Damaged Love

by Riann C. Miller

  I glance over at the door, and Zanie picks up on my hesitation. “Go. Check in with your friend. If anything changes, I’ll come get you. I promise.”

  Slowly. I get up and walk down to the waiting room. I spot Matt and Kole talking.

  “How is she doing?” Kole asks the second she spots me.

  “The same.” I glance over at Matt, only to notice he appears concerned or maybe even upset. Kole quickly picks up on his mood, too.

  “I’ll give you two some privacy.” Kole smiles before stepping out of the waiting room.

  “Man, I’m so fucking sorry.”

  My eyes narrow. “What do you have to be sorry about?”

  “I knew he was a sick fuck when I found some of the shit he kept on his computer. Pair that with him trying to keep her from her family’s company, and I should have kept better tabs on his whereabouts. I had my system set to tell me if he purchased a plane ticket but—”

  “No. Matt, this isn’t your fault. If anything, it’s mine. I asked you to look into him. He must’ve found out somehow—”

  “There’s a picture of the two of you online. Last week some online rag posted that you had lunch with a mystery date. If he was watching you, then he could have found her that way.”

  I groan with frustration. She told me. She fucking told me she was worried about being in front of the camera and not behind it, and I assured her everything would be okay.

  “Max said he used to abuse her,” I barely breathe out as Matt slowly closes his eyes in pain.

  “Honestly, Jet...after the shit I found on his computer, nothing you’d tell me would shock me. He was sick, very, very sick in the head.”

  “She never told me.”

  Matt frowns and takes a small step back. “I can’t help you there, man. I’m no relationship expert. I barely figure out what kinds of food a woman likes before she’s dumping my ass.” He laughs before his voice takes on a serious tone. “I’m sorry. I should have prepared you for this.”

  I painfully shut my eyes. “If he were that fucked up then sooner or later he would have found her.” And if Rachel had told me what he was capable of, we all would’ve been prepared.

  “Jet!” I turn and see Zanie running down the hall. “She’s starting to wake up.”

  I glance back at Matt. “Go. I’ll see you later,” he says as I take off, hoping I get to see a set of beautiful blue eyes.

  * * * *

  RACHEL

  My mouth is dry, and my head freaking hurts as I move to get up. “Whoa, hold on there,” I hear Jet say. I lie back down and slowly open my eyes to find the most amazing man staring down at me.

  “Hi,” I say with a giggle. Shit. Since when do I giggle? I move my head around to see I’m in what looks like a hospital. Oh...God. My brain starts flooding with everything that happened. “Where’s Alana?” I whisper.

  “She’s fine. She’s with Max.” Jet squeezes my hand.

  Tears start streaming down my face as I picture Calvin holding a gun to her head. “Hey, none of that now. You’re fine. Alana is fine, which means we’ll be fine.”

  “What about...”

  “He’s gone. He can’t hurt you anymore.” My heart drops to my stomach. He knows. The way he’s acting...he knows.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Shhh,” Jet whispers as he puts his finger against my mouth.

  “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

  “I hear we’re awake.” We both look over and see an older and very chipper nurse walk in.

  “The doctor will be in here to check you out in just a few minutes.”

  “Thank you,” Jet replies seconds before she walks out the room.

  “God, baby. I was so fucking scared. I don’t think you’ll ever know how grateful I am to be looking into your beautiful eyes.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No. Stop. I told you before you have nothing to be sorry about. You’re alive, and we’ll make it through this together.” I smile as my body starts to relax.

  The next few hours pass with people coming in and out, checking everything known to man, which included giving me a sonogram to check the condition of my liver. Everything appears to be fine, and if I can make it through the night without any pain meds, I’ll be able to go home in the morning.

  I’m attempting to rearrange my pillow when a stab of pain shoots through my core. “If you need some meds then fucking take them. I can’t stand the idea of you in pain for even a second.” Jet has a somber look on his face.

  “I’m fine, I promise. Plus, I want to go home and sleep in my own bed.”

  “I know you do. I want that, too, but not if you’re in pain.” He’s annoying me, but I know he’s only worried about me.

  “I’m fine. I promise,” I add. My stomach hurts, really freaking hurts, but I was shot two days ago. I think the pain I’m in is fairly normal under the circumstances. He sighs before the room goes silent again.

  All day people were in and out, doctors, nurses, and friends, including several of Jet’s. But now it’s late, and everyone has gone home.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Jet whispers.

  I take a deep breath, preparing myself. I knew this moment was coming, but I was hoping for a little more time to prepare, at least in my head.

  “I don’t like talking about Calvin. When I left California, I left him and my memories of him and what he did behind.”

  “But you’ve talked about it with Zanie and...Max.” His eyes harden.

  “Steven knows, too. But I didn’t set out to tell any of them, not to mention it’s different with them.”

  “Why?” His agitated voice causes me to look away.

  “Because my relationship with them is completely different from ours. And before you say anything about Max, we weren’t together like that when I told him.”

  I pause to gain some strength. “Before we moved back to California, Calvin seemed normal. He’s six years older than me, and he never lacked for female attention, but his attitude changed when we moved. Dad wanted him to step up and take a larger role within his company, which was seriously struggling at the time. Calvin hated every moment of it. The first time...I...I thought he was trying to make my dad angry. Months passed, and nothing happened again, then one day he cornered me in my room. Shortly after that, he moved out. I made a point when Calvin was home visiting to never be alone with him. Over time, it appeared that made him mad, but it didn’t stop him from trying whenever he thought he had the chance.” I brush away the tears that are streaming down my face and look over at Jet, who is staring at the floor.

  “My dad caught him once, but he didn’t care. He acted like I was with a boyfriend or something. Russ would have killed him...Seriously, he would have killed him, and I didn’t want anything to happen to Russ, so I never told him. My mom...well, she wouldn’t have been any help. I was alone, so I tried my best to avoid him. I moved out the second I could.”

  Jet still won’t look at me, and after what I’m about to say next, I’m sure when he does look at me, it will be with disgust written across his face.

  “I was dating you the last time it happened.” Jet’s head whips up and his tormented eyes lock on mine. “You had just found out you had a sister. I went home to give Russ a break and...” I trail off, not adding any unnecessary details.

  Jet jumps to his feet and starts pacing at the end of my bed. He stops for a brief moment before he turns and punches his hand through the wall. I wasn’t expecting his reaction, which causes me to jump. A sharp pain shoots through my stomach.

  “What’s going on in here?” a nurse asks as she looks back and forth between us before finally discovering the hole Jet punched in the wall.

  “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Jet looks at me, but I keep my eyes cast down and away from him. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him walk out. I knew this would happen. I can barely live with myself after everything that has happened, so how can I expect him to?

&n
bsp; Tears flood my cheeks as my emotions get the best of me. “Sweetheart, no man is worth crying over. You’re better off, believe me,” the nurse says.

  I love Jet. I think I always have. I might not be better off without him, but he’s definitely better off without me.

  * * * *

  JET

  My head fucking hurts. I open my eyes to discover I’ve slept on my couch. I didn’t even make it to my damn bed. “Did you get enough beauty sleep?” I look over my shoulder to see Matt drinking a cup of coffee.

  “Fuck, my head hurts.” I remember leaving Rachel’s hospital room to cool off when I ran into Matt. The anger rolling off me had Matt convincing me to go somewhere to have a drink. I didn’t want to upset Rachel any more than she already was. Unfortunately, one drink turned into at least a dozen, and somehow I ended back at my apartment.

  That’s where Matt showed me a picture of what Calvin Scott looked like fourteen years ago, and it sent me even further over the edge. Calvin is the same man that attacked Rachel in the alley the night I met her. She told me that night was a setup, but I’m guessing Calvin all but dragged her there, and when she refused to do something, he decided to put his filthy paws on her.

  I had my hands on him...I was seconds away from seriously hurting him, and I let him walk away.

  “I need to get back to the hospital,” I announce as I walk into the kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee in hopes of waking my ass up.

  “You probably could use a shower, too.” He laughs.

  I’ve been wearing the same clothing for days now. Before my talk with Rachel last night, I was planning on running home to shower and change, but that is not how my night ended.

  “That’s no shit.” I quickly finish my coffee, take a quick shower, then the two of us are back at the hospital. When I walk into Rachel’s room, I panic when I spot her empty bed. I take off as fast as possible to the nurse’s station.

  “Rachel Stein. Where is she?” A nurse that I’ve seen off and on the last few days gives me a sad smile. “Oh shit. What happened?”

  “She was released a few hours ago.” I look over at the clock behind her and see it’s after two in the afternoon. Fuck. She must have made it all night without any pain meds. She was here by herself, in pain, no less, while I was out getting shit faced.

  “Let’s go,” I hear Matt say over my shoulder. I can’t believe I wasn’t here. The first damn time I leave the hospital, and she was fucking released.

  The drive to her apartment seems to last forever when it actually takes less than twenty-five minutes for me to run up her stoop and start knocking on her door. A few seconds later, Zanie opens her door with a startled look on her face when she sees me.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “What do you mean what am I doing here?” I say as I try to push past her and into Rachel’s apartment, but her arm goes out, blocking my path.

  “She was really upset when I stopped by to see her. Please don’t add to her problems. Just go and leave her alone.”

  “What? Why would I leave?” I snap.

  “She told me about last night. I have to say that wasn’t the reaction I was expecting from you,” Zanie snarls.

  “I didn’t handle last night very well, and I shouldn’t have taken off. I’ve cooled down. Now, let me by, please.”

  “No. She doesn’t want to see you.”

  My heart momentarily skips a beat hearing her words. “What?” I whisper.

  “She’s recovering from a bullet wound, Jet. She doesn’t need the stress.”

  My eyes scrunch with confusion. “Why would you think I’d stress her out? You know what? It doesn’t matter. Move out of my way.” I practically toss Zanie to the side and walk straight to Rachel’s room. When I open the door, I see her sitting in a chair looking out the window.

  “Babe.”

  Her head turns my direction. “Jet?” She makes my name sound more like a question than a greeting.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “God, baby, I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the hospital before they released you.” I walk over and kneel down in front of her as her body locks tight with tension. “Rachel, what’s wrong?” I can see the questions in her beautiful blue eyes.

  “I don’t understand. Why are you here?” Tears start streaming down her face. “Last night...last night you left. After you heard...you left me.”

  “I needed to cool the hell down. Matt found me and we went and had a drink. One led to two, and before I knew it, my body shut down on me. I never would have left if I thought I wouldn’t have made it back before you were released.”

  “But you left because of what I did,” she whispers.

  “You didn’t do anything. Last night I was pissed. Pissed that no one protected you...including me. He fucking touched you when you were mine, and I wasn’t there for you.”

  I jump to my feet and start pacing, “Do you have any idea how much that kills me? Thank God that fucker is already dead or I would kill him with my bare hands,” I growl.

  Once I gain a little more control, I look over at Rachel, who’s watching me with a strange look on her face.

  “Are you mad at me?” she asks.

  I walk back over and drop to my knees in front of her. “Any anger I’ve felt toward you stems from you keeping me in the dark. I could have fought for you. Saved you years of worrying about that sick bastard, but instead, I walked away and left you to fend for yourself, and that...that’s more than I can stomach.”

  “Jet, I didn’t tell you for a lot of reasons. I felt used and dirty, and I didn’t just hate him...I hated myself, too. If I felt that way about myself then how could you find me desirable?”

  “No. Stop thinking that way. None of this is your fault. You’re a victim in all of this.” I reach around her and pull her tight against my body. “I love you, Rachel. I fell in love with you fourteen years ago, and I never once stopped.”

  Rachel pulls back and wipes her cheek. “I love you, too.”

  My chest finally relaxes for the first time in days. “That’s good because you weren’t going to get rid of me.” I smile before taking her mouth against mine. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed her, and right now I feel like I’m finally home.

  RACHEL

  “I’M BACK,” I SAY, TAKING a seat on the couch next to Jet. Almost a month has passed since Calvin rearranged our lives, and I’m feeling almost normal.

  At my last doctor’s appointment, I was told I was healing and my body—minus a small portion of my liver—should be back to normal within weeks.

  I didn’t realize how much I worried about Calvin finding us until he was officially gone. A peace I didn’t know existed blankets my now almost perfect life.

  Alana struggled for days after I was shot, but once I was out of the hospital, she started showing signs of her normal hyperactive self.

  The biggest change since I’ve returned home is Jet. He’s practically moved in. For the first few weeks, he didn’t even go to work, but I finally convinced him that life has to go on and that means he needs to return to his own routine. However, a night hasn’t passed that he hasn’t been in my bed.

  Right now, I’ve just returned from tucking Alana in bed at Max’s...leaving us all alone. Jet sets his phone down and finally looks up at me. “You want to watch a movie?”

  “No.” I was finally cleared to have sex, which is exactly what we’re going to do.

  “Oh. Well, I want to watch TV.” Jet grabs the remote and flicks the TV on.

  I move around him and climb into his lap. “What are you doing?” He questions in a state of panic.

  “Jet, Alana is with Max, and I told you the doctor gave me the all clear.” Instead of kissing me like I was expecting, he quickly flips us around and moves away from the couch.

  “What are you doing?” I question.

  “This isn’t a good idea. You’re still hurt. I saw the look on your face yesterday when you lifted your camera bag.” He’s rig
ht. My bag—fully loaded—is heavy, and I used my stomach muscles to lift the bag. I discovered I’m not ready for that.

  “I’m not ready to lift heavy things yet, and luckily for me, I don’t have to lift you in order for us to have a good time.” I smirk, reaching my hand out for him.

  “No. Wait. Just slow down.” His eyes dart back and forth between mine.

  “Do you trust me?” I softly ask.

  “With my life,” he answers.

  “Okay, then trust me right now. Wild kinky sex is off the table, but slow and sweet isn’t, and that’s what I need. I need you. I need us.”

  He sighs as some of the tension drains from his shoulders. “I won’t be able to live with myself if I hurt you.”

  I bring my hand up to the side of his face. “You won’t, and if something doesn’t feel right, I promise I’ll tell you.” I move up on my tippy toes and wrap my hand around his neck, bringing his lips down to mine.

  Our kiss starts off slow and sweet but promptly turns sweltering. Jet groans into my mouth while I grind my body against his leg. My hand moves down, and I start rubbing his already hard erection through his pants.

  “Bedroom,” he mumbles between kisses. I pull back and quickly make my way to our room where I strip down faster than a cheap whore. Luckily for me, Jet is just as eager and is naked within moments. I slowly lie back down on the bed as Jet’s greedy eyes take me in. “Fuck. I’m so damn lucky,” he says at the same time his hand lightly brushes over my scar.

  “We’re lucky. We were given a second chance.”

  Jet’s eyes go soft as he lowers himself down on me. Seconds later, he pushes inside of me.

  “Ohhhhhh.” He immediately stops. “I’m fine. Just don’t stop. Please,” I beg. Thankfully, he starts slowly moving in and out of me.

  Usually, when Jet and I have sex, everything seems urgent, but this time it feels different. Almost like we’re showing without words how much we love each other.

  “You feel so fucking good,” Jet says as his lips work their way up and down my neck. I can feel a release building. Jet slides his hand down between us, finding my throbbing clit, and he starts to rub me in circles.