A Holiday to Remember: An absolutely hilarious romantic comedy set under the Italian sun

by Susanne O’Leary

  Carlo took her hand and kissed it. ‘Very clear.’

  Leanne snatched her hand away. ‘No kissing hands, either.’

  ‘It’s the Italian way.’

  ‘I don’t care.’ Leanne started to wobble over the sharp rocks to the water. ‘I’m going back. I think lunch would be good – I’m suddenly starving.’ She stopped and thought for a moment, then she looked at Carlo. ‘Take some advice from an auld woman like me. Stop all this “taking a break” crap. It’ll only make you and everyone else miserable. You’ll hurt a lot of people along the way, just like you’ve hurt me. Go back to Lucilla and say you’ve finished playing and now you want to be a grown-up.’

  He nodded, looking contrite. ‘You might be right.’

  ‘You bet I am. See you around, pet.’ Leanne turned, threw herself in the water and started to swim away, shedding the pain and embarrassment with every stroke. So Carlo and Lucilla were getting married? Good luck to them. She was better off out of it.

  As she swam, she tried to put the whole sorry affair behind her. Nobody died, she thought. I got carried away with the romance of it, thinking I could choose who to fall in love with. Carlo was there, right under my nose, so handsome, sexy and flirty. What an eejit I was to fall into that way of thinking. She slowed down and switched to breast stroke, looking up at the blue sky, enjoying the feel of the cool water on her skin, telling herself it was going to be okay. It was a sin not to enjoy this dreamy part of the world, the yacht, the food, the wine and the fun. It was the trip of a lifetime, not to be spoiled by a silly infatuation for a man who didn’t deserve it – no matter how gorgeous he was. End of story, she thought, mentally closing the door on the whole affair. Life was good. It was time to wake up and enjoy it.

  She reached the boat and climbed the ladder to the rear deck, dripping with water. ‘How about some lunch, then?’ she said and shook her wet hands at Tony. ‘How about a sandwich and a beer, and make it snappy! I’m ravenous.’

  ‘And happy,’ Tony remarked, smiling at her. ‘You’re suddenly sparkling.’

  ‘I know.’ Leanne grabbed a towel from the railing and wrapped herself in it. ‘I seem to have gotten rid of something heavy back there.’

  ‘Oh?’ He looked intrigued. ‘Sounds good.’

  She nodded, pressing the towel to her face, taking a deep breath. ‘More than good. A lesson learned and a new direction.’ She turned and looked at the island and Carlo slowly swimming back. ‘I was blinded by the stars for a moment. But now I can see everything clearly.’

  Twenty-One

  Leanne’s good mood rubbed off on everyone else except Claudia, who had withdrawn into her cabin, not wanting lunch. When Maddy sat down, she looked at Leanne, who made a thumbs-up sign. Maddy smiled, looking relieved. When Carlo came on board, having changed into shorts and a polo shirt, Leanne was able to greet him with a casual ‘hi’ and continue eating as if nothing at all had happened, even though she was still a little shaken. Lucilla glanced at them both but then, sensing the lack of tension, shot Leanne a friendly smile. They all feasted on the salad of fresh tomatoes, crisp cucumbers, avocados and salty cheese, followed by fruit Lucilla had prepared from her finds at the little market in in Vrboska that morning.

  ‘Wonderful fruit,’ Maddy remarked, biting into a plump apricot. ‘So fresh.’

  ‘All from the local farms in the area,’ Lucilla said. ‘These islands have an ideal climate to grow fruit and vegetables and the quality is fantastic.’

  ‘That wine last night was really good too,’ Maddy said. ‘Except you had to be careful or it would go straight to your head.’

  ‘Not to mention that Croatian coffee,’ Tony said. ‘There was more brandy than coffee in it. I think we were all a little sloshed.’

  ‘Please,’ Leanne muttered into her salad, ‘let’s not go there.’

  ‘No,’ Lucilla said, with a glance in Carlo’s direction. ‘We have other problems today.’

  ‘What problems?’ Tony asked.

  ‘Claudia’s husband.’

  ‘I thought he was an ex by now,’ Carlo said.

  ‘No. Still married, apparently.’ Maddy popped a piece of the apricot into her mouth.

  ‘So why is he a problem?’ Leanne asked.

  ‘He’s following us,’ Lucilla replied.

  ‘What?’ Leanne stared at her. ‘So I was right then?’

  ‘Yes,’ Maddy said. ‘That guy who tried to steal Bridget is Oliver Wilde.’

  ‘I knew it!’ Leanne exclaimed.

  Tony swallowed his beer noisily. ‘What? Oliver Wilde? He tried to steal your dog?’

  ‘Yes,’ Leanne replied. ‘When we were in Jelsa at the ice cream place. He ran off with her when we weren’t looking. But we managed to get her back. Didn’t want to say anything in case it wasn’t him and it upset Claudia.’ She frowned. ‘But why on earth did he do it? What was the idea?’

  ‘How weird,’ Tony said. ‘And now he’s following us? How do you know it’s him?’

  ‘We saw him,’ Maddy replied. ‘But then we lost him thanks to Nico. He knows these waters like the back of his hand.’

  ‘Oh.’ Tony looked thoughtful. ‘Is that why Claudia’s locked herself in her cabin?’

  ‘I suppose so,’ Maddy replied. ‘She’s very upset.’

  Tony took another sip of his beer. ‘So what do we do now?’

  ‘I think we should stay here tonight,’ Lucilla suggested. ‘And then head for Dubrovnik tomorrow as planned. We had agreed to stay at this nice hotel for three days, but we might have to change our plans if we can’t get rid of Oliver Wilde in the meantime.’

  Leanne gasped. ‘Get rid of him?’ she whispered. She knew Lucilla was ruthless, but that was pushing it.

  Lucilla laughed and shook her head. ‘I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I meant we should see if we can get him to leave Claudia alone. She has filed for divorce and they’ve been separated for nearly six months. She has no idea why he’s doing this.’

  ‘Maybe it would be an idea to ask him what he wants,’ Tony suggested.

  ‘Claudia says he wants her money,’ Maddy explained. ‘But she has it all locked up in property and trusts funds for her son. And anyway, there’s a prenup.’

  ‘Why can’t she just ask him what he’s doing here?’ Leanne wondered.

  ‘Because he can’t be trusted,’ Maddy replied. ‘She has changed her phone number and email address, and refuses to contact him. She’s trying to get in touch with her lawyer in New York right now, but the signal’s bad here.’

  Tony got up. ‘Maybe if someone else talked to him, he might be more truthful. I’ll go and ask Claudia if she’ll give me his contact details. Maybe I can help out.’

  ‘She won’t want that,’ Lucilla argued.

  ‘Do you have a better idea?’ Tony asked coolly.

  Lucilla shrugged. ‘No.’

  ‘Let me know if you get one.’ Tony went into the saloon and knocked on Claudia’s door. There was no reply, but after a few minutes, Claudia, her face white, opened the door and peered out. ‘Yes?’

  ‘It’s only me,’ Tony said. ‘I had an idea that might help.’

  Claudia sighed. ‘What idea? Nothing will help. We have to call the FBI. Or Carlo’s family network or something.’

  ‘I don’t think we have to go that far,’ Tony said. He smiled and put his hand on Claudia’s shoulder. ‘You’re stressed. Come out to the deck and have a glass of wine and we’ll see if we can sort this out.’

  ‘Okay, if you insist.’ Claudia sighed again and shuffled through the saloon to the deck where she sank down on the chair Tony pulled out for her. Maddy got her a glass of white wine and Lucilla offered her a plate with salad, cheese and fresh bread.

  With Tony’s arm around her, Claudia sipped some wine and picked at the food, looking a little calmer. ‘Thanks, Tony. You’re so kind.’

  ‘Feeling better?’ he asked.

  ‘A little.’ She looked at him. ‘So what was it you were saying?’

&n
bsp; Tony quickly explained his plan. Claudia reluctantly agreed and gave Tony all the details he needed. After several attempts, Tony finally managed to send a text message to Oliver’s phone. ‘There,’ he said. ‘I sent it. The signal comes and goes, so it might be a while before he gets it.’

  But it didn’t take longer than five minutes before Tony’s phone pinged. He opened the message, his eyes widening. ‘Weird,’ he muttered. ‘Is this guy deranged?’

  ‘What did he say?’ Claudia demanded, her eyes like saucers.

  Tony held out his phone to her. ‘Read this.’

  ‘“I am being followed by the IRA and need Claudia’s help to get them off my back,”’ Claudia read. ‘The IRA? As in the Irish terrorist group? He’s finally flipped.’

  ‘What an earth?!’ exclaimed Leanne.

  Claudia nodded. ‘Nothing about this man would surprise me,’ she said, looking grim-faced.

  ‘So,’ Leanne said. ‘We’re hiding from the author of horror stories who’s being pursued by the IRA. This trip gets weirder and weirder.’

  ‘But why does he think Claudia can get the IRA off his back?’ Maddy wondered.

  Claudia shrugged. ‘No idea. As I said, he’s crazy.’

  Tony typed on his phone. ‘I’m asking him to explain.’

  The reply came only a minute later. Tony read it and burst out laughing.

  ‘What?’ Claudia exclaimed. ‘Just don’t sit there laughing.’

  “Correction,”’ Tony read out loud. ‘“I meant the IRS. This phone has a crazy keyboard.”’

  ‘He never knew how to type on a phone,’ Claudia said with a derisory snort. ‘So it was the IRS? Doesn’t surprise me.’

  ‘What’s the IRS?’ Leanne asked.

  ‘The Internal Revenue Service. Otherwise known as the US tax office,’ Tony replied. ‘He must be in debt to them.’

  ‘I bet he’s been cheating on his tax returns,’ Claudia said. ‘And now they’re after him. No wonder he’s panicking. Those guys take no prisoners. He probably wants me to help him out.’

  ‘Would you?’ Maddy asked.

  ‘You must be joking,’ Claudia drawled. ‘Tony, tell him to get lost. I’m not going to give him a cent of my money. If he’s been cheating on his taxes, let him rot in jail.’

  Tony picked up his phone. ‘I’ll just tell him you’re sorry but can’t help him right now.’

  Claudia waved her hand. ‘Okay, whatever.’

  Tony sent the message, but it wouldn’t go off. ‘The signal’s gone again,’ he said, getting up. ‘We just have to wait and see what he says. Maybe he’ll give up. But there’s a nice wind out there and I’d like to do a little sailing. Wilde is not after the sailing boat, so I think it’d be safe to go out for an hour or two. And he’s left the area anyway. Who wants to come?’

  Carlo shook his head. ‘Not me. I’ll stay here.’ He exchanged a look with Lucilla. ‘Maybe we could have a meeting about the business? I need to straighten a few things out with you.’

  Lucilla nodded. ‘Okay.’

  ‘I’ll come,’ Leanne suddenly shouted, jumping up. ‘I haven’t sailed for ages but I’d love to have a go.’

  Tony grinned and gave her a thumbs-up. ‘Brilliant. Anyone else? There’s a strong north easterly, so it should be quite fun.’

  ‘Count me out,’ Maddy said, yawning. ‘I don’t want to get seasick. I’m taking my siesta and then I’ll take Bridget in the dinghy to the shore for a walk.’

  ‘How about you, Claudia?’ Tony asked. ‘It might be good for you get your mind off things by coming with us.’

  ‘No thanks. I’m a bad sailor.’ Claudia rose and started to gather plates and glasses. ‘I’ll get Nico some lunch and make some coffee.’

  ‘It’s just you and me, then,’ Tony said to Leanne. ‘I’ll go and get her ready. Bring a jacket or a shirt. It can get a little chilly with the strong wind.’

  ‘Aye, aye, captain.’ Leanne saluted, happy to get away from everyone for a while. The winds, the sea and the sailing would blow away the lingering sadness. And this time she had a feeling she’d be with a kindred spirit.

  Twenty-Two

  They left the little bay with slack winds but as soon as they rounded the island, the strong north eastern caught the sails. The boat leaned over so much they had to sit on the hull to stop the water gushing into the cockpit. Tony steered the boat into the wind and told Leanne to reduce the mainsail.

  ‘Here,’ he shouted, handing her a life vest. ‘Put this on first.’

  ‘Okay,’ Leanne called back, shrugging on the vest. She found the winch for winding the line and quickly reduced the mainsail, which had the desired effect. The boat straightened up somewhat and she jumped into the cockpit to help out with the jib, the small front sail, when they tacked.

  ‘Great to be in such a modern boat,’ she said to Tony. ‘The sail is tucked into the boom when it comes down and the winches are automatic, so you don’t tear the skin off your hands.’

  Tony, his hands on the wheel, took his eyes off the course and smiled at her. ‘Yes, that takes the pain out of it. It’s a great boat to sail in strong winds. Carlo loves it too. We’ve had a lot of fun sailing in these waters.’

  ‘I can imagine.’ Leanne scanned the waves and saw other boats in the distance, all leaning over, some of them with crews sitting on the side as counterweights. ‘I love this,’ she exclaimed, overcome with the exhilaration of the wind and the waves slapping the hull, the salty tang of the sea and the excitement of battling the elements. ‘Haven’t done it since I was a kid. My dad used to take me to Kerry where we hired a boat. He taught me to sail.’ She looked at Tony standing by the wheel, solid and strong, and felt happy to be in his calm, comforting presence. She felt like nothing bad could happen when she was with him. He had a quiet maturity that soothed her. ‘I’d forgotten how wonderful it is,’ she said.

  Tony smiled. ‘I can see you know your way around a boat. Hey, you want to have a go at steering?’

  ‘I’d love to.’ Leanne jumped up and joined him. Tony stepped aside and she put her hands on the wheel, trying her best to hold the same course.

  ‘Aim for the little island over there and hold that course,’ Tony said and went behind her, putting his arms around her for a moment, steadying the boat. ‘Okay. I think you’ve got it.’

  ‘Yup,’ Leanne said as he stepped away, wishing he’d stay with his arms around her for a bit longer. It felt so comforting, reminding her of when her dad had taught her and held her the same way. But Tony wasn’t her father, she realised, and when their eyes met she felt a sudden spark of something. He was a good-looking man, with strong, clean-cut features, only he wasn’t quite her type. But what was her type? she wondered as Tony came back to take the wheel and they touched again, setting off another little spark. With Carlo, she had felt something different, something intimate and exciting – and she had been proved totally wrong. With Tony, she felt calm and protected. And safe. Was that so bad?

  The wind dropped as they came closer to the big island across the straights. Tony told Leanne to let out the sail and the speed increased, the boat leaning a little more, but without the dramatic surge they had experienced earlier. Tony relaxed and they chatted idly while they looked at the shore of the island as they approached. It looked inviting with waves lapping onto a curve of golden sand and tall pine trees that cast deep shadows on the far end of the beach.

  ‘We’ll have to tack here,’ Tony called. ‘Ready with the jib?’

  ‘Yes,’ Leanne replied, her hand on the winch.

  ‘Watch out for the boom,’ he shouted as the boat turned and they both ducked to avoid being hit. The boom swung across to the other side and the boat took off again, faster and faster as they left the shelter of the island.

  ‘You want me to reduce the sail again?’ Leanne asked.

  ‘No. It’s okay. We’ll be going back soon, and then we’ll have the wind behind us. We could put up the spinnaker then and we’ll be back a lot quicker.’
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  ‘I don’t want to go back,’ Leanne blurted out, unable to hold it in. ‘I want to sail with you like this forever.’

  ‘Oh?’ He looked at her, surprised. ‘Whatever made you say that?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Leanne replied, feeling sheepish. ‘It’s just the way I feel right now.’

  He looked out at sea again. ‘Because of whatever happened between you and Carlo?’

  ‘No. Yes. I don’t know.’ Confusion overcome her. The memory of the night before made tears well up in her eyes and Leanne blinked furiously to stop them spilling down her cheeks. ‘Forget it.’

  ‘If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. He didn’t say anything to me, in case you were wondering.’

  ‘Nice of Carlo not to mention it,’ Leanne said, a bitter edge to her voice. ‘But if anyone knew, it wouldn’t be good for his image.’

  ‘Or yours?’

  ‘My image?’ Leanne shrugged. ‘I don’t have one. Didn’t you know? I’m the tart of the century. I do anything for—’

  ‘Money?’

  ‘No. Love. A much harder currency.’

  Tony didn’t reply for a moment, while he busied himself with steering the boat and watching the sails. ‘I see. No need to tell me more if you don’t want to.’

  ‘Nothing happened, you know. Not that I didn’t want it to, of course. So it was just a technicality really. But it’s okay. I’ve moved on.’

  He nodded. ‘I know what you mean. A moment’s madness brought on by wine and the full moon and a handsome Italian man paying you attention.’

  ‘Not hard to figure me out, is it?’

  His hazel eyes softened behind the glasses. ‘That’s not the way I see it. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Leanne. You’re worth more than Carlo. A lot more.’

  Startled by the sudden passion in his voice, Leanne stared at him. ‘Oh,’ was all she managed. ‘Thank you.’