The Bridesmaid's Secret

by Fiona Harper

CHAPTER TEN

  JACKIE opened the lock with fumbling fingers and crashed through her front door. Once she’d run up the stairs and shut herself in the sanctuary of her bedroom, she sat on the end of the bed, knees clamped together, back straight, and stared at the warm angled patterns the street lamp was making on the wall through the plantation shutters.

  She had not seen that coming.

  She should have seen it coming.

  Ever since she’d told Romano about Kate, he’d changed. She’d thought he’d stopped thinking about her that way, had thought that the way the air fizzed every time he was close was a totally one-sided thing.

  Why? Why did he want this?

  Why did he want her?

  She didn’t get it, really she didn’t. She’d just been grateful that they’d been getting along, while she tried to puzzle out why he didn’t hate her more.

  She closed her eyes.

  Had he really been going to say what she’d thought he’d been going to say?

  Her head automatically started to move side to side. That couldn’t be right. He couldn’t feel that way after all she’d done to him. It had to be the emotion of the moment. He was caught up in a whirlwind of feelings about meeting his daughter for the first time, and she’d got sucked in by accident. When he came back down to earth, he’d realise it was all a mirage.

  And yet that kiss…

  Her insides felt like ice cream that had just met with a blowtorch. It had been much more than chemistry. She’d lied about that. But she’d had to. She’d had to push him away.

  It was the right thing. For her. For Romano. For Kate. She was certain of that.

  She opened her eyes again and forced herself to move, forced herself to switch on the light, close the shutters and take a shower. And as she stood there under the steaming jet she asked herself one more question.

  Why did doing the right thing always have to hurt so much?

  She was giving him the silent treatment. Frankly, he didn’t blame her. Things always went wrong when he lost his temper. Why else had he spent most of his life making sure he didn’t care too deeply about anything, if not to save himself from these extremes of emotion? It never ended well.

  Look at what he’d done: Jackie was sitting on the opposite side of the limo’s back seat, almost pressed against the door.

  And they’d been making such progress. They’d begun to enjoy each other’s company again. Now she thought him an insensitive idiot.

  She was right.

  All he wanted to do was crawl back under his security blanket of quick wit and smooth banter and forget the whole thing had ever happened. He was nervous enough as it was and he didn’t need his heart jumping about as if it were riding a pogo stick inside his chest.

  His gaze dropped to her shoes and he felt a familiar tickle of temper down in his gut. Four-inch heels in fire-engine red. They looked fantastic with the skinny jeans, a floaty bohemian top and coloured beads—a look he hadn’t expected to ever see her in, but was working for her. Why the change?

  Ah, yes. It was part of her costume for today, just as she’d dressed down to come to lunch on the island. She was making sure she looked fun and funky and carefree, dressed in the sort of thing that might appeal to a teenage girl. When was Jackie going to learn that wearing the right accessories didn’t change anything?

  They travelled out of central London, past some really grotty areas and then into the leafier suburbs. The car slowed then stopped down an ordinary road filled with semi-detached houses. He glanced over to where Jackie was easing herself elegantly from the car.

  And then his heart stopped.

  Standing on the doorstep of the house they’d pulled up outside was a young girl with long dark hair and eyes just like his mother’s.

  Jackie stepped out of the car and smiled. Kate gave a half-wave and a grimace and turned to shout inside that she was going. As Jackie reached the garden gate Sue appeared and gave Kate a kiss and a hug. Jackie ignored the squeeze of her heart as she saw how easy they were with each other.

  ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I brought a friend with me.’

  What Romano was to her couldn’t exactly be quantified, but that was as specific as she wanted to get. She glanced over her shoulder and frowned. Where was he? She could have sworn he’d been right behind her.

  She gave Kate and Sue a nervous smile. ‘I’ll be with you in just a second.’

  She turned round just late enough to see Kate roll her eyes and give her mum a weary look.

  Romano was nowhere to be seen. She walked back down the path and opened the limo door. It was empty.

  Where—?

  On instinct she straightened and looked down the road. He was twenty feet away, staring at a neatly clipped privet hedge. She opened her mouth to call him over, but then she noticed the way his hand shook as he turned his back to her and leant on a fence post. He ran his spare hand through his hair then dropped it to his face. Even from the back she could tell he’d just dragged his palm across his eyes.

  The wall of ice she’d built that morning disappeared into a steaming puddle.

  She walked forwards until she was hidden by the next-door neighbour’s hedge, called his name softly and held out her hand. His shoulders shuddered as he took a breath and then turned round. The brave smile he’d forced his face into was her undoing.

  Of course she loved him too.

  How could she not?

  But that didn’t change the fact that it was the worst possible thing in the current situation. He walked towards her and she bit her lip, nodded. She understood. Right from the bottom of her heart she felt his pain, because it was her pain too.

  He took her hand, kissed her knuckles, placed it back down by her side and looked in the direction of Kate’s house, hidden as it was behind a wall of green shiny leaves. She admired his courage, knew why he’d chosen not to hang onto her. Everyone had their pride.

  Side by side they walked back to the limo. Kate had ambled down the path and now was staring at Romano with open curiosity.

  Jackie took a breath. ‘Kate? This is Romano—a friend of mine. He’s coming with us. Is that okay?’

  Kate tipped her head on one side. ‘Suppose so.’

  As they climbed into the car she turned to him.

  ‘Are you her boyfriend?’

  Jackie held her breath.

  Romano made a rueful face. ‘No. I am not her boyfriend.’ And then he smiled. ‘She won’t let me be.’

  It was probably the most mortifying thing he could have said, but he had such a way with him that it seemed light and funny. Kate even gave a one-sided smile in return.

  ‘So where are we going?’ Jackie asked, eager to be included in the conversation.

  Romano looked very pleased with himself. ‘The zoo.’

  Both Jackie and Kate spoke at the same time, an identical note of incredulity in their voices. ‘The zoo?’

  Inside Jackie wilted. Kate was sixteen, not six! This was going to be a disaster.

  ‘Everybody loves the zoo,’ he said, the trademark Romano confidence now completely back in place. Jackie folded her arms and gave him a ‘we’ll see’ kind of look.

  As they drove through the London streets, back in the direction of the city centre, Kate yabbered away to Romano, obviously deciding he was a safer option than her biological mother. Jackie willed her to keep going. She wanted Kate to like him. Wanted her to accept him.

  Which was most unlike her. Normally, she wasn’t that generous.

  Every now and then she caught Romano’s eye over the top of Kate’s head. If she’d thought there’d been a sparkle before, it had only been a foreshadowing of the light she saw there now.

  Isn’t she amazing? his eyes said. Look what we made!

  She couldn’t help but sparkle back in agreement.

  Jackie rested against the solid glass of one of the enclosures in the ape house and took the weight off her feet. She looked down at her shoes. Stupid choice. She’d known it
when she’d put them on. They’d been payback for that last kiss, the one that had left her both angry and pulsing with desire. She’d wanted to show him that it hadn’t meant anything, that he couldn’t tell her what to do.

  As always, her hot-headedness had backfired on her. Romano was having a blast of a time with Kate, running all over the place, while Jackie hobbled along behind them. She was the only one smarting from her so-called defiant gesture. She sighed as she eased her hot, slightly swollen foot from its patent leather casing and wiggled her toes.

  A sudden pounding behind her made her jump so high she left her shoe behind as she propelled herself forwards and away from where the glass had reverberated behind her. She spun round to see a large black chimpanzee glaring at her and baring its teeth.

  Of course Romano and Kate fell about laughing.

  But she couldn’t work herself up to quite the pitch of indignation she’d have liked to. Not when those two laughs sounded so similar and so infectious that she almost joined in.

  Romano walked across to where her shoe was lying, picked it up and handed it to her. She jammed it back on her foot. It complained loudly.

  ‘I’m hungry,’ Kate said.

  ‘I think it is time to eat,’ Romano said, looking at his watch. He looked down at Jackie’s feet. ‘I saw picnic tables under some trees over there. Why don’t you two sit down and I’ll get us something?’

  Jackie sent him a look of pure worship. How she was going to get through the rest of the afternoon, she didn’t know, but at least half an hour or so off her feet might help.

  Kate pointed out a free picnic table and jogged towards it while Romano headed off in the direction of one of the zoo’s cafés. Jackie trailed behind her daughter and plonked herself down with very little elegance when she reached the rough wooden structure, so desperate was she to shift weight off her feet and onto her bottom.

  Kate played with the table, tracing the ridge of some blocky graffiti carved into it with her fingernail. ‘He’s okay, isn’t he?’ she said, without looking up.

  ‘Yes,’ Jackie said, a little too wistfully for her own liking.

  Kate kept her head bowed slightly, but raised her eyes to look at Jackie from under her long fringe. ‘And he’s definitely not your boyfriend?’

  Jackie glanced over her shoulder towards the café. She couldn’t make out Romano in the crush inside.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Why not?’

  Jackie didn’t really want to answer that, but she was aware this was the first conversation Kate had initiated with her all day and she didn’t want to jinx that.

  ‘It’s complicated,’ she finally said.

  Wrong answer.

  Kate’s expression hardened. ‘You always say that.’

  ‘Normally because it’s true,’ she answered with a sigh. ‘Life is complicated.’

  Kate went back to running her finger over the graffiti and the silence congealed around them. Then the finger stopped and Jackie heard Kate inhale.

  ‘Mum—I mean Sue—says things are usually simpler than I make them.’

  Jackie just smiled. Maybe there was some common ground here after all. When Kate looked up and saw her smiling, she looked shocked at first, but then the beginnings of a curl appeared on her lips too.

  Oh, what Jackie wouldn’t give to just vault over the table and pull that girl into her arms. But she was painfully aware that any such gesture might be rejected, so she made do with smiling all the wider.

  There had been another first. Kate normally always referred to Sue as ‘Mum’ the fact she’d adjusted that, had used her name as well, was a tiny concession to Jackie that she hadn’t missed. Maybe Romano would be good for the two of them. If he and Kate got on, it might help somehow. For the first time in weeks Jackie thought her relationship with Kate was starting to go in the right direction. She had hope, and she clung onto it as if it were a life raft.

  Romano returned with a tray of ominous-looking foodstuffs. He placed it in the centre of the picnic table. Jackie looked warily at the cardboard cartons and cups that didn’t look like skinny, decaff, no-foam lattes. Something cold, fizzy and sweet seemed to be lurking inside.

  ‘Burgers and chips?’ she said, trying to sound unfazed.

  ‘Cool.’ Kate dived right on in.

  Jackie didn’t do burgers and chips. In fact she couldn’t even remember the last time she’d eaten junk food. She almost said as much, but she managed to stop herself. A comment like that would probably earn her another black mark from Kate.

  ‘Not hungry?’ Romano said, with just a glimmer of mischief in his eyes.

  Ah. She got it now. Payback for the shoes.

  She grabbed one of the square cartons and flipped its lid open. A waft of warm meat hit her nostrils. Romano and Kate were already making great inroads into their lunch, loving every bite. Jackie, however, felt as if she were on one of those high-diving boards, teetering on the edge.

  She looked into her carton again.

  As fast food went this wasn’t too repulsive. The bun wasn’t soggy. The lettuce and tomato looked crisp and fresh. She picked the burger up with both hands and held it in front of her, elbows resting on the table.

  She’d show Romano Puccini she wasn’t afraid of a bit of meat and a few carbs! Without hesitation she sank her teeth into it, taking as big a bite as she could. Now all she had to do was keep it down. She chewed and took another bite. Actually, this was okay—she’d forgotten how nice a little bit of fat with her meat could be.

  After a short while, she became aware of someone watching her.

  ‘What?’ she said to Romano, mouth still slightly full.

  He shook his head and smiled, then pushed a container of chips her way. Jackie wavered for a second. Oh, well, might as well put on a good show. She grabbed a handful and put them in the lid of her open burger box. She’d regret this next week when she saw her personal trainer, but at the moment she just didn’t care.

  Just so Romano didn’t think he’d had a complete victory, she shoved the sticky, fizzy drink back in his direction. ‘I draw the line somewhere,’ she said, but couldn’t help grinning afterwards. He just laughed.

  It wasn’t long before they were clearing away. Unfortunately the end of lunch meant she was going to have to stand up again. Something she was not looking forward to. Romano went to dispose of their rubbish and then disappeared. She and Kate just looked at each other in bewilderment when after five minutes he hadn’t returned.

  ‘Do you think he’s been eaten by a lion?’ Kate asked, a little hint of sarcasm in her voice.

  Jackie laughed. ‘No. I reckon he could sweet-talk most creatures out of having him for supper, especially the female ones.’

  Just as she said this Romano appeared round the corner of the café, a brown paper bag from the zoo gift shop in his hand.

  Kate stood up and put her hands on her hips. ‘Where have you been?’

  Jackie shut her mouth. She’d been about to say and do exactly the same thing.

  ‘On an errand of mercy,’ he said and produced an ice cream for Kate, which she eagerly accepted. But then he reached into the bag and pulled something else out—the ugliest pair of flip-flops that Jackie had ever seen. They were luminous turquoise and had plastic shells and starfish all over them. He handed them to her.

  She kicked her shoes off and slid them on. Heaven.

  ‘I could kiss you,’ she said as she plopped her heels into the waiting paper bag and took it from him.

  Kate paused from licking her ice cream. ‘Why don’t you? Sue says it’s rude not to say thank you when you get a gift.’

  The look on her face was pure innocence, but Jackie wasn’t fooled for a second. Still, Kate was actually talking to her, joking with her, and she wasn’t going to spoil that now, and she was ridiculously grateful for the garish footwear. She stood up and gave Romano a quick, soft kiss on the cheek.

  ‘Thanks.’

  Kate smiled.

  Jackie didn’t
miss the way his arm curled round her waist and how it didn’t seem to want to let her go when she tried to step away again.

  ‘What’s next?’ she said brightly. ‘Snakes or elephants.’

  ‘Both,’ Kate and Romano said in unison.

  Jackie couldn’t remember when she’d enjoyed an afternoon as much. They wandered round Regent’s Park Zoo, pointing things out to each other and having increasingly inane conversations that made them all laugh. She wondered how they looked to other people.

  Could people tell they were a family? Did they blend in and look like the other adults and children? It would be wonderful if they did. Maybe, if they looked like that on the outside, they could feel like that on the inside too one day.

  She and Kate hadn’t got along this well in weeks—if ever.

  And Romano…

  Jackie was starting to anticipate the moments when he’d move closer to get a better view of something, when their hands would ‘accidentally’ brush. He’d been so wonderful, so…perfect. He made her believe she could be that way too—at least when she was with him. She needed him. Needed him for herself and for Kate. If only she could snap her fingers and have him appear out of thin air every time she met with her daughter. It would help their relationship mend so much quicker.

  And maybe, when things were finally on a better footing with Kate, they could revisit the idea of being more than just co-parents. She hardly dared hope it would work between them, but she wanted to believe it might, that maybe second chances existed after all.

  Just as the heat bled out of the day Romano called for the car and they all piled inside. After the initial chatter about the day out, they fell into silence, then Kate began to ask Romano about where he lived, who his family were. Jackie listened with a smile on her face as she gazed out of the windows.

  Kate was sitting in the middle seat, between her and Romano, and Jackie was suddenly aware of a lull in the conversation. She turned to find Kate looking at her, brain working away at some complex internal question. Without saying anything she transferred her gaze to Romano.

  ‘You’re my dad, aren’t you?’