A Step to Nowhere

by Natasha A. Salnikova

  “The President is a pawn,” Ronald said.

  “We all know that,” Ray agreed. “The reality though, is not that simple. The parliament oversees the President, you know. People in parliament make decisions with him. All of them hate Bristow and are afraid of him. They dream about the day when they can dethrone him. If we grant them proof of his crimes, they will have an official reason for actions against him.”

  “Hmm,” came from Dan’s direction.

  “Are you positive about the existence of these documents?” Ronald said. “They don’t destroy them? It’s like a time bomb.”

  “They believe in their inviolability. I’m sure we’ll find something,” Ray said. “Bank accounts at the minimum.”

  “He doesn’t keep it in his mansion?” Ronald asked.

  “No,” Ray answered. “I like this idea more because the lottery building has fewer guards than his mansion, believe it or not, because the access system is extremely complicated. Not many people can get inside. We can talk about it later. Now we have to talk about transferring Sam back to her planet. We discussed it and found a good way to do it. We'll register you as one of the workers. We'll have to think about makeup, documents. The last is taken care of. We’ll send you through the hallway as a specialist to check issues with the machine on the other side. The documents will be ready in a few hours. I hope. The controller might send a couple of observers with you to keep you from running away. It happens. They will be liquidated.”

  “Hey, hey! Stop, stop!” I raised my hands. “Liquidations, occupations. I don’t understand why you, the president of the corporation, don’t have a say in your organization. You don’t have any recordings of the crazy shit happening in the company you’ve created?”

  “What’s shit?” Steve asked.

  “Sorry,” I said, not feeling sorry.

  “I explained it to you,” Ray said. He wasn’t angry, but he did sound tired. “Everything is out of my control for a while now.”

  “Okay. What about you entering the lottery building and getting into Bristow’s office or whatever you call it?” I cringed from the sound of my own name. “Your wife’s office? It seems easy.”

  “Only Samantha and her father have access there. I can enter the building without a problem. Alone, I mean.”

  “Samantha,” I muttered, thinking over a new, sudden idea. The cat moved to me again. Such a fickle creature. “My copy.”

  I felt the gaze of four pairs of eyes upon me and looked at the guys.

  “If only Samantha can enter … I don’t see a problem.”

  Ray frowned, eyeing me, and then jumped from his place.

  “It’s out of the question!”

  “Why?” I was rubbing the cat behind the ear, trying to look relaxed and confident. My voice sounded calm and light. “You can try to occupy the building. You can succeed or not, you will lose people. You might have time to find the needed materials, but it doesn’t mean you will have time to deliver them to whomever they must be delivered.”

  “Hmm,” Dan sounded again. Ronald and Steve watched with sudden brightness and hope in their eyes.

  “If I dress accordingly, no one will be able to tell me from your wife.” I swallowed when the meaning of what I was saying reached my brain. Samantha and Ray from this planet are married. Almost all couples match on both planets, my copy had said. My Ray and I – are the rare exception. Maybe we were destined to be together, but we went against it. What if that was the truth? We’d been attracted to each other. I was attracted to him like crazy, but what if he was also? What if he’d never pretended or lied as I thought?

  “It makes sense,” Dan said.

  “No.” Ray shook his head. “No. She risked her life too many times because of me. I won’t let her get involved in the problems of our planet. She could be killed, do you understand that?”

  “Or I won’t get killed,” I objected. “Don’t I risk my life getting through your machine with two observers?”

  “No,” Ray said. “I’ll be there and … You don’t have to worry about them. Let’s stop wasting time for pointless conversations.”

  “How can I get to the other side when everyone but the blind knows my face? I want to help.”

  “Sam … No,” Ray said.

  “You’ll have to agree. It will be my revenge.”

  “To whom?” Ronald asked.

  “To my copy. She wanted to kill me,” I said, and heard icy notes in my voice that were so alien to my character. I wasn’t an ice queen. I was emotional and stubborn, but not cold and calculating. Certainly, I wasn’t vengeful. “You don’t know the outcome of your operation. When it can happen is also a question. When will you be ready? During this time, Bristow ... will continue killing people from my planet. And yours. If I can stop it, I must try.”

  “Sam, don’t you understand how dangerous it is? It’s possible that you won’t get back.”

  “It’s a miracle I’m still alive. I was in Eris, remember? I was strapped to the table there while an asshole with a needle fumbled for a better vein in my hand.”

  Ray swallowed and looked away.

  “I knew I was going to save you,” he said.

  “I didn’t. Hunters tried to shoot me. I ran on the rooftops. It was fun if you think about it. I’m enduring. I want to do it.”

  I was talking, but I couldn’t believe I was saying what I was saying. Was I really trying to organize a revolutionary venture on the other planet? Was I ready to risk my life for the sake of other people? Did this certitude belong to me? I was always thoughtful, absent-minded, and now it was as if I had focused all the years of my life on this idea in the parallel universe of my mind. It was now, it was real, and it demanded full concentration.

  Steve, Ronald and Dan watched Ray, waiting for his decision.

  “I won’t let it happen,” he said as he walked to the window. He moved the blinds to the side and looked outside before turning back to us. “No.”

  “We won’t have another chance like this,” Ronald said.

  “She’s talking business,” Dan added.

  “Enough, I said! Too many people have died because of me. She is going home to safety. No one is getting involved in our affairs. No one from that side. Certainly not her. ” Ray turned away and walked to the kitchen.

  CHAPTER 28

  I was sitting on the bed, changing TV channels, and sipping the greenish drink I’d started to become accustomed to. Ray went home to swipe a couple of dresses and some shoes from his wife’s closet. For me.

  I didn’t have to spend a lot of time convincing him to let me do what I’d offered. I just went to the kitchen, where I emptied the bottle of beer (or kel in his language) and said that he couldn’t force me to walk through the hallway and I wasn’t going to do it willingly. He tried to dissuade me; he even begged me. But really, would I listen to someone who’d heartlessly used me and lied to me? Who hadn’t done anything to keep me out of this mess in the first place?

  Something dull and colorless was happening on the screen. Something I couldn’t concentrate on no matter how hard I tried. Lottery commercials, interviews with the winners – had taken all of the screen time. For a few minutes, I watched an interview with a young, blond woman who hit the lottery jackpot a week ago. Yes, jackpot. The trip to my planet and a bunch of money. A woman in a blue uniform was glowing with an excitement that was unusual for this planet. She gestured vividly, talking about her future journey. She talked about her mom, crying with happiness. I almost cried myself, listening to her. If our plan didn’t work, this girl would die in a few days. She would come to the corporation dreaming of the future opportunities and expecting a better life, then get to the death block where executioners would put her on a table, telling her stories about a wonderful adventure, about her being the lucky one, while injecting poison into her vein.

  We decided on not pulling a cat by the tail and starting the operation today. Hunters were searching for me. Bristow even called in extra divisions
that were supposed to come from another location by tomorrow morning. At that time, they would start combing every house. We couldn’t afford to wait. Ray offered to let me hide in his house, under Samantha’s nose. The best place to hide something is to put it out in open space. It could work for a person, too.

  Somebody knocked at the door.

  “Come in,” I said as I turned off the useless television.

  The door opened and Steve stopped in the threshold.

  “Ray’s back?” I asked.

  “No. I just wanted to talk to you.”

  “Talk.” I sat up and nodded to the bed, but Steve didn’t enter.

  “I think Ray’s right,” he said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You don’t have to take a risk. You have nothing to do with anything happening here.”

  “Thanks, I know. But they wanted to kill me and I can’t just leave. That’s it. That’s the last thing I’ll say on this subject and it’s closed now.”

  Steve smiled.

  “You’re tough.”

  “You think?”

  “I think we can do it.”

  “Sure we can,” I said. “I want to kick my copy’s ass.”

  This time Steve laughed.

  “I’d like to see them trying to make my mom believe that Samantha—was me,” I said. “My mom wouldn’t confuse us for a second … Though … No. Not even.”

  The entrance door slammed and Ray started to talk. Actually, he called. For me. I climbed down off the bed and followed Steve to the living room.

  Ray was holding a big, blue, plastic box in his hands and glared at me and Steve.

  “My wardrobe.” I reached for the box, putting an empty bottle of pochin on the table, but Ray ignored my gesture, threw the box on the couch, and opened it.

  “Too bad my copy isn’t fat,” I said, while peeking into the box.

  Steve laughed again.

  Dan entered the room and sat on the couch, bending to the box. Ronald went out a few minutes before, to visit his friends he’d said.

  “You have the same metabolism.” Ray smiled.

  “I think she’ll lose a couple of pounds in the next couple of days.” The box was filled to the top and I pulled out the first, bright blue dress. “Won’t your wife notice a loss?”

  Ray curled his lip.

  “She has hundreds of dresses. I brought her some from every trip and made orders for others. Besides, her clothes are the last things on her list of concerns at the moment.”

  The next dress was black with a puffy skirt. Good choice for getting away. Men. If he had gotten shoes with high heels, I’d kill him.

  “You’re betraying your wife,” I said, while studying the next outfit: skinny, gray suit with a short skirt. “I’ll look awesome running in it. Like a chained giraffe.

  “I’m betraying my wife. I’m a bastard,” Ray agreed. “I made this decision even though it wasn’t easy. I love my wife … I love my wife … She could be different.”

  I didn’t want to look at him even though I felt his gaze.

  Suddenly, Steve started to laugh, pounding his hands on his knees.

  “What’s so funny?” Ray frowned.

  “I im … im … I imagined,” Steve said hiccupping, “a giraffe with his legs chained. It walks and like …” His words drowned in a fit of laughter.

  Dan rolled his eyes. Ray smiled, looking at his younger friend.

  “Yep,” I said. “I’m that funny … How do you think I’m going to feel like myself in these clothes?”

  “Don’t you like them?” Ray asked. Calmer than I’d prefer. I wanted him constantly doubting himself, feeling guilty. Why wouldn’t he call himself an idiot because he’d brought the wrong stuff?

  “This dress is as comfortable as shoes with beaten glass inside. How am I going to run in this?”

  “I hope you won’t have to run. Samantha wears it every day. If you want to be her—you have to put it on.”

  “I don’t want to be her,” I snarled.

  Ray coughed.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Yes, sure. Your spouse is sophisticated and glamorous, unlike me.”

  Ray shook his head.

  I grabbed the black dress (the wide skirt was more convenient than the tight), yellow platform pumps, a bag with makeup and a photo of my disgusting copy that I found on the bottom of the box.

  “I’ll be ready soon,” I said as I headed for the bathroom.

  Pulling off my uniform, I stood in the shower for a few minutes, enjoying the warm water (it didn’t get hot) with some strange, but not unpleasant odor. The soap and shampoo both came from my planet since I doubted they have a Johnson & Johnson Company here. I dried my hair as fast and well as I could, shaking my head over the bathtub and then brushing it. I pulled it up the way Samantha had the day I’d seen her, smoothing my bangs away with gel. Then I put make up on, and in spite of my earlier grumbling, I arrayed myself in the dress with erotic pleasure. Not exactly the feeling I needed at the moment, but expensive, smooth fabric touching the skin was so different from the uniform.

  I preferred jeans and T-shirts instead of feminine dresses, but I liked myself in the bathroom mirror. I compared my reflection to the photo of my copy and noticed no reasonable difference. Maybe my facial expression differed, but I didn’t think anyone would pay attention to details. I was the Queen of Two Universes, or more precisely, The Universal bitch. I smiled and winked at myself.

  “Only I look better.”

  One more check in the mirror and I went to the living room. My heart, for some reason, speeded up. What would Ray say? Would he like me more in this outfit?

  What? Are you crazy? You don’t care!

  “No,” he said after studying me for at least a minute. I didn’t see any changes in his expression. “No, you don’t look like her. Everyone can see you’re a fake.”

  “What do you mean fake?” I posted my hands on my waist, on a wide, leather belt. “You’re fake yourself. Are you saying I’m worse than your wife?”

  “No!” Ray raised his arms. “I didn’t even think like that. Oh, women.”

  “Then I’m her exact copy. I tried.”

  “I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference,” Steve said. I glanced at him and saw a dumbfounded gaze and half-open mouth.

  “Her eyes are different, her attitude, her aura.” Ray waved his hands hopelessly.

  “You know better,” Dan said.

  “I wouldn’t take you for her,” Ray said. “You still have time to cancel all of this.”

  “Oh, I see where you are going. Hmmm. Nope.”

  “Sam, you really have a different look.” Ray approached and I moved back from a hot wave that seemed to be coming from him. What is wrong with me? You’re a nutcase, Sam. You almost died because of him. What are you thinking about? He’s not even a person you’ve been in love with!

  As if he read my mind, Ray smiled. Son of a bitch.

  “You studied a person whom I’ve known well,” I said. “But if it hadn’t been for those five years, I would never have mistaken you for him. You also have a different look and that’s not a compliment.”

  Ray pressed his lips.

  “I suppose only her father and I would notice the dissimilarity,” he said after a pause. “They are like twins. Only parents can tell them apart.”

  I heard another meaning behind his words. My wife could be like her if she wanted. That was what I craved to hear. I wanted everything that had happened between us to be real and not a plan that had gotten out of control. I wished it was a true passion, an energy that drew us together on a level of high substance.

  “Are you sure? You really want to do it?” he asked.

  It was my turn to roll my eyes. I left the area of magnetic attraction and sat down on the couch. The puffy skirt spread like a fan around me. I was a princess. What a terrifying thought.

  Ray didn’t join me, but went to the kitchen instead and returned with a bottle of k
el. He stood in front of me, opening the cap.

  “I guess no one gained any common sense and listened to me. So, if you crazy people have decided to do this, then let’s do it now. Samantha is in the corporation, controlling the hunt of her double. As far as I know, her great father is in his mansion doing the same. We have time.”

  “Let’s go.” I stood up and set off for the door. I tried not to think about the prospect of what could happen to me as a result of failure or success. I would die of fear just thinking about it. I tried not to think, but my heart hopped in a Russian gallop and my legs lost their steadiness as soon as I approached the car. I must pull myself together, otherwise we were doomed.

  CHAPTER 29

  “She doesn’t talk to anyone. If she honors someone with as much as a glance, it’s so bigoted, like there is an empty space before her, not a person. A slave maybe. Her shoulders are always straight, her chin up. All you need to do is stay silent.”

  “That’s all I hear lately. Be quiet Sam. And the more I’m required to be quiet the more I talk. Okay, I’m quiet.”

  “By the door, there’s a machine for reading your fingerprints,” Ray continued as if I hadn’t said anything. “It’s easy. You just press your thumb to the metal plate and that’s it.”

  Ray talked and I looked out the car window, at the gray buildings. At people. I saw no one overweight, or smiling, or talking. A planet of skinny, sad, quiet people. I had gained control over my body by this time and didn’t shake, but I was too stressed out and my stomach started to hurt.

  Ray was driving with confidence, checking for the car behind where Dan and Steve were sitting. Ronald didn’t return, but we expected him to come later to the Lottery Building with some of his guys. Everyone hoped there would be no need for their help, because if they were needed, some people could die.