Falling for You: A Forbidden Office Romance (Annapolis Harbor Book 5)

by Lea Coll

  Her forehead wrinkled. “Do you mind if we go to my place?”

  My shoulders relaxed. “It would be nice to be alone.”

  It was the perfect solution. I could tell her how I felt in person, then show her.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  CALLIE

  It was nice getting to know Jonah’s family, but the entire time I felt like a fraud. I was hiding this big thing from Jonah, from them. I wanted to unload the news as soon as possible. I didn’t want to say I was tired from work or lie anymore. Even though I’d only kept the secret for a day, I had to tell him.

  He’d mouthed that he loved me, and I thought my heart couldn’t swell anymore. His mother thought it was sweet. Both her and his sister seemed hopeful, yet surprised we were serious so quickly. After his declaration, they asked more questions about our relationship. The scrutiny made me more curious about him.

  Jonah was practically vibrating with excitement on the way to my apartment. He had to be high on his performance. It made me wonder if he’d said he loved me because he was caught up in the moment. The thought deflated me a little. Would he see this baby as a problem for the season? Would he refocus on his career and push me away?

  Telling your girlfriend you loved her was one thing, finding out she was pregnant was another.

  He was so happy. I hated to bring up something so serious and life-changing. Maybe I should wait. Enjoy this night. Tell him another day.

  “Everything okay?” He smiled crookedly at me.

  I couldn’t continue to keep it from him. “Yeah.”

  He parked down the street from my apartment. “You find a place to move to yet?”

  I stiffened. “No. I’ve been so busy I haven’t even looked.”

  “I don’t like you walking so far to your apartment at night. It’s not safe.”

  It was sweet he was worried.

  “When is your lease up?”

  “I pay month to month.” I switched over a few months ago when my lease was up, knowing I wanted to be closer to work.

  Jonah flashed me one of his signature smiles. “You should move in with me.”

  “Are you serious?” The offer took the air out of my lungs.

  “Yeah. I don’t get a lot of time at home during the season. I don’t want to waste it traveling back and forth. I want you there when I get home.”

  “I’ll have to think about it.” It was nice that he wanted to take that step, but he didn’t know the whole story.

  We walked up the steps to the third floor. This wasn’t the ideal apartment for a baby. There was no elevator for a stroller, parking close by was difficult to find, and it wasn’t in the best area.

  I unlocked the door, letting him in. “You played great today.”

  I wasn’t sure how to talk to him about the pregnancy. Did you just come out and say, I’m pregnant, or was there a good lead-up to something like that?

  I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans.

  “I’m sorry if telling you on national TV I loved you was upsetting.”

  “I’m not upset. It was nice.”

  “Nice?”

  “It was more than nice.” How would it have felt if I wasn’t pregnant? “It was sweet. But your parents seemed a little surprised you were so serious with anyone.”

  I didn’t get the impression it had anything to do with me specifically.

  “Really?” He rolled his shoulders back. “It’s probably because I don’t bring many women home.”

  That was a reasonable explanation, even if I wanted to clarify whether he’d brought any women home over the years. I would expect professional ballplayers to be careful. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

  I felt light-headed. Maybe I hadn’t eaten enough today. “I don’t know how to say this.”

  His brow furrowed. “Is it too much too soon? We can forget I said anything. There’s no pressure. I get it. We just started dating.”

  I shook my head. “No. It’s not that.”

  “Then what is it? The moving in with me part? You don’t have to. It was just an idea.”

  “It’s not that either.” I licked my lips. “I’m pregnant. I just found out yesterday.”

  He stilled.

  “I didn’t want to tell you this morning with your parents around. Maybe I should have waited to tell you. It’s a big day for you,” I rambled on, nervous.

  He sat there motionless, his face a mask I couldn’t read. I rubbed my arms to ward off the chill.

  “Say something.” Anything. Tell me you still love me, you’ll be there for me. My whole world was changing. I needed him by my side.

  He stood abruptly, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t understand.”

  “I don’t know exactly how it happened. I was on the pill. We stopped using condoms. Birth control isn’t one hundred percent.”

  “Did you plan this?”

  “What? No. Of course not.” I wasn’t in the right place to start a family, but maybe he thought I was trying to trap him.

  The bottom dropped out of my stomach. Blood pounded in my ears.

  “I’m the wrong guy for this. I can’t have a kid.” His words felt like a bomb dropping.

  The headache that had been threatening all day came on full force.

  “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

  Was he saying he couldn’t be a dad or didn’t want to be?

  “I’m telling you I’m pregnant with your child because you have a right to know. You can be part of this child’s life if you want to be. Otherwise, I’ll do it without you.” I stood, my head reeling, my words were cool. I wrapped an arm around my stomach. “I don’t care what you decide, but I’m keeping this child. Our child.”

  He was quiet for so long I wasn’t sure he was going to say anything else.

  “You said you loved me. I tell you I’m pregnant, and… what? You’re just going to walk away like I mean nothing to you?”

  “This has nothing to do with you.”

  I was so confused. It had everything to do with us.

  “I’m not the right guy. I can’t be a dad.”

  “I get that this is a lot to take in, but we don’t have to figure everything out tonight.” If he needed time to process, I could understand that.

  He shook his head. “You don’t know. If you did, you wouldn’t want me in your life or anywhere near a baby.”

  He only stood a few feet away, but it felt farther. “What are you talking about?”

  He turned, walking toward the door. “I can’t do this. My family’s in town.”

  “You didn’t mind spending time with me a few minutes ago.” I felt desperate. If he walked away like this, I wasn’t sure he’d be back.

  He grabbed the doorknob. “Everything’s changed. I can’t have kids. I should have told you.”

  His voice was resigned.

  “I’m already having your child. What do you mean you can’t?” Was he going to walk away?

  “I’ll talk to you later.” Then he was gone. The click of the door was the only thing I heard above the pounding in my head.

  I crumpled to the floor, the emotion from the day overwhelming me. The tears fell as I clutched my stomach. I felt like I was being torn apart. I thought I could do this on my own, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to go back to that moment when he’d mouthed I love you. I wanted him to say it to me while we were alone. I wanted him to show me one more time.

  Eventually, I pulled myself off the hard floor to lay in bed. My body ached from the position I’d held for so long, but I reveled in the pain, preferring to focus on that instead of the chasm in my chest.

  He didn’t call. Not that I expected him to.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  JONAH

  I can’t be a father. The words ran on repeat in my head. I pulled into my parking spot, not wanting to go upstairs and face my parents. I texted Reid and Chase on our group message chain.

  I hoped they were staying in the cit
y and could meet up. They responded right away. I wondered if Reid already knew. If Callie told Dylan.

  I suggested a bar within walking distance, knowing I was going to drink. I headed that direction, sitting at the bar, ordering a shot. Then another.

  “What’s going on?” Chase asked, sliding onto the stool next to me.

  “She’s pregnant.”

  Chase exchanged a look with Reid who sat next to him.

  “Why are you here and not with her?” Reid tipped his head toward the bartender.

  “I think you know the answer to that.” I drank the last shot, slamming the glass down harder than necessary.

  Reid and Chase ordered a beer, placing it on my tab.

  Then Reid said, “I don’t. Explain it to me.”

  “I can’t be a father.” It was the same thing that kept repeating in my head.

  Chase faced me, his brow furrowed. “Why not?”

  “I can’t be responsible for anyone.” I’d proven that. I’d fucked up in the worst way possible.

  “Does she know?” Chase lowered his voice.

  “I never told her.” I took a long pull of my beer, my gaze on the chipped bar.

  Reid rubbed his chin. “How did you react when she told you about the baby?”

  I couldn’t remember my exact words. “I think I said I couldn’t do it.”

  “That’s it. No explanation?” There was a deep crease in Reid’s forehead.

  Chase tapped the bar top rhythmically. “You told her you were in love with her in front of an entire stadium of people—”

  “And everyone watching at home,” Reid interjected.

  “Then you break up with her because she told you she’s pregnant.” Chase tapped his fingers on the bar.

  The sound was beating like a drum in my head, making it pound with tiny explosions of pain.

  “That’s right.” I tipped the beer bottle to my lips, hoping the liquid would soothe the burning sensation in my gut.

  “Was she upset?”

  I hadn’t looked at her face. I couldn’t. “I don’t know.”

  My stomach pitched.

  Reid’s fingers were flying over his phone.

  “Who are you texting?” What could be more important than this conversation? I felt like I’d been rocked off my axis, thrown back in that moment when the police said she was gone. She wasn’t coming back, and it was all my fault.

  Reid shot me an annoyed look. “I told Dylan to go to Callie.”

  Someone else being there for her tugged painfully at my heart. I rubbed my chest to stop the ache.

  Chase took a long pull of his beer, pushing it toward the bartender. “You’re not thinking clearly.”

  I shrugged. “I’m drunk.”

  “You weren’t drunk when you talked to Callie,” Reid said reasonably.

  “I went over there to tell her I loved her. Then everything went to shit.”

  Chase leaned back on the stool. “Maybe it would help if she knew what happened.”

  That was the only thing they’d said that made any sense. “If I tell her, she’ll understand why I can’t be a dad.”

  “You can apologize. Then tell her you want to be a good dad, but you need her help.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Promise her you’ll get it together. You’ll read books if you have to. You’ll be there for her.” Reid’s tone was stern.

  “What? No. I told you I can’t be a dad.” Why didn’t anyone get it? It was so obvious.

  “Can’t or won’t?” Reid asked pointedly.

  “What happened wasn’t your fault,” Chase said carefully as if he was worried I’d blow up.

  “It was.” This argument was futile. I don’t know why I’d asked them to come. I thought they’d agree with me. The whole thing was ridiculous.

  Chase tipped his head to the side. “Has anyone ever said it was your fault?”

  The familiar pain unfurled in my chest, spreading to every part of my body. I’d never forget that moment when I apologized to Amanda’s mother in the receiving line of the funeral. She hadn’t been able to speak, but her father pulled me to the side. With barely contained fury, he’d said it was all my fault. I encouraged her to speed. I was the one pushing the gas pedal that day even if I wasn’t in the car. I’d apologized profusely, knowing the only way I could help was getting out of their sight, leaving town, and rarely returning.

  “That was when everything was fresh. You need to talk to them for closure. I doubt they still feel the same way.”

  I kind of wanted to punch him. Rage poured through me.

  I scoffed. “I was young and stupid, but I dared her to do it.”

  Chase gave me a pointed looked. “It was her choice. Like it was her choice to hit the gas when she saw the red and blue lights.”

  “I was the one who set everything into motion.” There was no getting around it.

  Reid stared at me thoughtfully. “You need to talk to her parents. You need closure.”

  “You need peace, or you’re going to continue to close yourself off to anything good in your life. You think Amanda would want you to avoid relationships forever? You think she’d want you to reject your child?”

  “Me being responsible for another human being is ridiculous. You know that.” Although, I didn’t feel as sure as I had when they arrived.

  “You’re impossible to talk to right now.” Chase sipped his beer.

  Reid called the bartender over to ask him to close out my tab. Then he said to me, “You’re going to regret this in the morning.”

  Was I? I couldn’t even look at Callie when I said whatever I said. She was probably pissed at me. There was no coming back from this. I should destroy any chance of anything between us. She had to know I was no good for her or the baby. I was kidding myself to think I could be in a real relationship with her. It was always going to lead to this―kids, marriage, everything I’d always avoided.

  Reid stood, pulling out cash and throwing it on the counter. “I think you should talk to her and explain what happened back then. She’ll understand.”

  “She’ll hate me.” Like I hated myself.

  “I don’t think you give her enough credit.” Chase shoved his hands in his pockets.

  Reid braced his hand on the back of the barstool. “If you don’t talk to her, you’ll make things worse for yourself. You’re going to wake up one day and want a relationship with that kid. Don’t let this go too far.”

  I didn’t respond because there was nothing to say. He was dead wrong on that count.

  We walked outside. The air was warm.

  “Fix this,” Reid said before nodding at Chase and stepping off the curb. I watched him get into his black SUV.

  “Don’t let this go on too long or it will be too late.” Chase squeezed my shoulder.

  I shrugged him off. My only regret was falling for Callie. I blamed it on her. It was easy to love her. She was everything good and right in this world. I should have trusted my first instincts: I didn’t deserve someone like her. I was destined to be alone.

  The next morning, pots banged in the kitchen. My head pounded. My mouth was dry. I tried to open my eyes, but the sun was too bright. I groaned, rolling over. My bed was empty.

  It came back to me in a rush of blinding pain. I’d broken things off with Callie.

  The coffee machine whirred. My parents were here.

  The loud banging, laughing, and talking continued to drift down the hall from the kitchen. I wished I could be alone to wallow.

  I got up and pulled on sweats and a tee from the floor. Sniffing myself, I declared it was good enough. Maybe if I stunk, they’d leave early.

  I threw some water on my face, not looking in the mirror. Fucking things up with Callie was inevitable. It was better to end things now than to screw up my kid. He or she deserved better than me.

  Resigned, I walked slowly down the hall, rubbing my face. I was exhausted. I’d tossed and turned all night, repeating that s
cene with Callie, wincing each time the words fell out of my mouth.

  “Oh! I figured you’d be at Callie’s.” Mom lifted her head when I came into the room.

  What could I say? That was done. She was having a baby, but I wanted no part of it.

  She was having a baby. I don’t think that had truly sunk in last night. She was carrying my child, my parents’ first grandkid. My chest compressed. I couldn’t breathe.

  “Are you okay?” Elodie asked.

  “Yeah. No. I don’t know.”

  “You get into a fight or something?” Mom asked, pushing a plate of eggs and bacon across the counter.

  I took a bite of the crispy bacon. “Something like that.”

  I couldn’t talk to them about this. I couldn’t talk to anyone.

  “I’m going to get in the shower,” Elodie said, walking down the hall.

  Dad sat in the living room watching the news.

  I ate a few more bites, drinking the entire glass of water she placed in front of me. Could I talk to them about what happened back then? The thought of how Callie was feeling right now threatened to split me in two. I was an asshole. I’d walked out on her when she needed me. She was pregnant and alone.

  If there was a way I could be deserving of her, I wanted to be.

  “Ever since Amanda, you haven’t introduced anyone to us.”

  I flinched at the use of her name. My mom hadn’t referenced her by name since the accident. It was like she was afraid to bring it up. “No one was serious.”

  “Callie is.”

  “She was.” The words stuck in my throat. I drank some more water, hoping to clear out the black in my soul.

  “What happened wasn’t your fault.” Her words were so soft they almost didn’t register.

  I carefully placed my glass on the counter, my hand shaking. “How can you be so sure?”

  My parents knew exactly what happened. I’d confessed to them as soon as I saw them.

  “You were kids. You made bad choices.”

  “I feel responsible.”

  “Anyone would, but you have to forgive yourself or it’s going to poison the rest of your life. Is that why you had a fight with Callie?”