“I’m not talking about this.” I take a big gulp of my coffee, my chest burning with the knowledge I gleaned when I was seven.
“You damn well are.” She glares at me again. “Our parents are as crazy in love now as they were when they met.”
I snort. “It’s bullshit. It always has been.”
She leans across the table. “What are you talking about? Spit it out, Ryan, or I’m calling them right now.”
“It’s all lies!” I shout. “She cheated on him! Mom cheated on Dad!”
Gabby vehemently shakes her head. “No way, Ryan. There’s no way she’d do something like that.”
“I fucking saw her! All right!”
“What?!”
I rest my head in my hands, sighing. A sour taste coats the inside of my mouth as I pin my gaze on my sister and admit this for the first time. “I was seven when I saw her. I’d been out playing ball with Slate, and I came back early because I fell and cut my knee. She didn’t hear me come in because she was shouting at some strange man. I edged toward the kitchen, frightened, and then I saw it. Saw them kissing.” My jaw locks tight as the image replays in my mind as if I only witnessed it yesterday. It’s ingrained in my mind, and I’ve never been able to look at Mom the same way since. I know she hates that she’s not close with me like she is with Gabby, Caleb, and Dean. I hide my true feelings behind my humor, but my anger simmers behind the mask I wear in her presence, and I’ve come so close to telling my dad on so many occasions, but I’ve always held back out of fear.
Gabby slouches in her chair, looking deep in thought. She sits up straighter, a knowing look replacing her troubled expression. “I bet it was Mickey Delaney.”
“Who the fuck is Mickey Delaney?” I ask, wondering why that name sounds vaguely familiar. “Wait. You don’t mean the quarterback who used to play with the Patriots?”
She nods. “Yeah, I think so. Mom said he had a great sporting career.” She pulls out her cell phone, and I’m thoroughly confused.
“What are you doing?” I stand.
“I’m getting Mom over here. You need to talk to her.”
“No way. I’m leaving,” I say, even though I already know my sister won’t allow it. If she’s risking the kids picking up germs by calling Mom over here, I know she won’t let this drop.
“Sit the fuck back down,” she hollers, rounding the table and jabbing her finger into my chest. “You’re not leaving until you hear Mom tell you the story.”
“What story?”
“The story of her first love. Mickey Delaney.”
Summer, Slater, and the kids arrive back at the same time Mom pulls up to the house. Daisy is fast asleep in her stroller, and Summer offers to take Billy up to his room to play so we can talk. “Are you okay?” she mouths at me, and I shrug. Not gonna lie. I’ve no clue what Gabby knows only she’s adamant that the scene I witnessed as a kid could not have been as it seemed. Summer doesn’t know what’s going on, but she’s picked up the tension in the air.
“I’ll fill you in later,” I mouth back at her before Billy hauls her up to his room.
“What’s going on?” Mom asks when she arrives, clasping my face, concern radiating from the back of her eyes. “Are you sick?”
“No, Mom.” Gabby pulls her into a hug, before forcing her into a chair. “Ryan needs to hear about Mickey Delaney.” She sighs sadly. “He has it in his head you cheated on Dad because he saw you kissing another man in the kitchen when he was seven.”
Way to just put it out there Gabby.
“Oh my God.” Mom clamps a hand over her mouth, tears pooling in her eyes as she stares at me, horror-struck. “Is that what you’ve thought all these years?”
I fold my arms across my body. “I know what I saw. You were kissing a man who wasn’t my father.”
“Oh, my poor boy. This is why, isn’t it?” Tears roll down her face, and a heavy weight presses down on my chest. I might not have the best relationship with my mother, but I still hate to see her cry. “This is why you keep me at arm’s length. Why you never let me in.” She breaks down then, sobbing, and Gabby wraps her arms around her, offering soothing words as I stare at Slater, conflicted.
“Ryan,” Mom sobs over Gabby’s shoulder. “I have never cheated on your father. Never. I love him more than words can express. I can explain what you saw.” She swipes at her tears, and Gabby releases her, sitting in the chair beside her.
Mom gestures for me to take the seat in front of her, and I silently sit down. I don’t protest when she takes my hands in hers, leaning into me with earnest eyes. “I’m guessing you ran away after you saw that kiss?” I nod tersely. “Then you wouldn’t have seen me push him away. Heard me tell him I loved your father and I would never go back to him.”
“Who was he to you?” I choke out.
“Mickey Delaney was my first love. He lived four doors away from us when I was growing up. We were childhood sweethearts, inseparable, until he got a full ride to play ball at the University of Southern California. I didn’t get a scholarship to join him, and my parents couldn’t afford the tuition, so I went to UD where I met and fell in love with your father. Although it was a tough decision, I broke things off with Mickey before anything started with your dad.”
Her chest heaves as she implores me with her eyes. “Mickey turned up at our house one time, completely out of the blue, after years, telling me he still loved me and begging me to leave your father for him. His most recent engagement had just ended, and he told me he couldn’t move on, that no one else measured up.”
She stares off into space, lost in thought for a few seconds, before she redirects her attention my way. “I told him no outright, then he kissed me. It startled me for a minute, and I didn’t push him away straightaway, but as soon as I realized it, I did exactly that. I told him I loved your father, and I loved our family, and I would never betray him for any man. He got the message, and he left soon after that. He apologized for kissing me, and that was the last time I ever saw him. I swear it.”
She squeezes my hands. “Please say you believe me.” When I don’t respond immediately, tears well in her eyes again. “Call your father! He knows all about that visit. He knows that he kissed me. If you don’t believe me, maybe you’ll believe it from him.”
“That’s the truth?” I croak. “And you’ve never cheated on Dad?”
“No!” she cries out, tears streaming down her face again. “I love all of you too much to ever risk ruining what we have. I’m so fortunate. I know that, and I’d do nothing to jeopardize it. I’ve never wanted to because I’m happy in my life.”
“Mom.” I’m fighting tears now. I can’t believe I’ve been under a misconception all these years. That I’ve judged her so unfairly. I pull her into my arms, and then we’re both crying. Gabby and Slate quietly leave the kitchen, and I cling to my mom, holding her in a way I’ve denied myself for years. “I’m so sorry, Mom.”
“No, sweetheart.” Mom eases back, cupping my face. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry you had to see that. Sorry you’ve thought that of me all this time. All these wasted years.” She sobs, and I hate I’ve hurt her, hurt myself, for something that was never anything to begin with. “That’s why you don’t believe in love or marriage?”
I nod. “I always thought it was a lie. And if you could fool Dad for all those years, then I never wanted to marry. To leave myself open to that kind of betrayal. But I’ve been so wrong, and now I feel foolish.”
She presses a kiss to my head, holding me close. “I can understand how it must’ve looked to a child. I wish you’d come to me or spoken to one of your siblings about it.”
“I couldn’t. I didn’t want them to feel the way I did. To know your love wasn’t true.”
“Oh, Ryan.” She presses kisses to my cheeks. “I love you so much, and it’s always pained me that our relationship was strained. This explains everything.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry I hurt you, and I love you to
o. More than I can say.”
She palms my face. “Promise me you’ll let go of these feelings and open your heart. I worry about you so much. I want you to find a nice girl and settle down, but you’re so closed off. Don’t let a misconception take something so precious away from you.”
✽✽✽
“Will you be okay?” Gabby asks me a few hours later at the front door. Summer is already in the car waiting for me, and Mom left a half hour ago.
“I just need to process everything.”
She grabs me into a hug. “I love you, little big bro, and I want you to be happy.” She keeps a hold of my arms as she stares into my face. “If you love Summer, tell her, and then make things right with Austin. It’s only a matter of time before he realizes because you two can’t disguise the way you feel about one another. I had my suspicions before we came home last night. Austin will figure it out, if he hasn’t already, and it’s better if he hears it from you first.”
CHAPTER 20
Summer
Ryan’s been very introspective since Sunday, not that I blame him. The truth has shaken his whole belief system to its core, and he’s trying to process everything. I’ve been quiet too, because the situation with Hannah and Jordan is hovering over me like a bad smell, and I’m on tenterhooks waiting for him to talk to her.
Everything comes to a head Friday night, and it’s a clusterfuck of epic proportions as I suspected it might be.
Ryan and I have only just gotten home from the gym when a loud pounding sounds on the front door. Ryan looks up from the stove where he’s cooking dinner, sharing a puzzled look with me. “I’ll get it.” I move toward the hallway.
“Let me.” He moves protectively in front of me.
“Open the fucking door, Summer,” Hannah hollers, thumping on the door with her fists.
“Fuck,” I whisper.
“You have done nothing wrong,” Ryan reminds me, kissing my temple.
He opens the door and Hannah barrels inside, steam practically billowing out of her ears. “How could you do this to me?” she screeches, tears pumping out of her eyes. “You know how much I love him!”
“I haven’t done anything, Han,” I protest, closing the door before we air our dirty laundry to the neighbors. I’m grateful Austin and Miley are working the late shift and they’re not around for this confrontation.
“The hell you haven’t.” She shoves me, and I stumble on my feet, my heart racing. I’ve never endured Hannah’s anger before, and her vicious hostility surprises and upsets me.
“Touch Summer one more time,” Ryan says, sliding in between us, “and I’ll be escorting you outside. If you’re not prepared to sit and listen to what she has to say, then I think it’s best you leave now and return when you’re calmer.”
“She stole him from me,” Hannah wails.
“Summer has done no such thing. I don’t know what your boyfriend has told you, but she’s been a loyal friend to you for years, and you owe her the benefit of the doubt.”
I touch his arm, urging him back. I’m grateful for his support, and his quick defense only makes me love him more, but this is between my bestie and me, and we need to talk alone. He eyeballs me and I silently communicate the message. He nods. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”
“Thank you,” I mouth. Hannah follows me into the living room, whimpering the whole time. I plonk down on the recliner chair and she sits on the couch. “I’m so sorry, Hannah. I know how much you love him, and I’m shocked over all this.”
“Huh.” She harrumphs, pulling a tissue out of her jeans pocket. “I’m sure you are. I bet you can’t wait to hook up with him.”
My eyes go out on stalks. “Are you for real right now?” She glares at me. “Jordan is nothing but a friend, and I’ve never, ever, given him any sign I felt any differently toward him. When he approached me last weekend at the club, I told him point-blank I wasn’t interested, that I didn’t share his feelings. I was the one who told him he had to tell you or I would.”
“Why?” she spits out.
“Why?” My tone betrays my disbelief. “Because you deserved to know the truth, and you were already torturing yourself over things you couldn’t explain.”
“We could’ve gotten through this, but you had to interfere.”
My mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water. I can’t believe she’s twisting this around. “I seriously have no words, Han. I know you’re upset, but surely, you don’t mean that. Why would you want to stay with a guy if he doesn’t love you anymore?” I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “You deserve so much better than that, and I didn’t want to see him making a fool out of you. That’s why I told him to tell you.”
“Oh puh-lease.” She sends daggers at me. “I know exactly why you told him that. You want him for yourself, and you can’t wait to get me out of the way.”
I wonder if some alien being has stolen my best friend and replaced her with a poor substitute because the woman sitting across from me now is a stranger. I get that she’s hurt. I’m hurt for her. But that’s no excuse for accusing me of shit she knows I’d never do.
“No. I don’t.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I shake my head sadly. “Even if I had feelings for Jordan, which I don’t,” I categorically state, “I would never choose him over you. Not in a million years. Your friendship is worth more.”
Unlike you.
The thought flies into my mind, and even though I feel mean thinking it, I can’t help remembering all the ways Hannah put our friendship to one side in favor of her relationship with Jordan. It never bothered me before, but considering her fake accusations, it enrages me now.
“You’ve a funny way of showing it.”
“Do I?” I flap my hands in the air, losing the tenuous control of my emotions. “Time and time again, you’ve put your relationship with him above our friendship. When he changed his plans last minute to come to UD, I stepped aside so you two could get a place together even though it meant moving in here with my brother, which was something I wasn’t keen on.” Not that I can regret how things have turned out because Jordan’s decision indirectly led me to Ryan.
“That doesn’t mean you don’t want him now.” She’s grasping at straws, and she knows it.
“For the last time, I’ve no interest in Jordan. Not now. Not ever.” There’s only one surefire way of getting through to her, and I blurt it out before I properly think it through. “Besides, I’m seeing someone else. Someone I’m crazy about.”
She snorts, sending an incredulous look my way. “Who? The Invisible Man?”
I grind my teeth to the molars. I want to tell her, but with the way she’s acting, I’m not sure I can trust her to keep my confidence. “I’ve kept it on the down low for a reason, but it’s true.”
“Sure it is.” She snarls at me. “If that’s the best you can do, you’re even more pathetic than I thought.” She rakes her gaze over me in a derisory manner, and a splinter cracks my heart in two. “I don’t even know what he sees in you. You’re not anything special.”
“That’s enough.” Ryan’s voice is laced with anger. He plants his hands on my shoulders, giving me a reassuring squeeze. “Summer and I have been seeing one another, and I’m every bit as crazy about her.”
My eyes widen in shock at his admission, but it’s happy shock. I reach up, taking his hand and smiling at him.
Hannah is momentarily speechless as she stares at both of us. Then her mouth twists into a hurtful grimace. “You’ve been fucking him all this time, and you didn’t tell me?”
“I wanted to, but Jordan hates him, and I was afraid he’d cause trouble.”
Her lower lip wobbles as the truth of my statement hits home. She stands abruptly, wrapping her arms around herself. “Jordan and I can fix this. But you need to stay away from him and stay away from me.”
I rise, moving toward her. “Hannah. Please don’t push me away. I’m your friend.”
“Yeah,” I whisper to myself, fighting tears. “I’m with you on that front.”
CHAPTER 21
Ryan
Summer was uncharacteristically quiet the rest of the weekend, and I’m sorely tempted to have a private word in Hannah’s ear, but I doubt Summer would appreciate me interfering, so I leave it alone. I can’t believe the nerve of that bitch to come here and throw that bullshit at Summer. Who needs enemies with friends like that?
Miley and Austin are at the movies Sunday night, and Derrick is covering the nighttime shift, so when we return to the apartment a little after six, I run a bath for Summer and then order takeout while she’s, hopefully, relaxing. I have one of those sappy chick flicks paused on the screen when Summer materializes, bundled up in a fluffy robe with her damp hair tied into a messy bun on top of her head. A weird fluttering takes up residence in my chest as I walk to her, pulling her into my arms without hesitation.
Fuck, I’m turning into such a pussy.
But I honestly couldn’t give two shits about it.
When she rests her head on my chest and sighs, I tighten my hold on her, lacing my fingers through her silken hair, wishing I could absorb her heartache and take away her pain.
Hannah is a shitty friend. I thought she might’ve cooled down by now and reached out to Summer to apologize for the way she treated her, but she has made no effort with her at all. If you ask me, Summer’s better off without her.
The bell chimes, and I pry myself away from my girl to answer the door. I peck her lips lightly. “That’s our takeout. Go sit, and I’ll plate up.”
When I return with our food and a couple beers, Summer is curled up on the couch, with her knees pulled into her chest, staring off into space. I set the food and drinks down on the coffee table and sit beside her. “Hey.” I tilt her chin up with one finger. “She’ll come around. She was just upset.” I don’t really believe that, but I know they’ve been friends since they were small kids and that her friendship means a lot to Summer, so I’m keeping my honest thoughts to myself.
No Feelings Involved: A Brother's Best Friend Standalone Romance Page 17