The Ex Files

by Victoria Christopher Murray

  When Pastor Ford stopped, Asia said, “That’s it?”

  “Yes.”

  “That doesn’t make sense.” Asia’s hands flailed through the air. “Her last words were thank you for the hope. If she had hope, why did she do this?”

  Pastor Ford shook her head. “I don’t think anyone can explain or fully understand suicide.”

  Sheridan said, “This was probably about her husband.”

  Pastor Ford shrugged. “Yes. No. Maybe. None of us will ever know. And there’s never a good reason. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. The reason it’s done doesn’t matter. Anyone who chooses to do that is not in their right mind.”

  Again, silence, until Asia leaned forward and folded her head in her lap, her sobs claiming the quiet space. Pastor Ford stood and rubbed her niece’s back. “I thought about waiting until your prayer meeting was over to tell you this, but there’s never a good time.”

  “And we would have known something was wrong, Pastor,” Sheridan said. “Vanessa’s always on time.”

  The pastor nodded. “Well, I need to get going. Elder Pearl is with Vanessa’s mother and I want to get down there as quickly as I can.”

  “Is there anything we can do?” Sheridan asked.

  “Not yet, but I’ll definitely let you know in the next few days.” She tapped Asia’s shoulder. “Are you going to be all right?”

  Asia sniffed, nodded.

  “I’ll make sure she’s okay, Pastor,” Sheridan said.

  The pastor hugged Sheridan, then Asia. Finally, she stepped toward Kendall. She smiled at the one who had stayed quiet throughout.

  “Kendall, is there anything you want to say? Anything you want to ask me?” Pastor Ford asked.

  Kendall stood, but still said nothing.

  Pastor Ford took Kendall’s hands into hers. “Are you all right?”

  The rumbling began at her feet. By the time Pastor Ford called her name again, Kendall’s body trembled with the force of an earthquake. Her head rolled back and she screamed—a piercing sound that frightened them all. A moment later, she laid her head on her pastor’s shoulder and wept.

  Chapter Fifty-six

  SHERIDAN

  Sheridan’s head ached from her tears, yet they still flowed. Her mind wouldn’t let go of Vanessa. She was crammed with images of her—her voice, her laughter, her smile.

  She gripped the steering wheel. This doesn’t make sense—she wanted to scream those words to God. Of all of them, Vanessa was the one she wanted to know better, the one who was most connected to God.

  You never know who you’re sitting next to.

  Those were Vanessa’s words, spoken that first week. She remembered being so impressed with that statement. Instead of being impressed, she should have been aware. Watched her more closely, so that she could have seen the signs.

  She grabbed her cell phone and dialed the number without memory of the last words he’d said to her.

  The call went to his voice mail. She hung up, and dialed again. And then again. And again.

  “Brock!” she said the moment he finally answered.

  “Sheridan, what’s wrong?”

  “I…” She couldn’t continue through her sobs.

  “Sheridan,” he screamed, “where are you?”

  “I’m at home,” she said looking through the windshield. She’d sat in the driveway, unable to move.

  “Where’s Tori?”

  “She’s here, inside the house. I can’t go in.”

  “Is anyone there with you?”

  “No.” And then the cries came again.

  “I’m on my way.”

  She clicked off the phone and laid her head on the steering wheel, her body shaking with her sobs.

  The tap on the window made her raise her head and her eyes widened when Brock opened the car door and took her hand, pulling her out. Had she been crying for half an hour?

  “I was at Starbucks.” He explained his quick trip as he opened the back door and the two slipped into the rear seat. Then he drew her head to his chest. And she sobbed more. Through her cries, she told the story of Vanessa’s pain. Vanessa’s pain that now belonged to her. And he held her tighter.

  “I cannot believe she did this.”

  He kissed her head.

  “I feel so bad for her.”

  When her tears subsided, he said, “Come on, let’s go inside.”

  Still he held her as she staggered toward her home.

  “Tori,” Sheridan called, the moment she stepped inside. When her daughter didn’t answer, she said, “She’s probably watching television.” Then she glanced at the clock. “Or asleep. Let me go check on her.”

  When she returned, she stood at the entrance to the living room and paused as she watched Brock stretched out on her sofa, his head back, eyes closed. He looked like sunrise in Tahiti.

  Her heart ached more.

  Without a word, she slipped off her shoes and lay next to him. Without opening his eyes, he pulled her close and they rested, their heartbeats becoming one. In his arms, Sheridan found comfort. And just a bit of peace.

  She was so sure. Now.

  “Thank you,” she finally said. “I needed you.”

  He tightened his arms; his only response.

  “Brock, this is where I want to be. This is where I want you to be.” She opened her eyes and when she looked up, he was gazing at her. “I want to be with you. I really do.”

  “Sheridan…” He paused, shook his head. “I didn’t come over here to talk about this.”

  She pulled away from him. “But I want to talk about it. Losing Vanessa, and losing her this way, I know what’s most important. I don’t want to waste any more time apart.”

  He clasped his hands as if he were praying. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear you say this?”

  “I know. I don’t have any idea what I’ve been waiting for.”

  “But I know….”

  She stared at him for a moment. “Please, Brock,” she said, knowing where he was going.

  “You still have unresolved feelings for Quentin.”

  “That’s not true!”

  “He’s still right there.” With a single finger, he caressed the center of her chest. When he pulled his hand away, he said, “And I can’t even begin to think about a future with you when there’s another man in your heart.”

  “I don’t know why you won’t believe the words I say.”

  “Because I’d prefer to believe the things you do.”

  She took a breath, closed her eyes, tried to figure out what she could say to convince him. Her eyes popped open when she felt him stand.

  “I’m going to head home.”

  “Brock, please, believe me.”

  He pulled her from the couch and into his arms. “I want to. I really do,” he whispered into her ear. “But I would rather you be with Quentin, instead of wondering for the rest of our lives why you chose me.” His lips brushed her forehead, and then he released her.

  She trembled as he walked away. “What do I have to do?”

  He faced her. “Sheridan, I’m letting you go.”

  She couldn’t believe how many tears she had left.

  “I’m letting you go,” he continued, “because I want you to look at what you’ve been doing. Maybe even spend some time with Quentin”—he paused, breathed—“if you have to. But what you definitely have to do is be honest with yourself—for you and for me. Then, if you can really come back to me, if you can bring me your heart the way I’ve given you mine, I’ll be there.” He stared at her for just a moment more before he stepped out the door.

  Chapter Fifty-seven

  KENDALL

  Kendall couldn’t drive fast enough.

  The needle on the speedometer pushed past seventy-five. Still, Pastor Ford’s voice kept up with her, repeating it over and again.

  Vanessa passed away today.

  From the moment Pastor Ford had brought them the news, Kendall f
elt as if her words were prophesy. Soon, it would be her sister. And if she lost her sister, she’d lose her father. He would blame her, never forgive her. To him, she’d be as dead as Sabrina.

  Kendall sobbed. Now, she knew. She never wanted her sister to die. It was just the pain of the betrayal that she wanted to pass away.

  Kendall veered off the freeway and minutes later, she swerved into the driveway. The car had barely stopped before she bolted out and dashed across the lawn.

  She banged on the door. “Daddy!”

  At first, nothing. She wondered if he were at the hospital. Or could it be worse—was she already too late?

  She sobbed. “Daddy!” She bashed on the door again.

  Then, “Baby girl?”

  “Daddy!”

  “Where is your key?” she heard him say as he fumbled with the locks.

  The door swung open and Kendall wrapped her arms around her father.

  He gripped Kendall’s arms. “Baby girl, you’re trembling.”

  She had to wait a moment, for the shaking to stop, for the quivering to leave her lips. And when her heart began to beat once again, she said, “Daddy, yes.” She hugged her father. “I’m going to do it…for Sabrina.”

  “Oh, thank you, baby girl.” Edwin pulled her tight and the two wept together.

  Her butt hurt.

  Kendall twisted, opened her eyes, and tried to focus. Where am I? And then it came rushing back. The anguish.

  She rolled over in the twin-size bed that she’d slept in until she moved into her first apartment. Her eyes focused on the matching bed across the room, the space where Sabrina had slept.

  She pushed herself up; she was still dressed in the sweat suit she’d worn yesterday, and she wondered how she’d made it to this room. She didn’t remember. Just remembered sitting with her father, deep into the night. Edwin had held his baby girl as she told him about Vanessa. He soothed her with his voice, told her of the things he knew about God.

  “The Lord doesn’t cause these kinds of things to happen, but He allows it. So He knows best.”

  After a while, she’d sat at the foot of his recliner as he leaned back and told her stories of his youth in St. Thomas. She’d heard these tales before, but last night, she needed the comfort of the connection.

  “Baby girl, are you up?”

  She rolled from the bed. “Yes, Daddy.”

  “I made some breakfast,” he yelled through the closed door.

  She smiled. Wanted to ask what kind of breakfast he’d made. But no matter what, she’d fix it up when she got out there. “Give me a few minutes.”

  Her eyes wandered around the bedroom. Edwin had done nothing to change it even though his girls had been gone for years. The fading We Are the World poster still hung on the walls. Dingy photo frames holding pictures taken long ago sat on the dresser. Even the bedspreads were the same.

  This space was full of their good life, their good times.

  She took in every inch of the room. All she had to do was remember that—the good times. And then she could save her sister’s life.

  Edwin was scraping a pile of scrambled eggs onto two plates when she stepped from the bedroom. He looked up, grinned. “Did you sleep well?”

  She nodded as she slipped into the chair.

  He dropped the pan into the sink and then joined her at the table. Taking her hand he said, “We have a lot to pray about. I spoke to Dr. Hudson. He wants you to come right in.”

  She tried to return his smile, and when he bowed his head, she did the same. But she didn’t close her eyes. Wasn’t sure that she wanted to pray. Just wanted to get all of this over with so that she could go back to living her own life.

  Chapter Fifty-eight

  ASIA

  Asia blew Angel a kiss, then rushed toward the main sanctuary. She mingled with the masses flowing in for the first service. Her eyes scanned the crowd; she’d never talked to Sheridan or Kendall about which service they attended, but something told her that at least Sheridan would be at this one.

  She sauntered through, searching, finally spotting Sheridan in the third row.

  “Asia!”

  They hugged and Sheridan moved her Bible and purse from the seat next to her. “Sit here.”

  “Are you sure? I thought you’d be waiting for your man.”

  Their smiles were framed with a bit of melancholy, remembering the day in the prayer meeting when Asia had made that joke. Remembering that Vanessa had been with them then.

  “So, how are you?” Sheridan whispered, as the praise singers took their places on the platform.

  Asia shrugged. “I didn’t think it would be this rough,” she said as the singing began. “We’ve only known each other a few weeks.”

  Sheridan nodded. “That’s the prayer connection. We bonded.” She squeezed Asia’s hand when she noticed her eyes filling with emotions.

  The two stood to join in the worship, and Asia pushed back tears. She was tired of crying—that was all she’d done since she’d heard the news. But her cries were for far more than Vanessa. Yes, she mourned for the woman she was just beginning to consider a friend. But she also grieved for what she’d done.

  It was amazing, the way death brought clarity. Made you look at your life—who you were, what you’d become. And she was a murderer, killing the relationship between Bobby and Angel. Now her daughter would never know the love her father had for her. And with what happened with Vanessa, all Asia wanted was to surround her child with love.

  “Good morning, church.”

  Asia jumped slightly. She hadn’t seen her aunt walk up to the altar.

  The pastor waited until there was nothing but silence in the sanctuary.

  “I wanted to come out for a moment before we continue praise and worship.” When she paused to take a breath, Asia grabbed Sheridan’s hand.

  “We’ve had a tragedy here at Hope Chapel. One of our members has passed away…committed suicide.”

  Moans of shock and despair hummed through the place where just moments before they’d been making a joyful noise.

  Pastor Ford said, “I stand here still not believing it. But I will tell you this—the kind of woman that Vanessa Martin was, the love that, I believe, she had for God in her heart…she was one of His.” Pastor Ford stopped, pressed her lips together. “That means that though He’s saddened by what happened as much as we are, He will turn this evil into good. So while I’m surprised at Vanessa, I can tell you that I have great expectations for what’s going to happen because of her. I can’t tell you how, but because of Vanessa Martin, people who’ve thought about suicide will come to understand. People who are depressed will find hope. People will learn that there’s nothing that can be thrown that God can’t catch. Vanessa’s death is going to become a testimony for life.” She paused again, took a long moment to look through the congregation. “It’s about learning to truly live with God in the center. Learning to let go and let God be the one to make things right. And God will make this right.” She nodded. “Because of Vanessa Martin, I expect miracles.”

  Slowly, Pastor Ford strolled from the altar. The crowd stirred and whispered until Jackie, the minister of music, played the first chords of “Blessed Assurance.”

  Around her, as audible cries mixed with the music, Asia bowed her head and said a prayer for Vanessa, then said one for herself.

  Her aunt Beverly was right—miracles were going to happen. And she was going to make sure that hers was the first.

  Chapter Fifty-nine

  ASIA

  “I cannot believe you’ve been going through all of this,” Sheridan whispered as she leaned forward on the couch in Pastor Ford’s office.

  Asia nodded and peeked into the outer space where Tori sat with Angel playing checkers.

  Angel laughed, jumped up, and said, “King me!”

  Asia turned back to the inside office. “This is what I wanted to talk about at prayer meeting the other night.” She kept her voice low. “But I’m going to
call CPS tomorrow morning and drop the charges.”

  “Why?” Sheridan hissed. “If Bobby’s molesting Angel, he needs to go to jail!”

  “I don’t think he’s been molesting her.”

  “What makes you say that now?”

  Asia shrugged. “I don’t know. Angel’s been fine. Maybe she just wasn’t feeling well when she was with Bobby last week.”

  “The key words you just said are ‘I don’t know.’ You don’t know. That means you can’t take the chance. Let Child Protective Services do their job, Asia. If Bobby’s innocent, that’s great, nothing lost. But if he’s not…. Go ahead with the meeting tomorrow.”

  Sheridan patted her hand and Asia simply nodded. There was no need to say more. She’d never be able to explain this to Sheridan, which meant that she’d never be able to convince her aunt. She’d find a way to get out of this herself.

  The two eased back, sinking into the couch’s leather, and waited for Pastor to finish with the last of the second service parishioners.

  Finally, Pastor Ford sauntered past Tori and Angel, came into her office, and stretched out on the chaise.

  “I don’t know how you do two services every week,” Sheridan said.

  “It’s a lot, but it’s what God wants me to do. So, I love it.” She sighed. “It was tough today, though. Did you see how many people came up for prayer?”

  Asia shook her head. “It’s so sad; that many people have considered suicide.”

  The pastor said, “Think about all the others who were too embarrassed to get out of their seats. Depression is no joke.”

  “But these are church people,” Asia exclaimed. “How can they think about suicide? It’s the unforgivable sin—they’re going to hell.”