For Life

by Debra Kayn

  He yawned and lazily ran his hand over her bare shoulder. She moistened her lips. "What are you thinking?"

  "You screamed my name. Twice."

  She leaned over, dug her chin into his chest. "Give me more than that."

  He chuckled, rubbing the spot she'd taken her impatience out on. "You're mine for life."

  She stretched as pleasure swirled inside of her, "I like that. It's almost like marriage."

  "Better than marriage."

  "And yet, you've never said you love me." She tilted her head. "Do all Moroad men go this route instead of falling in love, becoming engaged, and then getting married? Is it against the club rules to say 'I love you?'"

  He rolled his stomach and sat up. "How the hell would I know what the others do? They probably tell every woman they fuck they love them to get their hands in their panties."

  She grabbed her tank and pulled it over her head. Knowing the men, they probably did.

  "Lovely," she muttered, unable to hide her disappointment.

  He shoved his legs in his jeans and reached for his boots. "That's not what we have going, baby. I wanted you, and now I have you for life. That's the biggest thing I've ever gave anyone. I never expected..."

  She dropped down beside him, desperate to know the thoughts in his head. "What didn't you expect?"

  He glanced at her. "I never expected to still be alive at my age with the kind of life I've lived."

  "That's morbid," she mumbled.

  "Yeah." He ran his hand down his beard. "You wrote me a letter, and ever since, I've tried to stay alive. I want to be there for you. I swear, baby, I will do whatever it takes to make sure you remain in my life.

  She crawled over and kissed his lips. "I love you, too."

  "I didn't—"

  She covered his lips with her finger. "To me, you did. That was the most important thing for me to hear. Leave it at that...for me."

  He nodded.

  She smiled.

  A tickle started on the back of her thigh and grew until she reached behind her and slapped her skin. Cam handed her the shorts she'd worn on their big escape away from the others.

  "Get dressed, baby. Mosquitoes are getting bad." He stood and grabbed the blanket off the ground. "It's worse here by the river."

  "I'll probably be hideous tomorrow, all covered with welts." She laughed. "But tonight was totally worth every bite I get."

  He looped his arm across her shoulders. "You understand everything we talked about tonight, huh?"

  "Yes."

  "Whatever happens, you back me up," he said, repeating the same thing he told her after the first time they had sex tonight.

  She put her hand on his stomach and curled into him. "You keep telling me like you expect me to commit a crime or rob a bank with you."

  He stopped and turned her to face him. "You only have to say or do what I ask you to. The rest of the stuff, you're free to come and go, hang out with the Moroad women, and make every damn rule around the house if you want."

  "Wait." She shivered, not from the briskness of the night air but the tone of Cam's voice. "You're serious. Who do you want me to convince when you tell me what to say? The sheriff?"

  He shook his head. "In the eyes of the law in Idaho, we're as good as married. The court can't use you against me."

  She looked away and the darkness blinded her to his features when she gazed at him again. "You're frightening me."

  He scooped her up and kissed her quickly before carrying her across the grass to the motorcycle. "There's no reason to be scared. It's a serious moment for me, and for how many times you question my feelings, I'm doing the best I can to make you understand that you are it for me. Never have I asked someone to love me. I don't deserve it, but I need it, and I want you for life."

  "I want you too, and sharing more of yourself and your feelings means the world to me. It does." She slid out of his arms. "I'm with you, because I don't ever want to leave. My commitment has nothing to do with having your back or making you promises. I'm here, because I love you unconditionally and I support you one hundred percent, no matter what. I want to keep growing and experiencing everything there is in life with you, because you're my best friend, my lover, my heart."

  His hands went to her neck and the slight shaking in his arms had her moving closer. "What you just said is what I feel, baby. Never doubt it."

  She smiled. "This is good. I like talking with you when you let me know how you're feeling."

  Cam held her hand and helped her sit behind him on the bike. She wrapped her arms around him, and rode off into the night toward home. In her head and heart, she was married. That's all she needed from him. Cam tore down the barrier he'd built around him, and let her inside. She smiled into the night, knowing he loved her in the same way she loved him.

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  The first weekend after killing Judge Cranley, stopping Reds from progressing to take over the gun chain, and the release of six Moroad MC members, Cam called for a celebration. He cracked open his fourth beer and handed a diet pop to Christina. After he'd announced Christina's new placement in his life, the men set out to give her a party she'd never forget.

  Even the Moroad women returned to the house to join the party after dancing all night at Silver Girls and surprised Christina with a gift. He took a drink of beer and fingered the choker at Christina's throat. Her throat convulsed under his finger.

  "Do you like the gift the women got you?" he asked.

  "I love it." She smiled and right in front of him, she lost that same smile. "It's the first present I've received from anyone since I was eighteen."

  When the women asked if they could give her something to celebrate, he'd given his permission. He never thought she'd gone without or the moment would bring up her past. He put his hand in his front pocket. He should've thought about the significance and given her the gift he bought in town yesterday before the girls surprised her, but he wanted to wait until they were alone, and he still hadn't found the right time.

  "The women respect you," he said, dropping her gift from him back in his pocket. Soon, she'd have something else to hold on to and to remember the day he asked her to become his woman.

  Lola sashayed over and talked with Christina. He bent at the waist, kissed her forehead, and whispered, "I'll be back in a few minutes. Talk to Lola."

  He walked across the yard with only one destination in mind. He'd originally showed his hand to the wrong person and needed to rectify his mistake. Smart men learned to dodge before being hit and every action had consequences. His life with Christina gave him more to fight for, and he refused to go down.

  Merk and Stache turned his way at his approach. Stache held out a joint. Cam accepted the smoke.

  "Thanks, man." Cam inhaled and held his breath.

  Katie, finally out of her cast and lost in a haze of partying, danced her way over and stole Stache. Alone with Merk, Cam exhaled slowly. He knew Merk well enough to understand his V.P. wouldn't start a conversation, since Cam ordered him to stay off the ride to take care of Judge Cranley.

  "You're back on rotation for the chain." Cam gazed out at the others, making sure their conversation stayed between the two of them. "I need guys I can trust until we know for sure the attention is off us."

  Merk nodded. "Who do you think is looking at Moroad?"

  Cam turned and gave his full attention to Merk. "You and I both know if anyone questions Judge Roseberg about pardoning our men and the judge fails to protect his actions, someone will start asking questions and the answers will lead them right to Moroad MC. I want to be prepared in case things go wrong."

  "You covered your tracks." Merk drank from his bottle of beer. "All they'll see is six men from Moroad getting released and if they look closer, they'll notice in the past, Reds had members walking out together, too. The only person we need to worry about is Judge Roseberg, because he's not a man who likes to take orders from anyone else. He'll want Moroad to hurt, and he'll want t
o make it personal."

  "He can try." Cam tossed his empty bottle to the side. "As long as nothing touches the chain, I can use the evidence of Roseberg using Reds as collateral."

  "Right." Merk clicked his tongue. "He's up against a wall."

  "Yeah." Cam rubbed his thumb against his finger. "I also wanted to talk to you about the information you got from Ferris, about the kid."

  Hell, he wanted to knock every memory from Merk's head. He'd paid the price for Ferris to take the truth about Jeremy's DNA to his grave. The asshole betrayed him.

  "What's there to say?" Merk shrugged. "The kid isn't yours. I figure that's between you and him, and Christina."

  "Do I have your word it'll remain none of your business?" Cam lowered his voice. "Christina needs the comfort of knowing she won't lose Jeremy. The kid means the world to her, and I want her to be happy."

  Merk stared off into the fire. "I wouldn't hurt her."

  "I appreciate that." Cam held out his hand.

  Merk shook, inhaled deeply, and said, "I'm going to hit the sack. Who knows how long these guys will party."

  "Yeah." Cam stared out at the men. "I'm going to go inside, too. Maybe they'll keep it quiet, so we can both get some sleep."

  "All right." Merk slapped Cam's shoulder.

  "Hey." Cam studied Merk. "Are we good?"

  Merk nodded. "Yeah, we're good, brother."

  Cam lifted his chin and watched Merk walk to his travel trailer. He shoved his hand in his pocket and held on to Christina's gift. The women danced for the men, who took every touch, every kiss, every gyrated pelvis within arm's reach, and enjoyed the free entertainment.

  He skirted the fire and walked across the lawn to the porch. Christina continued to talk with Lola. He stayed a few feet away and lit a cigarette. Under the impression of watching the crowd, he listened.

  "I hoped Jeremy confided in you," Christina said. "I don't need to know what's going on with him, but he needs someone to talk to, and every time I try he walks away."

  "He comes over to my house, but honestly, honey." Lola continued, "I've tried talking with him, but he only wants comfort. Who knows what goes through his head. I remember being eighteen and life sucked. Maybe part of his problem is Tiff. She's a sweet girl and Jeremy's at a different stage in his life. I think it all boils down to he's frustrated."

  "Yeah," Christina said. "I talked to Tiff a few weeks ago, and I felt awful. She's hurting, and I really think whatever is going on between the two of them could be worked out, but Jeremy closed himself off from everyone."

  Cam scanned the crowd and found Jeremy sitting beside the fire. The kid nursed his beer and directed his attention toward Jacko—who stood on the other side of the flames and regaled Steve, Ring, Jessie, and Meese with an animated story. Jeremy's gaze wandered to the fire pit and masked his face. The girls were right. Something bothered the kid.

  Jeremy lacked concentration and stared off into his own thoughts. While Cam could excuse the melancholy mood on the amount of empty beer bottles at the kid's feet, he recognized the signs of someone caught in a web of self-destruction. As a lifer in Moroad, Jeremy should be riding the high that went along with belonging, not beating himself and questioning whether he'd done the right thing being a part of the club taking down Cranley. Usually, Christina was the one who took on the job of putting the good and the bad in their proper place.

  A warm body pressed against his back and slim arms wrapped around his waist. He reached behind him and squeezed the firm ass.

  "How did you know it was me?" Christina whispered. "It could've been any of the women sneaking up on you."

  "Not all the women silently laugh and wiggle against me," he said.

  He brought her around to his chest and sighed in contentment with her in his arms. Compared to last week, last month, last year, he'd grown the club, secured his relationship with Christina, and continued to protect the gun chain. While his stints in prison waylaid his plans, he'd used the time to his advantage. After tonight, the groundwork he'd put in place would be ready to act on, and he'd take the next step with Christina at his back.

  He'd done everything to make sure she stayed with him. She'd never be able to leave him.

  Christina yawned and laid her head against his chest. He picked her up and carried her up on the porch and into the house. Her head snuggled into the curve of his neck. Her arms snaked around his shoulders. Her breasts pushed against his chest. If he had his way, he'd hold her forever, just like this. Wrapped around him and relying on him to keep her safe and happy.

  He sat down in the recliner in the bedroom, needing more time to hold her and be able to push away club business and focus on his woman. "Did you have a good time tonight?"

  "Wonderful time," she whispered. "For the first time since you came home, everyone seemed relaxed, almost carefree. Even the six members staying here joined the party. It was a nice change."

  The hesitation in her last sentence bothered him. "Except for what?"

  She raised her head. "Jeremy. I'm worried about him. He's taking his breakup with Tiff harder than someone who made the decision to ease back from her in the first place, don't you think?"

  "I'll talk to him."

  "What are you going to say?"

  He chuckled. "Hell if I know, but if it makes you feel better, I'll tell him to throw himself into the club, until he starts thinking with his head."

  "That's sucky advice." She shook her head and kissed him. "But, he looks up to you and he'll probably listen."

  When Jeremy first came to live with Cam, he would've jumped in at anything Cam suggested. His past shitty childhood and need to belong gave Cam a kid who wanted to please others. Now, two years later, Jeremy's thoughts and behavior matured and became his own. Cam believed Jeremy stepped into Moroad MC, dedicating his life, because he needed a place to belong. Internally, Jeremy questioned everything.

  Participating in the murder of Judge Cranley weighed heavy on the kid. He remembered his first time he'd killed someone. It took a week to realize he'd bettered his life and set a path for his future.

  He had a feeling Jeremy would make the right decision. He'd see his future open up in front of him without anyone's help. Fuck knew, nobody helped him in life and it made him a stronger man.

  Cam pushed his back into the recliner and dug in his pocket. "I have something for you."

  "What?" She sat straighter.

  "I wanted you to have something to remind you of who you belong to." He took her hand and laid the ring on her palm. "You'll have to turn on the light."

  She scooted off his lap, flipped the light switch, and studied the ring with her back toward him. He imagined her reading the inscription, and swallowed. Hell, he had no idea what came over him to think she'd like the silver band. Amid the gold and silver wedding rings with diamonds lighting up the room, he'd gone straight to the custom jewelry tourist bought while they visited the Silver Valley. It wasn't until he asked the jeweler to make the inscription on the inside did he realize why he'd picked out the bigger plain ring.

  She gasped and turned around. He stood, wanting to explain and not knowing the right words.

  She stared at him with tears in her eyes. "Really?" she asked.

  He nodded.

  She looked down at her hand and slowly slid the ring on her left ring finger. A sob escaped her and he stepped forward the moment she lunged into his arms.

  "I love you, too." She kissed him deeply.

  He took her tears, her love, her acceptance and kissed her back. The engraving on the inside of her ring told her what he wanted to say, and couldn't. He needed to protect her, and doing so meant keeping the biggest part of him hidden. He wouldn't allow others to use his weakness for Christina against her. The information he gave her to wear on her finger stayed hidden and only for one person's eyes. The only eyes that mattered. Hers.

  Dear Christina, I love you. Prisoner #18794

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  Two weeks later, Jacko
carried a duffle bag out of the house. Christina flipped the last burger on the barbecue and closed the lid with a smile. Jacko was the last recently released Moroad member to find a place to rent in Federal and she looked forward to having Cam, Jeremy, and the house to herself.

  "Do you want to grab a burger before you go, Jacko?" She walked over to Cam and wrapped her arms around his waist. "There's plenty to go around and Merk's coming over to grab dinner, too."

  "Sure, thanks." Jacko tossed his bag to the porch and wrapped his arm around Jeremy's neck. "Watch this kid for me. He's got the look of trouble."

  "Just trying to catch up to you." Jeremy grinned and gave Jacko the same gruff back.

  "Yeah, you'll do all right." Jacko sighed and strolled out into the yard, looking up into the sky. "I'll never get used to the smell in the air."

  "Burgers on the grill." Christina laughed.

  Jacko shook his head and glanced over at her. "Nope. That's freedom, pure and sweet."

  She glanced up at Cam and caught him nodding his head. Appreciation for fresh air, rain, sunshine, snow, and the sweet rumble of a motorcycle attracted the attention of the Moroad MC members. She'd seen each one of them take a moment and soak in the advantages of living on the outside. Every time she'd witnessed such a moment, she broke out in goosebumps. Then uncertainty grabbed them and they put the hard mask they wore to survive back over their face. These were not men who lived each day dreaming about the impossible. They lived in their own harsh reality.

  The human spirit mystified her. Even stripped of their freedom, something inside of each one of the members continued to live, never giving up. Cam still took the time to cover her with the blanket at night, watch her brush her hair, and kiss her before walking out of the house. In those moments of self-awareness, she dreamed of him finding the strength to fight for more freedom, but he was a criminal. The questionable actions always won out over the sweet appreciative moments.

  She'd seen reality win every time with all the Moroad MC men.