No Feelings Involved: A Brother's Best Friend Standalone Romance

by Siobhan Davis

  “I want to talk about Summer.”

  “Well, I don’t,” he predictably barks back.

  “You’ve made that perfectly clear. But the longer this goes unsaid, the more it hurts Summer. And this is really hurting her, Austin. She’s crying most every night because we’re not speaking. We need to work this out because we both love her.”

  He grinds his teeth, flashing me a dark look. “I asked one thing of you, James. One Goddamned thing. Not to lay a finger on her, and you just couldn’t help yourself,” he snarls.

  I lean forward with my elbows on the desk, slanting him an earnest look. “I tried to stay away from her, I swear it. And I did at the start, but I couldn’t stop myself from falling for her. Your sister is an amazing person and so easy to love.”

  “How do I know you won’t let her down?” he asks, crossing one leg over his knee.

  “Because I give you my word. I’m in this for the long haul, Austin, and I told your father that.” His brows climb to his hairline. “I’d marry Summer tomorrow, but I’m respectful of her age and her dreams, and I’ve already told her she’s setting the agenda.”

  He taps his fingers off the arm of the chair. “Do you mean that? You want to marry her?”

  “I do.” I wet my dry lips. “Although I haven’t mentioned it to her, as I don’t want to freak her out, and she’s enough on her plate.” I stare absently at the wall as I work out how to best explain it. I eyeball Austin. “When I was with Myndi, I thought I was in love, but I know now it wasn’t real love because the way I feel about your sister, after only a couple months, is ten thousand times more than I felt for my ex.”

  I get up, walk around, and prop my butt against the edge of the desk, shooting him an earnest look. “I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. There were good reasons, but I still should’ve told you.”

  “I get so mad every time I think about you two sneaking around and lying behind my back.” His nostrils flare. “And I can’t even think about that night I heard her in your room. I’ll have nightmares for the rest of my life.” A shudder works its way through him, and he squeezes his eyes tight.

  “I can relate. I’ve heard Slate with Gabby occasionally, and it turns me into a raging bull. Every damn time, I want to drag his ass out and beat him bloody.”

  Austin’s eyes blink open, and his lips twitch. “Man, you’ve no idea how many ways I’ve imagined killing you.”

  “Wow. Thanks for that, buddy.”

  He sighs, dragging a hand through his hair. “Look, I know I’ve been stubborn about this.”

  That’s putting it mildly.

  “But the betrayal stung, you know. And I’m worried about Summer. This is a lot of responsibility on her young shoulders.”

  “She’s tougher and stronger than you and Charlie seem to think.” I’m getting fed up of their bullshit in that regard.

  “I know. I just don’t want to see her life getting derailed.”

  “If you talk to her, you’ll see she doesn’t feel like that. We’ve discussed this at length. Summer was born to be a mom. She’s amazing with kids, and she’ll be a natural. And I’ll do my utmost to give her everything her heart desires.”

  Austin stares at me, and then he stands, slapping me on the back in an unexpected move. “See you do.”

  “Are we good?”

  He nods. “Yeah, and, look, I’m sorry for the things I said about you. That was a low blow, and I take it back.”

  “What about the ass kicking I let you give me?” I inquire, raising a brow.

  “Let, my ass,” he mumbles, and I give him that one. “Fucked if I’m ever apologizing for that. You deserved it, and you know it.”

  ✽✽✽

  “I’m so happy you and Austin made up. My heart is singing a symphony,” Summer croons later that night when we’re lying in bed.

  “You know what part of my body’s rocking a symphony, babe?” I angle my hips into her side, stabbing her with my erection.

  “You are almost as insatiable as me,” she jokes, instantly whipping her nightie up over her head.

  I slide my hands up her stomach, cupping her fuller breasts. “There’s no almost about it. Fuck, babe. I love your bigger tits. If this is what you’re like at seven weeks pregnant they’ll be like giant melons by the time you’re ready to deliver the little munchkin.” I nuzzle my face into her breasts, loving the feel of her smooth, silky skin against the stubble on my chin.

  “I knew you only wanted me for my body.” She smirks as she climbs on top of me, lowering herself perfectly over my hard length.

  We both groan, but before she moves, I flip her underneath me, leaning down to suck on her lower lip. “I want to make love to you.”

  “Show me what you got, stud,” she says, pushing her hips up as her hands claw at my bare ass. “But don’t go too slow. I need it hard.”

  “Your wish is my command.” I alternate between driving into her in long, slow, seductive strokes and slapping her with my cock as I slam in and out at a vicious pace. Sweat glides down my back as I lift her legs up over my shoulder when she urges me to go faster and harder. I pound into her, quickly losing control, loving the feel of her insides tightly gripping my cock, and the way she tilts her hips up to meet my every thrust.

  I gently cover her mouth with my hand when her orgasm hits, stifling her loud moans. After I’ve released inside her, we both collapse in a sweaty heap of tangled limbs. “Baby, you really need to learn to be quieter, at least until Austin moves out properly, because he’s already imagining ways to murder me, and your cries of pleasure are not helping my cause.”

  “Well, stop fucking me so thoroughly then,” she says, matter-of-factly. “It was nice of him to let us take this place,” she adds, quickly changing the subject.

  “He spends most of his time at Miley’s anyway, but, yeah, it saves us having to look for another place.” We’ve already decided we’re converting Austin’s bedroom into the nursery, and Summer has been scouring Pinterest looking at boards and color schemes and other shit.

  “Ryan.”

  I jerk my head to the side at the noticeable change in her tone, instantly on alert. “Yeah?”

  “Are you happy?”

  Such a basic question, but if you’d asked me before I met Summer the answer would’ve been complicated. But not now. Now the answer is simple. I wrap my arms around her, kissing her deeply. “I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I love you.” I slide my lips down her body, stopping to kiss her belly. “And I love you too, little munchkin.”

  I should’ve known my happiness would be short-lived.

  ✽✽✽

  “This is a fucking nightmare,” I tell Austin when we finally get a minute alone. For the last few hours, we’ve been locked in our conference room at the gym with the local cops and our attorney. They have arrested one of our trainers, Matthias, on suspicion of sexually assaulting a female client, on the premises, one night late last week. We’re co-operating as best we can.

  “You think he did it?” Austin asks, as we stroll down the hallway toward our adjoining offices.

  “I’ve had to speak to him a couple times about being too ‘handsy’ with some clients, not that that means he’s guilty.” I rub a tense spot between my brows. “I don’t know.”

  “I thought they were dating, and I’ve a feeling there’s more to this than meets the eye.”

  “Maybe. Still doesn’t change things. We need to discuss how to handle it. We want none of our female clients thinking they’re unsafe here.”

  “We’ll have to fire him,” Austin says, in sync with my train of thought, following me into my office.

  “I know.” I grab my cell off my desk where I’d left it. “Which’ll suck if he’s innocent.” I punch in my code and the sight of dozens of missed calls and texts from Summer and Miley has alarm bells blaring in my ears. “Fuck.”

  “What?” Austin picks up on the anxiety in my tone, as I speed dial Summer.

  “I’ve
a bunch of missed calls from your sister and your girlfriend.” Austin races out of the room before I’ve even finished my statement, returning a few seconds later with his cell in hand, while I listen to Summer’s automated response.

  I swipe my finger over the last text from Miley, and all the blood drains from my face.

  “We need to get to the hospital,” Austin says, with his cell pressed to his ear, but I’m already one step ahead of him, keys in hand, grabbing my jacket from the back of my chair.

  I toss the keys to him. “You drive. I’m likely to crash.” I call Derrick while we’re dashing from the building, explaining it’s a medical emergency, asking him to offer our apologies to the men waiting for us in the conference room and to manage the gym in our absence.

  “Do your messages say anything specific?” I ask Austin as we climb into the SUV.

  “No. Just that Summer was in the hospital and you needed to get there ASAP.” He wastes no time flooring it out of the parking lot.

  I cradle my head in my hands as he drives, offering prayers even though I haven’t prayed since I was a kid. I’ve a horrible feeling that history is repeating itself, and my stomach churns so violently I think I might puke. Summer’s only eight weeks pregnant, and we haven’t even seen our baby on the ultrasound. Just hearing his or her little heartbeat at the Ob-gyn’s office that time was enough to cement my love for my unborn child. If anything happens to Summer or our little munchkin, I’ll die.

  “Hang in there, man.” Austin lands a hand briefly on my back. “We don’t know what it is yet, and Summer will need us to be strong.”

  Neither of us articulate our thoughts, but I know we’re both thinking the same thing.

  We race through the hospital corridors toward the maternity section, and Miley jumps up to greet us the second we burst through the double doors. She runs toward Austin, sobbing, and something inherent dies inside me. I slam to a halt, air whooshing through my ears, my heart pounding in my chest. Miley flings herself into Austin’s arms, tears pumping out of her eyes.

  “Miley,” I croak. “Is Summer—” I lose my voice, and my chest heaves painfully.

  “She’s okay,” Miley sobs. “But she lost the baby.”

  I stagger backward, my spine slamming into the wall, but I barely feel it. The most intense pressure weighs down on my chest, and I’m struggling to breathe. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to hold my tears in, but I’m fighting a losing battle, and tears roll down my face as the enormity of the situation hits me full force.

  Austin grabs me to him, his shoulders shaking with emotion. My mind churns, my emotions veering all over the place. The pain in my heart is unbearable.

  This is all my fault. I knew at the outset; I would hurt Summer, but I still selfishly claimed her.

  She’ll probably hate me now.

  Although I’ll take it.

  I’ll take all the pain if it means she comes out of this intact.

  CHAPTER 24

  Summer

  The door creaks as it opens, and Ryan enters the room. His eyes are bloodshot and red-rimmed, and he looks how I feel. “Ryan!” I cry, sitting up in the bed and opening my arms for him. He enfolds me in his strong embrace, and the dam breaks.

  I was trying to be brave, fighting tears as Miley burst out crying when the doctor confirmed I’d had a miscarriage. But I can’t hold it in any longer, and I sob on Ryan’s shoulder, soaking his shirt. His body shudders under my embrace, and I’m not surprised when I pull back and see his damp cheeks. “Our baby is gone,” I wail, and the pain in my heart is so intense I wonder if this is what it feels like right before you have a heart attack.

  “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” Ryan cradles me in his arms. “I’m so, so, sorry I let you down.”

  “I was so scared,” I whisper, sobbing as tears continue to pour from my eyes. “I called you nonstop, but when I couldn’t reach you or Austin, I called Miley. She hadn’t left for her folks’ place yet, so she came straight to campus and brought me here.” Thanksgiving is only a few days away, and Miley was planning on spending it with her parents.

  “Thank God, she was there for you, and I’ll never forgive myself that you went through this alone. We had an emergency at the gym, and we were locked in meetings all morning. I’d stupidly left my cell in my office.” He squeezes me tight, pressing a fierce kiss to my temple. “I’m sorry, Summer. I’m so incredibly sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” I run my fingers through his hair. “It’s not your fault.” Spasms cramp my stomach, and I wince, drawing deep breaths.

  “What’s wrong?” Ryan’s entire body has tensed up.

  “Cramping,” I pant, breathing heavily, trying my best to ignore the slicing pain twisting my insides into painful knots. I draw long breaths, in and out, just like the nurse showed me. “Doctor said it’s normal,” I add, watching the layer of panic intensify on his face. The pain passes a couple minutes later although I know it’s only a temporary reprieve. “I’m fine now.” I cup one side of his face, hating to see him hurting so much.

  A muscle clenches in his jaw. “What happened? And what did the doctor say?”

  “I went to the bathroom after my first class because I had terrible cramps, and it worried me. When I noticed blood on my panties, I completely panicked, and I couldn’t stop shaking and crying. It took three attempts to place the first call to you my fingers were trembling so badly.”

  I curl my fingers into his hair, biting down on my lower lip. Gently, he removes my teeth before it breaks skin.

  “When I got here, they hooked me up to an ultrasound, and I knew instantly the baby was gone because I couldn’t hear his heartbeat.” Sobs overtake me again, and I collapse into Ryan’s chest, fisting his shirt as piercing cries ring out in the sterile room. He rubs a hand up and down my back until my cries die out. I’m exhausted, clinging to him, in a weird alert-dazed state. My voice is monotone as I continue explaining. “The doctor said, unfortunately, lots of women experience miscarriages with their first pregnancy. I’m going into surgery soon to have a D and C so they can remove…” I burst out crying again, unable to verbalize it.

  “Fuck, Summer. I’m so sorry.” Ryan is crying again too. I know because I feel his wet tears hitting the side of my forehead.

  The doctor chooses that moment to enter the room, offering us sympathetic looks. Ryan introduces himself, still keeping me locked in his embrace. “Is there any internal damage to Summer?” he asks with concern etched across his face. “She’ll be able to have more kids, right?”

  The doctor clutches the clipboard in his hand to his chest. “There’s no internal damage, and Summer will most likely have no issue conceiving or bringing a pregnancy to full term in the future. In situations like this, we always run a set of routine tests to determine there are no genetic defaults or issues. Ninety-nine percent of the time, we find no explanation. The rate of miscarriage is much higher with first-time pregnancies.”

  He tilts his head to the side. “I know that’s not much comfort, but provided nothing shows up in the tests, you should have normal pregnancies in the future,” he says before advising that a nursing team will be with me shortly to bring me to the operating room. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he adds before exiting the room.

  Ryan and I cling wordlessly to one another until it’s time for me to go to surgery. He kisses me on the lips before I leave promising he’ll be here waiting when I get out.

  ✽✽✽

  The days after are some of the hardest of my life. I’m sad, and I can’t stop crying. I can barely summon the strength to get out of bed. I’ve never felt this way before, and I don’t know how to handle it. Both our families rally around, dropping by to offer support, but, honestly, I just want to be alone with Ryan. To mourn our loss together.

  Austin and Derrick take control of the gym, ensuring Ryan is always with me. The doctor advised me to stay home and rest for at least three days, and I’m under strict instructions not to do anything strenuous. So, we spend ou
r days cuddling on the couch watching back-to-back movies or binge-watching the latest Netflix shows.

  After my crying jaunt in the hospital, and those first couple days back home, I’m unbelievably numb now. Maybe I cried myself out. Used up eighteen years’ worth of tears in one go.

  Now, I feel empty inside.

  Hollow in more ways than one.

  Without even realizing it, my hand keeps gravitating to my barren stomach. When I notice Ryan noticing, and the familiar anguish washing over his face, I remove my hand, but it keeps happening, like an invisible force wants to remind me of my loss at every conceivable moment.

  Both of us lie awake for hours at night, pretending to one another that we’re asleep as we suffer in silence. We haven’t had sex. The doctor advised abstaining for a few days, but I’ve zero desire to have sex, anyway. It’s as if my life force died the instant my baby’s did.

  The news reaches Hannah, and she drops by laden down with flowers and apologies. I’m grateful she’s extended an olive branch but too numb to do more than acknowledge her gesture.

  I can’t fault Ryan for how well he’s cared for me these past few days, but when the day comes for him to return to work, I silently admit to feeling relieved.

  Things are… different between us.

  I don’t know how other couples deal with traumatic events, but we’re struggling to find the right words to communicate. I don’t want to keep talking about it, because it’s too painful, but going on with our lives and having casual conversations about mundane things seems like an insult to our little munchkin’s memory.

  The grief only intensifies after we hold a small memorial service in the graveyard back home. We have no remains to bury, but we installed a little headstone and had a priest say a few prayers. Both our families attended, but I was numb during the whole thing, and my body felt like a block of ice in Ryan’s arms.