by Jade Winters
‘And I love you too, Cara. Take care of yourself.’
‘I will. I’ll be fine.’
‘I know you will. Somehow, you always are.’ Dee nodded proudly.
Cara was relieved the cab was already waiting outside. If her mother had asked her just one more time to stay, she may have just changed her mind. But in her heart she was glad Dee hadn’t. Her presence in Cumbria would have made it uncomfortable for the one person she cared about more than life itself. If she had to sacrifice her own wants and needs, then so be it. As she sat in the cab waiting for the driver to put her case in the boot, she looked up at her mother in the bedroom window, peering straight at her. She could tell by the way Dee’s body moved that she was crying.
The cab driver was the same man that had dropped her off when she first arrived – it all seemed like a lifetime ago. He got into his seat and slammed his door shut. ‘Ready?’
Cara waved to her mother and Dee gave a small wave back. ‘Yep, I’m all set to go.’
‘Did you have a good stay?’ he asked, looking at her through the rear-view mirror.
‘Yes. The best time ever,’ she said truthfully.
‘It’s a shame when it’s time to go home, isn’t it, but you’ll be back soon, I presume?’
Cara slowly shook her head. No, not this time.
Chapter Forty-Nine
The air in the room was stale. Erin hadn’t opened a window for weeks. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen her bedroom. Since her granddad’s funeral she had remained in the living room and had spent most nights lying on the sofa, staring out over the marina. At her worst, she thought of walking those hundred yards to the end of the pontoon and ending it all. It would have been so easy to just slip into the night. But the thought of how disappointed her granddad would have been kept her from doing it. Not that he wouldn’t be sad if he saw her now. The grief was raw – like someone had reached into her heart and wrenched it out while still pumping, and left it to survive in the elements without cover.
Every time she thought about Cara it only served to make the pain even worse, so she trained herself just not to think about her at all. All she could do was hope that wherever she was, she was happy. She deserved to be. As for Matt, she hadn’t seen him since the funeral, but had given up caring about him. The fact that he couldn’t put their problems aside for their granddad’s funeral really showed her who he was. He cared about no one but himself. If she was honest, that’s how he’d always been but she felt it more now at a time when she needed him the most.
No matter how many times Erin had tried to get up and start a new day without the cloak of darkness around her, she always floundered. It weighed her down to the point where she felt like she would suffocate. Her parents had tried to help but in the end had to return to their own lives in Norfolk, so she remained alone. Just her and her memories. That was one consolation – she had plenty of those.
Erin lifted her head up from the sofa where she lay in her pyjamas, sure she heard a noise in the hallway. Convinced she was hearing things, she dropped her head back down again. She didn’t care if her place was being broken in to anyway, maybe they would have a knife and put her out of her misery.
A dark figure walked into the living room. Erin didn’t even flinch, just glanced up from where she lay. ‘How did you get in?’ she said softly. The effort of speaking was even too much for her.
‘I’ve still got a key. Jesus, Erin, when was the last time you cleaned this place?’ Matt walked over to the window and drew the curtains open. ‘It needs airing.’
‘Can you just leave me alone?’
‘I did and look what happened to you.’
‘Oh what the fuck do you care? What are you doing here anyway, haven’t you got to take Claudia shopping for anything?’
‘I’m here because I got a call from your workplace. They said you haven’t been in for a week. I thought you were…’ His voice caught in his throat. ‘Dead.’
Erin snorted. ‘You wish. That would wrap everything up in a nice little package for you, wouldn’t it?’
Matt ignored her comment and began picking up the empty wine bottles. ‘I’m not even going to ask when you last washed your hair.’
‘Just leave me alone.’ Erin pulled the cover over her head.
‘Oh no you don’t.’ He tugged it down and pulled her off the sofa by her arm. ‘You’re going to have a shower and then I’m taking you somewhere.’
Erin glared at him. ‘Er, no you’re not. Look, don’t come in here playing all the caring brother shit. You proved exactly the type of person that you are.’
Matt ran his hands through his hair. ‘Look about all of that, I was a dick. A fucking arsehole. I’m ashamed of myself for the way I treated you. It must have been hard to tell me the truth. But you did it, despite knowing that I could turn on you.’
‘Yeah, which you did.’
‘Jesus, Erin, think of it from my point of view. It’s not like you’re my brother and you stole my girl. You’re my sister. I think it sort of put a dent in my oversized ego.’
‘It wasn’t deliberate, Matt,’ she said wearily.
‘I know it wasn’t. Dee came to see me and talked some sense into me. She told me about Claudia blackmailing you. I wish you would have just come to me before all of this escalated into this madness. If Cara would have just told me she was gay all of this could have been avoided. Somehow I could have come to terms with things.’
Erin’s eyes widened. ‘You didn’t tell Dee about the baby, did you?’
‘No. I’m not that stupid.’
She lowered her gaze. ‘I’m sorry you and Cara lost your baby, Matt.’
He looked at her matter-of-factly. ‘Nothing can be done about it now. Look, a lot has happened over the past few days which I’ll fill you in about later. First you need to shower and get dressed. Granddad would be appalled if he saw the state of your hair,’ he said, ruffling it.
‘Do you really blame me for his death?’
He looked down ashamed. ‘I should never have said that to you, Erin. Even if I was angry with you. It was because of you he lived so long. After Nan died he nearly gave up. If it wasn’t for you, he would’ve done. Instead he lived an extra ten years. Very happy ones at that. Now come on, get up we’ve got things to do.’
Chapter Fifty
It turned out the saying about time healing all wounds was a bunch of cobblers. It had been weeks since Cara had left Cumbria and her heart still ached for Erin. She supposed that it always would. Even though she had been tempted to get in touch with her, Cara had decided against it. It felt right to let Erin and Matt find their way back together. She wanted no part in coming between the siblings. Her presence in their life had done enough damage as it was.
The last she’d heard of Maddie, through the grapevine, was that she’d slept with Jenny’s supervisor and was now living with her in Camden Town. So much for Karma. Maddie was like a cat – she always landed on her feet. Cara had soon found herself a new companion after returning to London. Gismo was his name. A straggly-haired pup from Battersea Dog’s Home. He was the light of her life.
Cara had just returned from taking Gismo on a walk to the park and was putting the kettle on when her doorbell buzzed. Puzzled, she stared up at the door as she took Gismo’s lead off. She wasn’t expecting anyone. Releasing Gismo she opened the door and was utterly astounded to see Matt standing there.
‘Matt! What are you doing here?’ she exclaimed, using one foot to keep an inquisitive Gismo from escaping.
‘Hi Cara. I was just passing by.’
‘Right of course you were. Because Cumbria is only a few streets away isn’t it.’
‘Okay you’ve got me.’ He grinned. ‘I came to see you.’
‘How did you find me?’
‘Your mum. Look, I hope you don’t mind me just turning up out the blue like this.’
‘That all depends on what you want. If you’re here to berate me for what I did, you can ju
st turn right back round again.’
‘No, on the contrary. I’ve come to make peace.’
Cara raised her brows. ‘Peace? After all the crap you put me and Erin through.’
‘I swear, I have. That’s all water under the bridge. Would you mind if I come in for a few minutes?’ he said when Cara’s neighbour poked her head out of her door.
‘Is everything alright Cara?’
‘Yes Mrs H, thanks for checking.’ Cara grabbed Gismo’s collar and pulled the door open for him to enter.
‘Right so you’ve let go of the past. Did you have to come all this way to tell me? Why not call or email?’ Cara asked as she led him into the living room.
‘Because I’ve come about Erin.’ He bent down to pet her exuberant puppy, and received a sloppy puppy kiss for his trouble.
‘What’s wrong with her?’ she asked, slightly alarmed. ‘Is she okay?’
After a few seconds Matt pushed himself to his feet. ‘No, Cara, she isn’t. Erin’s miserable. The light seems to have gone out of her. Seeing her the way she is has made me come to my senses. I want her to be happy and if that means by being with you, then that’s the way it has to be.’
‘So you think you can just wave your magic wand and everything will be hunky-dory?’
‘No. I’m not saying I wasn’t wrong. I’ve done a lot of growing up these past few weeks. If my granddad’s death taught me anything, it’s that life’s too short to be bitter and resentful. I want everyone to be happy in their lives – even Claudia.’
‘Claudia?’
He rolled his eyes. ‘Oh you don’t know, do you? Seems she’s not pregnant after all. She left her tampons out in the bathroom.’ He laughed. ‘She came clean – eventually.’
Cara forgot about her hostility. ‘I’m sorry, Matt.’
‘Hey, no. Don’t be. I’ve been given a second chance and I’m going to make use of it.’
‘What are you going to do?’
She could see the excitement in his eyes. ‘I’ve signed up for classes so I can teach English abroad. That way I get to see the world and get paid. It’s a win-win situation.’
‘Sounds good,’ she agreed. ‘Matt, I really am sorry, about not letting you know about the baby. It was wrong of me.’
‘I know you had your reasons, Cara. If she had survived I’m sure you would have brought her home.’
‘Most probably,’ she said truthfully. Reaching up to her neck, she released the clasp on her chain. She cradled it in her hands for a few seconds before holding it out to him. He gave her a quizzical stare.
‘It’s our child’s ashes. I want you to have them.’
Matt’s eyes welled up with tears as he reached out and took the pendant with a trembling hand. ‘Are you sure?’ His voice was choked with emotion.
‘Yes. You were her dad after all.’
‘Thanks, Cara, this means a lot.’ He hugged her spontaneously. They remained that way before Matt stepped back and wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. ‘I need to go get something really quick – I’ll be right back,’ he said over his shoulder, heading for the door.
‘Okay,’ she called out after him. Cara dropped onto the sofa suddenly feeling drained. Whoever said letting go was easy? But somehow she had a feeling that everything was going to be alright from now on. Having finally made her peace with the past she could move on without any extra baggage. Gismo nudged her knee.
‘I know what you want,’ she said digging between the cushions and retrieving his ball. She bounced it for him and laughed as he skittered across the wooden floor to collect it. The doorbell rang again. ‘Come on in, Matt,’ she called out.
‘Hey Cara,’ he called. ‘I have a surprise for you.’
‘A surprise?’ Cara headed to the hallway. ‘Really you shouldn’t have…’ She couldn’t finish her sentence. Erin stood behind Matt at the front door. At a complete loss for words, Cara looked from one to the other, not knowing how to react. She wrapped her arms around herself, waiting for someone to speak.
‘This was not quite the reaction that I was hoping for,’ Matt remarked.
Cara looked to Matt for an explanation.
‘Erin…what are you doing here?’ Cara asked, barely audibly, trembling.
Erin remained silent.
Matt had been right. Erin did look a shadow of her old self. Cara wasn’t too worried though. She knew what the power of love could achieve and if given the chance she’d have Erin back to her old self in no time.
Matt wrapped his arm around Erin’s shoulder. ‘What my dear sister would say if she could open her mouth is – “I love you Cara and want to spend the rest of my life with you”,’ Matt summarised, ushering Erin toward Cara. When they reached her Matt brought their hands together. The look in Erin’s eyes told Cara everything she needed to know. Matt was right. The love was still there.
Still speaking on Erin’s behalf, Matt said, ‘Cara, I’ve come to take you home.’