Chocolate, Lies, and Murder (Amber Fox Mysteries Book #4)

by Sibel Hodge

  Nothing happened. Phew.

  ‘That’s it!’ Tia beamed at me.

  ‘Nothing happened. Nothing broke.’ I grinned back. ‘That’s a first.’

  ‘See, I told you this is going to work. By tonight, I bet you’ll have solved the case, and you and Brad will be back at home together all snuggly wuggly.’

  I raised an eyebrow. Brad was a roughty toughty ex-SAS guy. Somehow, I didn’t think ‘snugly wuggly’ was in his vocabulary, but hey ho. At home with Brad on our own sounded good to me. I took the cake. I’d put it in the fridge to use on him later.

  Chapter 10

  I drove to Elstree Studios and parked outside the entrance, scooching down in the car so I wouldn’t be seen while I waited for Felicia to leave. The only problem was that the Toyota would be easily recognizable with graffiti scrawled across it, but I had to hope Felicia wouldn’t notice.

  Tom Baker was in the guard booth again. He reached into a packet of sweets and popped one in his mouth. I pulled out the binoculars from my rucksack and zoomed in on the packet. Jelly Baby Buses. I knew it! It definitely was him.

  After an hour, I glanced at the dashboard clock. Six p.m. Hopefully she’d be finished soon. I jigged my foot up and down and adjusted my ass in the seat, since it had started to fall asleep. Stakeouts were so boring.

  My phone buzzed with a text from Mum.

  ‘Catwoman to Red Fox! Nothing interesting going on at Lace, and they’ve now closed. Bought four more pairs of chocolate ones. Vegas will be fun!’

  I groaned as the phone buzzed again with another text, this time from Tia.

  ‘Penelope Pitstop to Red Fox! Brad and Aleesha just arrived back at house with Nathan. This is soooo super cool! Can I get an ejector seat fitted to my car?’

  I figured she was joking, so I didn’t reply. Turned out she wasn’t.

  ‘Can I? I just Googled ejector seats on my phone, and you can get one done at specialist garages. Love Penelope Pitstop xx’

  I texted back.

  ‘Stop looking at Google and watch out for Nathan leaving. No ejector seat!! They give you whiplash and make all your teeth fall out from the G-force.’

  ‘How about smoke bombs fitted to the exhaust? That way I can disappear in a puff of smoke if someone follows me.’

  ‘Just watch Nathan!’

  ‘Meanie!’

  At half past six, Felicia’s car came out of the gates. She waved goodbye to Tom and drove off down the road. I put the Toyota into gear and followed her a few car lengths behind. Forty-five minutes later, she pulled up on the driveway of her parents’ vicarage. A tall man dressed in black, wearing a white vicar’s collar, opened the door as she was about to put the key in the lock. He pointed to his watch and frowned. She shook her head slightly in return, and her hair swished about. Maybe her parents were strict. I wondered what they’d think of her having a crush on Steve.

  As I waited for something amazingly exciting to happen, my mobile rang.

  ‘Hey, Foxy,’ Brad drawled. Instantly, I wished I wasn’t sitting in a graffitied Toyota on the outskirts of town and was instead in a delicious bubble bath with my hubby-to-be.

  ‘Hey, yourself. How was your day?’ That twinge of jealousy tugged at my insides again. It was irrational and stupid, I knew that. Brad had never given me a reason to doubt his faithfulness, but unfortunately feelings weren’t always logical, were they?

  ‘Awful. I took Aleesha and Nathan to the studios to film Real Women. You should see the way she treats people. She’s a nightmare.’

  ‘That’s pretty much what everyone says about her.’ I fought the urge to have another dig about how he’d ended up sleeping with her.

  ‘Then we went to the Playboy shoot, which involved Aleesha wearing lots of sticky silver glitter body paint and nothing else.’

  The twinge got stronger at the thought of him seeing another woman naked. ‘Hmph.You didn’t have to look!’

  ‘I’m supposed to be acting as her bodyguard. Of course I have to look.’

  ‘I suppose,’ I said sulkily.

  ‘I got your text. So, you think this could just be a big publicity stunt by Aleesha as well, do you?’

  ‘I wouldn’t put it past her.’ I gave him an update on what I’d found out so far. ‘She’s a conniving home-wrecker who likes to manipulate people. What did you see in her?’ OK, I couldn’t resist.

  ‘Well, I was lonely. And drunk. And it was at a party, and it was a heat of the moment thing.’

  ‘You? You don’t get lonely.’

  ‘Well, a man has needs, you know. And you wouldn’t speak to me, let alone see me. It was a long time after you ended things.’

  ‘Actually, you ended things when you buggered off and didn’t tell me where you were for months,’ I snapped.

  ‘We’re not having this conversation again, are we?’

  I sighed. I was sick of this conversation, too. We were over it. We were back together. We were getting married. That was all that mattered. ‘No. Let’s have a weddingy conversation instead. I bought my wedding underwear today.’

  ‘Why? It won’t be on you long enough. You might as well go commando.’

  ‘I can’t wait for this case to be over. I still need to get a manicure and a bikini wax. When am I going to have time? You’re not going to like a hairy bride, are you?’

  ‘I’d still love you even if you were the hairiest woman on earth.’

  I laughed. ‘What have you and Aleesha got planned tonight?’

  ‘She wants to play Scrabble.’

  I snorted. ‘What, naked, dirty word Scrabble?’

  ‘Who knows? I just can’t wait to get out of here.’

  Good. ‘Well, I’ve got a date with a French man.’

  There was silence for a few seconds. ‘Look, nothing is going on with Aleesha and me, I swear. This is strictly business.’

  ‘Relax. It’s Mr Cabernet Sauvignon.’ I smiled to myself. ‘Marmalade and French Men are my only company now.’

  ‘Foxy, Nathan’s just left the house this minute. Have you got anyone watching him?’

  ‘Tia.’

  ‘Oh. Is that a good idea?’

  ‘Well, she’s enthusiastic, I’ll give her that. And it’s not like we’ve got much choice. You’re with Aleesha, and I need this case solved so we can just relax and look forward to the wedding.’

  ‘I can’t wait. Especially for the after-wedding commando part.’ His voice was low, primal.

  My after-wedding parts sprang to attention at the sexy tone in his voice. ‘Mmm.’ I grinned and noticed Felicia open her front door and walk down her path. ‘Ooh, gotta go, Felicia’s on the move.’

  ‘Later.’ He hung up.

  Felicia swung a left, heading towards the end of the road. I pulled on a baseball cap, tucked up my hair underneath it, and put on a pair of big sunglasses, then got out of the car. On the opposite side of the road, I tailed her with my head down. What was she up to?

  It didn’t take me long to find out. As she turned into the next street, she walked up to a post box, took a small brown Jiffy bag out of her coat pocket, and dumped it in the box. As she scurried back to her house, I waited until she was a good distance away before heading back to the car. So, was mousey little Felicia sending the letters? The Jiffy bag looked remarkably similar to the ones Aleesha was getting. Or was she posting something innocent? Like a present for a friend? Or maybe her Dad ran a Bible delivery service in his spare time. Only one way to find out. I needed to get into that post box. It was too late for the Post Office to collect the mail that night, so I had until early tomorrow morning to get into it.

  Brad was the best lock picker in town, but since he was out of action, I’d have to get Hacker to help me open the box. I picked up the phone to ring him and it buzzed with an incoming text from Tia.

  ‘Red Fox, Nathan’s on the move. Following! Yipppeee. Over and out. Penelope xx’

  I shook my head and dialled Hacker. ‘Yo. How are you at breaking into post boxes?’
<
br />   ‘Never tried, but if I can break into Saddam Hussein’s palace, I can break into a post box.’

  My jaw dropped open. ‘You were at Saddam Hussein’s palace?’

  ‘My lips are sealed.’

  ‘Spoil sport.’

  ‘What’s the address of the post box?’

  I told him the street name. ‘How are we going to break into it?’ I thought about the heavy cast iron red cylinder. There was a lock at the front, but I suspected it would be hard to get into.

  ‘Post boxes have a brass security lock on the inside with more than six thousand possible combinations. There’s no skeleton key, so each box has an individual one. I’ll need to hack into the Post Office system and get the key details, then I’ll make one up on my laser cutter.’

  ‘You have a laser cutter? I bet you’ve got a missile launcher stashed away somewhere, too, haven’t you?’

  ‘Funny you should say that. Anyway, it might take me a while. If the post is safe for the night, you don’t need to hang around. I’ll call you when I’m on my way, and you can meet me there. It’s probably best to do it in the early hours of the morning when everyone’s asleep.

  ‘Gotcha.’ I hung up, and my phone immediately buzzed with a text from Tia.

  ‘Nathan now at the supermarket, buying melons, cucumbers, and nettle tea. Chocolate doughnuts are on special offer at the moment for your info!’

  I threw the phone on my passenger seat and tapped my very real, unmanicured nails on the steering wheel. It was eight p.m., and I had hours to kill before we got into that box. It looked like me getting cosy with the French man was out of the question tonight. I’m sure my liver breathed a hefty sigh of relief.

  I took off in the direction of my still empty home to wait. Even if Brad wasn’t there to give me cuddles, I could get Marmalade to oblige.

  As I pulled up on the driveway in front of the barn conversion, my lights caught something on the front step. Oh, crap. I hoped Marmalade hadn’t brought me another present.

  I got out of the car and approached the step, groaning. What would it be this time? A mangled rabbit? A chewed-up mouse?

  Bugger, it was worse.

  A packet of chocolate knickers with a folded up note underneath greeted me.

  I glanced around the darkness, wondering if Dr Spork was lurking in the bushes, waiting to jump on me and slide a ring on my finger, but no one was around.

  I slid the note from underneath the knickers and read it:

  ‘I know you love me, too, Amber. Stop denying it. I’ve got some new knickers for you, as the other ones have probably melted when you wore them for me last night. The Sporkites told me we should have a simple wedding with just family and friends. How does the 18th suit you?

  Love you always

  Dr Spork xxx’

  Great. Just great. I picked up the knickers and went inside the house, then phoned Suzy.

  ‘Yes?’ she answered.

  ‘Good evening, my wonderful sister, how are you?’ I dumped my rucksack on the floor and the knickers in the bin in the kitchen.

  ‘What do you want?’

  ‘Dr Spork’s sent me more knickers.’

  She sighed.

  ‘OK, so I get that you can’t do lobotomies and electric shock stuff, but how about putting him in a padded cell? You said yourself that erotomanics can become dangerous.’

  ‘A padded cell? Don’t be ridiculous.’

  Me, ridiculous? I wasn’t the one sending knickers to people!

  ‘The Sporkites are peaceful creatures. They wouldn’t tell Dr Spork to harm you.’

  See what I mean about psychiatrists sounding like their patients? ‘Are you listening to yourself? Do you actually believe in Sporkites, Suzy?’

  ‘Of course not,’ she snapped. ‘But it’s what he believes. This is just a harmless fixation on you.’

  ‘Well, give him some double treatments, or up his medication, or something.’ I huffed. It had been a long day, and I really wasn’t in the mood for dealing with nutters who sent me knickers.

  ‘I have a double appointment with him tomorrow that will last three hours. I’ll make sure we work extra hard, OK? Satisfied?’

  ‘Well, I suppose I’ll have to be.’ I hung up. If I ever did need to see a psychiatrist, it definitely wouldn’t be Suzy.

  Marmalade strolled into the kitchen, nudging his head against my leg. ‘Meow.’

  ‘What? Does that mean you want food again?’

  ‘Meow.’

  I picked him up, gave him a cuddle, and then fed him. While he chowed down, I phoned Tia and Dad. I told them about Felicia and the suspicious package she’d sent, and called off their surveillance for the night. It had to be Felicia sending the knickers and threats. It just had to be. And once I could prove it, case closed. I’d go back to my happy life with Brad, and Aleesha could find someone else to harass. Maybe Tia’s spell was working after all.

  Pacing up and down the living room, I waited for Hacker to call. I gave up at one a.m. and turned on the TV. Tania Tate and another comedian were hosting a twenty-four-hour live Children in Need show with loads of different celebrities doing all kinds of things on air to raise money for charity. I watched singers and bands performing various acts, famous actors doing a celebrity bake-off with each other, a well-known comedian interviewing Lady Gaga, and some soap stars going head to head at Strictly Come Dancing. At quarter past three in the morning, Hacker rang and told me to meet him at the post box.

  When I turned up, he was already parked in his black Range Rover. I left my car a little way down the street and walked to him.

  ‘You made up a key?’ I whispered as he got out of the Range Rover carrying a large hessian sack.

  ‘Yep.’

  We glanced around the dark street. Luckily, this was a nice neighbourhood, and everyone was tucked up in their beds in snoozeland. The post box was at the end of the street, and the two nearest streetlamps weren’t working. Handy. Hopefully, we wouldn’t be seen.

  ‘Did you mess with the streetlamps?’ I asked Hacker

  He grinned, and his gold front teeth glinted in the moonlight. ‘Of course.’

  We walked in silence to the post box. I stood guard and kept a lookout while Hacker inserted his special key into the lock.

  I held my breath and waited.

  He turned the key, and I heard a metallic click before the door opened. We didn’t want to get caught going through the contents there and then, so Hacker quickly shovelled all the post into the sack and locked up the box again.

  ‘Meet me at the office,’ Hacker said.

  I nodded and jogged back to the Toyota, then followed Hacker down the deserted streets for the half hour trip back to Hi-Tec.

  He carried the heavy sack into the office effortlessly and dumped the contents on the conference room table.

  ‘That’s a lot of post.’ I stared at the big mound, wondering how many dodgy things were posted every day throughout the whole world.

  We pulled on some latex gloves and examined every Jiffy bag in silence, concentrating on the task at hand. Luckily, there weren’t that many amongst all the envelopes, and at half past four, I hit the jackpot.

  ‘Got it!’ I waved the Jiffy bag addressed to Aleesha in my hand, a huge smile plastered all over my face.

  Hacker stretched his arms over his head. ‘Good. I never want to see another envelope as long as I live.’

  I carefully undid the flap and looked inside, pulling out a letter and a packet of chocolate knickers. The letter said:

  ‘Die bitch! I will make you pay for everything!’

  ‘Felicia has a unique way with words.’ Hacker read it over my shoulder.

  ‘I wonder if she writes poetry, too.’ I grinned. ‘Well, well, well. Not only does meek and mild, daughter-of-a-vicar have a potty mouth, she’s also making death threats. I’m sure the man upstairs wouldn’t like that very much.’ I slipped the Jiffy envelope into a clear plastic bag and put it in my rucksack for evidence.

&
nbsp; ‘At least you can wrap the case up now and get Brad away from Aleesha.’

  My grin widened. ‘Yep. Bubble bath and chocolate cake coming up!’ I allowed myself a quick fantasy before reaching for my mobile and calling Brad. It rang and rang and went to voicemail.

  Why wasn’t he answering? It was almost five in the morning, for God’s sake! A horrible stab of jealousy poked me in the heart as I imagined him and Aleesha tangled in her sheets, smearing jam over each other and having a mutual licking-fest. Seriously icky.

  I left a terse message. ‘Call me when you get this!’ And I stabbed the end call button. ‘Why isn’t he answering the phone?’

  Hacker looked uncomfortable. ‘Maybe he’s turned it to mute while he’s asleep.’

  ‘Yes, but he never does that. Ever.’

  ‘Maybe the phone’s faulty and the ring tone doesn’t work.’

  ‘Hardly likely.’

  ‘I don’t know, but I do know he loves you so much he’d never cheat on you.’

  Of course he did. Didn’t he?

  ‘Look, why don’t you go home and get a couple of hours sleep while I go and put the letters back in the post box before it gets light. There’s not much you can do about Felicia until later this morning.’

  I tried to ignore the queasy feeling in my stomach about what Brad was doing, and exactly why he wasn’t answering the phone in the early hours of the morning.

  I drove home and fell into bed, exhausted, but when I woke up three hours later, the duvet was tangled around my legs and the bottom sheet was all skewiff, like I’d been tossing and turning. I had a severe headache, too. Probably stress. Or maybe the Death by Chocolate cake was off.

  Marmalade pounced on the bed and sat on my head, padding at my hair.

  ‘Hey, boy. How are you?’

  He purred in return.

  ‘Do you think Brad slept with Aleesha last night? Meow once for “yes” and twice for “no”.’ I picked him up and put him on my stomach, staring at him with baited breath. What? Seriously, Marmalade was an intelligent cat.

  He blinked at me. ‘Meeeeeeooooooow.’

  I sat up in bed, dislodging him. ‘Wait, was that one meow or two rolled into one?’