Playing tit for tat is something we did often. The truth was, I didn’t know if I was really jealous or not. All I knew was I didn’t like the bitch thrown in my face every day. If I were truly jealous, he wasn’t getting it out of me. I knew what he meant by possessiveness. He wanted to make sure I only wanted him, only needed him and depend solely on him. I was already beginning to feel that way. He was making sure of it. I couldn’t do anything without his permission. I couldn’t even walk out of the bedroom without him allowing it. He had me sheltered in this house for almost two years by that time. The only interaction I had was through him. How could anyone not begin to feel possessive of the only thing they’ve known for so long?
Another couple of weeks went by and Stella was definitely becoming possessive. She now looked at me like she wanted to tear my eyes out. But I had her number, I saw her weakness. William.
Knowing that, I worked it for all it was worth, and tried extra hard to act more attentive. He knew though. All it did was make him laugh at me and constantly ask if I was ready for her to leave. Of course I was ready, but I knew what he wanted me to say. For some reason, I was still holding out. It wasn’t long before he turned the script on me. He started ignoring me and putting his relationship with her front and center. Testing my will power for denying him the words he wanted. I took advantage though, I watched and learned from her without her knowing. Every seductive move she made. I learned. Watching how she got his attention and the way she swayed her body to get him to look at her. One day, I would perfect those moves and use them.
She continued to walk around prancing, proud of herself, thinking she had me almost out the door. She even told him things to get me locked in my room again for days at a time.
When I had finally had enough, I confronted her, trying hard to push every button I could. I learned over time that William might have slapped me once, but he would never allow another person to touch me. I just had to push her.
I laugh at the memory, it was not my finest hour, but it worked.
Wanting to piss Stella off, I find her lounging outside on the veranda, drinking a bloody mary.
“What do you want little girl?”
“Little girl. I wish you would quit calling me that.”
“It’s what you are.”
“Not for much longer, my birthday is coming soon.”
“It won’t matter. William is changing his mind. You won’t be here much longer if I have anything to say about it.”
“Funny, that’s not what William tells me almost every night.”
She sits up. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about when he leaves your bed and comes to mine. He holds me and tells me he can’t wait for the day I turn eighteen.”
She stands pissed. “You’re lying!”
I follow her lead, standing right in front of her. “I know you wish I were but think about it Stella. Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and William was gone?”
Her expression gives her away. “Of course you have because he comes to me. You need to learn your place, bitch. This is my home, my life. It’s all waiting for me, including William. You’re just a means to an end; his fuck toy until he gets to have me. Because no matter how loud you scream and make him think he is the best lover in the world, he is still mine. So, do what you’re good at and fuck off.”
She slaps me hard across my face. Doing exactly what I was hoping for. Knowing William isn’t far, I begin pushing her harder.
“Is that all you have?”
She looks at me like I’m crazy. Now it’s time to go in for the kill to make it count. “I understand, it has to hurt Stella. I mean, knowing the man you love is just using you for sex and will never marry you. It should hurt. If you knew the amount of times he told me all about how you’re nothing but an easy fuck while he waits for me. It must be horrible. You should hear all the things he tells me.”
She slaps me even harder, making my body jerk back. That’s when I hear William.
“What the fuck are you doing?!”
Stella turns while her hand is raised to hit me again. He grabs her hand, squeezing hard enough to bring her down to her knees, hollering out in pain.
He looks up at me now. “Say the words Catherine! And she’ll be gone!”
Looking down at Stella, I see her tears running down her face from the pressure of his grip. Knowing any second now, he’s going to break her hand. My body jumps in shock when he yells at me,
“Say the fucking words!”
I know I should and I know I want to, but I can’t, so I yell at him, “No!”
He lets go of her hand and rushes over to me, grabbing me by the back of my neck. “Remember, you asked for this!”
He drags me kicking and screaming to the stairs. I fall from tripping over my own two feet. He doesn’t care, he yanks my arm, pulling me up to the second floor. Then throws me into my room, locking the door behind him.
I scream and kick at the door, demanding he let me out until I realize it’s all in vein. He’s gone.
That night, I wake from another nightmare to find him there again.
This time, there is no comfort in his eyes for me, just anger.
“Go back to Stella, William. I’m tired of your games.”
“Why won’t you give me the fucking words?!”
“Because I won’t!”
He lowers his tone and says, “I sent her away.”
That gains my attention. I sit up, waiting for him to explain.
“I saw you. I know what you did, and I know you were doing it to get rid of her. Well, it worked but you want to punish me, then fine, but you will pay too. You will remain in this room until your birthday.”
“William, that’s still months away.”
“You should’ve thought of that before you pulled your little stunt. Stella was here for you as much as she was for me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Stella saved me from being tortured on a daily basis by you. I took all my frustration out on her. She saved you from it all. Now you will remain in here where I won’t have to be tested every day.”
He walks off to leave. “William!”
“Don’t try me Catherine. Do as I say without giving me any trouble or you will make it worse on yourself. I promise, you don’t want to get any further on my bad side.”
Again, I hear the clicking of the lock between my screams, begging him not to do this.
My mind comes back to today and I wipe my tears. You have no idea what it’s like to be left by yourself for so long. I would take a beating over that any day. I might have been in a comfortable room, but I was isolated. No one to talk to, no radio, no television, no outside contact. Your mind wanders to places you never want it to go. Like now, remembering all the details of my life.
I remained in that room for almost three months. Jeffery and Paul were the only two people I saw, and they had been instructed to have limited interaction with me. I learned quick, the more I screamed and kicked for him to open the damn door, the worse it did get. He would hold my meals back, leaving me with only scraps and water for days.
After a while I felt like I was going crazy. My mind started playing tricks on me. I could almost feel his presence or his touch. I even swore I heard him sometimes outside my door. It was silly, but I would find myself talking to him through the door without even knowing if he was really there. Begging him to let me out. Telling him I would be good. I would slide down the door, sitting on the floor, wondering if he was really ever there. If he was, then why? Was he as tortured as me?
The worst part of my isolation was I still had my nightmares and he stopped coming to me. I had become accustomed to him being there for me in the middle of the night. It brought me a sense of comfort, knowing someone cared and watched over me. Now, he was robbing me of that and it made me hate him for it.
11
Catherine
Standing, I try to shake all my memories
off. Pacing back and forth, remembering those months locked in, has me feeling claustrophobic. The walls are closing in on me like they did then. Not being able to take it anymore, I walk to the door and lay my hand on the knob. With everything in me I want to open it and feel freedom again. But I can’t force my hand to turn the damn knob. I have to calm down and remember the door is locked from the inside this time and by my choice. I don’t have to be scared of being behind a closed door. Now, I’m scared of lies beyond this door. My family is all still waiting. I release the knob and back up slowly. These memories can’t hurt me anymore. I have to keep telling myself that but the truth is, they can and are.
I’m remain standing and staring at the doorknob as my memories lead me back.
I hear someone at the door and then I see the knob turn. Jeffery opens the door, coming in with a full breakfast on a silver tray. He lays it down and speaks to me, “Ma’am, please make yourself ready. Mr. Stern has your day filled with appointments. They will be here shortly.” He turns and leaves. I’m beyond shocked by his words. It’s the most anyone has spoken to me since being locked in here. I get to my feet and practically run to the food. For the last couple of days, I’ve been surviving on not much more than bread and water.
Famished, I eat until my belly hurts. The stylists start walking in about an hour later. My hair is cut then colored. Even though my hair was already blonde, they were ordered to make it lighter, more platinum. By the time they’re finished, I look older, more mature and elegant.
“What’s the date?”
The lady filing my nails looks shocked at my question. She finally tells me that it’s the ninth of November. The day before my birthday.
Once all the ladies are finished, I’m left again in my room for hours. It’s not long before I fall asleep on the bed after watching the clock tick away with time. Sleeping soundly, a tickling sensation wakes me. My eyes flutter open to see William bending at the knee, playing with my hair.
He says only one word as I gain my senses, “Beautiful.” I come so close to backing away from his touch. I’m so damn angry at him, but fear of being locked in longer has me doing what is expected of me. I smile and rise, sitting up. William goes on with his flattery, telling me how perfect I am and then he asks me to follow him. Standing, he offers his hand to me. Laying my hand in his, he pulls me to my feet. He leads me through my bedroom door and down the stairs, but my feet stop moving. I pull my hand from his as I realize he’s leading me outside through the front entrance.
I haven’t walked through the front entrance in two years. Fear’s taking over, questions are sending me into a panic. What does he want? Where is he taking me? Am I done? Maybe I’ve pissed him off so bad that he no longer wants me. Noticing my hesitation, he back steps and grabs my hand again, pulling, leading me out the doors. We take another black car with a driver, the same as the day he brought me here. My nerves are at an all-time high. He still hasn’t told me anything. Our drive is long and leads us into a low rent area; places I was hoping to never see again. I keep thinking, this must be it. He’s dropping me off somewhere he feels I belong.
Sitting down, I start rocking my body as these memories flash before me. Tears are threatening to fall, remembering one of the worse and best things my husband ever did for me. William investigated things he’d learned from me and things I must have revealed in my sleep.
When the car stops, he helps me out and leads me to a house I don’t know. He knocks and until the door opens, I still don’t understand where we are or what we’re doing. But then I see her. She’s a little older and sickly looking, but I still recognize her. Then I hear his voice screaming in the background, asking her who’s at the door. She turns her back to us to answer him, and that’s when William grabs her. Throwing her to the floor of her home, kicking her with all he has. I can’t move, even with him yelling at me to walk through the threshold. I can’t. He comes to collect me by grabbing my arm and forcing me inside. He slams the door behind me, and I jump and turn, trying to get back through the door. He grabs me around my waist, holding me tight as I start begging and crying, fighting to be let out. I hear the husband’s voice again, yelling for us to get the hell out his house, threatening to call the police. I start tearing at William’s shirt. I even manage to cut the side of his face open, clawing for an escape. William grabs my hands and shakes me. Without a word, he stares at me, making me stop. It’s a threatening look I knew all too well. When he gets the response he wants from me, he lets me go and bends, picking the old bitch up off the floor and tosses her body to the sofa.
“Catherine!” He yells, “Catherine, turn around!”
I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to be here. Why is he doing this to me? Knowing William’s patience is running thin, I close my eyes and turn around with my head still down. William hollers again, making me open my eyes. I first see the nasty, shag carpet. I finally start to look up for the first time since entering and see the bastard in his chair. He’s disgusting. They both are. They could be sitting here dressed to the nines but all I continue to see is the disgusting filth, they truly are.
Then I hear William, “Do you know who this is?!”
I stand there on display frozen in shock, shaking. I can’t move. I can’t speak.
They don’t answer so William punches the husband in his face, yelling again, “I asked you if you know who she is?!”
They both tell him no. William asks again but this time with less patience and more anger. He moves quick and grabs the man by his face squeezing the hell out of his cheeks, demanding the man look straight at me.
“Look again!”
William releases him, and the man screams at William, “NO!”
But I see it, in her, she looks straight at me. I see the recognition and for a split second I see the shame before she quickly covers it up. William sees it to.
He shouts at me but I don’t hear anything. My heart is racing, the sound is like a drum in my ears. Grabbing me by my arms, he shouts again,
“Is this them?!”
I don’t answer, I’m too panicked.
“Catherine, you need to answer me. Is this them?!”
The woman shouts, “Catherine? Now isn’t that a fancy name for a whore.”
William slaps her across her face so hard she falls off the sofa. Her husband goes to make a move, but William points his gun at him, daring him to move.
He looks back at me and lowers his voice. “Is this them?”
I nod my head and then with a scared voice I yell, “Yes…Yes!”
“I want you to tell these motherfuckers who you are. Not who you were. Tell them who you are now and who you belong to.”
I can’t, I can barely breathe but William looks at me giving me the strength to carry through. My breathing calms and I stand tall, more confident. I become his Catherine, not the little girl these fuckers remember. I become one they will now fear.
I look at them both and say loud and clear, “My name is Catherine Stern. And I belong to William Stern, my husband. Remember that!”
William pulls out his gun and kills them executioner style, right in front of me.
My trance breaks, remembering the sound of hearing a bullet come flying out it’s chamber. It’s something I will never forget. My body was completely shaking as I watched them bleed out. I still couldn’t talk or move. I had dreamed of their death but never thought it would be like that.
This was the second time William killed someone in front of me but this time, instead of screaming and begging for him to stop, I forced myself to watch the whole thing. Even though I wanted them to die, I still went into shock.
William turned to me, grabbing my face between the palms of his hands, looking me dead in my eyes and said two words only.
“For you.”
He then picked my shaking body up and carried me out of there.
I was slowly learning how William conducted his life and I was beginning to be no stranger to his gun. I started to calm i
n the car as he held me in his lap. I was still in shock but now instead of screaming, I was thinking. I was proud that I told them who I was now and who I belonged to. That was probably the moment I wanted nothing more than to be Mrs. William Stern.
William was a cruel man but for the rest of the night he was kind and gentle. He took care of me as the shock of what happened lingered. But that in itself explained my husband. He was a living, breathing contradiction, with all his cruelty, there were still moments of kindness. But in the end, it was just his way of showing ownership of me. Looking back on it now, I don’t think he did it for me. I think it was for him. It was his way of ending the life I had before him so I would never have a reason to look back.
I remember how kind he was with me that night.
When we get back home, William lifts me again into his arms and carries me to my bedroom. Sitting me on my bed, he removes my shoes then lays me back. I’m still too stunned to say anything but when he tries to back away I grab his hand, begging silently for him to stay. Understanding and knowing I need him, he lays down beside me and holds me until I fall asleep.
Waking again to him playing in my hair, I see the flicker of light coming off the wall I turn and see candle light and a table set up with a cake. A champagne bottle chills on ice, standing on the side.
Sitting up, I ask him, “What’s going on?”
He gets out of the bed and waves his arm for me to sit down at the table.
“William?”
It was all so romantic, or at least I thought. This is where he spelled everything out for me.
“William, what is all this for?”
“It’s midnight, it’s your birthday. You’re eighteen now. I had a cake made for us to celebrate.”
Tears start forming in my eyes. “Why are you crying Catherine, you don’t like it?”
Wiping my tears away, I tell him, “I’ve never had a cake before. No one has ever celebrated my birthday.”
“Yes, well this one is special.”
Art of Survival: Part One (A Stern Family Saga Book 5) Page 9