The Forget-Me-Not Sonata

by Santa Montefiore

  ‘You’re going back to work?’

  ‘Yes.’ His tone was flat. Audrey tried to look disappointed but the shadow of a smile played upon her face.

  ‘You’ll be back for dinner?’ she asked.

  ‘Back for dinner.’ He then sighed heavily and stood up. ‘I leave you in Louis’ capable hands.’ She didn’t notice the caustic tone in his voice because Louis’ stare distracted her.

  ‘Oh, I’m sure Louis has got lots to do. Besides I have to unpack and I must go and see Mercedes. Mummy’s coming over for tea with Aunt Edna and Hilda.’

  ‘Good,’ Cecil replied. ‘I’ll be off then.’ He gave Audrey a kiss on the cheek. She didn’t stiffen this time but frowned. He was behaving strangely. Perhaps she was being paranoid because she felt guilty. Perhaps it was the alcohol. She hadn’t failed to notice how much he had drunk.

  Audrey fled into the kitchen where Mercedes was washing up while Loro perched on the tap, practising the latest lines he had picked up. ‘Merchi my lovely, Merchi my lovely. You smell gooooood.’ Mercedes flicked him with a wet cloth but this didn’t deter him. ‘Merchi, my lovely . . .’

  ‘Mercedes,’ said Audrey as she entered.

  ‘Señora, how are my girls?’ she said, drying her hands on her apron. Mercedes rarely smiled and her intonation always dropped at the end of each phrase as if she recognized the depravity of the world and was resigned to it.

  ‘I have a letter for you from Alicia.’

  ‘What a good girl she is. I knew she wouldn’t forget her old friend.’

  ‘Of course not. Leonora sends her love as well.’

  ‘Are they happy?’ she asked, then shrugged her shoulders and frowned. ‘How can they be happy so far from home?’

  ‘I know,’ Audrey replied, handing her the letter and nodding gravely. ‘But they are happy there. Alicia, I’m sure will tell you herself.’

  ‘Nothing can hurt Alicia, only herself. Whereas Leonora is as fragile as a feather. I know she misses her mother, I can feel it,’ she said, thumping her fist on her breast.

  ‘I miss them too. But they will be back soon. We’ll all have a lovely Christmas together.’

  ‘And then?’ She walked off to the kitchen table with the letter. Loro dived into the soapy water where he splashed about with glee.

  ‘You smell so goooood!’ he crowed. ‘Ja ja ja!!!’ Audrey raised her eyebrows thinking he was speaking to her and wandered out.

  Louis was playing the piano. A light melody in tune with the changing season that flowered outside the window. She breathed deeply and walked in. He didn’t stop playing. She stood by the piano and leant on the polished surface watching his pale fingers dancing over the keys. She could smell the familiar scent of his body and was overcome with nostalgia and desire. It was as if he had never left, as if that awkward conversation in the church after Isla’s funeral had never happened, as if she had never married Cecil, but married Louis and here they were together in their home. It felt so natural, as if it was meant to be.

  ‘You’re wondering why I’m not angry,’ he said softly. Then he looked at her and raised his eyebrows inquisitively.

  ‘Why aren’t you angry?’ she asked. He continued to play for his fingers had no need of his mind or his concentration.

  ‘How can I be angry? You love me. I’m the happiest man in the world.’

  Audrey smiled and lowered her eyes. ‘But I married your brother.’

  ‘I left.’

  ‘I missed you.’

  ‘I missed you too. I bled for years.’

  Audrey gently lowered the lid of the piano. He withdrew his fingers. She swallowed hard and her face turned solemn. ‘I’m still bleeding, Louis,’ she whispered, ashamed to speak of such pain.

  ‘I know.’ He stood up and drew her into his arms. She wound hers around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. He felt warm and soft and reassuring. Then she felt his fingers pull the pins out of her hair so that her curls broke free and cascaded down her back. He scrunched them in his hand and breathed in the feminine scent that lay within them and felt their silken texture against his face. ‘Oh Audrey,’ he sighed. ‘I’ve lived every minute of the last twelve years for this moment. I’m alive again.’

  ‘Why didn’t you wait for me?’

  ‘Because I knew it wasn’t going to work and I couldn’t bear to be near you and not have you.’

  ‘But Louis,’ she protested, then remembered her conversation with Cicely. Louis couldn’t cope when things went wrong for him. She pulled away and looked into his features. ‘I never stopped loving you. You left with a part of me, the most important part of me, I was incomplete without you. Then Cecil . . . Cecil . . .’

  ‘I know. Cecil remained constant and loyal, everything I should have been. I left when you needed me most and I regret it. But I can’t fight my nature. I can only regret it later.’

  ‘So you don’t blame me?’

  ‘No, I don’t blame you,’ he said and his face creased into a wide smile. She smiled back and touched his face with great tenderness, the way a mother caresses a child, the way a woman caresses a lover. ‘I ask your forgiveness.’

  ‘You have it. You’ve always had it,’ she laughed and wrapped herself around him again. ‘I’m so happy you’ve come back. I need you so much. I have so much to tell you.’

  ‘Come out to the country with me tomorrow,’ he suggested. ‘It’s stifling here.’

  ‘What will we say to Cecil?’

  ‘He won’t know. He’ll be at work.’

  ‘We’ll have to explain where we’ve been.’

  ‘Why? You barely communicate as it is. He will just presume you’ve been with your mother or aunt. He probably won’t even ask.’

  ‘I’ll think of something,’ she replied optimistically.

  ‘Good. I met a man in Mexico who has an estancia not far from the city. We’d be there in a couple of hours.’

  ‘Can he be trusted?’

  ‘Trust me, my love,’ he said, gazing down at her, delirious with joy. Then he kissed her. His mouth was soft and she sank against his body, holding him tightly so that their hearts accompanied the music in their souls and beat in time. It didn’t feel wrong. Audrey was married and her loyalty to her husband had been unwavering. But with Louis it felt right.

  ‘Did it ever feel right with Cecil?’ Louis asked and Audrey answered truthfully.

  ‘It always felt like a compromise. I gave him my hand but not my heart. My heart has always belonged to you.’

  He kissed her again and closed his eyes. Once more they were dancing over the cobbled streets of Palermo beneath a navy sky studded with stars. He had dreamed of holding her again and had never lost hope. While there was hope there was life. Such was the power of dreams. But the dreams were only beginning. He felt as if he could conquer the world. With Audrey he really believed he could defy gravity and fly to the moon. Nothing was beyond his reach, even a future with the woman he loved.

  Chapter 21

  ‘My dear Audrey,’ Aunt Edna exclaimed happily, pulling her niece into her foamy bosom. In the last few years Edna’s hair had paled into the grey of a cygnet and she now wore it tied loosely on the top of her head so that wisps of it hung free, floating about her face and neck like feathers. She had got fatter too. After all, besides her family, what gave her more pleasure than food?

  ‘It’s good to be home,’ Audrey said with a contented sigh, returning the embrace.

  ‘Let’s go and sit outside, it’s a beautiful day,’ suggested Aunt Edna boisterously.

  ‘As long as you don’t get cold.’

  ‘Cold, in this sunshine? Dear girl, you must be exhausted after your journey,’ said Edna, following her through the doors into the garden where Louis stood beneath the veranda in the shade. ‘Hello, Louis, my dear.’ Louis’ face opened into a wide smile and Edna wondered why she had never noticed his charm in the days when he had lived at the Hurlingham Club.

  ‘I had a sleep this morning,’ Audrey re
plied. ‘I feel much better. Besides, it would be a shame to waste such lovely weather sleeping all day.’ She laughed lightly then gave a nervous cough for no reason. Aunt Edna narrowed her blue eyes and looked into the radiant face of her niece. She certainly didn’t have the countenance of a woman bereft of her children. On the contrary, her eyes shone and her cheeks blushed. But it was her hair that most struck her aunt, for it was no longer pulled into a defiant bun but tumbled over her shoulders in those lustrous corkscrew curls for which she was so admired. For a moment Edna thought that perhaps she had been reunited with Cecil, but then she only had to watch the way Audrey and Louis behaved to know that her luminosity had nothing whatsoever to do with her husband. Suddenly everything made sense. Louis had left because of Audrey not Isla! It was obvious now with hindsight. After all, Isla had never been interested in men. Besides being too young for love, love hadn’t sought her out. Edna recalled Audrey’s tormented piano playing and Louis’ music that drove everyone to distraction at the Club. She hoped that she was the only person with the perception to work it out.

  Audrey poured the tea which Mercedes had laid out on the table and told her aunt about Colehurst House and how much the twins were enjoying it there. Edna was reassured to see the light in Audrey’s eyes suddenly dim with sadness as she spoke about them. ‘Leonora loves Saggy Rabbit, she won’t go anywhere without him. I believe she even takes him into class with her.’

  Aunt Edna chuckled. ‘Is that allowed?’

  ‘Oh yes, it’s a wonderful school,’ said Audrey, watching Louis out of the corner of her eye. He was standing on the veranda, gazing at her with an expression of great tenderness. She felt herself inflate with excitement and was relieved when Aunt Hilda and Nelly appeared through the garden gate to give her an excuse to laugh.

  ‘Audrey,’ called Aunt Hilda joyously. ‘Lovely to have you home.’ Audrey was taken aback by her aunt’s uncharacteristic warmth, but then remembered Nelly’s infatuation with Louis.

  ‘Hello, Nelly,’ she said, kissing her pasty cheek. ‘I believe the whole of Alicia’s class enjoyed your dulce de leche.’ Nelly laughed nervously and smiled at Louis, having not heard a word of what Audrey had just said to her.

  ‘Do try a piece of cake, Hilda,’ Edna exclaimed. ‘Nelly, come and sit over here with me.’ Nelly’s small eyes darted from her aunt to Louis and then back again. Louis was still standing on the veranda and looked as if he had no intention of sitting down. She pulled a timid little smile and perched awkwardly on the edge of her chair next to Edna. Audrey played ignorant of her cousin’s intention and sat opposite her.

  ‘Isn’t it marvellous that Louis has returned to Hurlingham?’ said Hilda, not thinking to ask Audrey how the twins were. It was plain that she had only come to visit in order to push her unmarried daughter beneath Louis’ nose.

  ‘Yes, it is,’ Audrey replied carefully. Aunt Edna sipped her tea, wishing her sister would realize that it would take a very generous-spirited man to fall in love with Nelly and an even more generous-spirited one to put up with Hilda as mother-in-law. Hilda and Nelly were inseparable these days. Wherever Nelly went, Hilda followed in the shadows like a vampire, desperate to settle her daughter’s future before the light of day revealed her advancing years and denied her what was every woman’s right. In Hilda’s opinion Louis couldn’t have returned for the sole reason of paying his respects to Isla’s remains, buried ten feet in the soil, no, she maintained that he had come back in search of a wife. If he couldn’t have Isla, her cousin would have to do. Hilda pursed her lips together in order to restrain her ambition and cut herself a thin sliver of cake.

  ‘Louis,’ she said, with a dry smile. ‘You must come and see us more often. There’s no point wasting away in a house where there are no unmarried girls to entertain you. Really, Audrey and Cecil must be very dull company.’ She laughed but her joke had fallen flat. ‘Oh dear, I don’t mean that at all,’ she stammered. Nelly shot her a furious look and Audrey buried her face in her teacup to hide her amusement. Louis wanted to laugh as well but controlled himself so as not to offend the shy spinster who smouldered quietly in mortification.

  ‘Have some more cake,’ Aunt Edna suggested, holding up the knife.

  ‘You know, I think I will,’ said Louis, wandering over to sit beside Audrey. ‘Mercedes is a fantastic cook. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten so well, even at the Club.’

  ‘It was the meat I missed in England,’ said Audrey. ‘One doesn’t realize how good it is here until one tastes it somewhere else.’

  ‘I agree,’ Hilda replied. ‘One spends one’s whole time hankering after England and fails to see the good that is right here, under one’s very nose.’

  ‘There’s a lot that’s good about Argentina,’ said Louis. ‘I’ve been all over in the last decade so I know what I’m talking about.’

  ‘I should like to visit England one day,’ Nelly ventured. Having not said a word since she arrived she was startled by the sound of her own voice and blushed a deep crimson.

  ‘You really should,’ he replied and his gentle gaze made her blush all the more. ‘A woman should see the world.’

  ‘Absolutely,’ Hilda exclaimed. ‘There is nothing as unattractive as a woman of limited horizon.’ Then she believed she saw a glint of intent in Louis’ eyes and her spirits lifted. Perhaps Louis would take her and show her the world himself. ‘There’s nothing Nelly likes better than adventure,’ she added. There was nothing Nelly hated more than adventure. All in a good cause, Hilda thought, justifying her lie.

  At last Rose arrived and after embracing her daughter and eagerly asking after the twins they began to discuss Isla’s memorial service. ‘I think, seeing as Louis has returned, it would be nice to remember her all together,’ she said. ‘Not a day goes by when I’m sure we don’t all think of her. It would be good for the whole community to put into words what we all feel in our hearts.’ Then she looked at Louis with affection and added, ‘Louis dear, all these years I’ve been wanting to ask you about your friendship with my daughter. I thought I knew everything about her but I know now that she didn’t tell me everything as I had imagined. I don’t mean that I should know all the details, but I would like to be told how happy she was before she died. I’m grateful to you for giving her such happiness. She always had a spring in her step but never more so than in those summer months she shared with you. I hope you don’t mind me asking. I’ve waited until now and deliberated long and hard. But I would like to fill in at least some of the gaps.’ Louis swallowed hard and avoided Audrey’s anxious face that now turned towards him in silent panic. Aunt Hilda stiffened, for reminding him of Isla did Nelly’s cause no good at all. The silence invaded like fog until they were all in danger of being swallowed up by it.

  Louis took Audrey’s hand in his. Audrey flinched and stared at him in fear. Now wasn’t the moment to speak the truth. Not after all these years. He turned and smiled at her with confidence. Trust me, he seemed to be saying. ‘Audrey was very close to Isla. I know from my brother how long it has taken her to come to terms with her death. I love Audrey like a sister and I don’t want to cause her any more pain.’

  ‘How very sensitive of you, Louis. But Audrey wants to hear too, don’t you, dear?’ said Rose. Audrey nodded. She felt Louis squeeze her hand and understood from his silent communication that he was holding her because he knew it was no longer appropriate to use Isla as a front and he wanted her support. But Audrey was also aware that by condoning the continuation of the charade she was embroiling herself once again in an affair. This time there was so much more at stake. She was married and she had children to think of. But she squeezed his hand back in agreement. She loved him so she had no choice.

  Louis was determined to lie as little as possible so he began by praising the qualities in Isla that he had admired when he had first met her. ‘She always spoke her mind,’ he began and the eager expression on the face of her mother spurred him on. ‘She was impulsive and wilful and always a wonderful
source of joy. I never saw her unhappy or afraid. Her life was short but it was happy.’ Rose seemed to want more. ‘When I first met Isla, I was struck by her beauty, both your daughters are beautiful,’ he said carefully. Rose looked at Audrey and smiled appreciatively while Hilda looked at Nelly and wished she could do something with that limp brown hair. ‘What I admired the most, though, was the way she never pretended to be anything that she wasn’t. She was exuberant and vital. She is sorely missed and always will be.’

  ‘But when did these rendezvous take place?’ Rose asked impatiently.

  ‘At your house. She was a good backgammon player and had a sharp mind for bridge. It was an innocent friendship, Rose. One that was only beginning to flower.’ Then he sighed and his face drained of awkwardness and shone with a pale translucence. Aunt Edna, who had been more interested in picking at the crumbs of cake that remained on the plate on the table, cocked her head and listened, for his voice had grown suddenly quiet and sad. Audrey felt his hand moisten with sweat. ‘Love kept me here and then love drove me away. Because when it was gone, I found I couldn’t live without it. So I left half a man, because the part of me that contained my heart remained here, with her. I spent years in Mexico living off the memory of love, trying to find it in the eyes of other women, but I failed. Every time I failed, because the eyes that gazed back at me weren’t the deep and languid pools that haunted my every living moment but the shallow eyes of strangers. You see, Rose, there was only one woman who was meant for me. God chose her for me. He led me out here for her. And the moment I met her I knew our souls belonged together. I knew she understood me like no one had ever understood me before. The most miraculous part of it all is that she loved me back. She really loved me.’ He paused and lowered his eyes. Rose wiped a tear from her cheek and Edna was so moved her skin dappled all over. She glanced across at Audrey and knew that he wasn’t speaking about Isla but about her. ‘I tried to stay away because I knew I couldn’t be in Argentina without her. So after Mexico I travelled a while before returning to England. I stayed with my sister, Cicely, and heard that Audrey had married Cecil. It was a shock because I knew it was something that I would never enjoy. Marriage to the woman one loves must be the greatest gift on earth. But it has been denied me. It was then that I decided to come back. I had to face my demons. I had to prove to myself that my dreams weren’t in vain, that they meant something. So I have come back to reclaim my heart that I left here twelve years ago. So, what have I found?’ He raised his eyes and looked into Rose’s.