by Liz King
Connor looks up at me with his mouth hanging open like he wants to say something.
“I can live without you,” I whisper. “I just don’t want to.” I lean down and press my lips to his. It’s a gentle and chaste kiss, but I pour every ounce of love I have into it.
Chapter Twenty-One
Connor
Lynae is still here. My sweetness is still here. She hasn’t run. And I believe her when she says she isn’t going to run. Her lips are on mine. This moment can’t be real. Telling her everything feels surreal. I thought for sure she would look at me with hate and disgust in her eyes. The same look I get every single fucking time I go back home. No, Lynae looked at me with pain and empathy in her eyes. She held me. She tried to comfort me. She’s just here for me.
I keep my eyes open. I gaze into Lynae’s eyes and see so much love reflected back at me that it takes my breath away. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer to me. I need to have her as close to me as she can get. When her lips pull away from mine, she breathes “I love you” across my own.
“I love you so fucking much, sweetness.” I pull her in for another kiss. “I need you. I know I should let you go, but I can’t. I need you too much.”
“Connor, I told you. I’m not going anywhere. I tried getting over you. It isn’t gonna happen.” She presses her forehead against mine. “I know you’re hurting. I want to be here for you if you’ll let me.”
I’ve never had anyone other than the guys stand by me. I can’t talk to them about this shit. It doesn’t feel right. It feels like I’m disgracing Kaitlin by trying to find somewhere other than myself to lay the blame. Hearing Lynae tell me that I don’t hold any responsibility takes me back to my talk with John in the kitchen right after Lynae woke up. He told me I didn’t do anything wrong, and I wanted to believe him.
Having Lynae in my arms telling me she loves me and wants to live her life with me is more than I could have ever imagined would have come from having this conversation with her. I don’t want to think about this anymore. At least not right now. Right now, all I want to do is take her upstairs and show her how much I love her. I need to feel her skin against mine. I need to feel her heart beating against my chest. My heart doesn’t beat without hers to tell it how.
I move my hands under her so that I’m cupping her firm behind and stand with her in my grasp. She instinctively wraps her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck.
“I need you, baby,” I whisper in her ear. I feel her shudder and I see goose bumps pebble her flesh. The time for talking is over.
“Yes.”
Without stopping to do or look at anything, I carry Lynae upstairs and straight back to my bedroom. I don’t even bother to shut any of the doors. I don’t have time to stop and think about anything other than showing my sweetness how much I love her and how much I need her.
Gently, I lay her down on the bed. I stand up and look down at this beautiful creature who’s just told me she loves me. Her chest rises and falls rapidly and there’s a gorgeous blush crossing over her chest. I take in the swell of her belly. That’s my child growing inside her. Our child. Falling to my knees, I lean over her and pull her by her legs so her bottom is resting on the edge of the bed.
“Connor.” My name comes out of her mouth on a breathless sigh. She is reaching her hand down trying to touch me.
I want to take my time with her. I don’t want to hurt the baby, but I know I can’t hold back today. I have to be inside her. I have to feel her. I slowly peel down those damn yoga pants that she always wears. The waistband is already rolled down below her belly. Once I have her pants off and thrown behind me on the floor, I start kissing up her left leg. Lynae’s skin is so soft. I could spend hours worshipping her.
Lynae starts wriggling in my grasp and sits up on the edge of the bed. “Please.”
I’m not going to make her ask twice. I place her foot back on the floor and quickly rip my shirt over my head and toss it behind me. I grip the hem of her cami and slowly push it up over her full breasts. Thank you, God, she isn’t wearing a bra. I have instant access to those bountiful mounds that I want to taste.
Standing up so I’m towering over her, I lean down and thrust my hands in her hair at the back of her neck and tip her head back. She gasps and her mouth falls open. I feel her tiny hands come up to either side of my hips as she starts tugging on my gym shorts.
Taking advantage of her open mouth, I crash my lips down on hers and delve inside with my tongue. She tastes sweet and perfect. She tastes like the home I’ve been searching for all my life. Lynae’s tongue meets mine stroke for stroke. She’s just as hungry for me as I am for her. I continue devouring her mouth as she eagerly pushes my shorts off my hips and they hit the floor.
I inhale a sharp breath when I feel tiny hands wrap around my cock, which feels like it could explode at any moment. Lynae pulls her mouth away from me and looks down to where her hands are stroking up and down my shaft. I feel my cock jerk as she licks her lips before she leans forward and traces the barbell of my apa with that devious tongue of hers. I want nothing more than to grab her hair and thrust deep into her hot mouth that I know feels so unbelievably good, but this needs to be about her. We need to take this slow. I want to make love to my sweetness, not fuck her.
“Baby.” I groan. Lynae’s mouth on my dick feels so good that it’s almost painful. Tugging on her hair, I pull her head way from me.
Lynae looks up and that look in her eye makes my heart feel like it could explode right out of my chest. “I love you, Connor. Let me love you.”
“I love you too, sweetness.” I lean forward and press a gentle kiss to her lips that are swollen from my attention. “Lay back. Let me love you.” Pressing lightly on her shoulders, I help Lynae lie back on the mattress once again. I quickly pull her panties off to expose her to me completely. She is so beautiful. I don’t think I will ever tire of looking at her perfection.
Crawling over her body, I settle myself over her carefully. I don’t want to crush her or the baby, but I love the feeling of her warm body underneath me. Her hair is fanned out like a halo on the comforter and she’s looking up at me with so much love and trust. As my hips nestle between her legs and my cock glides into her wet core, she wraps her legs around my waist, pulling me closer. I’m trying to hold back. I’m trying to take it slow, but her damn wiggling and moaning is making it hard.
Lynae’s fingernails drag down from my shoulders to my hips. “Please, Connor. I need you.”
I shift us further up the bed, so her head’s resting on the pillow. “Lynae, I want you so bad. I don’t want to hurt the baby. Tell me this is okay.”
She nods her head and uses her feet to push my hips into her as she grinds her hot wet pussy up. I can’t help myself. I pull back slightly, then slowly push my rock hard cock into her wet heat. She wraps and squeezes me like a glove. Her body is so hot and tight. I know I won’t last long. With slow and deep thrusts, I try to give her as much pleasure while maintaining as much control as I possibly can. I want nothing more than to bury myself balls deep and lose myself in the heaven that is her body.
“Oh, God!” she moans, clinging to me. I feel her hands grip my ass as she tries to pull me as close to her as she can. I’m trying to hold my weight up. “Harder, please! Harder!”
Still holding my weight up with my arms, I begin to grind harder and deeper. She feels even tighter than the first time I was inside her. I don’t think I’ll be able to last much longer, especially the way her pussy is squeezing my cock. I feel that all-familiar tingle starting at the base of my spine, and my balls feel like they could blow at any moment. I take one arm and reach between us to rub over her clit just the way I know she likes it. She’s so fucking wet.
Within seconds, Lynae is screaming out my name with her release and I follow quickly behind her. The walls of her pussy are milking me dry. It’s never felt this intense. Something feels different about this time. I feel like I’ve connected w
ith Lynae on an entirely different level. After Lynae’s hot little body has squeezed the life out of me, and her body has calmed from the tremors of her orgasm, I roll onto my back, bringing her with me so she’s resting on my chest. I’m so damn afraid of crushing her. She’s so tiny, and I’ll kill myself if I do something to hurt the baby.
“I love you. I will love you forever,” I whisper into her hair as I stroke her back.
She nuzzles her nose up and down my chest, over my tattoo. “I love you so much that it physically hurts my heart to be apart from you. Don’t ever push me away again.”
I squeeze her tighter to me. I’m never letting her go. I was such a damn fool to let the demons from my past take control and make me see what the alcohol wanted me to see. I should have known Lynae would never betray me. She is pure goodness.
“I’m keeping you right here where you are. I promise you.”
“No more secrets, Connor. We need to talk. We need to be open and honest with each other.”
“I know, baby. Can you ever forgive me for hurting you?” Both physically and emotionally, I add in my head. I know the emotional pain I’ve caused her is far worse than the physical. I know how much that kind of pain hurts and festers.
“I already have. It’s taken me some time, but I have. I love you. And I want to be with you. Always.” Lynae rests her chin on my chest.
Releasing a breath I’ve probably been holding since the moment Lynae fell down the stairs, I sigh in relief. I have been praying for her forgiveness since the second those words left my lips.
“I will spend every single day of my life trying to make it up to you. I want to prove to you that I’m worthy of your love and forgiveness.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Lynae
Making love to Connor last night after learning about his painful past was the culmination of a very long day. It felt so right to let go and give myself over to him again. My heart, body and soul really do belong to him and only him. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without him in it. Sure, I would survive. I survived the horrible trauma that was Matt, but my life wouldn’t be as full if I couldn’t share it with the one man who can build me up after I was so completely and utterly broken.
I am so totally in love with this man that there is no turning back. As much as his words hurt me, I can’t possibly conceive moving on without him. I don’t want to; I don’t even want to think about it. I don’t think I will ever be able to forget it, but we all make mistakes. After hearing him on the phone with the man Connor has the most unfortunate luck to call his father, I honestly can’t blame him for some of his reactions. He’s lived the past few years harboring guilt over the death of his sister, something he truly didn’t have much control over. Like I told him, he was drunk that night. He certainly couldn’t have driven Kaitlin home himself, and he can’t be held responsible for her choosing to get in a car with someone else who had been drinking. He was a dumb twenty year old who was thinking with his other head.
Looking back, I realize Connor had been dealing with harassment from his parents and he was trying to grieve for a sister he was never able to really say goodbye to. Without closure, you can never truly heal. When he needed me the most, I pushed and pushed, trying to get him to open a wound that was merely scabbed over, not healed. He escaped into the only source of numbing his pain he knew beyond me. In his alcohol-dazed mind, he made more of what he saw and he lashed out. Connor was so used to taking the brunt of all the blame he felt the need to hurt me as he much as he was hurting. His words were words born of pain and impaired judgment. Being drunk is by no means an excuse for his actions, but it explains it.
The fall was a tragic accident that happened while we were both throwing out words that can’t ever be taken back. We both said some hurtful things that night. We can either choose to wallow in that pain and guilt, or we can embrace the second chance we have and move on. Connor and I hare having a baby. I want this baby to have all the love and devotion we can give him or her.
~
My follow-up appointment this morning went well. Kim, Dr. Parsons, just told me to try to stay better hydrated and gave me some medicine to take in the morning if I continue with my morning nausea. Connor insisted on going with me. I think he is afraid to let me out of his sight. He kept telling me over and over again how scared he was when he got the call from Seth that I was in the ER on Friday. I know he wishes he would have been the one with me when everything happened, but Seth was great. I’m glad he and I had time to talk out some of our issues. I still think Seth and I have a long way to go to get our friendship back to where it was. I worry about him and Connor. I don’t want to come between them. They have been such good friends for so long.
Somehow I managed to talk Connor into letting me go back to my apartment by myself for a few hours to pack up some clothes. He really wants me to stay with him, so he can “keep an eye on me” and make sure I’m “doing as I’m told” by the doctors. It didn’t take much convincing from Connor to make me agree to stay with him, but I need to go back to my place so I can face Sly. Sly and I have never fought before. I’ve never chosen someone else’s side over his. I need to fix this. I just hope it’s not too late. Sly is one of the most important people in my life; I need him.
I’m sitting in the parking lot in front of my building looking up at my bedroom window on the fifth floor. I’m scared to go up there. I talked to Michelle on the phone this morning before my doctor’s appointment. She said Sly stayed at her place Friday and Saturday night, but went back to my apartment last night. That means he’s up there. Probably brooding and pissed. Michelle has known that Connor and I were starting to talk more and slowly try to work things out, but she didn’t say anything to Sly. She told me it was my place to tell him, and I am grateful she didn’t say anything. Throughout all of the phone calls and text conversations Sly and I have had over the last few weeks, I didn’t mention it. I knew he would be upset that Connor was even speaking to me, but I had hoped he would want me to be happy.
I called Daddy on the way here to tell him about my appointment and ask his advice on dealing with Sly. He just told me to be honest with him, and to follow my heart:
“You and Sly go way back. He looks at you like a sister. He is gonna be protective of you, Kara Lynae. You have a mighty strong head on your shoulders. I know that Connor loves you with every bit of himself. You need to tell Sly how you feel. If you really want to build a future with Connor, you are going to have to tell that to Sly. He may not be the most agreeable because he’s just as stubborn as you are, and he loves you to the moon and back, but you are gonna have to tell him what you want.”
Gathering all my courage, I make my way up to my front door. I let myself in, and I’m not surprised to see Sly sitting on the couch watching TV. He looks over his shoulder at me and then returns his attention to whatever program is on. I drop my purse off on the kitchen table and slowly walk into the living room.
“Hi.” I fold my legs under me as I sit on the opposite end of the couch.
“You finally figure out that shithead is no good for you, and come back here to cry?” Sly grunts.
I’m taken aback by his roughness. He’s never been so aggressive or mean towards me. Although, I guess my telling him to get out of the hospital room gives him the right to be pissed at me. But I deserve to be heard. Sly doesn’t know Connor like I do. He doesn’t know about Kaitlin and all the shit he’s had to go through.
I sit up straighter, turning to face Sly. “Listen, I get you’re mad at me. And at Connor—”
Sly cuts me off with a growl. “Mad doesn’t even begin to cover it when it comes to Connor. He is an ass of epic proportions. He ripped your heart out. He could have killed you.”
“You don’t understand. We’ve talked. About everything,” I retort.
“I understand that you are stupid if you fall for whatever lies he shovels your way. I thought you were smarter than that.”
Tears start to pr
ick my eyes. I hate this. I hate that I am fighting with my best friend.
“No, you don’t understand a damn thing, Sly. Connor has had a shit life. And you of all people should understand that having family that doesn’t stick around and believe in you can mess a person up!” I cry. “You had Gina to stand by you and love you, but when your dad walked out, I know it hurt you. Imagine having both of your parents treat you like shit!”
Sly moves closer to my side at the sight of my tears. He can’t stand to see me cry. He says it’s like his kryptonite. “Lynae. Shit! Don’t start with the tears. You know I can’t handle it when you cry.” He pulls me into his arms. “What are you talking about?”
I let him wrap his arm around my shoulders, but I pull back from him trying to settle me on his lap. “Connor blames himself for his sister’s death. So do his parents. He was upset and drunk. And I kept pushing him to tell me what was bothering him.” I sniffle. “I wouldn’t let it go. He got very, very drunk and thought he saw something he didn’t and took his anger out on me.”
“That doesn’t excuse his behavior.”
“I know that. I never said it did. All I’m saying is that he wasn’t in his right mind when he was saying all that. And he didn’t push me. It was an accident. A very bad accident,” I implore.
“You could have died.”
“But I didn’t. Like I said, that was an accident. And Connor and I have talked. I don’t think I can ever forget what happened, but I have forgiven him. If I can, you should be able to do the same. And it is for me to decide what to do. Connor and I are having a baby. I love him. I love him more than anything. He opened my heart to feel like I was worthy of love and intimacy.” I wipe the tears from my cheeks.
Sly sits silently beside me. I’m not sure what he’s thinking. He’s sitting there brooding and grinding his jaw.