All About Hope

by Ashley Erin

  “Lia, you need to focus. Get your mind on your horse. Use your seat and be the competitor I know you can be.” Ryan’s voice is harsh, drawing me from my thoughts.

  He’s right, I need to get into the mindset and I can figure out everything after.

  Stopping Ollie, I hold my hand up as Ryan starts to speak. “Let me find my center.”

  Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply until everything falls away. Focusing on the rhythmic feel of Ollie breathing under me, the way he shifts his weight, I sink into my seat and think about the pattern. I think about the way the slightest touch from my legs tells Ollie exactly what I need from him.

  By the time I open my eyes, the noise from everything else is gone. I can feel my forehead crease with determination, and even when I notice that Emma, Dane, and Alex have joined Ryan, I don’t lose my focus.

  “Paid warm-up, Lia Hyatt riding Smokin’ Guns Ammo, owner, Lia Hyatt.”

  Turning away from my family and friends, I nod at the woman opening the gate for me, loping into the center of the arena.

  We move through the pattern flawlessly, and by the time I’ve exited the arena, a crowd has formed, including Dominic. He waits for me outside the gate, and I grin when I catch Alex watching out of the corner of my eye. I’ve known Dominic for years. He’s a few years older than me, and a hopeless flirt, but I also know he has mad respect for me and his flirting is harmless.

  “Gorgeous, as usual.” He stands by Ollie’s head as I dismount, moving in next to me once my feet are on the ground. “That guy over there, he’s your boyfriend, yeah?”

  Laughing, I shake my head. “He’s . . . complicated.”

  I glance over at Alex, he’s still watching.

  “He wants to hurt me.” Dominic leans down to whisper in my ear. “I kind of like torturing him. If he has you, it shouldn’t be complicated. Even I know you’re not the kind of girl a guy lets go, why do you think I haven’t snapped you up for myself.”

  He pulls back with a naughty smirk on his face, and I burst out laughing. I can see my brothers are now watching us too. They know Dominic’s reputation, and I’m sure he has all three of them glowering at him.

  Lifting my hand, I rest it on his shoulder and lift on my toes to kiss him on the cheek. “I’ve missed you. See you later, I will be the one kicking your ass.”

  Grabbing Ollie’s reins, I walk over to where my crew is standing. I wasn’t wrong, Dane and Ryan are glaring at Dominic, while Alex is watching me with the same heat he had yesterday before he fucked me in the trailer. I have slight bruises on my hips to show for it.

  Glancing over at Emma, I see she is just standing there grinning at all the testosterone around her.

  Before I meet them, she comes over, her eyes glinting. “You naughty, naughty girl.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Smirking, I deny it.

  “Uh huh. Normally, I would tell someone not to play with fire, but in this case I’m on board. Besides, Dominic is me-wow.” She fans herself, ignoring the way Dane is now glaring at her. I can tell by the looks on their faces they can hear us, and after a moment I realize she meant for that to happen.

  “Did you seriously just say me-wow?” We close the rest of the distance to the fence, getting out of the way of the riders who are warming up.

  “Yep.” She pops her lips on the “p” with a grin.

  Dane pulls her into his arms, leaning down to whisper in her ear. I can tell that whatever he’s saying is something I don’t want to hear by the smile that crosses Emma’s face.

  “I’m going to cool Ollie down and get him settled. My class is at ten, so I’m going to make the rounds to a few clients before then.” Ryan and Alex follow me out, and I can tell that one of them is going to pounce on the Dominic thing.

  “Lia.” Big brother for the win.

  Rolling my eyes, “yes?”

  “You shouldn’t encourage Dominic’s behavior. He’s a nice enough guy, but he lacks respect for women.” I could lash out, call him a hypocrite. I also think it’s funny that he’s reading so much into it, considering he knows about Alex, but who can understand the way his mind is working right now?

  Sighing, I turn and start walking backwards. Alex is watching me, and the look on his face makes me pause. Instead of anger, which is there, I can also see that he’s hurt. Something I didn’t expect. I look at Ryan, but my words are for Alex. “Dom has nothing but respect for me. He knows we’re friends and nothing more. I’ve known the guy for six years and he’s never tried anything. Besides, I haven’t broken my rule about not dating anyone in the show circuit yet.”

  Shaking my head, I turn back around and speed up. I need a break from all of this, and I know where I need to go to get it.

  I can meet up with my clients later.

  The comforting smell of leather greets me as I enter The Tack Shop. It’s my favorite store, and when I need to clear my head it’s my favorite place to get some much needed retail therapy.

  “Lia! It’s been too long since you’ve paid us a visit.” Megan leans on the counter, her bright smile a balm to my frayed nerves.

  “I know. It’s a busy time of year.”

  “That’s what you always say. Can I help you find anything?”

  Shaking my head, I make my way to the register. “No, I just needed some retail therapy. I have a couple of hours before my class today and I needed some space to think.”

  “Gotcha.” She picks up her phone, her thumb working a mile a minute as she gives me the room I need to breathe.

  Despite what I said about thinking, that’s the last thing I want to do. I feel like I’ve spent a ton of time sorting through my feelings and being stuck in my head, so I distract myself by shopping for a new pair of spurs.

  An hour and ten text messages later, I’ve paid for a new set of spurs, new skid boots, and a headstall for Emma’s filly.

  “Good luck! Not that you need it, Miss Undefeated for three years running.” Megan waves to me as I leave, feeling sufficiently soothed.

  The only text I bother responding to is Emma’s.

  Me: Just needed to get away for some quiet time before I show. See you in ten.

  Exactly ten minutes later, I’m hopping out of the truck and racing into the trailer. My class starts soon, and I don’t want to miss watching any of the riders.

  I change into a gorgeous western style button-down shirt. It’s simple, only a little bit of flash, but it’s a vibrant purple that will stand out. Grabbing my chaps, I leave the trailer. I don’t have to ask; Ryan is there helping me zip them up. We secure my cowboy hat with pins to complete the outfit.

  “Ollie is ready to go.” He knows me. I usually need to leave the chaos of the show before I ride. It gives me the chance to clear my head, and dealing with the Dom issue earlier just fed that need.

  “Thanks.”

  “He’s with Mom and Dad in the warm-up pen.”

  Dane locks the trailer, and everyone walks with me. No one speaks, they just let me pump myself up. Someone must have told Alex I shut down a little before I show, he’s giving me the space I need. Have I mentioned how much I appreciate my family and friends?

  When we join Mom and Dad, I give them hugs, and lift myself into the saddle. Several people wave to me as I start warming Ollie up.

  They call the first rider, prompting the rider after her to be ready. I watch rider after rider run the pattern, walking Ollie to the gate when it’s Dom’s turn.

  He’s an excellent rider, but his coach fell ill and couldn’t make it. Not that his coach is that great anyways, I’ve been trying to convince Dom to find someone new, someone more reliable.

  Dane and Ryan don’t know much about him, aside from what he puts out there, but I know better. He is alone in this world. No one is here to cheer him on outside the normal show crowd. Somehow, along the way, he discovered me and every show he makes sure to spend some time with me so I feel I need to support him however I can.

  I call out some encour
agement, my voice carrying through the arena. He finishes his pattern with a final score of 213.

  I trot Ollie over to wait inside the gate, out of the way of the rider after him, and lift my hand in a high-five.

  “Nicely done, Dom.”

  He smiles, removing his hat and wiping his arm over his forehead. “I wouldn’t have done that well if you hadn’t been hollering at me. Thanks.”

  “I’m always in your corner, even if I am going to kick your ass.” Dropping Ollie’s reins, I stretch in the saddle. They’ve prompted me that I’m up after they run the tractor over the sand, the harrows it pulls with smooth out the tracks leaving a fresh slate.

  “I don’t doubt that’s true. Good luck. May your tracks be long and true.” He winks at me, turning his gelding away.

  I position myself in front of the gate, watching the harrows smooth out the tracks from the previous riders. I got the lucky draw, I love going right after the harrows. There is something serene about the smooth ripples in the sand.

  Closing my eyes, I find my center, the adrenaline starting to pump through my veins as the tractor leaves and the gates are opened for me.

  Cuing Ollie, he takes off, the power of his muscles moving beneath me as we run down the center line. I don’t see anything around me, the noise of the crowd sounds more like the rush of running water. The only two beings in the world right now are me and Ollie as I guide him through the pattern.

  I love the rush as we fly over the sand, my veins singing with excitement, the pride over every movement executed in perfection lighting me up from the inside out.

  As I perform the final maneuver of the pattern, the rest of the world fills back in when I hear the roar of the crowd. Riding over to the judges, I dismount so they can check Ollie over.

  They make sure I haven’t marked him with my spurs, and ensure the bit in his mouth is the regulation bit. Once they’re done, I make my way to the gate and wait for my final score.

  “Lia Hyatt on Smokin’ Guns Ammo, score two sixteen point five.” I wrap my arms around Ollie’s neck, not minding the sheen of sweat that covers him. He worked hard today and earned the top score so far.

  The roar of the crowd cheering makes me smile. I love how supportive this community of people is. My family and friends swarm me, each one hugging me until I’m wrapped in Alex’s arms.

  “Wow. That was . . . incredible.” He squeezes me tight, pulling back so he can meet my eyes. His shine with excitement from watching me compete and it makes my heart beat a little faster.

  “Thank you! I love it. Now, let’s go have lunch, I’m starving.” Everyone laughs. I stand still so Emma and Ryan can help me out of my chaps and we walk to the barn together, my family leaves to start cooking lunch, but Alex stays behind.

  Once Ollie is groomed and settled in for the afternoon, he drops the curtain to my tack room pushing me up against the wall.

  “You are so fucking incredible.” His voice is low, rumbly. We’re very aware of the number of people around us, but it doesn’t stop him as he pushes into me and starts kissing me with feverish passion.

  He grabs my thighs, lifting me off the ground and wrapping my legs around his lean waist as he devours me. I’m falling apart with every touch, but he puts me back together again. That’s what he’s done. I hadn’t realized how broken I was, my trust in myself ruined because of Graham, but he’s stitched me back together so well, you can’t even see where the pieces were. I’m whole again, and it’s thanks to this beautiful man before me, who was broken just like me.

  I hold him tight, giving him everything I have. The difference between us is that he’s made me whole again, whereas Alex still holds onto some of the scars from his past. He wears them like an armor he needs to shed, but he’s just not ready yet.

  My kisses turn desperate, I know he feels the shift, but he doesn’t question it. It’s too easy for us to ignore what’s right there, pretending that nothing has shifted.

  I don’t know how long we’re wrapped up in each other, but I hear Emma call out for us, so I know it’s long enough that lunch is ready.

  When Alex lowers me to the ground, he rests his forehead on mine, his eyes searching me. I can see the flash of pain at what he sees there, but it’s gone just as quickly.

  He pulls me into his chest, hugging me to him.

  We’ve always had an expiration date, and we both know it’s upon us.

  The drive home after the show is quiet. Lia fell asleep within ten minutes of being on the road, her feet resting in my lap. She rode hard, winning both of her classes, so it’s not surprising that she’s so tired. Not to mention the number of people asking her to help them with their horses. It was staggering. I had no idea she was such an active part of the community, and everyone likes her because she is so kind hearted and friendly.

  I didn’t think I would enjoy being a part of this as much as I have, but I like seeing every facet of her life. It’s just flowed so easily, I didn’t realize how much she has integrated into my everyday life.

  Running my hand over her shin, I enjoy the smoothness of her skin against my palm.

  Emma turns up the radio a little, her and Dane chatting quietly about the wedding plans they’ve finally made. Once Lia suggested the barn for the venue, the rest has fallen into place.

  Tuning out their conversation, I watch Lia sleep. She looks so at peace and she’s never been so beautiful to me. She deserves so much more than someone like me, Dane hit it on the head yesterday; Lia needs someone who will fall in love with her.

  Someone who was taught how to truly love someone, unconditionally.

  That little voice that whispers in the back of my brain, the one that tells me I’m making excuses because I’m scared. I’m scared of opening myself up to the possibility of loving someone so much that they can hurt me. Like my dad did, and my mom.

  The voice that taunts me for running scared.

  Emma parks the truck in front of one of the small paddocks attached to the barn. Lia startles awake when Emma and Dane hop out of the truck, shutting the doors with a loud click.

  “Shit. I’m ready to crash.” She pulls her feet off my lap, slipping them into flip flops.

  Dane already has Ollie unloaded by the time I join them, Lia taking his lead and letting him loose into the pen. She latches his halter on the gate, turning back to face us.

  “Leave the trailer. I will clean it tomorrow, right now I just want to eat and go to sleep. Thanks for coming and cheering me on.” She hugs Emma and Dane, before walking alongside me to the house.

  “Why don’t you go take a relaxing shower, get comfy, and I will cook dinner.” Shutting the front door behind her, I lean down to brush my lips across hers.

  “Sounds perfect.” She wraps me in her arms, tucking her face into my chest. I hug her close, a feeling of melancholy filling me when she pulls away too soon, heading up the stairs.

  By the time Lia joins me in the kitchen, her wet hair in a knot on the top of her head, I’ve set the table and dinner is waiting.

  She’s eyes the plate I’ve dished out for her hungrily. Her mom must have stopped by before we got home, dropping off a delicious pasta salad. I grilled some chicken and asparagus, seasoned to perfection.

  “Oh my God. This looks amazing.” She sits down, cutting into her chicken with a moan of delight. “I am so glad you came this weekend. Did you have fun?”

  “It was a blast. Why aren’t you in more classes though?” I uncork the bottle of wine I grabbed and fill up her glass.

  “I can’t enter most of them. I’m not considered a non-pro, because I help train horses for the ranch and have coached riders before. And I’ve earned too much prize money to be in the limited open. They all have their own sets of guidelines and I ride in the categories that I can.” She takes another bite, devouring the food on her plate.

  Clearing our dishes, I top up her wine and join her back at the table. “When is your next show?”

  “Not until the end of July. I ride
in the Spring Classic, the Summer Classic, and the Fall Classic; all out of that barn. It’s my favorite venue, and it’s close to home so that way my family never misses a show.” She finishes her wine, waving me off when I try to fill it again.

  Standing from the table, I clean up before taking her hand and leading her upstairs to her room. Lifting her shirt over her head, I rub my hands over her shoulders until she relaxes into my touch. She’s been tense all day, all weekend, and I want to make her feel better.

  The rest of her clothes fall into the pile before I strip down and lay her onto her back. Bracing myself over her, I kiss her softly. I want to savor the way she tastes and feels.

  She wraps her legs around my waist, pulling me into her. Propping myself on my elbows, I slide in and out of her slowly, in no rush for this to end.

  Her eyes are hooded as she watches me, flashing with emotions as we move together. We’ve never been slow together, and I don’t want to be anything else with her right now.

  Her arms wrap around my neck, her fingers playing with the hair at the base of my skull as we move together. Her body begins to tighten, her orgasm slowly building until she’s crying out. “God, Alex.”

  My release follows, no less intense despite the quietness with which it comes.

  Pulling out of her, I pull her back into mine as she falls asleep in a post-orgasmic bliss.

  I can’t sleep. That wasn’t just having sex, or making love, it felt like a goodbye.

  Things with Lia are getting weird. It’s been two nights, two nights since I didn’t sleep a wink because all I could think about was feeling the end coming with Lia. I knew this would happen, what I didn’t expect was my unwillingness to let her go.

  We’ve spent time together over the past couple of days, but neither of us have addressed the elephant in the room.

  Crossing the yard to Emma’s, I let myself in and join her and Dane in their living room. Dropping into a chair with a sigh, I turn my attention to the show they’re watching. The TV turns black.