In It Together

by Jade Winters

  They gave each other a knowing smile before Dee left the room. Their broken bond had finally been mended and nothing would come between them again.

  Cara flopped down on the bed and looked at her open case. Her mother’s words were still ringing in her ears. The decision weighed heavily on her mind. Could she really risk Erin losing her family? Fuck it! Cara punched in Erin’s number. When she answered, she could tell Erin had been crying.

  ‘Have you packed yet?’

  Erin sniffed. ‘Not everything. I can’t stop thinking about my granddad, Cara. I’m going to miss him so much.’

  ‘No you’re not.’

  Cara could hear Erin sigh. ‘Cara, we’ve been through this once before; we are not taking my granddad gallivanting all over the place with us. He needs stability –’

  ‘No, what he needs more than ever is you, Erin.’

  ‘What…what are you saying?’

  Cara spoke with more conviction than she felt. ‘What I’m saying is this; you are not going to leave your granddad or the life you’ve built here over one little indiscretion we made over a decade ago. We’re going to tell Matt – together – and let the cards land wherever they fall.’

  Erin’s voice was timid. ‘It’s all very well for you. He isn’t your brother.’

  ‘No he’s not, but you’re the woman I love. And if you’re not happy, we’re never going to be happy, wherever we go. The guilt will always be there in the background until it finally erodes our love for each other and I’m not about to let that happen. It’s time to stop running, Erin. It’s time to face up to our past.’

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Cara awoke the next morning after an exhausted sleep that had been facilitated by a sleeping tablet her mother gave her with a cup of chamomile tea. Her head was throbbing, and her stomach rejected even the possibility of food. She stood under the stream of an ultra-hot shower, hoping that the water would bring her back to life and clear her head, but the cascading water failed her in that regard. She towelled off with a deep sigh, knowing that today would be the day when her world would be turned upside down.

  Her mother greeted her in the kitchen with a warm hug and a mug of coffee, chatting to her about world events and little-known facts as though she knew Cara needed desperately to be distracted from her thoughts.

  Cara took her mobile phone with her into the garden and texted Erin: ‘Have you told Matt we want to meet him?’

  The phone bleeped straight away with a message: ‘Yes!’

  ‘When/where?’ Cara quickly typed back.

  ‘Ambleside/10:00AM.’

  Cara looked up towards the sky and let out a long breath.

  The morning was warm and humid, and Cara dressed simply in faded and comfortable jean shorts, pink flip flops, and a simple pink cotton top. Her hair was casually tossed on top of her head in a messy bun and she hadn’t bothered putting on makeup, her eyes still swollen and red from the night before. She wore sunglasses to hide behind, and left home at 9:50, unable to postpone the inevitable any longer.

  She fervently hoped that Claudia hadn’t broken the deal and told him before she and Erin had a chance to explain. If she had, Cara would deal with whatever awaited her.

  Erin had clearly arrived first; Cara saw her car parked beside a tree near the path. Sunlight was streaming through the branches, and a day that normally would’ve delighted Cara with its brilliant beauty still seemed dark and foreboding. Taking a deep breath, and squaring her shoulders, trying to put on a show of bravery, she trudged slowly into the park, catching sight of Erin sitting on a bench near the waterfront.

  Noticing her from afar, Erin raised a hand, waving her welcome, and making her feel like absolute shit. Even after their two-hour telephone conversation the night before, Erin still hadn’t sounded convinced of the need for full disclosure. All she could talk about was the hate her brother was going to feel for her.

  When she got closer, Erin stood, held out her arms and gave Cara a warm hug that almost had her in tears, before she sat gingerly down facing her.

  Erin looked at her gravely. ‘We are doing the right thing, aren’t we?’

  Cara bent down and picked up a stone from the ground, repeatedly turning it over between her fingers. ‘Doing the right thing, most definitely. Whether it’s the best thing to do remains to be seen.’

  Erin glanced uneasily at her. ‘I was hoping you would have sounded more convincing.’

  A wave of apprehension swept through her. ‘It’s never going to be easy telling someone you love you’ve been lying to them. Especially your own family.’

  ‘I know.’ Erin crossed her arms and hugged herself tightly.

  The sound of footsteps caused them both to turn. Matt looked at the two of them expectantly as he came to a halt in front of them.

  ‘You two look stern. Must be something serious.’

  Cara and Erin exchanged a glance with him, looking away as soon as they made eye contact.

  ‘Come on, guys, what have you called me here for? How bad could it be?’ He smiled at them both, trying to lighten the mood.

  ‘It’s bad, Matt,’ Erin said, her voice thick with unshed tears.

  ‘What is it? What’s wrong? Are you two okay?’ he asked, alarmed.

  Erin shook her head mutely then glanced towards Cara with a desperate look in her eyes. She knew it was a sign that she wanted Cara to be the one to deliver the final blow to her relationship with her brother.

  Cara cleared her throat. She looked down at her feet, rather than making eye contact with him. ‘Erin and I have something to tell you that we’re not proud of,’ she began, then slowly raised her head to look Matt in the eye. ‘Before I left years ago…’ She glanced over at Erin. ‘We were…together for a few months.’

  Matt was silent for a moment, looking from Erin to Cara and back again. ‘Together, as in…?’

  Erin nodded, the tears welling in her eyes finally fell.

  ‘What the fuck are you saying?’ he asked Erin quietly, hurt and anger hardening his features into a grimace. ‘That you were…sleeping together?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Matt…I fell in love with her, and I still love her.’ Erin held his gaze, clearly pained.

  ‘You loved…my girlfriend?’ He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. ‘Are you

  fucking kidding me?’ he shot back, his eyes tight. ‘She left me because of you! And you knew it. All that time I was heartbroken, I was suffering because of you? My own fucking sister?’

  ‘You weren’t together at the time. But I knew you still had feelings for her and didn’t see the point in piling more misery on top,’ Erin muttered, half to herself, catching Cara’s eye briefly before deliberately looking away.

  ‘You didn’t see the point?’ he asked incredulously. ‘You watched me pine for her and all the while you were sleeping together behind my back?’ he said to Erin, not giving her a chance to answer before turning to Cara. ‘So why didn’t you take her with you when you ran off to London?’

  Cara shook her head sadly. ‘I couldn’t, Matt.’ She snuck a quick look at Erin, who was watching her brother carefully. Cara swallowed convulsively and looked down, her hands balling into fists.

  ‘Oh and why’s that?’ He turned his hardened gaze to Erin. ‘Did you realise that my dear twin sister was fucking you over the same way she did me. Jesus Christ, Erin… ’

  Cara took a deep breath. It all had to come out. Before they could all start to heal, the wound needed to be opened and cleaned.

  ‘There’s more, Matt,’ Cara interrupted before a tirade could be launched against Erin. She closed her eyes, then opened them and sighed.

  ‘Can it really be any worse than what you’ve already told me?’ he asked, glaring at Cara. Cara scooted closer, taking Matt’s hand in both of hers.

  ‘Matt,’ she began, ‘When I left, I didn’t leave because of something that you or Erin did. I left because I was scared and confused and my whole life was turned upside down.’

  M
att frowned, not understanding. ‘Why were you scared, Cara? Of being found out…’ He reflected with bitterness.

  ‘Matt…I was…I was…’ she choked on her tears.

  ‘You were what, Cara?’ he asked, frustration and anger in his voice.

  She let the words roll out of her mouth without attempting to stop them. ‘Pregnant. I was pregnant with your child, and I was scared to death…and I didn’t…’ she babbled, reliving the pain.

  Matt gripped the sides of his head and started shaking it violently from side to side. ‘Pregnant with my…with our child?’ He looked up towards the sky and repeatedly screamed at the top of his voice, ‘Noooooo, noooooooo.’ Frantically he moved towards her and grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and shook her. ‘Where is my child? Where? Did you…’

  Erin leapt from the bench. ‘Matt, let go of her,’ Erin screamed, tugging at his arm trying to pull him off Cara.

  He stopped abruptly and released her before turning and looking at Erin in a daze and then back to Cara.

  Cara knew what he was asking. She gazed into his eyes. He was the father of their child. A father who had lost his daughter as well. Guilt hit her like a thunderbolt. She had denied Matt his child. The opportunity to grieve. To know what it felt like to be a father, even if it was for a short period of time. If he could ever find it in his heart to forgive her, she knew she would never be able to forgive herself.

  ‘I had a still birth, Matt,’ she cried softly. ‘It was the most awful moment of my life when I lost…our…baby. It was a little girl…and it took me a really long time to be able to function again. No one knew, not even my mother. I was totally alone. My mum and dad had their own issues, so I just dealt with it myself. It still hurts…’ she trailed off miserably, wrapping her arms around her abdomen, feeling the loss all over again.

  ‘Oh God.’ Matt’s head fell into his hands, silent tears tumbling in large drops to the rocks below him.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Matt…’ Cara said again through her tears. She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder.

  He shrugged her hand away and, without looking at either of them, took off down the path at a fast jog. Cara took a step forward, trying to decide whether or not to follow him.

  ‘Let him go,’ came Erin’s tortured voice. ‘He needs time to be alone.’

  ‘Is he going to be okay?’ Cara asked plaintively, hurting for him.

  ‘Are any of us? Is it even possible?’ Erin asked in return.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  With a heavy sigh, Erin walked up the garden path with Cara at her side. She opened the door and indicated for Cara to follow her to the living room. For a split second she thought she was making a mistake taking Cara to see her granddad, but he had called Erin on her mobile phone and asked to see them both. She had been surprised by this but it was obvious why he had called.

  Erin tapped softly on the living room door. ‘Can we come in, Gramps?’ she asked quietly.

  ‘What a silly question, of course you can.’

  They stepped into the room and her granddad was sat in his usual spot. His eyes lit up when he saw her and she went to his side and squeezed him as tightly as his frail bones would allow. ‘I love you, Gramps,’ she whispered in his ear before drawing back slightly.

  ‘I love you too, lass,’ he said pinching her cheek, just like he’d done all of her life.

  Erin stood up and looked down at him, immediately feeling a wave of anxiety. ‘Are you feeling okay, Gramps?’ Erin said, noticing how pale his cheeks and lips were.

  Her granddad smiled weakly. ‘You’ve got to stop worrying, Erin. You’ll be old before your time. Now come here, lass,’ he said, gesturing to Cara. When she stood nearby he squinted. ‘You’ve grown into a fine woman. A fine woman indeed.’

  ‘It’s nice to see you again Mr…’

  He coughed into his hand. ‘Less of the Mr – it makes me sound old.’

  ‘Can I get you some water, Gramps?’ Erin said, making a beeline towards the door.

  He waved his hand at her to come back. ‘No, I’m alright. The same can’t be said about Matt, though.’

  ‘Matt? I thought he might have been here.’ In that moment, Erin’s attitude towards her brother completely changed. She couldn’t have cared less what Matt thought about her and couldn’t give a toss if she ever saw him again. How could Matt have taken his troubles round to a vulnerable old man? His weakness sickened her. He could easily have gone to one of his friends for support. But no, he had come here to darken the waters for her – if it was his intention to turn their granddad against her, it hadn’t worked.

  ‘Yes, he told me all about it. I’m sorry for your loss, Cara,’ he said kindly. He reached out for Cara’s hand and clutched it tightly. ‘It must have been terrible for you. No doubt it still is.’

  ‘I’m okay.’ She reassured him.

  Erin’s granddad stood and rubbed ruefully at his stubbly chin. ‘Erin, I wanted to see you both…to tell you, you did the right thing in telling him.’ His eyes misted over. ‘I can feel at peace now that I know you’re going to be alright.’

  Erin felt a lump form in her throat. Getting the okay from her granddad meant more than anything to her. He was her rock.

  Her granddad continued, ‘Matt’s hurt right now but in time he’ll be able to move on especially now…’ He looked at Cara, uncertainty in his eyes.

  Cara gave a faint smile. ‘It’s okay. I know Claudia is pregnant. I’m happy for them both.’

  Erin’s granddad’s lips suddenly contorted in pain. The colour slowly drained from his face as he lifted a hand up to clutch the left side of his chest. He panted harder, heavier, and slowly sank to his knees on the floor.

  ‘Oh God!’ Erin cried out, kneeling at his side, ‘Gramps, what’s wrong?’

  ‘My chest!’ he gasped out.

  Her granddad fell heavily to the floor and rolled on to his back, one hand still clutched to his chest. Erin looked up at Cara in terror as her granddad groaned in pain. Cara leapt out of her seat and in seconds was beside Erin’s granddad, opening his shirt with one hand whilst her other hand fumbled in her pocket for her phone.

  ‘I need an ambulance!’ she shouted into the phone. ‘My partner’s granddad is having a heart attack!’ She quickly gave the address and dropped the phone to the floor.

  Erin held her granddad’s free hand that had been lying limply by his side, rocking back and forth on her heels, repeating his name over and over. He suddenly went quiet. Cara didn’t waste a moment; she knelt over her him, pressing her head to his chest, gently pushing his hand out of the way.

  There was no heartbeat.

  ‘Oh my God,’ Cara whispered, pushing Erin gently back. ‘Give me some space.’

  Erin could hear the high-pitched desperation in Cara’s voice and willed herself not to panic.

  Cara placed her hands on his chest, one over the other and began to press down. Erin could hear the subtle sounds of his ribs cracking. Cara pressed up and down a few more times.

  ‘I can’t get enough force behind the compressions,’ Cara said breathlessly. She reared up on to her knees, leaning right over the unresponsive body and began to press harder and harder.

  Cara’s hands rose and fell in time to the words she was muttering under her breath. ‘Please don’t die, please don’t die!’

  ***

  The ambulance arrived within minutes of Cara’s phone call. Erin had left the front door open and the paramedics rushed in straight through to the kitchen, following the sound of Erin’s calls. They quickly hurried to take their places around her granddad, one of them taking over compressions from Cara and the other beginning to place tubes and machines around him. Erin sat back against the wall, staring at the bustling activity. The two paramedics were talking to each other in their medical jargon, their words coming so quickly that Erin struggled to pick them out and understand them. They were completely focused on their jobs, moving around each other and carrying out tests with well-pract
iced efficiency. She felt useless, unable to do anything but watch as they worked to save her granddad’s life.

  ‘His heart’s beating,’ one of the paramedics eventually said to them, as he attached a breathing balloon to her granddad’s face. ‘We need to get him to hospital straight away.’

  Erin and Cara stood well back as several more paramedics rushed in and loaded his still-unconscious body onto a trolley before wrapping him in blankets. The paramedics began to leave the house, slowly wheeling him out with them. Erin and Cara followed close behind. Erin was still crying heavily, gasping for breath and hiccupping as the tears spilt from her eyes. She was at least thankful they’d managed to restart his heart. She rushed to hold her granddad’s hand when it fell from the side of the trolley.

  ‘Go with him,’ Cara said to Erin as they loaded the stretcher into the ambulance. ‘I’ll lock up and will be right behind you,’

  Erin nodded as Cara wrapped an arm around her. ‘I’m sure he’ll be alright. He’s in safe hands now.’

  Erin smiled weakly at her and gave a little nod. She climbed into the back of the ambulance, accepting the hand of one of the paramedics. The doors were shut and the other paramedic headed to the front of the vehicle. He paused before he climbed in and turned to look at Cara.

  ‘Your actions probably saved his life,’ he said, before jumping in the driver’s seat.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  The emergency department was surprisingly quiet when Cara arrived, and she immediately spotted Erin sat on a plastic chair near one of the walls. Erin’s eyes were flicking between the clock, and the doors that let no one but staff through. Cara rushed over to her, terrified by how pale she looked.