by Lyra Parish
"Not while what?"
"Not while… Not while Jesse hunts you. This is far from over and I don't think she will stop until you're dead. But that's not going to fucking happen. I won't let it."
The elephant in the room grew at a smothering rate. They must not have found her when they saved me. Bile rose in the pit of my stomach, and I thought I would be sick. The psychopath was on the loose, and she had my name on her tongue. She wouldn’t stop until… I wouldn’t think about it. I couldn’t.
"You’re safe with me. I will never let anything happen to you. Ever. I will die making sure you’re okay."
Anger flashed on his face, then washed away.
"My mother says I look like my father. That we have the same build, hair, and laugh."
He ran his fingers through my hair as he changed the subject.
"Franklin is a good man. He raised me like his own son. He was the only real father I ever knew. But I couldn't help but wonder about the man who created me. When I went to Columbia, a few professors that taught my father were still there. I was a spitting image but with different eyes, they would say. Apparently, he never lost an argument and was eager to succeed. Undoubtedly, I am my father's child, but he wasn't invincible, and neither am I. I understand that now. My mother never got over my father. People may die, but love can live forever, and I want to be here for you, Jennifer. I want to share my days with you."
I sat up and looked into his eyes. He smiled, and I leaned in and kissed him. When our lips touched, a jolt traveled through my body, and my breathing increased. His kisses deepened, so I moved closer to him. He winced.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
"It's alright. I've missed you so much, and now that you're here, there's this." He turned the blanket down. I glanced at his bare chest and the bandages on his side. "Me, being this useless. Never thought that would fucking happen."
"You're not useless. You're injured, there's a difference."
"It could be months or years until I'm back to normal. May have to go to physical therapy too, but I'm returning to work as early as next week. The show must go on."
The door clicked and Luke entered. My body tensed, and Finnley rubbed his thumb over my fingers. I hadn't seen Luke since… I couldn't relive it. I didn't want to remember the horrible things he said to me.
Finnley searched my face but a reaction never came. I'd learned to shut Luke out weeks ago. Luke stood at the doorway, and Finnley patted my leg and sent me away with a head nod. I looked at him.
"Go on. You two need to talk. Don't prolong it."
I laughed at his assertiveness. One quick movement and he wouldn't be so big and bad, but even I knew the discussion between Luke and I needed to happen so we could move on. But I dreaded it. I sighed and slowly slid off the bed. Luke exited, and before I followed, I looked at Finnley, and he smiled. I pursed my lips at him and shook my head. When I closed the door, Luke stood against the wall with his arms crossed. I did the same thing.
His eyes were bruised, and his lip was busted. I couldn't help but stare at how beaten and broken his face looked. He looked like hell.
"So," he said.
"So."
We stood there for minutes, not saying a single word. Abbot hummed Christmas music, and we both turned our heads and stared at him.
"Scrooges," he said before walking down the stairs.
"What's today?" I asked.
"December twenty-third ."
"Christmas is in two days."
I had lost three and a half weeks of my life. Three long, agonizing weeks full of psychological games.
"I did it to save you, Jennifer."
"You could have at least fucking warned me. Shed some light on the plan."
"You were being watched while you were there. It had to seem real to you."
I scoffed. "Do you think I'm an idiot, Luke?"
"There was no truth in what I said and did. Okay, well maybe some of it, but I never meant to hurt you. If she had an inkling of me faking, Jesse would have killed you on principle alone. She knew I cared about you. We were nothing more than pawns in her game, and I played her game for you. I hated every minute of it."
"It wasn't enjoyable for me either."
"Because I did what I had to, you are here with my brother, alive. The way you're supposed to be. I know you won't trust me for a while, but it was for your sake. It killed me every time I had to treat you like trash. It killed me to hear you say the things you did, to have you look at me with so much disgust in your eyes. I had to hit you so hard that I left welts, and I have to live with that. I knew you hated me. But having you hate me, and knowing you were alive, made it all worth it, and I would do it again. I had you and my brother's best interests in mind, and I always will."
"Luke."
"You don't have to forgive me for the things I did and said."
"Luke. I get it. I completely understand. I do. It's just hard to look at you, and it's awkward. You scared me. You were fucking cruel. I know I will get over it, but I need time. You cared enough to be someone that you aren't, I hope."
Luke laughed and opened his arms. I hesitated and then went to him. There was no sexual tension between us, nothing more than two friends. It would take a while for me to forget the things he said and did, but eventually I would. Could I really trust him though? He loved his brother, he loved me, and he wanted us together. The lengths that he went through made that quite obvious.
"What happened to your face?" I asked.
"Finnley beat the shit out of me."
We released our embrace and exchanged a small moment before I walked away.
"Thank you." I grabbed the doorknob and turned to look at him before I returned to Finnley. The last time I said that to him was in London after he told me to go to Finn. I let out a sarcastic laugh, because I had come full circle.
Luke nodded his head and gave me another one of his signature smiles before turning and walking away. One day he would make someone very happy, and he deserved that.
Thirty-eight
Finnley stood at the windows with his hands behind his back, waiting for me, shirtless. The bandages on his left side and on his back looked freshly changed. I hated seeing him like this. To take my mind from it, I searched around the room and noticed the abstract paintings. They were reminiscent of big cities, like New York, Vegas, and London. I didn't pay any attention to them the first time I entered.
"Who painted those?"
Finnley turned around and stared at me. "I did."
"Were you going to tell me you painted? Or spoke French? Or that Forrest Gump is your favorite movie?"
"Luketon. He may regret telling you those things before it's all said and done. Come here."
I went to his good side, and he wrapped his arm around me and held me. He smelled my hair, every bit of me, and I did the same to him. I missed him so much it hurt. Finnley cared about me. I knew he did by his actions alone, but I found myself feeling like I wasn't good enough. What did I have to offer? Why would he risk himself for me? Being underground with the trash of the sex industry really uncovered my ugly insecurities.
"What do I have to offer a man who can have anyone and anything he wants in the world?"
"Why are you thinking that way?" He grabbed the bottom of my chin and forced me to look into his eyes. His hands were so warm, and his touch so soft, that I shuddered.
"Christmas is a few days away. I've got nothing for you."
"Who cares about Christmas? All I've ever asked is for you to give yourself, all of you, to me. And I hate to break it to you Jennifer, but I don't think any amount of money can force you to do something you don't want to do. Ultimately you, just you, that's what I want. You make me happy."
I pulled away from him and searched his face. The words he spoke were exactly what any girl would want to hear from him. I hated to ruin the moment, but that's what I did best. I sighed.
"What?"
"What about Abbie? I never understood that
situation."
His eyebrows creased, and he squeezed my shoulder. "What are you hinting at Jennifer?"
"You were going to fuck her. When I was trapped in that room with a dirty fucking shower and mattress, it was one of the things that haunted me. It's a skeleton in the closet that I can't seem to get over. It's those types of things nightmares are created from."
"Nightmares? I think you're exaggerating, Miss Downs. Don't make it into something it's not. Nightmares are being kidnapped, beat to fucking death, and drugged. Not that. You survived nightmares."
"It made me not trust you."
"After everything?" He sarcastically laughed. "You truly want to know? Abbie and I spent time together while you were recovering, and I wanted to know you, the real you that she knew. You interested me, and I was curious. So I approached her. She said you hadn't mentioned liking anyone, or being with anyone. You actually said no one in Vegas had even caught your eye or meant anything to you. She was convincing, and I believed her. She's your best fucking friend, Jennifer, and you didn't even tell her about me. I knew you wouldn't talk about your feelings to any of The Elite, but to your childhood best friend who knew everything about you? If you had mentioned me to anyone, I knew it would have been her. But you didn't."
"I...I..."
"I can get the truth out of any woman. She stressed the point that you were happy being single. I couldn't take happiness away from you."
I swallowed, and he continued.
"What? You don't want the fucking truth? Well it's raw, Jennifer. You wanted it, and you'll get it. I was vulnerable. She filled the void with her presence and said you didn't care about anyone. The only thing she had heard about me was how much of a controlling asshole I was. How much you hated me. How you wished you hadn't signed the contract, and how Finnley Felton was the biggest dickhead you'd ever met. Apparently, I meant absolutely nothing. Those were your words. To hear that come from her mouth made me rethink you. Made me question your intent. Made me feel like a player who had been played. And I wondered why would she lie? A part of me told me that she didn't. That you had really said those things, and it fucking hurt. I needed to know that I didn't need you. If you hated me that badly... I wanted to truly give you a reason to hate me. I spent days dwelling over it, and I became numb. No woman had ever made me feel that way. But when I saw your face. When I saw the look on your face and the reaction you had when you walked in and stopped one of the biggest mistakes in my life, I knew it was a lie. I knew that you cared. You had feelings for me and I was a fuck-up for thinking otherwise."
I had said those things about Finnley. She improvised a bit, but that was the gist. Finnley was my best-kept secret. Hadn't he made me his? I felt like a fucking hypocritical idiot. We weren't together at that time, and he owed me no answers. He could have fucked whoever he wanted. This was the most honest he had been with me, ever.
"What about Nancy, Finn? You cheated on her with me."
He walked toward me, pinned me against the wall, and leaned into my ear.
"You're still demonizing me. Will you ever stop?"
My voice caught, and he moved to the view of the mountains. Finnley was all about control.
"That Friday, Nancy wanted to go shopping. I joined her. She forced me into a jewelry shop to look at bracelets, necklaces, and rings. Engagement rings, more specifically. She tried them on and gushed about carats and her dream wedding, but the whole time she was talking, all I could think about was you, because Jennifer Downs wouldn't leave my fucking thoughts. I was going mad, imagining arguing with you, you on my kitchen table, the way you looked into my eyes at the office as I told you Luke was ready.
"Something came over me as I listened to Nancy ramble on about making all of her monetary dreams come true. As I watched her, I asked myself what the fuck I was doing. Sometimes it takes the brain a while to catch up with the heart.
"As she continued on, I interrupted Nancy and told her it was over. The engagement ring gleamed on her finger. As I stormed out, I called Charlie to pick her up, then ran through the streets and hailed a cab. Once I got home, I drove V faster than I ever had to Luke's house. I knew then I had to have you. That this couldn't be happening, not when I finally felt something as extraordinary as love. Something that I truly didn't believe existed in my darkness. If I stood around fucking off, I would have lost you forever, and I had lost too much already."
How could I think I knew someone so well, but really didn't know him at all? Behind his steely gaze was a burning love, adoration, and care... for me. The pieces all fit together. How he busted into Luke's house in a frenzy, the way he laughed at me in the hot tub. Finn had already played his hand, but I was on a completely different game. Always two steps behind. Everything I previously thought had been shaken and stirred around.
"So, Miss Downs, quit making me out to be a bloody arsehole. While I can hang with the lot of them, the only person I ever wanted, and will ever want as long as my heart beats, is you."
He tucked a piece of fallen hair behind my ear, his fingertips grazing down my neck, and whispered, "I may be a bastard, but I am no cheater."
Emotions flooded me. Almost so strong I couldn't control the coursing heat that swept through my body. Finnley was right, all of this time, before he had rescued me, I had secretly demonized him, but for no reason. Maybe between the two of us, I was the bloody arsehole. While I was busy pointing the finger, he was busy keeping me in his best interest, protecting me, searching for me when I was lost.
"Love is like color," Finnley said.
"What do you mean?"
"Plants aren't really green, but rather a combination of colors our brains create. They are red, yellow, and orange. Love is like color because it's not always what it seems. Our hearts and minds spin the details. We make situations and people how we want them to be, just as the colors we see. Just as the sky is blue, but is it really blue, or just a reflection of oxygen molecules? I told you once that I knew what love was. I've found it more than once in life, and sometimes I feel like I don't deserve a second chance. Sometimes I find myself questioning your feelings. So we will revisit my question again, Miss Downs. Do you know what love is?"
My breath caught listening to his words. Love was kisses. Love was electrifying and good sex that left you begging for more. Love was cuddles, and snuggles, and a single moment of serendipity. Love was shaggy fuckable hair and J.B.F lips, or the way Finn commanded me, bended and molded me into the woman I would become. Love was strength, beauty, and music. Love was raw emotion that stripped people from their own skin, and being rescued from the pits of hell or risking your own life for another.
The realization set in that love really was Finnley Felton, and I had fallen truly, madly, and so deeply in love with him. So much that sometimes it hurt.
He turned and looked at me. In his gaze, I felt his burning passion of want, need, and desire. Our lips touched, but before we got lost in the moment, he pulled away.
"What is love to you?"
"You," I whispered, and a smile covered his face.
"You'll be the end of me, Miss Downs. You will be the fucking end of me."
"You were the beginning of me, Mr. Felton."
Finnley closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. I wrapped my arms around his waist making sure to not touch his wounds. Then he kissed my forehead and grabbed my hands. I stared into his eyes, waiting patiently for him to speak.
"I'm in love with you and can't live without you. I need you to know that I love you, Jennifer Downs. I didn't know if I would be able to tell you. I would have never been able to live with myself if something would have happened to you. I love you."
Those three words: the ones that could move mountains. The ones that could make a heart stop beating or make another one quicken. Those three words left me speechless, but somehow I found words.
"You make me feel things I've never felt before. I feel like I've loved you forever. Finnley Felton, I love you so much that my words feel insufficient. I c
an't even explain it."
He smiled, interlocked his fingers with mine, and kissed me. The passion swirled between us, and I wanted nothing more than that. When we finally pulled away from each other, Finnley laughed. He was giddy, and I loved seeing him that way, happy and in love.
"Mr. Felton, sometimes you take my breath away."
"Good." He ran his fingers through my hair and before I turned to walk away, Finnley took his time, but dropped down to one knee. He winced and pulled a black box from his pocket, prying it open with shaky hands. I saw nothing but silver and shining diamonds. I covered my mouth in shock.
"Jennifer Downs, I would be honored if I could take your breath away for the rest of your life. I would love to wake up next to you each day and grow old with you. I promise to love you until my dying day. I swear to protect you and make sure you're safe, argue with you until our throats go raw, hold you when you're sad, kiss you when you're mad, and laugh with you when you're happy. I want to experience life with you, Miss Downs, forever."
I dropped to my knees in front of him.
"Miss Downs," he whispered. "Will you be Mrs. Finnley Felton and love me like tomorrow will never come?"
Love was beautiful. Love was complex. Love was real and incredibly powerful, and at that moment, I had never felt anything as heart shattering as that. I needed him as much as he needed me, and nothing, or no one could ever take that away. Kidnap me, abuse me, say horrible fucking things, but my love would never waver. I might stop breathing, but my love was so powerful that it would last forever.
As I stared into his green eyes, I had no doubt that I was meant to be with him. I belonged to him, and he would finally belong to me. Every path that I had taken after leaving Texas had led to Finnley. A divine intervention brought us together, and I was grateful, and happy, and in love. Love. There was no emotion greater than that.