The Forget-Me-Not Sonata

by Santa Montefiore

  Alicia discovered that she enjoyed sex. Not only was it physically pleasurable but it was another wonderful power game to be played and won. She was amused at how easy men were to seduce. She had already worked out that beauty was a formidable weapon in a world obsessed with image, but now she realized that sex was the atomic power of such warfare. Men lost their minds because of it. They were weakened by their own carnal longings and she despised them for their fragility and intended to exploit it for her own ends. As she lay there in his arms, while he kissed her forehead and caressed her hair, telling her how lovely she was and how much he had enjoyed her, she fantasized about the wealth and status she was going to acquire with her beauty and her body. The wide smile of a satisfied cat crept across her face.

  Florien was mortified when Alicia had to return to boarding school. ‘Only another year,’ she taunted him. ‘Then we’ll have the whole of our lives to spend together.’

  ‘I’ll never love another like I love you, Alicia.’ He took off the Saint Christopher pendant he always wore about his neck. ‘I want you to have this,’ he said, gazing at her with dewy eyes.

  ‘What is it?’ she asked, screwing up her nose. ‘Is it pretty? Let me see.’ She held the gold necklace in her hand and decided that she liked it very much.

  ‘It will bring you luck.’

  ‘Goodie,’ she exclaimed, lifting her thick hair so that he could place it around her neck. He clasped the little chain then kissed the white skin that was usually covered with curls. She giggled.

  ‘I really do love you,’ he said and sighed happily.

  ‘I know, Florien. You’re terribly sweet,’ she replied glibly.

  ‘When will you be coming back?’

  ‘In a few weekends’ time. Then there’s half-term, then the Christmas holidays and I’ll be flying back home. You’ll have to find somewhere else for our loving when the hay bales go.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll find a cosy place. We’ll keep warm together in the wintertime.’

  ‘Yes,’ she replied, trying to muster up a little enthusiasm. She didn’t much like romantic talk and knew she wasn’t very good at it. But she was aware that if she didn’t play the game he’d think less of her and perhaps wouldn’t make himself so available. Besides, she had noticed Leonora’s forlorn face which made the game all the more worth playing.

  Leonora had indeed noticed Florien’s ill-disguised ardour for her sister. She was hurt because she genuinely adored him and longed for him to reciprocate her feelings, but as usual she didn’t blame Alicia. She accepted her sister’s superiority in every field and bowed out gracefully. Alicia was beautiful and talented and charming, everything that she wasn’t, and she was devoted to her. If Alicia wanted Florien she’d be pleased for her and do all in her power to assist the relationship. However, her generosity of spirit came at a price. She wasn’t immune to the unhappiness it caused, for once again she was left out, ignored, isolated. She yearned for home and the security of her mother’s unconditional love while at the same time she knew she was meant to be a grown-up who shouldn’t need her mother any more. Besides, Audrey had a somewhat unusual seven year old to take care of. If it weren’t for Aunt Cicely, whose affection for her was almost as unconditional as her mother’s, and the garden, fields and woods where she felt the strong presence of a higher power, she would have felt very alone in the world.

  Leonora loved taking Barley and the other dogs for long walks around the farm. The wide expanse of fields that opened out before her and extended into soft undulating hills filled her spirit with courage and prevented her from feeling sorry for herself. Out there beneath the sky she questioned the meaning of life and death with the cycle of the seasons and she learned that happiness is in accepting things the way they are and not trying to fight them. For winter melted effortlessly into spring and spring blossomed easily into summer to finally subside with grace into the rich red and golden palate of autumn. What will be, will be, she thought and such resignation had its own rewards. She decided she wasn’t going to waste her life chasing the material world, for what could give her more pleasure than this ever-changing panorama? She knew instinctively that nothing was important but love and life and she could get all that in the Dorset countryside. Her future lay with Nature for it was there that she felt at home. She was too humble to expect Florien’s love but she dreamed about it all the same. She sometimes imagined living the life of a gypsy, working in the garden, planting, picking and potting. She’d love more than anything to build a home in a prettily painted caravan, own a few sturdy horses and have enough children for games around the camp fire. Now with Florien’s infatuation with her sister her dreams seemed little more than the smoke that rose above the woods from the burning fields beyond. But she tried not to yield to her breaking heart; as long as she was in the countryside, she conceded, she’d never be unhappy.

  Once the autumn term finished the twins returned to the Argentine for the Christmas holidays. Florien disappeared behind his fringe to sulk and Aunt Cicely was left once again to miss Leonora’s earnest face and quiet company. She didn’t miss Alicia at all and neither did Panazel, Masha and Ravena; only Florien tossed and turned in his hot bed as his dreams burned holes in his pillow.

  Grace was now seven years old and was beloved by everyone in the community. She played cards with old Colonel Blythe, now so ancient he had ceased to count the years and although nearly deaf he often heard that strange melody which had once penetrated his psyche and never left him. He now had a heart as soft as marshmallow and wasn’t ashamed to show it. Grace danced for Charlo in a white tutu Great Aunt Edna had made for her out of silk and netting and reduced large audiences to tears as her fingers glided fluidly over the keys of the piano. But nothing entertained people more than the ‘trick’ she performed with objects. ‘Show your sisters what you can do,’ said Audrey proudly.

  ‘She’s terribly clever,’ Aunt Edna gushed, buttering a scone. Edna was now so fat there was only enough room for her alone on the sofa, so Audrey sat in one of the arm chairs and the twins on the club fender.

  ‘You’re not still talking to fairies,’ said Alicia meanly.

  ‘Of course I am,’ the child replied and shook her head at her sister. ‘They’re constantly talking to me. If you listened hard enough you’d hear them too.’

  Alicia rolled her eyes. ‘So what’s this new trick?’ she asked with a heavy sigh.

  ‘She’ll take an object from someone she doesn’t know and tell you all about that person,’ said Edna, getting very overexcited at the thought of her great niece’s strange gift.

  ‘Do show us, Grace,’ Leonora exclaimed kindly. ‘What can we give her?’ she asked her mother. ‘There’s no point giving her anything that belongs to us.’

  ‘I have something that was given to me,’ said Alicia, removing the pendant that hung about her neck.

  ‘My dear, how pretty!’ Aunt Edna exclaimed. ‘But don’t say a word, not a word. Grace will now tell us all about the person who gave it to you, won’t you, Grace?’

  Grace took the necklace in her little hands and closed her eyes. She concentrated on emptying her mind of all thoughts. She had a gift for blocking the world out so she didn’t even hear Alicia’s cynical commentary. Slowly images began to appear before her like pictures on a large screen. ‘I see a lovely green field with pretty caravans and some horses,’ she began. Leonora gasped and knew immediately whom the necklace belonged to. Alicia’s cheeks stung crimson but it was too late to stop her now. ‘The caravans are painted. They’re gypsy caravans I think, like the ones in Granny’s book of fairy tales. I’m hearing the name, Florien. What a funny name that is. He’s got dark hair and brown eyes and is looking very sad. I feel his unhappiness. Poor Florien, he’s not happy at all. I now see a barn with hay in it. It’s lovely and warm and bathed in a golden light. It must be sunset. It’s very pretty where he lives, there are hills, not like here.’

  ‘All right, I think that is enough!’ said Alicia. But Gra
ce ignored her and continued in her delightfully innocent way.

  ‘Florien’s in love with Alicia and he’s missing her. His heart is on fire. He can’t eat or sleep or do anything at all. He just sits and looks miserable.’ Then she laughed and opened her eyes. She looked directly at Leonora who had turned as pale as a ghost.

  ‘Don’t look sad, Leo, you’re going to be very happy.’ Leonora frowned and blushed with embarrassment. No one spoke but they all looked from Alicia to Leonora. Alicia tried to swallow but her throat was dry. Grace’s gift had shaken her so that now she trembled with fear and amazement. She grabbed the necklace and began to wind it around her fingers. ‘Well, so what if Florien is in love with me,’ she retaliated. ‘I only took the pendant as a present. I don’t love him back.’

  ‘My dear child, of course he’s in love with you. You’re a very beautiful young woman,’ said Aunt Edna with a smile. ‘I take it she got it right?’

  ‘She’s never been wrong,’ said Audrey, pulling Grace into her arms and kissing her face. ‘You are very clever, my love.’

  ‘If you can read the future, who am I going to marry?’ Alicia challenged, regaining her confidence. But Grace shook her head, leapt off her mother’s knee and skipped out into the sunshine.

  ‘She won’t abuse her gift by reading fortunes,’ Audrey said. ‘She learned her lesson after she told Nelly she’ll never marry. Nelly hasn’t spoken to her since.’

  ‘But it doesn’t stop her mother from introducing her to every young man who comes to the Club. Such a humiliation for the poor girl.’ Aunt Edna sighed.

  ‘I don’t believe in Fate,’ said Alicia with a toss of the head. ‘You make your own future and I know exactly the way I want mine to be.’

  Audrey looked at her wistfully. ‘I once believed that, my dear, but one can’t always have everything one wants.’ She caught her aunt’s eye. Edna smiled with compassion. She was pleased that she had convinced her to stay with Cecil all those years ago and she knew Audrey was too. It had been a painful sacrifice, but it had all turned out for the best. After all, beautiful Grace had been born out of their reconciliation and Grace was a very special little girl.

  Chapter 28

  Cecil and Audrey were like two characters in a play. They performed in public with finesse and removed their masks only when they were alone. Only Grace knew the torment that both parents suffered. She watched her mother’s dance of tears and observed her father’s secret drinking because she had the ability to creep around the house with the light step of a cat and hide in the shadows. But her psychic powers were unable to pick up the reason for their distress, which was unusual because Grace was very gifted. God obviously didn’t want her to intrude into her parents’ private pain.

  Her father’s ill humour and sudden bouts of fury failed to affect Grace. She seemed detached, as if suffering was something experienced by other, more earthly people. As if she controlled her emotions rather than letting them control her. She required nothing of him. She didn’t want bedtime stories as Leonora and Alicia had done. She preferred to lie in the dark and sing to herself, talk to her spirit friends, or sit looking at the pictures in his collection of National Geographic magazines. This unsettled Cecil, who failed to understand his youngest daughter on any level. What frightened him the most, however, was the expression on her face when she looked at him. Her head on one side, a sympathetic smile and eyes that gazed at him with total understanding. ‘Daddy,’ she had once said after he had shouted at her for spying on him. ‘Your anger only hurts yourself, you know. If you didn’t drink so much of that witch’s brew you’d be a lot happier.’ Cecil had shaken his head in exasperation before storming out of the room, leaving the child sighing with the weariness of a patient old lady.

  ‘Mummy,’ she said later, when she found her mother reading in the garden. Audrey put down her book and held out her arms. Grace climbed on to her knee and snuggled up against her. ‘Why is Daddy so unhappy?’ Audrey suddenly looked defeated. Grace had never asked such a question.

  ‘He’s not so unhappy, my love. He just lets life get on top of him sometimes.’

  ‘He is unhappy. That witch’s brew is turning him into a monster. I don’t like the way he shouts at you.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t mind. I’m used to it.’ She stroked the child’s hair and kissed her wide forehead.

  ‘I don’t like to see you sad. You are sad sometimes, aren’t you?’

  ‘Everyone’s sad sometimes.’

  ‘I’m never sad.’

  ‘You’re very lucky.’

  ‘Why am I different?’ she asked suddenly.

  ‘You’re not different, my love, you’re special.’

  ‘But no one else I know can see fairies and spirits.’

  ‘You’re very gifted. God has opened your inner eye and enabled you to see the world of vibrations. Don’t be afraid of it. You’re very fortunate. You’ll never feel alone.’ Then she smiled as she recalled Isla’s funeral when the candle flames went out. ‘I had a sister once called Isla. She died when she was a young woman. I was very sad because I loved her very much. At her funeral I felt her presence there in the church. I couldn’t see her but I most certainly felt her. Then, as if it frustrated her not to be seen, she blew out two of the candles on the altar. That was typical of Isla, she was a very naughty girl. So, you see, you’re not so very different. Isla showed herself to me that day. You are lucky, you see spirits all the time. I only “saw” Isla once.’

  ‘What was Isla like?’ Grace asked.

  ‘She had long fair hair that fell over her shoulders and down her back in shiny, bouncing curls and sparkling green eyes. Her mouth was always twisted into a naughty smile and she laughed a lot. She would have loved you.’

  ‘I think she’s the lady who comes and sits on my bed every night. She strokes my face and kisses my forehead. She’s very pretty and kind. I look forward to seeing her when I go to bed.’ Audrey didn’t doubt her daughter, she had witnessed too much of her strange gift to be sceptical. She blinked as her eyes began to sting with tears and wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter.

  ‘Of course your spirit friend is Isla, my love. She’s watching over you. I wish I could see her too,’ she said in a husky voice. They sat there entwined for a long while as Audrey remembered her sister then cast her thoughts to Louis. When she looked down at her child’s face she saw that she was sleeping.

  Once back in England Alicia enjoyed toying with Florien’s heart. It was a new game and greatly entertaining. She’d lure him into the barn and make love to him with tenderness, whispering all kinds of promises and declaring her love with tears and sighs then later ignore him, only to pick him up again a few days later when it suited her. Florien trod water in this cruel sea, allowing the waves to batter him about, but he didn’t drown for calmer waters were always just on the horizon and he longed for them so much that he kept afloat. Leonora watched quietly as Florien grew paler and thinner. She didn’t tell him when he planted the wrong bulb in the garden or when he gave the chickens the pig feed because she understood. She was tormented and distracted herself. She knew what Alicia was up to because she had seen the numbers of boys she had flirted with in the Argentine, leading them all a merry dance like the pied piper of Hamelin. She longed to tell him and put him out of his misery, but she was Alicia’s sister and as their mother always said, ‘Family must stick together. Blood is thicker than water.’ And Leonora was as loyal as a faithful dog. As usual she didn’t blame Alicia. After all, it wasn’t her fault that God had made her beguiling and lovely. She pitied the men who lost their hearts to her and she didn’t blame them either. She accepted Florien’s infatuation as inevitable but her heart yearned for him still.

  The year passed by quickly and soon the twins left Colehurst House for the last time. Audrey expected them to return to the Argentine but to her surprise and sadness they both wished to remain in England. Leonora because she loved Florien and Alicia because she felt that society was superior in E
ngland and there weren’t any rich dukes or princes to marry in Hurlingham. Then Henry died.

  It happened suddenly. A heart attack in the middle of the night and he had died in his sleep, without any knowledge of it. Rose was devastated. Henry had been her soulmate and she had loved him all her life. Cecil, Audrey and Grace went to her at once and found Aunt Edna and Aunt Hilda keeping her company in the dining room where she was holding a candle-lit vigil. When Grace saw the body of her grandfather lying there on the table she smiled at her grandmother and said, ‘He’s with Isla now, isn’t he?’ Rose was grateful for the child’s faith and burst into tears again.

  ‘You’re so right, my dear. How happy that makes me to think of them together. It won’t be long before I join them both. What joy it will be to see them again,’ she said, wiping her tears.

  ‘I wish he had taken Herbert with him,’ Hilda hissed to Edna.

  ‘It’s always the people one loves the least who go on and on and on,’ Edna replied. ‘Dear Henry was a good man. I understand exactly why God wants him back. I’m afraid your husband will be around for some time.’ And so will you, she thought wickedly. She was getting much less tolerant in her old age.

  After Henry’s death Cecil decided the time had come to return to England. This time Audrey’s response was very different. ‘It is for the best,’ she said. ‘After all, the twins have made their home in England and we must be a family again. All together. Grace barely knows her sisters, which is a great shame.’

  ‘I’m so pleased you agree,’ he replied seriously. He rarely smiled these days.

  ‘I shall miss my mother and Aunt Edna and Hurlingham. But it won’t go away and besides, travelling is getting easier all the time. I think I could grow to love England.’