Weak Without Him

by Lyra Parish

  "Oh, and after all of that, he fired me."

  "Wow. Fired for fucking your boss. You are so scandalous, Miss Downs."

  "Learned from the best."

  "Jesse is so damn wrong. I love knowing this. It's hilarious."

  "Please don't tell anyone. It needs to stay private before she tracks me down and threatens to kill me or something."

  "Your secret is safe with me. You don't even have to ask," Lori said.

  "And that's why I love you."

  We finished eating, and she filled me in on the house rumors, the multiple dates she's been juggling, shopping, and her Number One. She continued talking about the new diamond necklace she received, dinner parties, and the upcoming match ceremonies.

  "Do you think you and your John will ever be anything more? Do you love him?"

  "I enjoy being with him, and the sex is nice, but it's not love Jennifer. What you feel for Felton, that's love. The way your face lights up and the way you glow after being with him, that's real and not everyone feels that. I've been with The Elite for almost a year, and in my world, love doesn't exist. You're lucky, you know. Some people wait their entire life to find someone that makes them feel complete. Looks like Lady Luck is on your side, after all. And well, you won the jackpot with Finn."

  "You are always so poetic with your words. It's a nice thought, but I'm not sure it's love."

  "Felton would have never fired you if it weren't. He may prohibit love, but he isn't immune to it."

  Sue Mary cleared our plates, and we paid our ticket. As always, we left a one hundred dollar tip under our plates and exited. The temperature had dropped, and although it was still in the mid-fifties, it was cold.

  "I want to bring you somewhere. I think it's time."

  "Where?"

  "It's a surprise." She unlocked the BMW. I moved inside and admired the soft leather, the large GPS, and the black interior. Damn I needed a new car.

  When Lori pulled into The Fun Store, I blushed.

  "You'll be biting your lip before it's all said and done," she said, and got out of the car. Of course I followed her. I had no choice.

  We walked past costumes, magazines, and DVDs. Lori led me to the back room where there were colorful toys in all different shapes and sizes: large, extra-large, egg-shaped, flat, and the list went on. The cheesy slogans cracked me up, and I couldn't stop giggling.

  "I understand you have Mr. Felton to tease and please you, but sometimes he won't be around. Trust me when I say you'll want one of these."

  "Whatever." I tried to be blasé.

  "I recommend this one." She spoke quietly so the lady standing behind us couldn't hear. It was purple, small, discrete, and waterproof.

  "We can name it Little F for when your man is away, and you can't wait."

  There were several different settings, for 'her pleasure' it said, and it wasn't penis shaped.

  "Did you know that in the Texas you could be arrested for having more than six of these babies?"

  My mouth dropped open. "No fucking way. You're kidding."

  "It's the penal code, baby. Couldn't make that shit up," Lori said.

  I would have to remember to google that when I got home, although it seemed right. Texas: a state where you could have unlimited guns and still fly the rebel flag, but you couldn't have more than six dildos. Wow.

  She took me around the store, and I picked up some fun things, like nipple nibblers, g-spot gel, and naughty nympho cream. I couldn't wait to see the look on Finnley's face when he saw my new purchases. The cashier placed our items in black bags, and we exited the store smiling. We laughed about Jesse and her ridiculousness on the way back to the café.

  When we pulled into the parking lot, Lori got out and hugged my neck before we parted ways.

  "I'm so happy for you. You deserve it. Just take care of yourself."

  I squeezed her and slid inside of the Honda. A deep breath escaped me. It felt nice to tell someone my secrets and be truthful. Lori wouldn't judge me, and I trusted her.

  As I sat and stared at the gloomy sky, I couldn't help but think of Abbie. I would eventually have to be the bigger person and call her.

  On the way home, the black and pink sign of my favorite lingerie shop caught my attention and I decided I needed an outfit to match my naughty purchases. So, of course, I did what every girl who loved sexy panties did, I pulled into the parking lot. The memory of Finnley pinning me in the back room and telling me we couldn't be together filled my thoughts. He had made me so emotional and broken. At that moment, I felt like I couldn't go on. No person had ever held control over me like that. I smiled because he was so wrong.

  The bell on the door tinkled when I entered and an overly enthused new girl greeted me with a grin. She told me her name was Susan, and that Belinda was on vacation, then mentioned all the new deliveries for the week. Apparently, a set of delicious red lace lingerie arrived that was just my size. She returned with a scarlet red garter, tiny panties, and lace bra. I smiled, and she handed the hanger to me. I took in a breath when I entered the dressing room. After taking off my clothes, I put on the lingerie and stared. The bra could have been made out of tissue paper because it added very little support and didn't even provide coverage. Yes, it was completely see through. I turned around. The silk ran up the cheeks of my ass and barely hung on my hips. Finnley would love this.

  I slid off the dainty material and placed the panties and bra back on the hanger. When I returned to the front, Susan knew instantly by the satisfaction on my face that I wanted it.

  "Anything else that I should try on?"

  "That's the latest thing we received in the store that's your size. If you'd like, I can call you whenever we get new items that would fit."

  "Seriously? Yes. I would love that." I wrote my number down on a slip of paper and handed it over to her. Susan smiled.

  "And how will you be paying for that today?"

  "I will actually be charging it to my account. Jennifer Downs."

  After a few clicks, she pulled up the account and her eyebrows smashed together. More taps on the keyboard, a long sigh, and poor Susan became completely flustered.

  "What's wrong?"

  "Well, I can pull up your account, but it says that it's locked and I don't know why. I'm going to keep searching. I'm so sorry. Do you have another method of payment just in case?"

  "Sure. No problem."

  As I pulled out my credit card, Susan continued to click rapidly through screens.

  "It says that you were suspended from using this account as of Monday due to… termination."

  "This is embarrassing. It's just a habit to charge things to my business account. But it's no problem." I slid my credit card across the counter, and Susan swiped it. I signed the slip of paper, and she placed my pretty panties into a pink bag. What an awkward situation. How could I have been so stupid? Geez, I hoped the new girl didn't think I was trying to steal or anything, because that wasn't my intention. Needless to say, I wouldn't be back until Belinda returned.

  I couldn't get home quick enough. Home. It felt nice to have a place of my own.

  Once I pulled into the driveway, my phone rang and I saw a number that I didn't expect to see.

  Abbie.

  Ten

  I dreaded answering the phone and contemplated sending her to voicemail, but the bullet could only be dodged for so long. She was once my best friend, after all, even though what she did was unforgivable. After a small pep talk, I answered.

  "Hello?"

  "Hey."

  The awkward silence dragged on.

  "What's up?" I asked.

  "Jenn, I'm so sorry. I had to call and apologize to you. It's been eating me alive."

  I didn't respond, so she took the opportunity to continue.

  "I've missed you. Some really great things have happened in the last few weeks. I made an A on my senior project, and my professor suggested I try to get my master’s degree soon after graduation. You're my best friend, and
we can't keep on like this. I don't want to."

  "I…I don't think you understand how much you hurt me. You knew that there was something between Finn and I, Abb. Don't act like you didn't."

  "I know. Finnley is just…I know that I fucked up, and that I should have never put myself in that situation. He cares about you, and he was vulnerable, and I hate myself for it. I know you shouldn't forgive me and that you probably don't trust me anymore, but—"

  With her words, a car roared down the street. I looked over and saw the slick black hood of V sliding into the driveway. I turned my head and looked at Finn. He smiled as he grabbed something from the passenger seat. My eyes never left him. The way he confidently moved amazed me.

  He looked at me and mouthed, 'almost done?'

  I shrugged my shoulders and focused on the voice on the line.

  "I don't trust you. I don’t want to forgive you, and I shouldn't."

  "I know."

  "I hated you for weeks. The way you acted, it wasn't like a friend and sure as hell not like my best friend. I didn't know who the fuck you were or who you'd become."

  She let out a long sigh.

  "I'll try to get over it. That's all I can do."

  "I can live with that, for now," she said.

  Then, as if nothing ever happened, she fell back into her old routine of changing the subject. I thought about mentioning Finnley and my virginity so that she would know he was mine. I never had a need to protect my assets, especially from her, but with Finn in the picture a part of me needed to.

  Finnley looked over at me and gestured for me to hurry so I made up an excuse to get off of the phone. I promised to call her soon. But I wouldn't.

  "I'm glad we are starting over. I love you, sis."

  "Yeah," I said and hung up the phone.

  I got out of the car and walked over to V, where Finnley waited impatiently.

  "Get in the car."

  I didn't have a chance to ask why. "This better be worth my precious time," I said behind a smile.

  "If it's not, I will give you your job back at The Elite."

  "Oh. This sounds interesting. Deal."

  We took a right on Westwind. Almost every house had small retaining walls outlining the property. Then we made a right and pulled into a car dealership.

  "I need to stop here and pick up something quickly. Come with?"

  We walked over to the side door of the Aston Martin dealership, and in front of the door was a white Aston Martin with a gigantic red bow tied to the roof. I stopped walking, and he placed his hands on my waist and whispered in my ear, "Congratulations on becoming a woman."

  I turned around and stared at him. "What. The. Fuck?"

  Finnley burst out laughing.

  "Are you serious right now?"

  "Aren't I always?" He pulled the key from his pocket and held it out in his palm. When I reached for the key, he pulled me in close to him. "You needed this. Don't act like you didn't. Don't you Americans love your holidays? Why not celebrate losing your virginity?"

  I took a step back from him and shook my head. "You're absolutely ridiculous."

  "Remember what I said when you drove V? Respect her. Treat her nicely. Control her and she will rock your world. This is my gift to you, Little V."

  "I've got my own Aston. Wow." I wrapped my arms around Finn. He leaned down and kissed me so soft and sweet that I thought I might completely lose myself in his embrace. I bit his bottom lip while he ran his fingers through my hair.

  "Later," he whispered, then grabbed my hand and dragged me to the car.

  "Let's take her for a ride, shall we?"

  I placed the key in the ignition, and she purred with satisfaction. A smile spread across my face. Finnley's hand found its way to my thigh, and he smiled too.

  "Automatic? No stick?" I asked.

  "I thought this would be more comfortable for you."

  "I just… I can't believe this is mine."

  "I'll give you anything in the world if it will make you happy, Miss Downs."

  "I'm sorry, where is Finnley Felton? And what have you done with him?"

  The smile stuck to my face, and I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming amount of happiness.

  "Should I be fucking offended?"

  "Much better," I said. Now, that was the Finnley I loved.

  The car took corners and handled like I expected her to. The wind, my emotions, and the rumble of the engine carried me down the street. Houses passed by us, and I zipped between cars while I changed lanes. The open freeway called my name. I accelerated to ninety miles per hour, and rolled over mile five. I could have driven this car to Texas and back, but I took the exit and looped back onto the freeway heading toward the dealership.

  "I still can't believe you did this for me."

  "Why not? The Honda is quite embarrassing. That car is not you."

  "And this one is?"

  "It's bitchy, fierce, and sexy."

  I reached over and interlocked my fingers with his. Finnley's thumb trailed over mine. How could I be so lucky to have him like this, sweet and intimate? It may not be love, but this 'like' I could get used to.

  "It all seems like too much."

  "Oh, I've deducted the amount from the balance I owe you for fucking your socks off. Actually, I think we're even now."

  He gently massaged my neck as we pulled into the dealership. Finnley walked around to the driver's side. I rolled down the window, and he leaned in, bringing his face close to mine.

  "You and Little V were made for each other."

  "Are we?"

  "That's still to be determined."

  He took his time tracing my bottom lip with his thumb then turned and walked away. Sometimes I didn't know Finnley, and other times I knew exactly who he was. Sugar and spice, confidence and beauty, all mixed into a single man. He should be illegal.

  V pulled out of the drive, and I zoomed past him, allowing him to eat my dust. At the light, I looked over as he revved his engine. Of course he would beat me, he always did.

  Once back at the townhouse, I placed my keys on the counter. A few minutes later, Finnley entered. How the hell did I beat him here?

  "Did you take the scenic route, or did I drive too fast for you?" I leaned against the kitchen counter and smiled.

  "You shouldn't fuck me with your eyes. I've already warned you about that."

  "I'm pretty sure I can do whatever I want." I walked toward him, unbuttoned his suit jacket, and loosened his tie. "You are not the boss of me anymore."

  He wrapped my hair around his fingers and roughly tugged my head back so that I would look up into his eyes. "I will always be the boss of you, Miss Downs."

  I loved it when he called me that. Finn's lips collided with mine, and I reached to unbutton his pants.

  He yanked my hair even harder. "I'm not your dildo, Miss Downs."

  Sweet satisfaction covered my face as I inhaled.

  He loosened his hold on me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "I've got an appointment at the office in the next thirty minutes. Shouldn't be long. Meet me in an hour?"

  "I cannot believe you're denying me."

  "Sooner or later you'll learn that I do whatever I want, whenever I want."

  I crossed my arms and gave him my best 'go to hell' look. What a tease. He adjusted his pants, looked at me with a raised eyebrow, and then drew me closer.

  "You look cute when you pout."

  "Go to hell."

  "Only if you're going with me. I've got someone interested in your car."

  "Really?"

  "Yeah, drive it to the office so I can park V in the garage when I visit."

  "Will do, Sir."

  He nibbled on my earlobe, then whispered, "Will you ever stop driving me crazy?"

  I pulled away from him, studied his plump bottom lip, and looked into his eyes. "Not happening, ever."

  When Finnley kissed me goodbye, I didn't want him to leave. I loved this side of him. His warmth, soft touches, and ha
nds on my waist… I wanted to stay that way with him. But he left me in the kitchen wanting, needing, desperately aching for more of him.

  I waited thirty minutes, put the fire engine red lingerie on under my clothes and grabbed the keys to the Honda. Little V called me with her sexy-ass curves and shiny rims. The Aston and I were going to have a good time; I already knew that.

  The Honda purred with excitement. Truthfully, there was a lot of sentiment that would be going with the car, like the fact that it was my graduation present from my parents. But it was just a vehicle, and I couldn't keep it forever. Someone else would be happy driving it. It wasn't me, not anymore. The old Jennifer died with my parents. She became nothing more than a memory when I moved to Vegas. I'm not that person anymore. I was the planner who didn't have a plan, and the thought of that was exhilarating.

  After waiting in traffic by the Strip, I parked the car in the fire lane by the entrance to The Elite. There was no way Finnley would have me towed, or maybe he would just to fuck with me. He did things like that.

  I took one last look at the bubbling tint and the small stain on the floorboard in the backseat, then I sucked in a deep breath, said my silent goodbye, and walked inside of the building.

  Mindlessly, I pushed fifteen and made my way to Finn's office. I grinned at the thought of all-business Mr. Felton. While that man still existed, I had discovered and unlocked another part of him.

  The secretary wasn't at her circular desk when I passed, so I made my way to the golden plaque with the big curly F's. Before I opened the door, I listened for movement inside. Silence. The goal would be to wait by the window in my bra and panties for his return. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when he caught sight of me. Naughty Jennifer would come out and play.

  I smiled and opened the door.

  Inside, I saw Jesse in front of his desk… topless. Finnley stood with Jesse's open blouse in his fists. When his eyes met mine, his jaw tightened. Then Jesse turned her head and the most sadistically sickening grin covered her face. My breath hitched. I slammed the office door shut and ran to the elevator.

  Finnley chased after me, yelled my name and begged me to stop, but I couldn't. It was either fight or flight, and at the moment, I just wanted to get the fuck away from him, Jesse, and the whole fucked up situation. Abbie had been too much to handle, and now this?