by E. M. Leya
"Sure. I can give you the name of my realtor and you can give her a call. I'm happy to go look at places with you. My advice is to make a list of areas you like, things you want the house to have, places it should be near, then start looking. It's easier going in knowing what you want or don't want. I made the mistake of looking first and wasted a ton of time walking through places I hated."
"Yeah, I know I want a large garage, and possibly a roomy basement. I've always dreamed of a man cave. I'll do that, thanks. So things seem to be going good with your roommate."
"I never thought living with someone would suit me, but it's working well. We get along amazingly. I'm going to miss him when he decides to leave."
"Does he have to leave?" Patrick asked. "You've got the room. Why not make the roommate thing permanent?"
"I guess we could. It's too soon to worry about that now though. He's got a ways to go before he's looking to move. Either way, we get along well. He seems to have hit it off with Jessica." He glanced over to where Jessica was teasing D about one of his many tattoos. Danny looked fascinated with them, looking from one to the other, then having D take off his shirt so he could see even more of them. Many of them had been covered by new art after his face had been plastered across the country for every police agency to see.
"Maybe he can get her cake recipe from her." Patrick grinned.
"He hasn't even tasted it yet. Let's ease him into being sneaky." Marshall laughed. "I'm just glad he's comfortable. He was really nervous about tonight."
"This has to be hard. I was in jail for a couple of months and even then, I felt out of place when I was released. There is this thing with prisoners who serve a lot of time. They get out and re-offend because they can't grasp the world anymore. Being out is too hard. It's got to be a lot like that for him."
"Yeah, I guess it would be, only even prisoners would have had more freedom than he did." Marshall shook his head. "I need to find the guy who did this to him."
"I know, and we're all behind you on this. Give the word and I'll go in and take him down. Hell, I'll bring you his head if that's what you want."
"Nah, I won't go that far, but trust me, I want to." The more he got to know Danny, the closer they became, the more he wanted to do to make sure he was happy and succeeded at whatever he dreamed of. He also wanted to protect him, but he had to be careful there. Danny needed to learn to protect himself now. To find the confidence in himself to trust his choices and decisions. It was one thing he hoped the counselor would help with.
"I think we all do." Patrick tipped back his beer and took a drink. "Pull that off the grill, will ya?" He nodded to his still pink steak.
"That's disgusting." Marshall did as he was asked, flopping the meat onto a plate. "Enjoy."
"I will, thanks." Patrick left to go eat.
As he finished the steaks, he hoped there would be many more nights out here like this one. It felt good to have everyone here. The house was meant to be alive with people and laughter. It was the best purchase he ever made.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Danny's body trembled as he struggled to pull himself together. He could still feel Larry's hands on him, one gripping his hip, the other holding him down by the back of his neck. He struggled to get air as the table he was bent over was cutting into his chest, the pressure making it hard to move the air into his lungs. The lack of air was almost enough to distract him from the pain. Almost, but not completely.
Tears stung his eyes, but he didn't dare let on he was crying. It would get worse if Larry found out. He liked to hear him cry and would get more aggressive to draw more tears. It was best to show no response, best to get it over with quickly.
"Look how much you like this." Larry's voice echoed in his head. "Look how hard you are for me."
Danny couldn't see. The table was in the way, so he reached down between his legs and gasped. The cage was gone and he was rock hard. He let out a loud scream, "no!" He drew his hand back, ashamed at the arousal. He couldn't be aroused. Not for Larry. This couldn't be happening.
"Danny? Are you okay?"
He shook, unable to understand where the cock cage had gone and why he was hard. He hadn't been hard in a long time. Why now?
"Danny, wake up."
He struggled under Larry, trying to escape. Larry didn't use him anymore. He took the boys. Why was Larry doing this to him again?
"Danny, you're dreaming. Wake up."
A hand landed on his arm and he shrugged away, trying to fight to escape.
"Danny, it's a dream."
Light filled the room, pulling him from some of his haze, but he still felt Larry's breath on him, felt his hands holding him, but mostly, he felt his cock, hard and aroused. "No!"
"It's okay. It's me. It's Marshall. It's all a dream."
Hearing Marshall's name helped pull Danny further out of his nightmare. He slowly opened his eyes, still unsure of everything around him.
"It's okay. It's me. You're safe." Marshall sat down on the edge of the bed. "Wake up for me, Danny."
"Marshall?" Danny's voice shook as he looked around the room. He relaxed a little, then remembered how aroused he'd been in the dream and reached down between his legs, pressing his hands over his cock, finding it hard. "Oh, God." He jerked his hands back as he struggled to sit up. "No, no, no. It can't be."
"Easy, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"
Tears he couldn't stop dripped down his cheeks. "He made me hard. He told me I liked it." He gestured to his waist, where his sweatpants were tented.
Marshall glanced down, saw how erect Danny was, then looked up at him. "It's okay. He's not here. It's just you and me. Larry didn't get you hard. You didn't like what he was doing. Your body is just doing what all male bodies do from time to time."
"No, it happened in the dream. He was… He saw me hard and said I liked it."
"It was only a dream. You never got hard for him. You know that. This isn't because of him. It's just your body healing. You've gone so long without this happening that it shocked you. Whatever you were dreaming isn't true. Look around. He's not here. It's just you and me."
"But…" He stared at his tented pants. "Why won't it go away?"
"Sometimes they're like that. You can wait it out, or I can leave and you can take care of it yourself." Marshall shrugged. "When it happens to me, I usually just take care of it myself."
Danny wasn't sure how to feel about that. He'd never done anything. He knew from back when it would get hard all of the time that it felt good to touch it, but he was always so scared that Larry would find out. Thoughts of Larry had always caused it to fade, but this time, it wasn't fading."
"How about I leave you alone for a bit and you can take care of it?" Marshall stood.
Danny shook his head. "I can't."
"You can. Just think about someone you find attractive. Someone you've seen on TV recently or something."
It wasn't that easy. Everything sexual made him think about Larry. "I can't. He'll be there. He'll be in my mind."
Marshall frowned. "How do we change that?"
"I don't know. I honestly never thought I'd get hard again." More tears filled his eyes. "I don't want this to happen."
"I don't know how to stop it. It happens to almost every man I know. It's natural and healthy. It's good for your body to have a release from time to time. I get you're scared, and I understand why you might think of Larry when it comes to sex, but what he did to you isn't sex. Sex is something pleasurable. Something that two people do together when they both agree and want to. It's not painful or forced. It's intimate and loving. Someday you'll meet someone and want that closeness."
That was something he couldn't see happening. He closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself as he drew his knees up, trying to ignore the still raging hardness that didn't seem to want to fade. It wasn't just the fact that he couldn't see himself able to be with anyone. He just couldn't see anyone wanting him. He was a mess. He'd never be normal like everyone
else. The best he could hope for was a good job and a safe place to live, though he wasn't sure anywhere would ever feel completely safe. He imagined he'd always be looking over his shoulder and unable to trust most people.
"How about trying a cold shower? Sometimes that helps," Marshall said softly.
"Yeah, I can try." It was better than touching himself.
"While you shower, I'll go make us some hot chocolate. We can sit on the couch and talk or watch a movie." Marshall gently touched Danny's arm. "Okay?"
"Yeah, thanks." He didn't know how Marshall knew that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, but he seemed to. The hot chocolate sounded good, comforting. "I'll meet you out there."
Marshall nodded as he got up and quietly left the room.
Glaring at the way his pants tented, Danny got out of bed. How could he stay hard this long? Thoughts of Larry should have killed any arousal. His fear of intimacy should have had him going soft right away. At least with the cock cage on, he hadn't had to deal with this.
As he made his way to the shower, he wondered why he wasn't embarrassed that Marshall had witnessed the whole thing. He never once thought about hiding what was going on from him, but he probably should have. Marshall couldn't have been comfortable with the situation. Yet, he'd acted like he was. He hadn't made Danny feel ashamed at all. He'd been open and honest, giving him suggestions to help him.
He quickly stripped, pausing a moment to stare at the stiffness between his legs. He hadn't seen himself hard in so long it was strange to see. He was used to the silver metal cage between his thighs, but this, it was thick, hard, and in a way scary. He knew better than anyone how a cock could be used as a weapon, and a part of him hated that he even had one.
He forced himself to look away and turned on the shower to the coldest he thought he could handle. As he stepped under the water, the coldness took his breath away, and he shivered, tempted to back out, but he needed to do whatever he could to get rid of his erection.
He faced the stream, allowing the water to hit his cock directly. It was almost painful, but slowly, taking longer than he wanted, his erection faded.
He breathed a sigh of relief, feeling as if he'd washed away disease. How was he supposed to ever live a normal life again if he couldn't even handle normal everyday things like random erections? Guys dealt with them all of the time. He'd researched it online, along with many other things he'd figured he should know about. Getting hard wasn't a bad thing, but for him, it was terrifying, especially since he'd gotten hard during a dream about Larry. It disgusted him to think that even in a dream, he could find any pleasure in anything Larry did to him.
Danny shut off the shower and dried himself, then slowly changed into a new pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He was wide awake and glad that Marshall had offered to sit up with him. He didn't want to be alone. The dream was still fresh in his mind, and he feared going back to sleep would only allow it to happen again.
"Feeling better?" Marshall asked.
Danny didn't miss the way Marshall's eyes quickly went to his crotch before scanning back up to meet his eyes. "Yeah, much. Cold water did the trick after a few minutes." He blew out a long breath. "Sorry I woke you."
"It's okay. I don't mind. I figured it would happen sooner than this. Nightmares I mean. I'm surprised you haven't had more of them." Marshall was on the couch and reached over and slid a mug toward Danny. "This should help warm you up."
"Thanks." He sat down next to Marshall. "I can't remember the last time I had hot chocolate. My mom used to make it for me when I was little and it was snowing outside."
"It's my comfort drink. Something about it just warms you up and makes you feel good," Marshall admitted. "My aunt would try any hot chocolate recipe. She'd put spices in it or mix orange juice in it. I never knew what I was going to get from her. I like mine plain, maybe with a few marshmallows or whip cream, but no real flavor difference."
"I'd like to try others, but I think I'd be like you and like it simple." Danny reached for the cup and blew over it twice before taking a small sip to test the heat. "Mmm, this is good. Thanks."
"Anytime." Marshall took a drink of his own.
"So, again, I'm sorry I woke you. I've had nightmares before, but they weren't this vivid, and in this one, Larry was laughing because I'd gotten aroused. He said that proved I liked what he was doing to me. I guess that's why I screamed in my sleep."
"How do you want me to handle them if they happen in the future. Should I wake you like I did tonight?"
Danny liked that Marshall wasn't asking him more about the dream. He didn't want to talk about it. "Yeah, please. I don't like being there with him, even if it's only in my head." He set the mug down. "It helped having you there tonight when I woke up. It didn't take me as long as usual to realize that Larry wasn't really there."
"I'm glad I can help that way."
"Me too." Danny smiled, then thought about the rest of what happened and sighed. "It's the first time I've gotten aroused in a long time. I mean, I couldn't wearing the cock cage, but even before that, it didn't happen very often. When it did, I'd do whatever I could to hide it. When I was about twelve or thirteen, I tried to make myself come, hoping it would stop it from happening so often, but I couldn't finish. All I saw was how Larry would make me do that for him and it made it so I didn't even want to do it to myself."
"You know it's a problem that probably isn't going to go away. You're going to have to get used to it somehow. Find a way to satisfy yourself."
"It's just that everything reminds me of him." Danny didn't want to cry, but he felt so broken.
"Then make new memories to replace his."
"Right, men are going to be knocking down the door to ask me out." Danny rolled his eyes at the thought. No one would want him and his problems.
"Men? So you know you like men?" Marshall asked.
"I've never really thought about women. Maybe it's because all I've known is…" He didn't want to call Larry a man. "I don't know. Maybe I don't have enough experience to know what I would like. It's not like I'm ever going to find out. I can't trust anyone. If anyone tried to touch me, I'd probably freak out."
"But you don't." Marshall smiled. "I touch you all the time and you never shy away. From the moment we met, you've never shunned my touch." He reached out and drew his fingers down Danny's cheek. "See, you don't back away. I hold your hand all of the time and you are okay with it. I grip your shoulders, and once or twice I've even hugged you."
"But it's you." Danny couldn't explain. Hell, he hardly understood it himself.
"And someday, you'll trust someone else too." Marshall reached for Danny's hand. "It will take time. You've faced a lot. Don't try and catch up all at once, but be sure you don't give up either. You are young enough that you can have a normal life, have strong relationships, raise a family."
Danny stared at their joined hands, wondering if it was possible. Could he be normal again? Trust someone enough to be close to him, maybe even share his body with them. The thought caused a shiver to run down him.
"What was that from? What were you thinking about?" Marshall caressed his thumb over Danny's hand.
"Having sex with someone in the future."
"It scares you?"
"Petrifies me. I don't think I can."
"You know, there are a million different ways to have sex? It doesn't have to be like it was with Larry."
Danny looked away, unable to meet Marshall's gaze. "It doesn't matter. No one will want me."
"That isn't true. Again, you have to give yourself time. You'll meet people, learn to trust them. Hopefully, slowly put the past behind you. Hell, it's only been a couple of weeks since you escaped. Things aren't going to happen overnight. You have to be positive and look to the future as a place filled with opportunity."
Danny nodded, but he still wasn't comfortable with the way his body was changing now that he was free. He didn't want to get hard. Didn't want to think about sex. Yet somewhere deep
down, he longed to be with someone he could trust, someone who would understand him and what he'd been through. Someone like Marshall who didn't judge him. "Can we watch a movie?"
"Sure. Do you want to pick something and I'll go make us some more hot chocolate?"
He nodded, reaching for the remote so he could scan what movies were streaming. He picked one about superheroes, then settled back on the couch.
"Here we go." Marshall set the mugs down a few minutes later, then dimmed the lights before sitting down beside him. "You okay?" He rested his hand on Danny's thigh.
"Yeah, thanks." Danny covered Marshall's hand with his own and was surprised when Marshall linked their fingers. The support was nice, and he liked the closeness. He forced thoughts of the dream out of his mind, forgot to worry about the future, and refused to think about his body's betrayal. For now, he was going to just enjoy the movie and being with someone he could trust not to hurt him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
"We're clear to go ahead," Marshall called as he double-checked all the cameras around the home the team was about to enter.
The area was isolated, which helped, but they could never be too careful. Jessica and Patrick were both good at what they did, but that didn't mean there couldn't be problems. Marshall was glad he was behind the computer. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to break into the house and take down the perverts the way they did. He just wasn't that brave. Thank God others were.
"They're going in." D paced the area behind Marshall, glancing at the monitors but focusing most of his attention on the police scanner. If everything went right, the scanner would stay silent until Jessica or Patrick were well out of the area and called the police on their own.
This was the worst part, the silent waiting and wondering what was going on. The whole team was all too aware of how dangerous this could be. Hell, the Denver team existed only because something had gone wrong in California and D had to move somewhere new.