by Bree Dahlia
It rang a second time while I was squeezing out my conditioner. “Mike?” Often, the delivery guy would try again after he went around the neighborhood. I jumped out and dried off just enough to throw on a robe. Then I darted past all the empty bottles sitting there to see the truck pulling out at the end of my driveway.
Argh. We missed the delivery. Sometimes they’d leave new bottles without the empties, but this wasn’t one of those times. I was going through a lot of water lately, and my tap tasted like a swimming pool. I was going to have to take time out of my work schedule to go pick some up.
I groaned. I’d asked him to do one simple thing before he left, and he agreed. I wondered if he’d even been listening to me.
Dammit, Mike. Thanks for paying attention.
“We missed you last week, dear.”
My mom greeted me at the door, and I gave her a hug. Most times, the scar wasn’t visible anymore; I’d gotten so used to it, I hardly even noticed. But once in a while, like today, when the sun hit her face just right, I could see.
“I missed everyone too, Mom.”
“Hey, Jills,” Perry called from the dining room. “Come and look at these with us.”
I went through the kitchen and into the adjoining room where she and Stephen had a bunch of cards spread out on the table.
My brother eyed me over. “How’re you doing, sis?”
“Great!” I sat down next to them. I had no clue how much he knew about my recent events. “So, what do we have here?”
Frank wandered in, and I stood up to greet him before he resumed his post in the kitchen. It already smelled wonderful, as always. He loved creating these family meals for us, and it showed.
“Our advice from the engagement party.”
“Isn’t it bad luck to read them now or something?” I said.
“Where’d you get that idea?” Perry laughed. “It’s not a wedding dress, although I don’t believe in that superstition either.” She handed me a handful of cards. “We have the usual stuff: Don’t go to bed angry, keep your own interests, find a reason to fall in love every day. Things like that. But some are frickin’ hysterical.”
I looked at one that made me smile. Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty. My mind instantly bounced to Chase. I hadn’t been fair to him, almost felt like I’d thrown his declaration of love back in his face. Maybe not fair, but necessary.
“Jills?” I snapped out it and looked at her. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Your wife won’t say, ‘what?’ because she didn’t hear you,” Stephen read. “She’s only saying that to give you a chance to change your answer.”
“Good thing we’re so perfect together, honey.” Perry gave him a big smack on the cheek. “I do like the ‘always fight naked’ advice.” She waggled her eyebrows. “But I suppose we’d never leave the house then, and we’d always be fighting.”
Perry snuggled up on his lap. “Any wedding stuff I can help you with yet?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Believe me, you’ll be the first to know. You’re not getting out of anything.” She grabbed another card. “Here’s one for you, Jills. Never trust marriage advice from someone who’s done it more than three times. Hmm… I seem to recall telling you something similar about Mabel.”
“Michelle.”
“Right.”
I picked up one that mentioned something about a soulmate but put it back without reading the whole thing. I decided only to stick with the funny ones and forego anything serious or heartfelt. It was a good plan. I ended up having a great time, and it was exactly what I needed. Lots of laugher, and an Alfredo sauce that gave my stomach an orgasm was a winning combination. I’m not sure what I’d do without my family.
Perry pulled me aside afterward. “Is Mike packing his bags? It’s been six days.”
“No, he’s still working it out with Candace.”
“Seriously?” She rolled her eyes. “Boot his ass out tomorrow.”
I brought her into the sunroom, and we sat down on the couch. The others were far enough away, but I wanted more privacy. “It’s really not that bad. He’s gone at the office a lot, and when he is there, it’s been nice reminiscing about Daniel.” I didn’t mention my two-day temper tantrum.
“And what if Chase comes around and sees him living there?” No. I did not want to talk about this. That wouldn’t happen because we were over. “I saw him yesterday.”
It felt like a shock wave crashed over me. “What? Oh, no, Perry. Tell me you didn’t.”
“Settle down.” She placed her hand over mine. “I wasn’t there to pry. The prize, remember?” Like she couldn’t have disregarded that he won. He would have never known. “I went up to the school and gave him a beer stein. No biggie. But I have to tell you, he looked like shit warmed over.”
“Shit’s already warm. Bad metaphor.” My heart would not calm down, racing as fast as it could to the finish line. I wanted to hear everything. Every little detail. But what would that accomplish?
Perry shook her head and rolled her eyes again. “I think you get what I’m trying to say. He looked like you should right now, like he was half dead. At least he’s doing things the right way and mourning you instead of skipping through the tulips.”
“God, Perry. No one died. Neither of us should be in mourning.” I thought of Hazel and wondered how she was doing. “Did you go into the classroom?”
“No, I found out what time he was done, then waited outside. There was this blonde bitch there giving me the stink eye when she saw me talking to him. I wanted to run her over.”
I laughed. “That’s Cassie. She has a thing for him.” Maybe she’d get a chance to do something about it now. Would Chase be receptive? He said he wasn’t interested before, but that could all change now. Little daggers shot into my chest. I hoped the tips were poisoned, so I’d go comfortably numb.
“You’re not hiding it very well, Jills. You can’t stand the thought of anyone else being with him. Not when he was meant for you.”
“Just stop it, Perry, okay? Please?”
“I’m trying to be patient with you, but I think this is all a huge mistake. This is not the time for you to be stubborn and let him get away.”
“The only mistake was letting him into my heart to begin with.”
And the only right thing I did was let him go.
Mike’s one week tops turned to two. I didn’t force him out the door as Perry suggested, nor did I encourage him to stay. I just let things be. I went through the motions of my day, making calls and meeting clients. Closing deals and keeping my shit organized. My emotions were even-keeled, and I’d had no more outbursts.
Overall, I was doing damn well, and I was proud of it.
“Remember when he climbed that tree?” Mike was standing by the window, looking out at the small white oak. “He got all the way up no problem, but was scared as hell to come down.”
I smiled. “I remember. You had to climb up there and hand him to me.”
“We were so good together, Jillian.”
“We were good at being Daniel’s parents.”
He turned around and came over to me. I was collapsed on the couch after taking a three-hour walk. “Is that all you think was to it?”
“You don’t?”
“No, we had more going for us than just parenting.”
I had no idea where he was going with this. Was he in a coma all these past years? “There’s a reason we divorced, Mike. We gave Daniel what he needed, but we didn’t have what it took to sustain our marriage after he went to college. I’m not telling you anything you don’t know.”
“I know I was working a lot, building my practice. And then when you started your business, I wasn’t very understanding of all the time you put into it. That was my fault. It was hard for me not having you always there anymore.”
I nodded. “I know, but I just wanted to do something that was all for me after all those years of being a mom and wife. It all happened fo
r a reason, Mike. There’s no purpose to rehash everything.”
“I disagree. I need to apologize. You gave a lot to us, and I should have been more accepting of what you wanted. Instead, I started scheduling later appointment hours to keep me away more. That just pushed us further apart.”
What is up with him? He’s being all introspective. “But then you wouldn’t have met Candace.”
He looked at me stone-faced and sober. “You need to know, Jillian. I was never unfaithful. I know there’s been some question about that, but I told Candace that nothing would ever happen between us until you and I were divorced. If nothing else, I want you to believe that. No matter how much she tried, I wouldn’t break my vows to you.”
That actually made me laugh. Infidelity involved more than just connecting body parts. “It’s fine, really. Whatever happened, happened.” I dug inside myself for a trace of volatile emotion, imagining Mike cheating on me. Nope, nothing. I’m not sure I’d ever felt it, even in the heat of the moment.
“Yes, that’s all in the past,” he said, looking down and rubbing his palms against his knees. “There’s only going forward.” What the hell is going on with him tonight? “Have you ever thought about trying again, Jillian?”
Mike looked up at me, and I waited for him to bust up laughing. He didn’t even crack a smile. Oh, good Lord. He’s serious. “Ah, no. I haven’t.” Not once. Not even a teensy tiny bit.
“Well, think about it now. Maybe you’ll find it’s not that crazy of an idea.” He smiled then, and all I could do was gape at him. “We’ve had this time apart, and that could have been exactly what we needed. We’ll be able to come back together stronger than ever. And I would be fully supportive of your job.”
“It’s my business, not a job, and…” And where did I even begin? Holy shit. “Are you looking for a way to avoid getting married again?” That was much more plausible than anything else my brain could conjure up.
“I would get married again to you, Jillian. That must say something.” He took my hand, but I pulled it back. What kind of fucking bizarre head trip was this?
“This is completely ridiculous. Once again, we got divorced for a reason, and it wasn’t just so we could say ‘I do’ all over again because we need more punch bowls.”
“Jillian,” he said, laughing, “I’m not suggesting we run off and get remarried, only that I would do it if you wanted. But I do think you should give me another chance. Just think how happy Daniel would be to come home and find us both together again.”
“He’s an adult now with his own life. It’s not the same as when he was little.”
“But he’ll always still care about his parents, and I know you’ll always care what he thinks, what makes him happy.”
I curled my legs underneath me and wrapped my arms around my knees. Of course, I wanted Daniel happy, but to do what Mike was proposing? It wasn’t like I had another guy in the picture, but it still made my head swim. Could things really be different a second time? Could we put our family back together for the benefit of everyone?
“And just think about grandkids, Jillian. I know that could still be a far ways off, but imagine how much fun that would be to spend time with them together. We could give them all the same kind of memories we gave Daniel. All in this same house with neither of us missing a moment.”
He scooted closer to me. “Just promise me you’ll think about it, okay?” His face was moving in toward mine, and I turned my head, so his lips got my cheek.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Have you lost your fucking mind?”
“You told me I already had.” I set my cup on top of my napkin so it wouldn’t blow away, then took a bite of my sandwich. My mouth was singing a happy tune. Angelina’s made the best mozzarella and tomato panini ever, hands down.
Perry just stared at me like I was some deranged person eating in front of a caged, starving animal. She hadn’t touched her food since I told her what Mike suggested, and what I was considering.
“This is so beyond just losing it, Jills. This is putting your mind in a fucking blender, then flushing it down the toilet. What kind of crazy shit is he filling your head with?”
Fortunately, we’d met for a late lunch during their off hours and were the only people sitting at their outside tables. I didn’t need to be telling her to watch her language every five seconds.
“That was my first reaction too, but it’s really not that crazy if you think about it.”
Perry rested her hand on my forehead. “Okay, I knew you weren’t as well as you pretended to be after you and Chase split, but this is more serious than I thought. I’ve been patient with you so far, but I think it’s time for some tough love.”
I brushed her away, laughing. “I am fine, Perry. How many times do I have to say that? Never better and moving forward. Maybe reuniting with Mike is the missing piece I need to get my life back on track. Something’s not quite right, and if things between us are different this time… Well, it’d be a great surprise for Daniel when he comes home.”
“Jills, you are seriously worrying me here. You know what’s not quite right in your life? Chase isn’t in it. He’s the missing piece.” I shook my head. Was she ever going to give it a rest and stop bringing him into almost every conversation? “Mike is like a vulture, swooping down when you’re weak. You are not thinking clearly, and you need to kick him out, like yesterday.”
I finished off my sandwich. “God, Perry, you make me sound like some invalid who can’t take care of herself. I’m not off in la-la land, and Mike’s not my merciless caregiver. My mind is perfectly capable of making rational decisions.”
“So, have you had sex with him yet?”
“What? Of course not. We’re not even officially back together yet.”
“Uh-huh. What about kissing? Did you two at least do that?”
“On the cheek.”
“Aw, sweet. Just like my grandma does.”
I cleaned up my mess then leaned back in the chair, feeling the sun on my face. “So what, Perry? Just because I don’t want to rip off his clothes? That’s not everything.”
“No, you’re right. It’s not. Tell me what else you and Mike have in common then.” I opened my mouth. “And you can’t say Daniel or age.” I shut it again.
“Oh, okay, I know,” I said. “We both have successful careers, and we can both understand what it’s like to work long hard hours.”
“Yeah, no. I’m vetoing that one. Unless you have a business together, working all the time is something you’d spend doing apart. Not exactly intimate. What else you got?”
She tapped her fingers on the table. This was stupid. “All right then, why don’t you tell me what Chase and I have in common besides attraction?”
“Music.”
“Everyone likes music. Mike likes music.”
She sighed loudly. “I’m not talking about just listening to it, but living it. I’m talking about feeling it. You know exactly what I mean. You and Chase have it coursing through your blood. In fact, I can guarantee that if you were with Chase back in college, you would have never dropped out and—”
I held up my hand. “I do not want to go there, Perry.”
“Okay, then what about having similar values? Knowing what it’s like to grow up too fast? Actually talking and listening to each other like it means something? Hmm… Eating food that would burn a hole through a normal human?”
“That’s like saying Mike and I are destined to be together because we both drink coffee. Spicy food is a superficial trait to have in common.”
“Maybe so, but it all adds up.”
“You’re forgetting the one thing we don’t have in common, Perry. The thing that trumps everything else we do have. Our age difference. It’s too great, and he’s too young.”
“No, Jills. You’re forgetting the one thing that can override your age difference.”
“And what’s that?” Fucking all night, barely coming up for air? Losing ourse
lves in each other’s bodies for days on end? Having so many orgasms it felt like I was going blind?
“Love.”
“Did you give any more thought to what we discussed?”
I was at the sink scrubbing dishes when Mike came up behind me. He’d only asked me that a dozen times since our initial conversation, and every time I told him the same thing. “Yes, but I’m still undecided,” I said, shifting aside.
It all felt so clinical, like we were negotiating a business contract. In a way, I guess that wasn’t too far off. I was trying to figure out the best course of action while leaving my emotions out of it. On the one hand, I’d be closing myself off to any future relationships, but that was furthest from my mind. On the other, I’d be reuniting our family and settling into a simple life free from drama.
I’d asked him about Candace, but all he’d say was that he was more convinced than ever that she wasn’t the one he wanted to be with—I was. And even if nothing worked out between us, he wasn’t going back to her. I felt like that should somehow mean something to me, but it just didn’t.
“Hey, we should plan something special for Christmas this year.”
“That’s three months away, Mike.” And that’s assuming we’d be together.
“Yeah, but our son will be home. That’s reason to celebrate, right? I know he’s all grown up now, but maybe we could go downtown and check out the square for old times’ sake.”
I smiled. “Okay.”
It didn’t matter how far off I wandered; he could always bring me back with Daniel.
I need to do this more often. It was nice to spend some alone time with just my mom. Frank was out golfing for the day, and I had a client meeting in the area. It’d all just fell together.
We were sitting at the kitchen table, chitchatting and drinking coffee, when she brought up Mike. At recent family meals, I’d nonchalantly mentioned that he was staying there for a while, and besides Perry, no one had made an issue of it.