The Forget-Me-Not Sonata

by Santa Montefiore

  ‘You know, it’s only when you’re about to lose something that you realize how much it means to you,’ he said in a very soft voice. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with a dusty rag. Leonora assumed he was talking of her aunt’s farm.

  ‘You’re part of the place now,’ she replied.

  He looked up at her from beneath his thick lashes. ‘I didn’t mean Holholly Grange,’ he said, but he didn’t smile. He was too stunned and confused by such an unfamiliar rush of emotions.

  Leonora’s face suddenly turned the colour of a beetroot. ‘I . . . I’ll bring you some more beer later. You’re needed,’ she stammered, indicating with a nod that the arm of the combine was out, ready for his trailer. He turned the key and the engine began to rattle like the guttural chuckle of an old man. She stepped down and mounted her bicycle. As she cycled back up the farm tracks she wondered what he had meant if he hadn’t meant Aunt Cicely’s farm. He couldn’t have meant her, could he?

  By the time she arrived back at the house she had convinced herself that he couldn’t possibly have meant her. He had been sick with loving her sister, how foolish to have imagined, even for a brief moment, that he might have grown fond of her. She shook her head to rid it of such optimism then set about weeding the borders and cutting the sweet peas for Aunt Cicely’s kitchen. There were beans of every type to be peeled or podded and raspberries and rhubarb to be picked. With her help Aunt Cicely’s vegetable garden had flourished into a veritable cornucopia and little gave Leonora more pleasure than to work there in the sunshine, listening to the restful murmur of the combines and the light chatter of birds. But now her mind spun with all sorts of thoughts and dreams and disturbed the languid tranquillity of the afternoon. If Florien were to leave he would take all that she loved about the place with him. Nothing would look as beautiful ever again for even when the skies were grey the countryside vibrated with loveliness because he was in it. She couldn’t bear it. For the first time in her life she envied and resented Alicia. She had had his love and she had thrown it away.

  As the harvest progressed Leonora worked hard in the garden, but she always made time to take Florien cans of cold beer and biscuits and would often sit with him in his tractor while he drove to the farm to dump the corn. She was aware of a change in him, but she didn’t want to harbour any hope that their friendship might be developing into something more profound. He never spoke of Alicia and he now looked at her with his eyes focused and alert, not through her to the shadowy image of his former lover. He took time with her. He asked her about herself, her feelings, her dreams and her memories of the Argentine. And for the first time he really listened.

  Then one night as the harvest drew to a close, she lay beside him staring up at the stars as the campfire flickered and finally died, recounting the golden days of her early childhood in Hurlingham, the homesickness she suffered at Colehurst House and the passion that she had discovered she had for nature. ‘I don’t want to be anywhere else. A city would choke me to death.’

  ‘Me too,’ he agreed. ‘I hate the fumes and the noise.’

  ‘The chaos, everyone running everywhere without any time for anyone else.’

  ‘I’ve always lived in the countryside. I’d be lost without it.’

  ‘Where will you go, Florien?’ she asked and felt again that familiar pain in her chest.

  ‘When I was a boy we roamed from farm to farm in Yorkshire. Now Dad wants to go back.’

  ‘But why?’

  Florien sighed heavily. ‘He’s stayed with Mrs Weatherby for many years because he likes her and the work has always been good. But, you know she’s going to sell the farm.’

  ‘I didn’t know that,’ she gasped in horror.

  ‘She won’t have told you because it doesn’t affect you. She’ll keep the house but that neighbour of hers who farms it for her now wants to buy it. He’s a big landowner. You only make money farming if you have a lot of land. Your aunt’s plot is very small.’

  Leonora fell silent and gazed bleakly up into the glittering black sky above her. ‘Marcel left her,’ she said in a quiet voice.

  ‘I know. She looks miserable.’

  ‘She is.’

  ‘Why did he run off then?’

  ‘Probably for the same reason that your father wants to move up north. A new scene.’

  ‘He was young enough to be her son.’

  ‘But she loved him.’

  ‘Love is strange, isn’t it?’

  Suddenly Florien felt something he had never experienced before. It wasn’t the intense burning of Alicia’s demonic aura or the insistent demands of possessiveness that had constantly pulled at him but something gentle and warm and sad. They lay side by side in silence while he tried to work out what it was that had come over him and Leonora contemplated an uncertain future. Tentatively he took her hand.

  Leonora barely dared breathe or blink in case she ruined the moment. She closed her eyes and assured herself that he was offering nothing more than his friendship. She dared not presume anything more. She held his hand back, swallowing the longing that rose up her throat in a desperate cry. But like Saint Paul on the road to Damascus Florien had seen the light. It filled him up, made him want to laugh with happiness, prostrate himself in humility, yield to it in awe and he rolled onto his side and gazed into her features. Then he kissed her. Leonora was so stunned she lay as still as one of the logs on the fire.

  When Florien pulled away and looked down on her face he noticed it had opened like a sunflower. In the golden light of the diminishing fire she looked beautiful, as if his kiss had transformed her like the kiss of a prince in a fairy tale. She smiled up at him, a smile that was at once tender and shy and her love empowered him so that he felt as strong as Hercules. While Alicia had emasculated him Leonora filled him with confidence so that when he kissed her again he didn’t doubt her affection but knew she gave it with all her heart. And this time Leonora responded by wrapping her arms around him and kissing him back.

  ‘Oh, Leonora, I’ve been such a fool,’ he exclaimed after a while, brushing his lips across her temple and smelling the scent of nature that clung to her hair.

  ‘You’re not a fool at all,’ she murmured happily.

  ‘Not any more. I’ll never be a fool again.’

  ‘Oh, yes you will. Life is a learning curve, don’t think you’ve graduated yet.’ She laughed lightly as he nuzzled his bristly chin into her neck.

  ‘How could I have missed you, Leonora? I just don’t understand.’ He shook his head and looked into her eyes. ‘You’ve always loved me, haven’t you?’

  She nodded.

  ‘And I always will.’

  ‘I love you, Leonora. I thought I loved Alicia, but now I know the difference.’ He took her hand and placed it on his heart. ‘The difference is here.’ Overcome by a desperate need to make up for the time he had lost and to reassure himself that he would never be without her, he asked her to marry him. Much to their surprise his proposal felt entirely appropriate.

  ‘Yes, I will marry you,’ she replied, blinking away her joy. ‘I can’t believe this is happening to me. I’ve loved you for so long, I’ve grown accustomed to it being unrequited.’

  ‘You’ll never feel that again. I’m going to dedicate my life to making you happy.’

  ‘Oh, Florien, I don’t deserve you.’

  ‘How wrong you are. You’ve been kind to me from the moment we met as children. I’ll never forget your kindness. Besides, we both love all the same things. We love the countryside, the garden, nature, dogs, horses. We love this beautiful old house of your aunt’s. We love the wide-open spaces and the freedom that being a gypsy gives us. We can go anywhere we want to. All we need is our caravan and our horses. We hate cities, smog and noise. You see, we’re two sides of the same coin. You’re not a gypsy, but I’m going to make you one.’

  Leonora was so full of happiness she felt she might explode at any minute. ‘When will you ask for my hand?’ she asked.

&nbs
p; ‘What?’

  ‘You have to ask my father’s permission.’ Florien suddenly turned cold. He saw his dreams dissolve before his very eyes. Her father would never allow her to marry a gypsy. Leonora read his thoughts. ‘Daddy will give you permission. The way Alicia carries on he’ll be thrilled that at least one of us is settling down. As for the gypsy life, if I’m happy he won’t mind how I live.’ She wanted to add that she barely knew her father, having only ever seen him for a few weeks every year. He no longer had any influence over her.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Of course I’m sure. The person to worry about is not Daddy, but Alicia.’ At the sound of those words Florien’s heart warmed up again.

  ‘Do you think she’ll mind?’

  ‘I’m afraid she will. She’s very possessive. Even if the two of you no longer love one another, you were her love once. She’ll be mortified.’

  ‘What should we do?’

  ‘Nothing,’ she replied in a determined voice. Florien wanted her to elaborate but Leonora was too loyal to say a word against her sister. Instead she said simply, ‘We must both be very kind.’

  ‘She’ll come down and see you, won’t she?’ he asked hopefully.

  ‘Of course she will. The minute she hears she’ll be down. She’s just come back from Antibes where she’s been with her latest man. I can’t remember his name because they change so often. No point remembering really. If she’s had a good time she’ll be happy for us. If she’s grown tired of the poor man, she’ll be furious. Let’s hope she’s happy. Alicia’s always better when she’s happy.’

  The thought of Alicia with another man caused Florien to go rigid with bitterness, but he was careful not to let his anger show. He recalled her words, said so carelessly in the woods, I took lovers when I felt like it. Lots of them. And they still festered somewhere at the bottom of his pride. He hoped his engagement to her sister would hurt her. He hoped she’d regret letting him go. He hoped she’d want him back, because it was now too late. He didn’t want her; but he wanted revenge.

  The following morning Leonora borrowed Aunt Cicely’s car to drive to her parents’ small house on the coast. She had left her aunt consumed with curiosity for she had never seen Leonora’s face so pretty and glowing with happiness. She guessed it might have something to do with Florien. Only a man had the power to make a woman glow like that. She knew. She had glowed like that once. Now when she looked at herself in the mirror she resembled a dusty old reptile. But reptiles were survivors.

  Leonora drove down the little winding lane that meandered its way through the village like a gentle stream. The houses were pretty with painted white walls ablaze with roses and butterflies, honeysuckle and bees and crying gulls hovered in the sky above the sea beyond where there were fish to eat and cliffs to nest in. The air was fresh and tasted of salt. Cecil and Audrey’s house stood at the end of the village, set apart from the other cottages, beside a narrow sandy path that led down to the beach. The village was quiet, only a fat ginger cat lay sleeping on one of the window sills in the sunshine.

  When Leonora’s car drew up outside the house Grace came bounding out like one of Aunt Cicely’s dogs. ‘Gracie,’ Leonora laughed, wrapping her arms around her little sister. ‘Why aren’t you at school?’

  ‘I had a tummy ache and Mummy let me stay at home,’ the child replied, smiling up at Leonora with mischievous green eyes.

  Leonora shook her head. ‘You’re very wicked,’ she said. But she didn’t care that her mother over-indulged Grace because she was getting married. She strode into the house and out through the sitting room into the garden. When Audrey saw her she knew at once that something dramatic had happened. Like Aunt Cicely she recognized that radiance as the hue of love. She put down her secateurs and stood up to greet her.

  ‘You look wonderful, darling. What’s happened?’

  ‘You had better sit down,’ said Leonora happily, joining her mother on the bench. ‘Where’s Daddy?’

  ‘He went into town to buy some equipment, he’s going to make Grace a playhouse.’

  ‘Well, I’ll tell you then. I can’t wait, I’m too excited.’ Audrey leaned towards her and took her hand, anticipating her news.

  ‘Florien asked me to marry him,’ she said and her eyes filled with tears. ‘I’m so happy, I don’t know what to do with myself.’ Audrey gathered her daughter into her arms and hugged her so tightly they both had to hold their breath.

  ‘Oh darling, that’s the most wonderful news,’ she exclaimed, feeling tearful herself.

  ‘I can’t believe it.’

  ‘You love him very much, don’t you?’ she said, pulling away and caressing her child’s face with eyes that glittered with an autumnal light.

  ‘I love him so much it hurts.’

  ‘I know. But it’s an exquisite pain. The most blissful feeling on earth. It’s the closest one gets to Heaven down here and no one deserves it more than you.’

  ‘I’m so happy, Mummy, I want to cry all the time. Is that natural?’ They both laughed and Audrey recalled the intensity of emotion she felt when Louis had claimed her heart for the first time, and with a sudden twinge of nostalgia her body longed for him.

  ‘It’s the most natural thing in the world. You are so blessed, my darling. You are going to marry the man you love. You can’t imagine how many people never experience true love. They go through life searching for it until it becomes the driving force of their very existence. But it eludes them. Life’s a gamble and you can suddenly be dealt a most surprising card when you least expect it.’

  ‘I never expected Florien to love me back.’

  ‘You were patient and your patience has been rewarded.’

  ‘Did you feel like this when you met Daddy?’ Leonora asked. She had never spoken to her mother about her relationship with her father, but now she was about to marry she was curious.

  Audrey paused. ‘Your father is the most noble man I have ever met. He’s a good man. An honest and kind man. I knew he was right for me. I knew I’d be very lucky to be loved by him. When one is young one yearns for adventure and excitement, but what I have learned in my life is to appreciate the quieter qualities that often go unnoticed. Our love for each other has never been fireworks, but it is a deep and tender love. Your father is a good man.’ Leonora wanted to tell her mother of the overwhelming, intoxicating feeling that filled her up with bubbles, but she worried her mother wouldn’t understand.

  When Cecil returned from town Grace was waiting for him in the driveway, sitting in the sunshine playing with the garden spirits who danced about the pale roses that grew up the front of the house. He saw Leonora’s car and raised his eyebrows at Grace.

  ‘Leo’s in the garden with Mummy. She’s got some news for you.’

  ‘Good news, I hope,’ he said, heaving the box that contained the playhouse out of the back seat.

  ‘Of course. I’ve always said Leo will be happy.’ She stood up and wandered over to him. ‘Is that my house?’

  ‘It certainly is.’

  ‘It’s flat.’

  ‘It won’t be when I’ve finished with it.’

  ‘You’re so clever, Daddy.’

  ‘Your aunt Cicely always had a playhouse as a little girl. You can lock your spirits up in it.’ He chuckled and walked past her into the hall.

  ‘Spirits can walk through walls, silly.’

  ‘Wish I was a spirit.’

  ‘You will be soon because you’re very old.’ Cecil laughed at the child’s frankness. Ever since the move to England had exorcised the ghosts of the past and brought a sobriety that had cleared his vision, he had grown to love Grace in a way that he had never believed possible. He didn’t struggle to understand her, he accepted her differences and learned to wonder at them instead of fearing them. Because she went to a day school in town he was able to help her with her homework. They sat together at the kitchen table while Audrey cooked supper, discussing the kings and queens of England, arithmetic and biology. Sh
e was fascinated by everything and the more he told her the more she wanted to know. She had a vast capacity for learning and never tired of it. Finally Cecil had found a role that suited him; he didn’t believe in her garden fairies and spirits but he could satisfy her demand for knowledge. With great pleasure and pride he watched his little girl grow under his tutelage; only Audrey was aware that he also grew, in confidence, for Grace’s special magic touched him too.

  When Leonora told him her news he put down the box and patted her firmly on the back. ‘What good news,’ he said but he couldn’t hide his unease for his voice was flat. Audrey understood his concerns immediately and couldn’t help but imagine what the Crocodiles would have made of it. But Louis had taught her the value of love and she would fight for her daughter. She was confident, however, that she wouldn’t have to.

  ‘Cecil,’ she said, smiling at him reassuringly. ‘Leonora and Florien love each other. They’ve grown up together and their life at Holholly has given them a common ground.’

  ‘I love him, Daddy. I always have,’ said Leonora.

  ‘They’re destined to be together, Daddy,’ Grace added in her carefree way, hopping from one foot to the other, with one eye on the flat box. ‘I’ve known it for years but I made a promise not to read people’s futures after I read Nelly’s. Trust me, I know.’

  ‘I’m only thinking about your future, Leonora. You’re from two very different backgrounds. Have you thought long and hard about it?’

  ‘I don’t have to,’ she said and smiled broadly at her mother.

  ‘He’s a gypsy,’ Cecil said, rubbing his chin with his hand.

  ‘And I’ll be a gypsy too. Daddy, I’m happy, what more could you want?’

  Cecil looked once again at his wife. He dropped his shoulders and shook his head. ‘My dear Leonora, I wouldn’t be doing my duty as your father if I didn’t raise the question. If you’re happy, then I’m happy. You have my blessing.’ When he smiled one could still detect the shadow of a once dazzlingly handsome face.