No Feelings Involved: A Brother's Best Friend Standalone Romance

by Siobhan Davis

  “It has everything to do with me, and you know it.” She gets braver, moving directly in front of me. “I said horrible, hateful things to you after we broke up, Ryan, and you didn’t deserve that. I don’t want to offer excuses, but I felt betrayed, and I was heartbroken and hormonal, scared and angry, and it was easiest to lash out at you than admit I was the one in the wrong. That I was the reason we broke up, because of my trust issues. It was never anything you did.”

  Her eyes well up, and her gaze pleads with me. “You were an amazing boyfriend, Ryan, and I hate how we ended. You don’t suck at relationships. You’re at your best when you’re in love. Although, I sense what we had doesn’t even come close to what you share with Summer.”

  “It doesn’t,” I say, because there’s still a small part of me that wants to inflict hurt in the way she did.

  “I’m thrilled to hear that,” she says, and my eyes pop wide at the genuine expression on her face. “I’ve hated myself over what I did to you. Gabby doesn’t speak of you often, but I knew you’d reverted to your old ways, and I feared it was all my fault. You’re an amazing person, Ryan, and I want you to experience the joy and happiness I have in my life, because no one deserves it more than you. You’ve a big heart, and you shouldn’t deprive the world of that.”

  Tentatively, she reaches out, touching my arm. “I’m so sorry for the hurtful way I pushed you away. For doubting you. For hiding the pregnancy and miscarriage from you. It’s unforgiveable. You should’ve been there, and I deprived you of that.”

  Big, fat tears roll down her cheeks. “But most of all, I’m sorry for saying it was your fault. I was stressed, yes, but that was all my doing. You were telling me the truth, and I refused to believe it. That’s on me. Not you.”

  She squeezes my arm. “It was so wrong of me to blame you. I’m sure the stress wasn’t good for me, but it’s not the reason I lost our baby. It’s never been your fault and I hate I planted that thought in your head. That it grew roots.”

  Her features soften. “I’m heartbroken that you and Summer lost your child. I cried when Gabby told me. No one should have to endure that twice, and my heart aches for you both.”

  I swipe at the errant tear that escapes my eye. “Thank you for saying that.”

  “Do you love her, Ryan?”

  I should tell her to fuck off and mind her own business, but she’s reached out to mend bridges, and I want to make my peace with this.

  I’m sick of hating her.

  Of feeling so guilty all the damn time.

  It ends now.

  “I love her so much it physically hurts.”

  “Then fight for her!” That old Myndi feistiness rises to the surface. “Don’t do what I did. Don’t push her away. Especially not out of some misguided notion I stupidly planted in your brain. I know I only met Summer briefly, but I knew by looking at her she was perfect for you. It’s why I didn’t hesitate when I asked if she was your girlfriend. You both looked like you fit together. Gabby gushes buckets about her, and that’s the stamp of approval if I ever heard it. No one is ever good enough for her little big bro,” she says, her smile expanding. “So, if Gabby is on Team Summer, then I know you’ve found a good one.”

  In a surprising move, she grabs me into a hug.

  Even more surprising, I let her.

  “Be happy, Ryan. That’s all I want for you. You deserve it. If Summer is your happiness, don’t lose her. Win back your girl.”

  CHAPTER 27

  Summer

  I wipe my sweaty brow as I return from the dance floor, grabbing the bottle of water from Hannah’s outstretched hand, guzzling it back like I’ll die if I don’t rehydrate immediately. The club is packed with students on one last hooray before final exams start. I’ve been studying up a storm, and I’m confident I’m adequately prepared, so when a bunch of our classmates organized tonight, I jumped at the chance to go out after months spent in virtual hibernation.

  “That guy is so checking you out,” Hannah hollers in my ear.

  “I’m not interested,” I say without even looking in the direction she’s pointing.

  “You can’t stay celibate forever.”

  “I’ve three words for you.” I tip the empty bottle up, opening my mouth and trying to suck down the last few droplets of water. I pin my bestie with a smug look. “Pot. Kettle. Black.”

  “So original,” Hannah drawls, slinging her arm over my shoulder. “I’m thinking about turning gay. You up for it, sister?”

  I shake my head. “I’m strictly hetero, but you should go for it. That chick in the corner has been staring at your butt all night.”

  “What?” Hannah shrieks, her hands landing on her butt as she slings wide eyes over her shoulder.

  “I’m just joking. Not about the gay thing though. I’d support you no matter what. You know that.”

  Marc came out over Christmas, confirming he’s in a relationship with a man. My parents were pretty much floored, but when I thought about it, I wasn’t all that surprised. Not that it makes any difference. I love my brother no matter who he loves. I just want him to be happy, and if being with another man does that for him, then I’m behind him one hundred percent.

  Her eyes tear up, and she yanks me into a bone-crushing hug. “I know that. And I’m so glad you forgave me. You’re an awesome human being, Summer May Petersen. The absolute best.”

  After Ryan broke up with me, I felt lost and alone until Hannah rode to the rescue. We hashed things out, and she apologized for the way she treated me. We got everything off our chests, worked through our issues, and came out with a stronger friendship at the end.

  I don’t doubt she has my back now and vice versa.

  She kicked Jordan to the curb, and we both moved into a dorm together.

  Neither one of us has been with a guy since then. We’re both waiting to heal our hearts. Although, to be honest, I don’t know that any guy will ever measure up to the guy I lost.

  “Have you heard from Justin,” she asks, dragging me with her to the bar.

  I shake my head. “Not since I turned him down.” Justin surprised me at spring break by turning up on my doorstep and begging me to transfer to Oregon State to be with him. Seems college life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and he was apparently missing me. Hearing what had happened with Ryan, and the miscarriage, freaked him out because he realized he could lose me. He wanted us to give things a proper go which isn’t something we could do while separated by thousands of miles.

  I was half-tempted, because everywhere I go in Newark, I look over my shoulder for Ryan. Silly, I know, but for a while there, I kept imagining I saw him. Perhaps it was my mind playing tricks on me or my heart just refuses to let him go. I’ve picked up the phone to call him so many times, but I never follow through. I went out on a limb for Ryan James before, and if there’s ever any chance of us getting back together; he has to initiate it this time.

  Hannah says I’m an eternal optimist, and maybe she’s right.

  Or I believe in true love. And I know that’s what I shared with Ryan.

  I’ve been seeing a therapist. I know, shock, horror. First time in my life I’ve had to see a shrink. But I’ve recently turned nineteen, and I feel like I should win some award for only having to seek one out now. She’s helped me work through my feelings. The aftermath of my miscarriage is a bit of a fog as I ghosted through my life for a while there. If it wasn’t for Ryan, I’m not sure I’d have found the will to even attempt to function.

  Instead of talking to him, I internalized everything, shutting him out. I gave no consideration to his feelings, and I feel horrible about that now. But I wasn’t being deliberately selfish. I just couldn’t see past my own grief.

  My head is clearer now, and I think that stuff he fed me the day he broke up with me was a crock of shit. I think he said what he knew would work. That I’d accept it and not fight for our relationship. And I’m sick I fell for it. But not enough to grovel at his feet to take me back.
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  If we are meant to be, we’ll find our way back to one another. I still firmly believe in my mantra, and that’s how I’ve gotten on with things since our split. I wouldn’t call it living life to the fullest, but I’ve gotten a lot of my spark back.

  I can’t give my heart away again.

  Not when Ryan still owns every piece.

  Not until I know he doesn’t want it for real.

  “Are you sure you did the right thing turning him down?” Hannah asks as she battles her way through to the bar, yanking me out of my inner monologue.

  “Yes. I don’t love Justin, and moving to be closer to him wouldn’t have made a blind bit of difference. I still love Ryan. Whether he loves me back doesn’t change how I feel.”

  ✽✽✽

  It’s opening night at the theater, and a rush of butterflies has taken up residence in my stomach as I stand at the side of the stage with Sean, ready for the show to start. “You nervous?” he whispers.

  “Definitely,” I whisper back. “You?” I arch a brow.

  “A little, but I like that I am. The day I don’t feel nervous is the day I’ve become complacent, and complacency is never a good thing.”

  Sean and I have become great friends, and he was a wonderful support in those early weeks after my breakup. He’s been happily dating Evangeline for the past six months and there’s nothing but friendship between us now, but I’m cool with that.

  I beam up at him. “I love that, and it’s so true.”

  The music starts, and we’re called into position behind the curtain. “Break a leg,” Sean whispers, kissing my cheek.

  “You too!”

  The nervous fluttering in my belly subsides after a few scenes, and I’m thoroughly enjoying myself now. However, I can’t stop sneaking surreptitious looks at the audience, wondering if he’s out there somewhere. Which is silly. Because Ryan won’t show. It’s been months since I’ve seen him, and if he didn’t show up to Austin and Miley’s engagement party last week, he will hardly show up here. I hate that my breakup affected Austin and Ryan’s friendship, but Miley said they are recently back on speaking terms, and working their issues out, which makes me happy.

  My family is in the third row, and they give me a standing ovation when the play ends. Austin and Charlie let rip with loud whistles, and the biggest grin is planted on my face. The rapturous applause is ear-shattering, and when the whole auditorium stands to applaud, a surge of pride floods my chest. Sean and I hug, both on a complete high, and I’ll miss rehearsing with him.

  We’ve a couple more shows to put on, then there’s a couple weeks before exams start, and then I’m heading back home for the summer.

  I still haven’t decided about Venice. The day I moved into our dorm, a letter arrived from Ryan with the tickets, explaining he’d purchased them before we split. He beseeched me to take the trip. To finally breach the skies over the US, and though I really want to go, going without him doesn’t appeal. But the tickets expire at the end of the year, and during summer break is the best time to go, so I’ll have to make my mind up soon.

  I’m due to meet my family at a local restaurant to celebrate, but I’m still stuck at the theater, trying to get away from the party atmosphere backstage and the well-wishers. At last, the building empties out, and I wave goodbye to the final few stragglers as I make my way outside to wait for my Uber.

  “Summer.”

  Goose bumps sprout up and down my arms, and butterflies scatter in my chest at the sound of his deep, dulcet tones.

  He came! My heart rejoices as I spin around toward his voice.

  Ryan steps out of the shadows, smiling as he walks toward me. He’s wearing a black button-down shirt, rolled up to his elbows, highlighting his strong, tan arms. A glint of silver from the watch I gave him as a Christmas gift flashes in the darkness, warming my heart. I drink him in as he advances, trying not to ogle the way the dark denims hug his muscular thighs, or the way his shirt stretches across his defined chest and abs. His hair is a little shorter, but a few strands of dirty blond hair still sweep across his brow. His piercing blue eyes penetrate mine as he draws to a stop directly in front of me.

  Tears glisten, unbidden, in my eyes, as I stretch my neck up to look at him. God, how I’ve missed him. I shove my hands in the pockets of my light jacket, resisting the urge to touch him.

  Electricity crackles in the space between us as we stare silently at one another.

  No measure of time apart will ever dilute the love I feel for this man.

  “You look beautiful,” he says, pinning me with a panty-melting smile.

  “Thank you.” I drag my lip between my teeth. “Did you see the show?”

  He nods. “Told you I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He reaches out, brushing his thumb along my cheek, eliciting a trail of fiery shivers. “You were magnificent. You belong on that stage, Summer.”

  My heart rejoices at his words, and his tender touch. “How’ve you been?”

  “Lonely,” he instantly replies, dropping his hand, and I feel like crying. “Missing you like crazy.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yes.” He runs a hand nervously through his hair. “I know I’ve just ambushed you, but could we go someplace to talk? I’ve so much I need to tell you.”

  “My family’s waiting for me at Gallagher’s. Maybe another time?”

  “Tomorrow then? I could pick you up first thing, and we could go for breakfast somewhere?”

  “I’ve got a study session in the library in the morning. Exams are close.” I shrug apologetically. “But I don’t have plans for tomorrow night,” I add as my Uber pulls up to the curb.

  “Okay, great. I’ll come pick you up.”

  “Okay, thanks.”

  Awkward silence descends, and I hate it, but that’s the way it has to be until I hear what he has to say. “Okay, bye.” I wiggle my fingers at him as I open the door to the car.

  “Good night, Summer. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  His sultry voice does funny things to my insides and I’m a quivering mess as I slide in the backseat of the car, staring at Ryan through the window as we drive by.

  ✽✽✽

  “There’s our Juliet!” My dad’s loud voice carries over the noisy restaurant, and I swear heads turn in my direction.

  “You say that like I’ve just stepped off a Broadway stage not the stage of a college theater company,” I tease, hugging my dad from behind.

  “You might as well have,” Miley says, jumping up and squealing as she hugs me. “You were amazing. Like, you’re seriously talented, Summer.”

  “Thank you. That’s sweet of you to say.”

  “She clearly is,” Charlie says. “Because that kiss seemed so real I almost believed it.”

  I slap the back of his head. “Stop stirring shit. Sean has a girlfriend, and we’re strictly friends.”

  “If you say so.” He waggles his brows, stuffing a piece of bread roll in his mouth. Hopefully, that’ll shut him up for a few seconds.

  “Well done, Summer.” Austin pulls me into a hug. “I’m proud of you.”

  “Same here. I’m so glad I got vacation time to come. I would’ve kicked myself if I missed it,” Marc interjects, waiting his turn for a hug.

  “Thanks for coming,” I say, stepping into his open arms. “Both of you.” I smile over his shoulder at his partner, Eric, delighted Marc brought him to meet the family.

  The dynamic at the table should be interesting.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” Charlie barks, glaring at someone over my shoulder. I don’t need to turn around to know it’s Ryan. And it’s not my brother’s hostile reaction either. I think Ryan could step into any room, in any place, in any country, and I’d know he was there. I’ll always feel an invisible pull toward him.

  “I didn’t come to cause trouble,” Ryan says, approaching the table cautiously. I notice Austin grinning, giving Ryan a none-too-subtle thumbs-up. Guess the bromance is back on. Slowly, I turn a
round, surprise evident on my face. “I’m sorry,” he says to me. “I just can’t wait until tomorrow. And I figured your family should probably hear what I have to say too.”

  “What the fuck is he talking about, Summer?” Charlie demands, putting himself all up in my face.

  People at the tables closest to us perk their ears and tilt their heads up.

  “Everyone, sit down,” Mom hisses. “Let’s not make a scene in public.” She calls a passing waitress over, asking her to bring one more chair for Ryan.

  He sits down beside me, and I look around the table at the silent, mostly stony faces of my family, thinking Ryan has monster balls for following me here. “You sure you want to do this now?” I whisper in his ear.

  Reaching under the table, he covers my hand with his and squeezes, nodding at the same time. He clears his throat, twisting his body so he’s looking me directly in the eye. “I lied to you.”

  It’s a good opening line, ensuring he has my full attention. “About what?”

  “I didn’t want to break up with you, but I truly believed I was doing the right thing for you.”

  Charlie snorts, and I level him with a warning look. Mom clamps a hand down on his thigh, and I trust her to keep him in line.

  Ryan ignores everyone but me, keeping his eyes locked only on mine. I sway a little in my seat. He always had the ability to melt me on the spot, and when he focuses his sole attention on me? I’m a goner.

  “I’ve done a lot of soul searching. Talked with a therapist. And I’ve realized that I’ve let what other people think of me affect my actions. Especially when it comes to you. I knew the age gap concerned your family, and it’s why I held back initially. It’s also one reason I ended things with you in January.” His hold on my hand tightens. “I was afraid being with me was holding you back. That you’d be better off with someone your own age. Someone who didn’t come with the baggage I have. I thought the best way to prove my love was to set you free.”

  “That—” I can’t not say something, but he shushes me with a carefully placed finger to my lips. I clench my jaw to stop myself from sucking his finger into my mouth like I want to. It’s one thing I know he likes. One way I used to turn him on.