages. Punching in her code, she waited for what could only be good news compared to what had just happened. Rosemary had left two messages, one to check on her and another to ask about her personal effects at her state office. She hadn’t even thought about clearing out her belongings. The next three messages were reporters asking for interviews about her resignation.

  The last voice, gruff and menacing, made her slump onto the side of the bed. “You and your girlfriend got lucky. That won’t happen again. You’ve made a big mistake. See you soon.”

  Neela pushed the save button and scanned the call log. Unknown caller. Her hands shook and her head pounded again as she wiped the sheen of fear sweat from her brow. She’d thought the threats would stop once she resigned. What did this person want? If she only knew how she was exasperating him, she’d simply stop.

  After a quick shower, she checked the backyard and saw Blue chase a squirrel up a tree. At least Jordan hadn’t taken him and would have to come back eventually. She walked to the police car out front and handed her phone to Harry Styles. “Think you better have your tech guys listen to this message. It came from an unknown caller, and I didn’t recognize the voice.” Harry nodded, took her cell, and made a recording on his. “Can you get hold of Detective Bishop for me, please? I need to see her as soon as possible.”

  “Didn’t she just leave a few minutes ago?” Phil asked. But when Harry gave him a sideways glance, he speed-dialed Jordan’s number. “No answer. Goes straight to voice mail. She’s on medical leave at the moment, not even light duty yet. If I was her, I’d get the hell out of town for a while.”

  And as far away from me as possible. Neela prayed Jordan’s silence didn’t have anything to do with her or their brief intimate connection, but she’d seen the turmoil on her face as she lay in her arms. While Jordan was still vulnerable from their lovemaking, some shadow from the past had reclaimed her, and Neela had been unable to protect her. Her world was spinning out of control. She’d resigned from her job with no means to support herself and Bina, and now she’d somehow pushed the woman she was falling in love with completely away.