Daunting Decisions

by Kip Nelson

  Diana shook her head and folded her arms across her chest. She exhaled deeply, and it was clear she had little respect for Adam. “If you want to get yourself all worked up about these imaginary fears of yours, then be my guest, but I have better things to do with my time. There are too many other things in the world to worry about than adding your own mind on top of them. I'm going to go out into the city with Annabelle. If you want to join us, feel free, but I won't tolerate you talking like this, especially not around her. It's hard enough to keep her protected as it is. She likes you, so you'd better do right by her,” Diana said, her tongue lashing sharply.

  Adam chewed his lip and nodded. “You don't have to worry about anything like that from me. I never would do anything to harm her. Why are you going out into the city?”

  “Because it beats staying here,” she said facetiously, but then added, “it's more for Annabelle than myself. Although I think I would go crazy if I had to stay in here hours on end every day. Annabelle likes to explore the city and find things we can use, and sometimes other survivors as well, like you. I can't say it's my favorite thing that she does, but she was in the Girl Scouts, so she's pretty handy at these kinds of things.”

  “Yeah, she mentioned that once or twice to me,” Adam said, and the two of them shared a little smile over the precocious child.

  “Well, good luck out there,” he said.

  “You're not coming with us?” Diana asked, looking a little surprised.

  “I can take care of myself you know.”

  “I'm sure you can, but I didn't think you were the type to be content with staying here.”

  “I might have a little exploration of myself, see if there are any other secrets I can find,” he said pointedly.

  “What is it you even want out of life, Adam? Like, what do you hope to accomplish?”

  “At the moment I'm not thinking past tomorrow. What am I supposed to want to do? What can anyone do apart from survive?”

  Diana looked as though she was about to say something, but then thought better of it. She went back to collect Annabelle and the two of them got ready to go off together. Before they left Annabelle asked Adam and Peter if they were going to join them. Adam declined and said he and Peter were going to rest, as they had been out in the city a lot recently. Annabelle looked disappointed, so Adam promised he'd join them for the next excursion. As they left, Adam sighed and sank down next to Peter, who looked peaceful and comfortable.

  “You know, I'm still not sure about her,” Adam said.

  “The lady?”

  “Yeah, the lady. Annabelle is fine, you know. She's just a kid, and there's obviously something that happened with her parents that she's not wanting to talk about, but I can't blame her for that. But Diana, I just get this bad feeling from her. I want to trust her and like her, and I guess there must be something about her that's genuine because she definitely cares about Annabelle. Still, I don't think I like her myself. I always get the feeling she's hiding something from me, or like she doesn't actually think I can do anything myself. I'm a grown man, for goodness sake, and she was keeping secrets! You know that food? She neglected to tell me there are men guarding it.”

  “Maybe she thinks the same about you. She does have Annabelle to worry about. Maybe she's afraid you're going to turn out to be dangerous, and she just is trying to get to know you better. Maybe you're both so suspicious of each other that you can't actually just be friends.”

  “Maybe you're right, but she could make it a lot easier, I can tell you that. And I'm not jealous that they're out in the city. I know this isn't the best place in the world, but at least we're not out in the rain here.”

  “Are we going to stay here for a long time?”

  “Maybe Peter, maybe, we'll see how things turn out. It's not the worst place to be, though. At least we're with other people, and I don't know about you, but there's something comforting about that. Do you want to come with me and walk around the apartments a little bit?”

  Peter shook his head vehemently. Adam was a little disappointed, but he assumed that after all their walking Peter was just glad to be staying in one place for a little while.

  “I'll be back in a while, and I'll see if I can find us some books or food or something,” Adam said. He went off on his own, taking care to step over the other people who had fallen asleep again.

  It seemed that that was all anyone wanted to do in that building. The question that Diana asked him lingered in his mind, and although he wasn't sure he could trust her she hadn't yet done anything that was overtly hostile. He knew she had been disappointed with the answer he'd given her, but what else was he supposed to have said? All his ambitions had been rendered pointless. Although he didn't know what he wanted to be, he knew what he didn't want, and that was to end up like all the people around him. It was a look that damaged his opinion of humanity.

  He'd always felt humans were the apex of evolution, survivors who made it through anything the universe could throw at them. However, the reality was much different. Some people simply couldn't cope with the changing circumstances and they just were waiting to die. He thought about all the dead bodies he had seen so far in this brave new world, and wondered how many of them had died because they had lost the will to live. It was a damning indictment of the nature of humanity, and he wondered if he was destined for the same fate. It was all well and good to claim to fight for a better future in the face of such bleak oblivion, but he had little hope of actually making a success of himself. If his future was just to move from place to place, never settling down, always wondering where his next meal was coming from, then there wasn't much point to life.

  Adam stopped his thoughts there. He couldn't afford to think like that, not again. It wasn't just him who was a part of his world. There was Peter, Annabelle, and even Diana as well. He couldn't just abandon hope. What kind of example would that be setting for Annabelle? She was a child who already had seen everything taken away. Now she was looking to the adults around her for examples about how to live. Whether he liked it or not, he had influence over how she grew up and turned out. He wanted her to be a good person, a person who wasn't afraid, a person who was brave, and better than him. That's what he should have told Diana. Perhaps it would have formed some mutual respect between them.

  His thoughts were interrupted when someone called his name. At first, he thought it was Peter, but as he searched the surrounding area he couldn't see him. Then someone shuffled up toward him, and Adam almost couldn't believe his eyes.

  “Clark? Is that you?”

  Clark nodded and Adam saw pure, unadulterated joy on the man's face. Never in a million years did Adam expect to run into anyone else he knew, but there was Clark, standing before him. Although he looked a lot worse for wear. He had a beard, much like Adam, and his hair was unkempt. His glasses had been cracked as well. Evidently, it was difficult to find a replacement pair.

  “I can't believe it's you!” Adam said.

  “I know, what are the chances? It's so good to see a friendly face. I never thought I'd see anyone from Rainstorm again.”

  “I know, right? Did you go back there?”

  “No, I never got the chance. Did you?”

  “Yeah, but only a couple of days ago. It's bad there, man. There's, like, nothing left. It's horrible to see. All that hard work was for nothing. People had been in there to ransack the place, but all the important stuff was left, because it's useless now.”

  “And to think, we were hours away from changing the world.”

  “I know. I can't get that thought out of my mind. That Hololife would have changed everything for everyone, but it's just nothing now. I wish I knew what happened to Cindy and Benny and all the others, if they made it. I left the city for a while, thought I'd try making it out in the forest. Things just got too much for me here after that first night, all those riots.”

  “I know what you mean. I stayed here, though. I hoped somebody would come to help us and save us, bu
t no one never did, and by then, well, I saw other people leave, but where are they going to go? Figured I might as well stay here and make the best of it.”

  “Yeah, well, let me tell you, you definitely don't want to be out in the forest at this time of year. The rain is so bad, and the cold, oh man. I'm glad to have a roof over my head.”

  “It's not so bad here. Yeah, although they could be a little more generous with the food.”

  “You're telling me, but that's the way it goes, I guess. Are your family here, too?” Adam asked, almost afraid to do so.

  Clark gulped and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “That's a... uh... we should probably sit down,” Clark said.

  Chapter Three

  Meanwhile, Diana and Annabelle were walking through the city. They had scouted the nearby area many times since they first had found the apartment building. They knew it was unlikely dangers lurked nearby, although they always had to be on their guard. Diana often found it mentally exhausting, which is why she often found herself snapping at other people, especially Adam. She never could live with herself if anything happened to Annabelle, so she had to maintain her focus for as long as possible when they were outside.

  On this particular day there was no rain, it was just cold, so they didn't have to worry about keeping under shelter. They walked on the sidewalk, glancing into buildings and listening for anything that might prove dangerous or suspicious. Annabelle kept in close proximity to Diana. It was a rule Diana had made clear from the start after one very traumatic incident when Annabelle had gone off by herself while Diana had been preoccupied. At the time, Diana had been distraught, thinking Annabelle either had been kidnapped or had met with some equally dreadful fate. She had been weeping when Annabelle came skipping around the corner. At the time Diana didn't know whether to throttle her or hug her and never let her go.

  Some things had remained unspoken between them and, as far as Diana was concerned, that was fine. She didn't want to pry into Annabelle's life if it only was going to bring up bad memories. She hated the way the modern world always tried to get people to talk about their problems and their feelings. Diana had had bad stuff happen to her, everyone had, and she thought it was better that people just move on and try to live their lives rather than dwell on it.

  These trips into the city seemed to help Annabelle anyway. They gave her something to focus on, and like Diana told Adam, she didn't want to stay in that dreary building all day. It depressed her to see so many people who already had given up. Things were bad. However, as long as they kept hoping and kept looking for new opportunities, things could be different. She feared Adam was the same as any of them, in that he would not be able to look beyond the gloom of the world and soon would be consumed by it, shuffling along like an automaton.

  She looked down at Annabelle, knowing she wanted to do all she could to provide a good future for the young girl. It was funny, back in the old world children were the last thing on her mind. In fact, she had been sure she never wanted one of her own, but now she couldn't imagine a world without Annabelle. She was such a precious thing and Diana only wished she could make the world a better place to let Annabelle grow up safely into the amazing person she could be. It had hurt her when Adam had asked her all those questions about the watchmen and the true nature of their plans. She knew she had come off as blunt to Adam, but the truth was she didn't want to think about big groups of people, because they could mean trouble for her and Annabelle.

  If she had had her own way, she would have kept the two of them separate from the rest of the world, but she didn't want to dim the fire within Annabelle's soul. Annabelle was innocent, and didn't know the true nature of men. So, she was happy to talk and be friends with anyone, which is why Diana had to be the tough one. She knew that without the police or anyone to instill fear and order into the population, people were free to indulge their darker desires. Unfortunately, she already had seen some men look upon her and Annabelle with greedy eyes. So far, Adam and Peter hadn't done that, but Diana wasn't going to let her guard down yet.

  “So, you like Adam and Peter then?” Diana asked.

  Annabelle turned to her with a wide smile. “Oh yes, very much! Peter is quiet, but Adam says he's just different, and looks at the world in a different way. I want to ask him about that because I only see the world my way. I thought everybody saw the same thing, but maybe I was wrong. How do you see the world?”

  “Probably different from the way you and Peter see it, and Adam, too. I think everyone sees the world in their own way.”

  Annabelle blinked as she tried comprehending what Diana was saying. “But then, how does anyone know what the world really looks like?”

  “Maybe nobody does. Maybe we're all just looking at different parts of it, like we're all seeing different pieces of the puzzle.”

  “I like puzzles! Maybe we'll find one.”

  “Maybe. Although, I don't know that we have much room to do one, and there probably are other things we should try finding.”

  “Yes, like cotton and Vaseline! Adam was telling me he spent time in the forest. I want to show him how to make a good fire, and talk to him about some of the plants he can eat. Because some of them you shouldn't eat, but it can be hard to tell the difference. And remember that you need to boil water as well to make sure it's clean to drink.”

  “I'm sure we'll take care of everything,” Diana said, smiling down at the young girl, “but remember that you can't take too many things back with you. So, if you do find any trinkets, then you might have to choose some to be left behind.”

  “I know,” Annabelle said despondently, as though the whole world was so unfair. “Do you like Adam and Peter?”

  “I think they're nice people. Although I still think we need to get to know them a little better before we call them friends.”

  “I don't. They're my friends already. And I think it would be good for you to have some friends, too. Did you have many friends before?”

  “I had some friends,” Diana said, thinking back to the parties where she was surrounded by people who all said they adored her, when in reality she was perhaps the loneliest person there.

  She could have counted the number of people she considered friends on one hand, and they all had gone with the rest of the world. Now it was just Annabelle. Diana hated to think about the past. It only brought with it sadness, even though she had a life that many people would have envied. It was better if people didn't know who she had been in the other world, better if she just started a new life in a new world.

  “I had lots of friends. I miss them, especially the Scouts. We always used to do fun things together. I wonder if I'll ever see them again,” Annabelle said.

  But again, Diana noticed she didn't mention her parents, and she wondered if Annabelle ever would tell Diana what had happened to them. Perhaps, like Diana's own life, it was something that was best left in the past. Because of the secrets she held it made her wonder what secrets Adam and Peter were hiding from her. She knew it wasn't healthy to be so paranoid, but that was the only way to make sure she survived in this world. It was all well and good for Annabelle to be trusting, but Diana never could allow herself to be that way, not when there was so much at stake.

  Whatever else was going on, whatever groups were lurking out in the city, it didn't matter to her. All that mattered was keeping Annabelle safe. It may well have been the case that Adam and Peter were genuine, and they would prove to be valuable allies. But if they threatened Annabelle's safety, then she would have to deal with that, just as she would deal with anyone else who made them feel unsafe. Adam would have to prove himself to her yet, but ultimately all that mattered to Diana was that she and Annabelle were left standing. Anyone else was completely expendable.

  Back in the apartment building Adam had a worried look on his face. His old friend Clark was looking gaunt. Clark was one of the most brilliant minds Adam ever had met, and was the driving force behind Hololife. So, it was a stark si
ght to see such a genius in such a state, but the apocalypse was the great equalizer. It didn't matter how smart you were, everyone was in the same circumstance, and nobody cared if you were a genius. Clark led Adam into a small apartment, much like the one he was staying in, although this was much darker and had a grim odor.

  Clark sat down on the floor, and Adam feared the worst. Clark's family had been his pride and joy. He always had tales about them, and his desk was adorned with pictures of his lovely wife. Clark was the kind of man who proved nice guys didn’t finish last. His wife was beautiful, and he really seemed to have made something of himself when, if Adam was being honest, he wasn't the best-looking man in the world. He was lanky and gawky, with an awkward air about him, and only seemed at home when he was working on his precious projects. He was brilliant, though. Whenever Adam had a problem he always went to Clark. He always was ready with a solution, something that never would have occurred to Adam in a million years, yet seemed so simple and made such sense.

  “What happened, Clark? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but maybe it'll help to talk about it.”

  “It will. I've had it on my mind ever since it happened, and people around here aren't the friendliest sort. Everyone has their own problems, and they don't want to hear about what anyone else is going through. Although, you know, it's not like I've ever been that good at making friends in the first place. But it was...I don't even know where to begin. I just...it all happened so quickly. I was in bed, and we made our way outside and tried to keep safe, tried to make sure we were going to be okay. It was just the two of us, you know? And we'd been through so much already I thought we could keep each other strong, keep each other safe. I thought there still would be some decency in the world.”

  “What happened to her, Clark?” Adam said softly.

  It was clear the man was agitated, and that something terrible had happened. Once again Adam was a little grateful that he didn't have anyone special in his life, for it meant he didn't have to deal this kind of loss. As much as he liked Peter, he had to admit that if something happened to the other man he wouldn't be as distraught as Clark was. Sometimes Adam wondered if he still was capable of feeling the kind of love that Clark felt for his wife, or if that sense had atrophied after years of being dormant.