“Hey, babe.” Dipping his head, he claims my lips in a sweet kiss. “You were fantastic up there. A real natural.”
My heart soars at his compliment, and I lace my fingers in his as we walk. “Thank you. You’ll come to the opening night, right?”
Lifting our conjoined hands, he presses a kiss to my knuckles. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
✽✽✽
We’re tucked into the back of the quaint little Italian restaurant, pressed up against one another in a cozy booth, waiting for our food to arrive. Ryan has his arm wrapped around me, and my head is resting on his shoulder.
We’re as comfortable with one another as if we’ve been together for years.
Unspoken words linger in the space between us, and while it’s not awkward, it’s heavy. Despite what we both agreed at the outset, I think it’s safe to say we’ve both caught feelings, and I’m fearful things are about to turn messy. But I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer tonight. Not when Ryan has brought me to this romantic restaurant and we can be ourselves without having to duck and dive to avoid discovery. This place is off the beaten track, so we figure we’re safe enough to openly embrace without fear of being spotted.
“Is this where you take all the women you’re hiding?” I joke, needing to lighten the atmosphere.
“You’re the first woman I’ve brought here,” he admits, running the tip of his finger up and down my bare arm, sending a cavalcade of shivers tumbling across my sensitive skin. “I don’t date, remember.”
“Yet here we are.” I stare deep into his eyes, instantly getting lost in them.
“Yes. Here we are.” His words are a whisper spoken over my mouth before he brushes his lips briefly against mine.
“What are we doing?”
“I’m fucked if I know.”
I can’t resist smiling. “You make me very happy.”
“You make me happy too.”
The waitress arrives then with our pasta, and we’re both quiet until she’s left. I twirl the spaghetti around my fork, mentally debating whether to open this topic up or just let it drop. But I’ve never been one to shy away from speaking my mind, and I’m not about to start now.
“Can I ask you something?” I inquire in between mouthfuls of the sinfully creamy pasta.
“Of course.” He shovels a forkful of lasagna in his mouth, watching me warily despite his acquiescence.
“I know you said you didn’t date because of what happened with your ex, but is there more to it? Because your sister and Slater are so happy. Your parents seem to have a great marriage, and so does your brother Caleb and his wife Terri. Aren’t there enough positive examples to negate the bad experience you endured?”
“Why do you want to know?” he asks, placing his fork down, looking like he’s swallowed something sour.
I shrug. “Because I’m nosy. Because I care about you. Because I can’t understand how some woman hasn’t ensnared you yet. Because I want you to be happy.”
“I am happy.”
I prod the crease in his brow. “That scowl suggests otherwise.”
“Or I was until you started this line of questioning.” He sighs, shoveling more food in his mouth and slowly chewing as he contemplates something.
I wait him out, eating my pasta as he deliberates.
“The truth is,” he continues after a few minutes of silence. “I’ve never been into relationships or commitments. I’ve known since I was little. I’ve never seen myself getting married or having kids.”
I put my silverware down. “Why?”
He runs a hand nervously through his hair. “Because relationships aren’t always what they seem. And trusting another person, opening yourself up fully to another person, can come back to bite you.” He eyeballs me, and I see a world of hurt hiding behind his eyes. “The people you love the most have the power to inflict the worst damage, and I don’t want to open myself up to that kind of pain. I let my guard down one time, and it burned me, but Myndi also did me a favor, because she made me realize I’d been right all along.”
“Sometimes we have to open ourselves up to risk experiencing the greatest joy of all,” I muse, my heart heavy with sadness for all he’s denying himself. “I’ve never had my heart broken, but I know it’ll happen, and I won’t deny myself intermittent moments of amazing happiness for fear I’ll suffer pain down the line. I’d rather experience those fleeting happy moments than miss out on them altogether.”
“Maybe you’re a braver person than me. Or I’m just older and more embittered.”
“Or scared of feeling too much?” I repeat.
He pushes his food away, draining his beer in one go. “If you’re asking this because of you and me—”
“I’m not,” I rush to reassure him, regretting opening this conversation because the mood is subdued now, and that’s all my fault. “I told you I’m naturally curious, but I shouldn’t have started this conversation. I don’t want to make you sad or uncomfortable. I just … like you.” I shrug, smiling as I grip onto his arm. “And I want to know what makes you tick.”
“I think you have a fair idea of what makes me tick,” he says, taking my hand and placing it on his crotch. I know what he’s doing, and it makes me sad, but I want to redirect this conversation too, so I let him deflect with sex.
We’re both quiet on the walk back to the apartment, and I fear my prying has driven a wedge between us. A wedge I’m desperate to eliminate before Ryan decides he’s had enough and calls time on our arrangement. But, typically, my brother and Miley are in the living room when we return, putting paid to my plans to use my body to bring Ryan back around.
I wait a couple hours until all is quiet in Austin’s room before tiptoeing into Ryan’s bedroom. He’s not asleep either. Lying on his side under the comforter, he looks as troubled as I feel. He whips his head around when I slide into bed beside him. “What are you doing?” he hisses. “You can’t be in here.”
I push him flat on his back and straddle him. “I need to feel you inside me. I need to make this right between us again. And I can be quiet.”
He looks at me like I’m crazy. And I get it. I’m vocal in bed, but I’m determined to bite my tongue because I can’t go asleep leaving things like this between us. I need to feel close to him.
“I very much doubt that, and you don’t need to make anything right. We’re fine.”
“We’re not.” I whip my top up off my head, exposing my bare chest to him. “And it’s my fault our date was ruined.”
He cups the back of my head, pulling my face down close to his. “It wasn’t ruined.”
“I shouldn’t have said anything. Sometimes I don’t know when to shut my big mouth.”
“Don’t say that,” he whispers, pressing tiny kisses to my face. “I love that about you, and I never want you to be anyone but yourself. You gave me a lot to think about is all.” He cups my face, peering into my eyes. “You’re changing me, Summer, and that scares me a lot.”
“We can be scared together, because you’re changing me too.”
It’s as close as we’ve come to admitting we have feelings outside the bedroom.
“I don’t want to break your heart,” he whispers with pain etched across his face. “And I’m terrified that’s what I’ll do.”
“Don’t be so cocky,” I tease, wanting to defuse the heaviness that seems to have surrounded us tonight. I slide off him, shucking my panties off and tugging his sleep shorts down his body. “Maybe I’ll be the one breaking your heart.” I straddle him, stroking his hard length a couple times, brushing the tip over my aching pussy.
“I’ve no doubt,” he rasps, gripping my hips and lowering me onto him. “But I’m too far gone to stop this now.”
“Me too,” I whisper as I rock against him. “So, let’s agree to go with the flow and see where this takes us. We’ll deal with the fallout when it happens.”
✽✽✽
“Sum!” Hannah squeals, jumping up and down i
n her chair when I arrive at the stadium for the football match on Friday night. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever,” she adds, grabbing me into a hug. “And that sucks, because this isn’t how I imagined our freshman year of college.”
Nor me. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately. Between classes, working at the gym, and rehearsals, I have little free time.” I didn’t add Ryan to the mix because Hannah doesn’t know about him, and I hate I’m keeping it from her, but I can’t tell her, because she’ll tell Jordan, and he hates Ryan, and I don’t trust him not to blab to my brother. So, I’d no choice but to conceal it from her, which is the first time I haven’t confided in her about stuff going on in my life. Guilt presses down on my chest. “Where’s Jordan?” I look all around, but there’s no sign of her boyfriend.
She gulps, and tears pool in her eyes. “He bailed to hang out with Sean and Dalton although he said he’d meet us at the club later.”
“What’s wrong?” I clasp her hands in mine.
She swipes at the tears leaking out of her eyes, sniffing. “I’m probably overreacting.”
“To what?” I lower my voice, conscious we’re in a packed stadium with prying ears all around.
She bites down on her lower lip. “He’s been distant the last few weeks, preferring to hang out with the guys than spend time with me and he… he seems to have gone off sex. He’s always tired, or it’s late or there’s some crappy excuse. I”—a shuddering breath rattles her chest, and her lip wobbles—“I think he wants to break up with me.”
“He changed his plans to come to UD for you.” I rub her hands, trying to reassure her, but a niggling worry presses at the back of my mind. It’s been there since I had a long phone call with Justin last month.
He’d called me back the day after I hung up on him, and we’d had an honest conversation. Justin told me he has feelings for me, but he doesn’t want to be tied to a long-distance relationship while he’s in college, and I was glad we were on the same page. We agreed to be friends. That we’ll hang out if we’re both at home in Bridgeville, but we made no commitments outside of that, and the conversation considerably eased my mind.
Except when I quizzed him about Jordan, and he claimed he hadn’t asked him to do anything regarding me. So, I don’t understand where all the overprotectiveness has been coming from. Why Jordan took an instant dislike to Ryan. Why he seemed more than happy not to give my cell number to Sean at the start. I’d convinced myself he was just being a good friend, because I don’t want to be thinking the things I’m thinking, but given what Han’s just admitted, I’m scared I might be on the right track.
“I think he’s regretting it,” she says on a sob. “I think he regrets not going to Oregon with Justin.”
“Have you spoken to him about it?”
She shakes her head. “I’m trying to pluck up the courage to have the conversation, but I’m terrified he’s going to break it off. I love him so much, and the thought he might not feel it anymore is killing me.”
“Which is why you need to talk to him, Han. You’re torturing yourself not knowing. It could be completely innocent, and you’re worrying yourself for nothing, but you won’t know unless you talk to him.”
The club is jam-packed by the time we arrive. We stopped to have dinner after the game and ended up chatting for hours. It felt good to spend that time with my bestie, but unease still claws at my insides, not helped by the fact the guys are smashed already and surrounded by girls fawning all over them. Hannah’s face falls when she notices, and I loop my arm in hers, pushing the girls out of the way so we can reach their side. Sean acknowledges me with a sheepish smile while chatting to a cute girl with short blonde hair. Jordan kisses Hannah on the lips before dragging me into a bear hug. “Haven’t seen you in ages,” he slurs, tightening his hold on me. “Missed you.”
Subtly, I extricate myself from his embrace, plastering a smile on my face. “Me too. But I’m here now.” I nudge him in the ribs. “Get the drinks in.”
He smacks a kiss off my cheek. “Anything for you.”
Hannah is crestfallen, watching his retreating form as he heads toward the bar with Sean in tow. “See what I mean now?” She wraps her arms around herself. “He looked happy to see you, but he barely glanced at me.” Her lower lip wobbles, and my heart aches for her.
I hug her close. “Do you want to go?”
She shakes her head. “No way in hell am I leaving him here with all these girls hanging around.”
I nod in understanding, as my cell pings in my pocket. I check it discreetly, a wide grin appearing on my face as I read the text from Ryan.
I see you, gorgeous.
Without looking obvious, I scan the club, my heart jumping wildly when I spot him with some staff from the gym at the end of the bar. Miley’s blonde curls bounce around her head as she sways her hips to the beat of the music, looking like she’s lost in her own world. My brother is staring at her with a love-struck expression on his face, as if she’s the only one in the room, and he looks suitably distracted.
My cell pings again.
Meet me in the disabled toilet out back.
I whip my head up after reading the text, licking my lips and narrowing my eyes as I zone in on Ryan. My pulse skyrockets, and heat floods my body as he levels a provocative look my way. I cast a glance over my shoulder, ensuring Hannah isn’t looking, before I look back, blowing a kiss in his direction.
“I’m just going to the bathroom. Will you be okay here until Jordan returns?” I ask Han, feeling a little guilty for ditching her in favor of a bathroom hookup.
“I’ll be fine.” She kisses my cheek. “Go.”
I fight my way through the crowded room, pushing through the double doors out into the hallway at the back. There’s a spring in my step as I skip along the passageway, climbing the stairs to the upper level where the bathrooms are. Sneaking off like this with Miley and Austin in the vicinity is risky, but the thrill of being caught only adds to the allure.
I guess I’m a bit fucked up.
An arm wraps around my waist from behind, and I lean back into a warm body, a wide grin spreading across my lips. My hair is pushed aside, and someone presses a wet kiss against my neck. All the tiny hairs on my body stand on high alert because I instantly know this isn’t Ryan. Removing the arm from around me, I stumble awkwardly, staring in shock at Jordan. I hoped I was wrong about him, but it seems my instincts were correct. “What the hell are you doing?” I splutter, just as I spy Ryan coming up the stairs. With a surreptitious shake of my head, I urge him to stay back. Although the immediate scowl on his face tells me he’s unhappy, he moves into the corner, staying out of sight.
“Baby,” Jordan slurs, taking a step toward me. “Come back here.”
I place my hands on his chest, holding him at bay. He’s trashed, so it doesn’t take much effort to keep him at arm’s length. “Jordan, stop.”
“Come on, Summer. Don’t pretend like you don’t feel this thing between us.”
“I don’t, Jordan. You’re my friend, but that’s it. That’s all there will ever be between us.”
“I don’t believe you. You’re just saying that because of Hannah.”
“I’m glad you’ve remembered your girlfriend,” I say, struggling to keep my voice level. “The girl who’s my best friend in the entire world. The girl who loves you to the moon and back. Have you forgotten all that?!”
“I can’t help how I feel,” he slurs, reaching for me again.
“Stop grabbing at me, Jordy. I don’t want you to touch me.”
“Please, Summer. Give us a chance.”
I close my eyes, swallowing over the anguished lump in my throat. “Jordan, that’ll never happen. Go back to Hannah. She’ll be wondering where you are.”
“I don’t want her. I don’t love her anymore.”
My eyes meet Ryan’s as my heart aches for my bestie. He’s respecting my wishes, holding back in the shadows, but he’s primed to intervene. I stare
at Jordan, wondering if I’ve ever really known him at all. “If that’s the truth, you need to tell her because you’re hurting her. She knows something isn’t right, and you owe it to her to be honest. But it’s nothing to do with me. I don’t have those feelings for you, Jordan.”
“I came here for you,” he pleads, slouching against the wall as he pins me with doleful eyes. “I love you.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t love you, and I never will.” I fold my arms across my chest as hurt slices across his face. “You need to tell Hannah the truth. If you don’t, I will. I won’t have you making a fool out of her, Jordan.”
I see the moment his hurt transforms to a darker emotion. He darts forward, grabbing my arm before I can duck out of his reach. “Suck me off, then. It’s the least you can do.”
“What?! How the hell do you figure that?” I try to wrestle out of his hold, but he digs his nails into my arm, and I sense movement from the corner.
“You blew Justin. Now it’s my turn.”
“Fuck you, Jordan, and get your hands off me!” I fume, still trying to wriggle out of his death grip.
Ryan’s livid face comes into view as he takes a step forward at the same time the door to the men’s bathroom opens and Sean steps into the hallway, his eyes narrowed in anger. “I heard every word, Jordan, and I believe Summer asked you to let her go.” He crosses his arms, glaring at his friend. “This isn’t cool.”
“I thought we were friends,” I say, sadness dripping from my tone as Jordan finally releases my arm. “But no true friend would every treat me like this. Treat Hannah like this.”
This will kill her.
I shake my head, swallowing back the bile swimming up my throat, as Sean pushes me back a little, shielding me with his body. Ryan has retreated to the corner, and I’m certain he hates staying hidden. I need to end this before he decides it doesn’t matter and risks everything. “I won’t tell her what you just said, but I will tell her the earlier stuff if you don’t man up and come clean. She deserves better than this.”
No Feelings Involved: A Brother's Best Friend Standalone Romance Page 15