Pistol Fanny's Hank & Delilah

by Welch, Annie Rose

  He picked on it a while, sitting next to the bed, underneath the shadows of a full moon. He started to get a little something going and he smiled. The melody reminded him of that first day in the car, when he had imagined them as a duo. Hank & Delilah. Not forgetting Freud the gentleman dog.

  He strummed a bit more until things started to swirl in his mind—words and settings, people and places, laughter and tears, immense bravery and intense fear. The story was there, all right, he just had to put it together. He put the guitar down and pulled out a legal pad and a pen. He began to write their story.

  Every day he would work on it a little more. Every day Delilah was intrigued enough to get out of bed and find out why. They started working on it together, as a trio, plus two.

  “Heaven Almighty, darlin’,” Hank said, as they were holding hands on the porch, laughing and reliving all those moments. Delilah was eating ice cream out of a pickle cone while Hank drank coffee. Freud sat at his feet. “You know, I could’ve written this before I met you. You’ve always been with me, darlin’. You were somewhere, back here in the corner of mind, or hiding in the shadows of my heart.

  “I know this story. I’ve always known it. You’ve always been so clear, but I had no idea where you were. You were my story before the plot was even dreamed of.” Hank looked down at her stomach and smiled.

  “Dear Lord,” she moaned, and the ice cream pickle cone went flying over the cabins railing. Her hormones were raging, and she was just as passionate as she had ever been with Hank. They were never, truly, ever careful with each other.

  As she tucked herself closer, yawning and settling into her spot beside him, she whispered, “I’m real tired now, Hank. But it’s not because of the loneliness. All those holes of mine seemed to be filled beyond capacity. I’m tired because these beautiful babies wear me out. And you, when I wake up tomorrow, I know you’ll be right here beside me. You’ll kiss me and tell me how much you love me. You’ll dance with me and tell me such sweet things.

  “You’ll point to a star and have me make a wish. You’ll make me laugh and I’ll fall in love with you time and time again. You make me laugh, and even more than that ole crooked smile of yours—that’s all I’ll ever want from you. My dreams now are good. Oh, so very good. I wake up to intakes of breath, not gasping. I wake up thinking about what could be, what will be, all those days with you still to be lived. I think of those sweet babies you’ve given me. I can smell their skin and feel their kisses already.

  “You know what I believe, Hank? I believe God blessed me. He blessed me the day you were born. He blessed me the day you found that tree house. He blessed me the day your feet touched that bank’s floor. He blessed us in California. He blessed me so big with you and these babies. I always wondered where He was. I always prayed, but I never felt anything. I thought He had forgotten about me. I don’t think that’s true anymore. I think He always remembered me.

  “He knew he was giving you to me one day. He gave you three to me to save my life. I was wrong. Trouble wasn’t finding us; it was blessings that were chasing us. God, how I wish I could’ve seen all those big blessings coming for me…just one more day. That’s all. Just one more day and my sky rained down blessings. And here I am, splashing and playing in those puddles…the same puddles I was too afraid too mess myself up in when I was a girl.”

  Hank moaned pressing his lips to her sweet ones.

  She smiled on his lips. “Hank.”

  “Yes, Delilah.”

  “Tomorrow we have some washin’ to do. What do you say? Should we get all that funk out now?”

  “Let’s let tomorrow worry about the washin’, but tonight, it’s just Hank & his Delilah Mae.”

  They made a little more love on a Saturday night, Freud covering his eyes, just before Hank & Delilah both drifted off to sweet dreams.

  The next morning Hank was delighted when Delilah woke early, on her own accord. She curled her hair. She pulled the mess of curls into a loose, low, ponytail that rested on her left shoulder. She ate a hearty breakfast and was eager to get to the Washateria.

  Hank drove Hennessey’s truck. They drove down sloping mountain roads, the truck bouncin’ and Delilah laughing at the bumpin’. She was right beside him, one leg outstretched, her bare foot turned inward on the dashboard. Freud gazed out of the window, wind slapping at his floppy hound ears. Hank had one hand on the wheel, one around Delilah’s shoulders.

  The left forearm was tattooed with the name Pistollette; the right bore the name Delilah Mae.

  Ole country played on the radio, and she sang along to every verse of every song. Every once in a while she would get the spirit in her and holler something out the window. Freud and Hank would bay together.

  Golden sunlight filtered through the windows, and Hank’s eyes had never seen a woman so beautiful. She was so delicate with her soft, pretty cotton shirt, her faded, holey jeans, and her shy smile. He could hardly believe that only a month ago she was the leader of a group of sister bank robbers. She could still shoot a fly from the wall like a magic trick—he knew even time couldn’t tame some things.

  Hank seemed to have a revelation while he bumped down the mountain roads—he felt like he knew how all those good people felt when they died and went to Heaven. That’s what Delilah was to him, his own little heaven on earth. She turned and looked up at him. She turned his hat backwards ’cause she wanted him to kiss her. Then she played with the roundness of her stomach.

  “Hey, Hank, I’ve been thinkin’.” There was a moment’s hesitation. “I’ve been thinkin’ a whole lot about church and such things. I’ve talked to Preacher John. See, the thing is, before…well, before the storm, I had a conversation with God. I’ve been bending his ear real steady. Actually since the day I met you. Him and I, we worked a lot of things out. I asked him to please let us get through the bad times…together. I made a promise, you see. I made a promise to behave. To always try my best to do the right things.

  “He seemed to know I wasn’t perfect, and that’s all right. And we’re on real good terms, now, real good. I feel lighter and at peace. And I plan on keepin’ my promise, Hank. From now on, I want to go to church on Sundays. And not just because it’s the right thing to do. I want to go because I’m thankful. I want to go, not to ask for anything, but to be thankful for everything.”

  Hank pulled her closer and kissed her. “All right, darlin’, we’ll go. Starting next Sunday.”

  Delilah smiled and stared out of the window until they were in the town of Gatlinburg. She gave Hank directions, and finally they pulled up to the Suds & Skids Number Two Washateria. Freud jumped out first, going for a tabby cat tight-walking in the window. Delilah went in ahead of Hank and secured a few washers. Hank unloaded the truck and brought all their clothes to her.

  She asked him to change their cash in for quarters. Hank chewed on his gum and fed the machine his green. Three young guys walked in. One of them spotted Delilah, her back turned to them, and he hit his friend. The three of them smiled and watched as she pulled clothes out of the hamper. When she turned around, they seemed a little shocked. It looked like someone had stuck a ball under her shirt.

  Hank smiled with pride and walked over to her. He kissed her and she laughed. Freud came bounding over and started his low growl at them.

  Hank bent over and petted him. “It’s all right, Freud. Those boys aren’t hurtin’ your Mama. But if they tried, I know you’d rip ’em to shreds. Wouldn’t you? Yeah, I know you would.”

  “Freud, your Daddy is always lookin’ for trouble. Always.”

  The three guys backed away and took some of the machines on the other side. Not long after, Hank and Delilah finished loading and took a seat. Delilah grabbed a magazine from the counter and started sifting through it. Hank went to check on one of their machines. It was making a funny noise. He heard laughter from behind him.

  The young girl from the Suds & Skids in Charlotte grinned at him. Little Ada Lynn hung in her hands, sitting in her
seat, sucking on her toes and cooing playfully.

  She waved at Hank. “Hey, Mr. with a nice smile.”

  “Small world,” Hank said, looking at her and then at Delilah. The paper in Delilah’s hand slowly came down and she eyed the girl with steely curiosity.

  “It is. Good thing for small blessings. I enjoyed spending time with you, last time.” The young girl winked at Hank.

  “I…we…didn’t really…you couldn’t call it spending…you know…time together.” Hank looked at Delilah. “That’d be my wife, Delilah Mae Rivers. Remember, I told you about her?”

  “You never mentioned a wife.” The young girl said, narrowing her eyes at Delilah.

  Delilah put the paper down and stood beside Hank. She poked the girl’s shoulder. “You flirtin’ with my husband?”

  The young girl handed Ada Lynn to Hank. “So what if I am?”

  Hank started to sweat and chew on his gum faster. “Delilah, darlin’, why don’t you go and sit down. She wasn’t flirting. We met at the other place, in Charlotte. That’s all. She helped me insert my money.”

  “Oh, I bet she did,” Delilah said slowly.

  “Oh, I did,” the young girl said even slower. “Mr. with a nice smile was real gentle.”

  “What?” Hank was aghast. “Wait, no…”

  The girls poked at each other’s shoulders. Hank was about to die. Then they stopped and started to laugh. They hugged and rocked back and forth. Hank almost dropped Ada Lynn out of his hands. Delilah and the young girl stopped for a moment and looked at Hank and started laughing again.

  “Delilah,” Hank said, feeling the cool puddles underneath his arms. “You have to stop. I can’t deal with the funnies anymore. Heaven Almighty!” He had to take a seat.

  “Hank, I’d like you to meet Poppy Scarlett. And I believe you’ve met my baby sister. Ada Lynn.”

  Hank looked down at the baby at his feet, smiling up at him. “Your sister?”

  “That’s right. We got to them just in time. It wasn’t much longer before all those secrets…”

  More girls came tearing through the door. Hank had seen some of them, even though he hadn’t met them formally. The ones he knew were tellers from the banks. Another one leaned her back against the wall and held her nose.

  “Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir. Please do not bang the phones in such a violent way.”

  Another one held her hands up. “It’s a stick up! Please, don’t shoot me!” She fell helplessly into the wall behind her.

  A girl who resembled her acted next. She dug in her pocket. Pulled out a handkerchief. “Thank you, Mr. FBI Agent, sir. I’m so distraught. I might…I might pass out.” She waved the hankie.

  Freud came over and sniffed the hankie. He took it out of the woman’s hands and stopped in front of Delilah, where he dropped the rag and walked in a circle three times. He sat once, stood, and sat again. Then he fell over, like someone had shot and killed him.

  “See, Hank. That’s how Freud tells us if he thinks someone is dirty. Those ole boys who came over to my place, well, they were in cahoots with that devil. Freud knew his smell. They carried it with them. Arson? Thank sweet Jesus Pepsi and the boys were there with their big hoses. Now they’re the ones locked behind bars. By the way, those are my cousins. Bonnie and Connie Hide.”

  “You were drugging those people who worked at the banks, weren’t you?” Hank said, more accusation in his tone than intended.

  “No, not me. Boom Boom, or Melody, was. She’s our cocktail girl.” Delilah threw her head back and laughed. “Spell taught her everything she knows. The teacher is now the student. She’s even better than him.”

  “The payphones? You heard every one of my conversations!”

  “It’s the way we communicate. And we use these places for little get-togethers sometimes. We wash our clothes, get all that funk out. You hear all sorts of things in these places, on the payphones. The night before the storm, though, I wasn’t on the phone. I was standing behind you the entire time. I was listening. The note you got. I was trying to tell you I called the babies Ham & Rosie. Then Poppy came out to tell you everything I wanted you to know.” Delilah’s eyes blazed with happiness.

  “You are a smart one, darlin’. Real damn smart,” Hank said. “You and all your pretty little sisters. And all of these ladies.”

  “Who’s calling me smart?” Gillian/Cheshire Cat strode in, an electronic cigarette bobbing from the side of her mouth. “That’s a first.”

  Hazel, Melody, Jo, Kitty and Hennessey came in behind her. Pepsi came not long after, with her sons, Cash and Leroy, and her daughter, Rotunda. The three boys in the back stood against their machines, suddenly on full alert again.

  “Mmm,” Gillian moaned, looking them over. “I’ll get to you three later. But for now, can you run, fetch my hamper from my car? If not, my sister Jo here, she’ll have to knock you unconscious. I’d really hate that since all that is in the past, but…”

  They took her keys and ran outside.

  Poppy laughed. “You have no idea do you, Mr. with a nice smile? Your sweet Delilah Mae is nothin’ but a wild little hurricane.”

  Bonnie pretended to hammer, nailing something to the wall. “My Daddy says you done real good, nailing down the most important things in the house. I have to say that I agree. You done better than him. Miss Kitty still won’t marry him! Yee haw!”

  Lilly Beth and Anthony walked in next. She greeted them all, announcing her name over and over. I’m Lilly Beth Law, she would say to anyone willing to listen. Hank started to sweat again when REO walked through the door. He held on to the faux wooden chair handles and his chest started to blow up and down. He gulped air instead of breathing it. The man stopped for a moment and stared right at Hank, narrowing his eyes.

  He nodded. “Next time I call and ask to speak to Delilah, you better put her on the phone. What’s wrong with you? Why’s he so pale? Should I put on my Joker mask?”

  “Hank,” Delilah said, sitting next to him, taking his hand. “That’s my Uncle Porter. We call him Older Brother sometimes. He had a twin, my Uncle Paulie. We called him Ham.”

  “Listen here, kid,” Porter said. “I didn’t mean you any harm. It’s just that I was outside of that damn bank watching everything unfold and I was supposed to be keeping up to date on the action, you see. And you wouldn’t put her on the phone.”

  “No, it’s all right. I’m all right. I apologize for that.” The guy driving the truck on the way to Delilah’s bar, the one that Hank thought was REO’s/Paulie’s ghost, that was him. In the flesh this time. Hank shook his head, shaking some of the old memories free. “This is nothing but just one big family affair.”

  Jo/Jellyfish punched him in the arm and then shook her head. Hazel/ZooZoo and Wham Wham went over to the radio and turned the volume up, and bodies started to rock back and forth, everyone starting their wash.

  “We’re so glad you could join this little family affair!” Hazel said, smiling and then cursing.

  “Yeah, welcome to the family, Toots!” Melody/Boom Boom yee hawed. “Even though you sealed the deal in church, this here is where all our little secrets are told. It’s official. We gotta wash him clean and then hang him out to dry…and then he’s ours to brainwash!”

  “Hot damn!” The girls all went together.

  Delilah squeezed Hank’s hand. “Are you ready to know the rest of the secrets?”

  “I don’t know, darlin’. I think I know enough. I just have one question. Paulie?”

  Delilah sunk into her seat and started to cry. “Yes. They never spoke of him again. We had no idea… not until you brought those pictures.” She sniffed. “He built the tree house in Tupelo. We were going to hide there for a while. He knew of you and your friends, he even called you Toots. You’ve always held my lucky ticket.”

  Hank kissed her cheeks, tasting her salty tears. “I know all the secrets I was meant to. That’s everything, darlin’.”

  The girls gathered together and all at once ye
lled, “Woo hoo, let’s wash!”

  Months later Hank & Delilah sat in a crowded audience at Pistol Fanny’s surrounded by family and friends, and people they didn’t know. It was a packed house.

  The stage was set, the curtains about to open for the first time. A neon sign above glowed: Hank & Delilah, and right below, hanging askew, blinking like it was about to burn out, & Freud the Gentleman dog.

  Hank nodded to Gabriel Roberts and his brother, Michael Roberts, sitting at the table next to them. Their lovely wives sat beside them, along with a group of friends. Gabriel helped produce the play, spreading the word and writing some of the music. He also taught Hank how to play the guitar. Michael built the stage and most of the props. Some said their fingers were magic—Gabriel with a guitar and harmony and Michael with a piano and wood. Gabriel was magic on screen. Michael was ferocious magic inside of a boxing ring.

  Hank believed it. They were both a little mad, in different ways, but so were Hank and crew. They got along well.

  The show opened to the Dix-Hens doing their rendition of “Fever.” The curtains slowly opened and everything went dark. You could only hear their voices whispering, “you give me”… The lights blasted awake, and the girls stood to the right of the stage on a rotating circle. They would sing different songs or different parts of the dialogue from their spot. They were angels who watched over the two lovers about to embark on the miracle of a lifetime. It had that real raw and simple feel that Hank loved so much. The Wild West meets Prohibition.

  The stage was created to resemble an old bank. Curly, as Hank, dressed in suit and tie, chewed his gum and kicked pebbles as he walked toward the bank. Turned out, all those years of him following Hank around paid off. He was the perfect understudy, becoming the top actor. He found his niche in this world. The girl he was dating took Pistollette/Delilah’s role, and together they were feverish, burning up the stage with an attraction so strong that the audience had to fan themselves.