10
Catherine
As time slowly passes I try to divert my mind to other things besides my past with William but it’s useless. This is the reason I’ve always devoted myself to my work. An idle mind has never been my friend. Behind this locked door and with no work to distract my mind, I have no way of fighting off William’s memory.
After my examination, I don’t see him again for the rest of the day and half of the next. Then at six o’clock on the dot my door opens. Jeffery is back with two meals again. William follows him in once everything has been set up. We sit and eat in silence. After the meal, William looks at me and asks what he has been wanting to know,
“How did you get pregnant? For who? Someone that paid you?”
With my voice lowered from the shame I tell him, “No.”
William becomes enraged by my meek voice and pounds his closed fists on the table causing our plates to jump. “Speak up!”
With venom in my eyes, I raise my voice and tell him again, “NO!”
“No, what?”
“No, it was not by someone who paid me. It happened before.”
“Boyfriend?”
“I’ve never had a boyfriend!”
“Then, who got you pregnant?”
Shaking my head, I try to make him understand. I won’t and can’t bring myself to talk about it.
William rolls his neck and says, “Fine, I will leave it alone for now, but you will eventually tell me. You will tell me everything. He stands walking to the door but before he opens it he tells me,
“Tomorrow you will start learning from the tutors I’ve hired to come here. Every day, you will have lessons and you will introduce yourself as Catherine Stern. Never anything else. They won’t question you any more than that. However, if they do, you are to tell them you are my ward and nothing more. Then you will tell me what they asked. Understand?”
“Yes.”
“I will leave this door open tonight. I gave the staff the night off. Feel free to roam and learn the house. Get comfortable with your surroundings so nothing looks out of the ordinary. I need them to think you are familiar with the house. Don’t attempt to leave. I may have given the inside staff the night off but not my guards. You will never make it off the property.”
Not even trying to sound convincing because what I tell him is the truth. “I won’t. I would never leave.”
He looks at me with such pain in his eyes. “Watch what you say little girl. I tend to hold people to their promises.” He turns and walks out, leaving the door wide open.
If any of my memories sound familiar, it’s because they are. This is exactly what I did to Fallon and mostly how I trained Brittany. Was I wrong? I don’t think so. If anything, I’ve learned how to be refined and later how to use it to the best of my ability. I used my teachings and my beauty to succeed. All I did, was pass my knowledge down to them. The only difference was I had to become someone else to do it. I had to leave everything behind me and become Catherine Stern.
My hand slides over my journal and I venture back to my chair remembering the rest.
For the next two years, life continued just like William said it would. I woke up and tended to my studies with the tutors. Then there were the stylists. They did exactly what William wanted. They turned me into the perfect looking young lady. The etiquette coach was horrible. The old lady was a bitch. She would even go as far as slapping my hand for not following her directions to a T, until William caught her. After, she never came again. Someone new replaced her. The new teacher wasn’t much better, but she never slapped my hand or touched me in any manner.
Eventually, I was allowed outside but only to the back of the house to roam. Knowing there was a swimming pool, I went straight for it but stopped as soon as my feet came close to cement surrounding it. Each day I found myself out there, taking a step closer and closer. The pool fascinated me, but it also terrified me. No one had ever taught me how to swim but I so desperately wanted to learn. William must’ve known. I caught him a few times watching me out there, staring at the pool. Without me knowing, he hired a swim instructor. It was my favorite part of the week. It didn’t take long I was over my fear and swimming like a fish. It felt freeing.
That entire first year, William barely ever talked to me. We would have all our meals together when he was around, but we ate in silence most of the time. It didn’t matter whether he was with me or not, I always felt his presence watching me. He never let me forget who was in charge either. If he didn’t like a tutor reporting me for misbehaving or if he just had a bad day, he would lock me back in my room for days at a time. My punishment, that’s what he called it. On those days, he wouldn’t come to me. I lived completely alone.
One day, about a year and a half into our arrangement, I asked William’s permission to go out for a swim. It was a hot day, and nothing sounded better than diving into a pool filled with cool water. I was doing laps, knowing William was watching me from somewhere in the house. By this time, I had become accustomed to having him always lurking around in the shadows. I played his game of allowing him to believe, I wasn’t aware of his presence.
There was a young gardener working at the time. I noticed him watching me. I craved the attention. I’d been dying without any companionship or someone even remotely close to my age to talk to. Seeking attention, I upped my game to gain his full interest. I laid out in my tiny bikini, thinking if William didn’t want to show me he cared, I would force him to. It worked. Not long after, the gardener came over and started talking to me. He was showing me lots of interest until he was yanked by his neck to the ground. William was beating the shit out of him. I started screaming and security came running to get William off the man.
William stood there, staring at me as I cried out. He was breathless and covered in blood.
“You want to test me Catherine?! Is that it you want, to play games?! Let me show you how this game is going to work for you!”
From behind his back he pulled his gun out and yelled for his guards to move. He shot the gardener twice, ending his life right in front of me. I screamed and screamed some more, not being able to stop.
William grabbed me hard and literally dragged me into my room, locking the door again. I stayed in that room for more than a week with not even Jeffery saying one word to me on his way in and out to bring my food.
That was the first time I ever saw William kill someone, but it wouldn’t be my last.
When I was finally allowed out of my room, it wasn’t William letting me out. It was Jeffery, saying that he wasn’t sure when Mr. Stern would be back. I continued my life like nothing ever happened. A few nights later I was in the living room reading a book when I heard the front door open. I looked up and saw William drunk with a woman on his arm.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I stand making my presence known. He’s swaying from being drunk, looking back at me in my nightgown. The woman breaks the silence and says, “Hey sugar, what’s your name?”
William starts walking, pulling her with him upstairs. “Her name is Catherine.”
The woman asks, “Well who is she?”
William stops on the stairs, looking directly at me and says, “She is the soon to be Mrs. William Stern. She’s going to be my wife.”
The woman’s face is priceless. Not knowing what else to do or what to say, I hold my head high as he continues to pull her upstairs.
Walking back to the living room, I sit in shock at what he said. Mrs. William Stern, soon to be his wife? I thought maybe I was just going to be a toy of his. He would wait for me to come of age and then use me for his pleasure until he tired of me. But not this. He wants to marry me? He can’t be serious? And if he is, would I?
William moves into the room next to mine that night, making sure I can hear them. It’s pure torture. Not that I really love William but there’s something about him that I’m starting to need, and that bitch is having him. I know William isn’t sitting back wait
ing for me, not seeking pleasure elsewhere, but this is the first time he rubs it in my face.
Later, I wake from a bad dream. William’s standing in front of my bed, shirtless, drinking a glass of amber liquid. He watches me for a while before asking, “Want to talk about it?”
“What?”
“Your nightmare. You were thrashing around in your sleep.”
I sit up telling him, “No.”
“Why? Was it about me? Am I the boogie man in your dreams?”
“No.”
He gruffly laughs. “I will be.” Then he walks out the room.
The next morning, walking into the dining room for breakfast, I see the beautiful woman that was screaming William’s name last night, sitting at the table with him. My steps halt at the surprise. Pissed is an understatement for what I’m feeling. Why is she here? Without an outburst, I shake it off and sit down. Jeffery serves my plate and the woman says, “Hey sugar, we weren’t properly introduced last night. I’m Stella.”
“Hi.”
She sees my distaste for her written all over my face.
“Come on sugar, don’t be like that. Especially since we’ll be spending some time together.”
My eyes flash towards William, waiting for him to tell me she’s lying, joking, anything. But instead he tells me, “Stella will be staying with us for a while. So, be nice. Show her how welcoming you are.”
Gritting my teeth, I smile and say, “Hello Ms. Stella.”
“Oh my God, it’s Stella not Ms. Stella. I can’t be much older than you. How old are you by the way?”
I’m about to answer when William says, “She’s seventeen, although her birthday is around the corner. November tenth to be exact.”
“Oh, that’s not too far off. I bet you can’t wait to be considered a woman. Do you have anyone special?”
“Special?”
“Yeah sugar, a boyfriend. Last night I knew William was just messing with me. I assume you are his cousin or something.”
William laughs and says, “She has me, Stella. I wasn’t lying to you. Meet my bride.”
Stella’s eyes almost pop from out of her head. She stands yelling, “You son of a bitch! So, I mean nothing to you! All this time, fucking and enjoying our time together and you have a child bride waiting at home for you! You sick motherfu…”
William grabs her wrist and turns it. She bends in pain as William leans over her. “Sit down and shut your fucking mouth!”
I should be shocked but after seeing him kill a man, this is nothing. I bite into my toast waiting to see how he’s going to explain our situation to her. She finally sits when he twists her wrist harder. He releases her, and she starts rubbing her wrist.
“I’m not some sick pervert. Catherine will be eighteen soon and I’ve never touched her. But a man has needs. Needs you and many others provide. You are welcome to stay here and accept my hospitality for a while, but you will pay for it with your pussy.”
She jerks her head in my direction. “What about her?”
“What about her? She does as she’s told and so will you as long as you’re here.”
She starts to cry. “I thought you loved me.”
He laughs and says, “I don’t do love. I do only what I want and what is necessary. You are what I want for right now and she is what’s necessary.”
With all her southern charm gone, she stares daggers at me and says, “That could all change little girl. William might find me necessary before I’m finished with him.”
This woman’s crazy. One thing for sure I’ve learned about William is, he never changes his mind once it’s made up. But, if she wants to come for me then it’s time to show her some claws.
I stand, throwing my napkin on the table. “Well sugar, you sure can try. But, I know William. He’s waited a long time for me and he will have me.” I make damn sure that when I pass William’s chair, I slide my fingers over his hand for her to see what my touch can do to him. It works like a charm because he opens his fingers, allowing mine to slide between his. It’s an intimate touch, lacing fingers. One I wasn’t sure would work. But when I go to remove them, he doesn’t release me right away. He squeezes them gently, before letting me leave. On my way back upstairs, I hear him laughing hard. William knew what I was doing, and it worked. Stella’s now screaming, not from pleasure but from her heart being shattered.
During this time, was when I first learned of William’s drug usage. Back then, he was just a casual user but a drug user nonetheless. He and Stella would do it out in the open instead of trying to hide it from me, like Laura and Billy. Too many nights I would watch them go under a drug induced daze. One night I was walking into the house from a late swim, Stella was on the floor with an open robe, wearing nothing underneath. She was laughing at me. Telling me I would never know what it would take to make William happy. She stood, offering me some pills she had spread out on the table along with the cocaine she’d just finished snorting. Putting the pills in my hand, she dared me to swallow them. I stared at them, knowing I shouldn’t. I never wanting to be like how I had seen Billy and Laura yet now, I was seeing the temptation. Before I could make a move, William flew into the room, slapping them out of my hand then backhanded me, hard. I fell to the floor, he then turned and went after Stella. I was so scared, I got to my feet and ran. Running to the safest part of the house. My room.
Later that night he entered my room, threatening that if he ever saw me doing or even looking at drugs again, he would beat me senseless. He told me he needed me clean for what he expected from me.
The next morning, she was at the breakfast table with a cut lip and a black eye. For weeks they continued doing drugs and Stella kept screaming his name at night. And I still woke from the same nightmare to find him sitting watching me. He continued to ask what the dreams were about, but I wasn’t willing to share. Until one night. Shaking me, out of the nightmare, he wakes me, by hollering my name.
I remember it so clearly.
I wake screaming, my eyes open to see William, sitting on my bed. He reaches out to me and slides his finger across my face. I start crying, and I wrap my arms around him tight, desperately needing comfort. It’s the first time we embrace, and I think he’s just as shocked as I am. But he starts to rock me back and forth, holding on to me. When I try to break the hold, he stands, picking me up, changing our position. He sits back against my headboard, cradling me in his arms.
With a calm reassuring voice, he asks me, “Are you going to tell me now?”
I shake my head.
“Catherine, you need to tell me. It will help you to forget.”
I’m silent for a few minutes then I look at him and ask, “Will you tell me why you want to marry me?”
“Because I need a wife and children.”
“It can’t be that simple. You can marry Stella or anyone else.”
“I told you already. You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
“Stella’s beautiful.”
He grabs my arms and makes me look at him. “I don’t want Stella or your friend Laura. I want you and I will have you.”
“Why?”
“Because you were always meant to be mine. I knew it from the first time I laid eyes on you. You will need me as much as I need you.”
“But not love?” I ask.
“Why? Do you believe in love?” He starts to laugh and asks, “What do you know of love? To me, love is need. You won’t be able to live without me and that will bind us forever.”
I lay my head back on his chest.
“Tell me about your dream Catherine.”
“No. Why is Stella still here? Why do you insist on punishing me?”
“Because I can. Are you jealous?”
“No.”
“Then she stays.”
After a few more minutes he asks again about my dream but more demanding. “Catherine, tell me!”
With knowing he isn’t leaving me anymore options, I tell him all about being aband
oned and the various foster homes I went through. I tell him how I reconnected with Laura. Then I tell him about being raped and the things those horrible people made us do. I finally tell him about my pregnancy, how I lost the baby. I tell him everything up to the day I met him. The whole time he’s rubbing my arm, being comforting and caring.
“We’ve all lived through pain, even me.” He says so low I almost missed it.
I lift my head to look at him. It’s like he’s not there with me anymore. His mind is somewhere else, somewhere painful. I can’t for some reason let him stay there. Something in him looks childlike and I see the real him. Without knowing what else to do, I kiss him. I feel his fear, and his shock. His hands grip my arms hard, wanting to push me off but then his mouth opens, and he allows me entry. It’s soft and slow at first. Almost perfect.
But, the kiss grows in intensity, as he starts taking control, kissing me back. He starts pushing me to my back and climbs over me. I feel his hand on my thigh, lifting my gown. Torn and confused about sex, I begin pushing against him and asking him to stop. He looks at me questioning my request, then he jumps off as fast as he can. Sprinting out of the room, slamming the door on his way out.
I don’t know why I panicked. It felt good and I’m far from a virgin, but it was intense. No matter how many times I had sex before it was never as strong of a feeling as it was just now. Feeling aroused is something new to me.
It’s not until the following week before he returns to my room. I find him standing over me like always.
“You were screaming again. You need to tell me their names.”
“No. Are you ready to send Stella away.”
“Are you jealous?”
“No, I thought you didn’t want my love?”
“I want your possessiveness. It’s different than love. It’s more important to me. It means you think of me as yours. I will ask again, are you jealous?”
“No.”
William turns and walks away.
Art of Survival: Part One (A Stern Family Saga Book 5) Page 8