Daunting Decisions

by Kip Nelson

  For a moment inspiration and courage sparked within him, and he straightened out his body proudly, feeling the muscles inside him brace for use. Then he thought about that moment when he had tried to help Clark, when he had stood up to them, and then immediately cowered. All they had to do was point a finger at him and threaten him. That was enough for Adam to betray his friend and let him be slaughtered. Because that's what it had been, a slaughter.

  Clark had had no reason to live. He'd lost everything, and he seemed to know his fate going in. Still, Adam should have done more, either to stop him or to try preventing the horror that befell him. Maybe it was for the best, though. Maybe this way Adam could keep living. Because he was the man who was supposed to change everything. It always was hard in the movies. There always was some price to pay. Some character had to die so the main character could rise up and take hold of the world.

  The problem was Adam never much had felt like a main character, not even in his own life. When he had been younger he'd had delusions that he secretly was being filmed. As he grew older he realized that, for the most part, people simply didn't care about him or his life, and that anything he did wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Now Clark, there was a man who could have been the star of a show. He was the inventor of Hololife, and if things had been different, he would have been one of the most famous men in the world by now. Instead he was thrown into a pile of dead bodies, and nobody apart from Adam would mourn him.

  All through the night Adam was twisting and turning, long after everyone else had gone to sleep. He opened his eyes to stare at the darkness, but even then, he wasn't able to forget the vision of Clark's blood-stained face. He wasn’t able to forget about the way his body just crumpled under the force of blows from the thugs, about how he hadn't even been offered the dignity of final words. Clark had had unfinished business in the world. He'd never known what had happened to his wife, and he hadn't been able to avenge her kidnapping. Perhaps it was down to Adam...but how would he go about it? He wanted so badly to be a man of action and to take his destiny into his own hands, but for so long he had been a mere passenger, so it was hard to get into the driver’s seat. He wished he was more like Diana. He glanced over at her. She was sleeping, her chest rising and falling gently. He just about could make out the silhouette from the slice of silver moonlight that sneaked in through a small gap in the curtains. If it was someone she cared about, if it had been Annabelle, there would have been nothing that could have kept her from going after them. But she didn't know Clark. She didn't care about Clark. Nobody did apart from him...

  Adam woke up with bags under his eyes, feeling lousy. Even when he had been asleep during the night it had not been a restful slumber. Most of the night had been spent with him staring at the ceiling, wishing that things could have been different. He kept replaying the incident with Clark over and over again, wondering if he could have done anything differently, wondering if there was a way he could have saved Clark's life. But every time he reminded himself that it didn't matter. Nothing had been done differently. Clark was dead, and he was going to stay dead. But Adam didn't want anyone else to die in the same manner. It wasn't right that the people were allowed to continue living as though nothing mattered. The world had ended, but people still were alive. It wasn't right that they could lose their values, morals, and then sense of justice so quickly. Those men needed to be punished.

  Before the others could rise Adam walked through the building with a purpose. He had no idea how he looked. Although he had a clue, since his bloodshot eyes ached, and his head throbbed with dehydration and exhaustion, but he had a mission and he was not going to be deterred. He marched through the corridors and looked at all the people sitting and lying down. If anyone was awake, he shook them, trying to make them see they still were alive and could effect change in the world. He asked them if they had seen the events of the previous day. He told them about Clark, about the man who died, just so he was sure Clark's life did matter in the end. He tried to rally them and make them rise up as a singular army, as a people who were tired of being abused by the watchmen, who were tired of living their days in fear, who actually wanted to make their mark on the world and do something useful and productive, something that could give them purpose...

  None of them were swayed by his words. Any sense of purpose long ago had been eroded from their souls and they had nothing else to give. Some of them offered sympathy for Clark, others said he deserved what he got and should have known better than to challenge them. It was these people Adam despised the most. It was fine if they wanted to give up on their own lives, but it wasn't right that Clark's death was met with such apathy. The people had slipped into lethargy and, as much as Adam wanted to be the kind of man to shake them from their stupor, he wasn't. In fact, he didn't even know if it was possible to do so. They seemed devoid of anything resembling life. It was as though they were in a coma, and yet still could walk and think, but did not actually take part in the world. If they all disappeared in the blink of an eye, nothing would change. They didn't matter.

  Adam returned to his group disillusioned. He ignored the rumbling in his stomach, but he did take some water when it was offered to him by Diana. Annabelle and Peter still were sleeping and Adam was glad for this because he didn't want to have to put on a front and pretend that everything was okay.

  “I heard you turn in the night. I guess you didn't sleep much. Been for a walk?” Diana said.

  “This place is disgusting,” Adam spat, “and these people disgust me.”

  “I can see many reasons why they would, but why on this particular morning?” she replied calmly, sensing that Adam needed to vent and get something off his chest.

  “I thought if I just spoke to them, I could make them see they could be something more than they are, that they could be a force for good in this world. I don't understand how they all can be content with living every day in the same way, with having nothing in their lives. We've all been through crap, but we should use that to fight for the world we want to live in. It's like people are eager to forget about the world we built, about all the progress we made. What's the point of remembering who we are when nobody actually cares about what it means to be human?”

  “No offense, but what did you expect? We weren't exactly a caring society before this. People only were concerned with their own lives. Why do you think things would be different now? The only reason the world worked the way it did was because there were other people in charge. You leave things to the common man and nothing is going to get done. You want too much from these people. They're broken and shamed and they barely have a will to live, let alone a will to fight. Nobody wants to take a risk or take matters into their own hands because it's not something they're used to doing. Back in the old world there was always somebody to take care of them, there was always a way for somebody else to do it. None of these people wanted to take responsibility then, and none of them want to take it now. There's no police force, no government, no president. Nobody wants to take responsibility for their own lives. They just want to let everything happen around them and hope it all will get sorted out by someone else.”

  Adam's fists clenched and his nostrils flared. “Well, that's just not good enough. We can't sit by and let those men get away with being the way they are. It's not right that they just can kill a man and have nothing happen to them. Tell me, does that really sit well with you?” he said, looking at Diana imploringly.

  “No, no, it doesn't,” she said after a time, “but sometimes the world is a certain way and you just have to accept it and wait for an opportunity for something better.”

  “But what if there is no something better? What if this is it? I don't want to spend my life having to bow down to those men. I didn't like it before, but how can I respect them when they killed my friend? You didn't know Clark, and maybe he wasn't the same man at the end as he used to be, but he was the kindest, gentlest soul and the people who killed him need to see they ca
n't get away with this. What do you think is going to happen? They're going to keep taking liberties, and eventually, whatever freedom we have is going to be a distant memory. I'm not going to let that happen. Someone needs to stand up to them, and it might as well be me.”

  With that he rose, a grim look on his face. Diana looked at him with astonishment, hardly believing what he was saying. For a moment she couldn't believe he was serious, then she realized he was. She rose and tried grabbing him back, but it was too late. Adam had made up his mind, just like Clark had. Only Adam wasn't going to let them hit him. He was going to get his words in, and he was going to show everyone else they could fight back, that they could begin a revolution.

  If he hadn't been so angry, perhaps the fear would have been too much and made him stop, but as it was he marched down to the watchmen and challenged them.

  Chapter Six

  In his mind he imagined it as some epic scene from a movie, where he would stand in the middle of the corridor as dramatic music swelled in the background. He would say his piece, they would say theirs, and then the battle between good and evil would begin with everyone else watching. Eventually, they all would be so inspired by Adam's heroism that they would join the fray, and all would be right with the world. But this wasn't a movie, and as he saw them again his courage began faltering. If Diana hadn't have been there he may have stopped, but he didn't want to appear weak in her eyes. He wanted to be a man of conviction, but now the fear was rippling through his body and making him sweat. Spots danced before his eyes, and he was close to palpitations.

  He pushed past the others who were lining up for their breakfast and stood before the watchmen. He expected them to ask him who he was, but they barely even gave him a second thought. It seemed as though they didn't even remember him from yesterday, like Clark didn't even matter. This only made Adam more incensed and gave him the final push he needed.

  “I'm here for you,” he said, trying to put on his most menacing voice. The watchmen looked at each other, taking a few moments to realize they were the ones being addressed.

  “I'm sorry?” one of them said.

  “I'm here for you. That man you killed yesterday was my friend, and I can't let you get away with his death. What you did was wrong and I'm here to make you pay.”

  The watchmen seemed amused by his challenge and smirked at each other. “Your friend knew the rules and he tried to break them. He knew what was coming to him. Everyone here did, except from you, apparently. This is the law now, and you'd do well to follow it. You're lucky I'm in a good mood today, so I find this all amusing. It's rare anybody here offers me a laugh, but you should back away now before you push your luck too far.”

  It was all a joke to them, Adam realized. They didn't care about Clark, didn't care about any of them, and he didn't matter at all. Fear and anger formed a potent cocktail within him and the adrenalin was rushing through his body. He pushed his shoulder blades back, straightened his neck, and planted his feet firmly in the ground, determined not to be so easily dismissed. He acted like Schwarzenegger and Stallone, trying to give the impression that he was confident even if he didn't necessarily feel it inside.

  “That's not good enough. I can't stand by and watch innocent people get beaten to death like that. It's not right, and it's not the kind of world I want to live in,” he said, his voice trembling somewhat, which he hoped they wouldn't notice. He had hoped that by now others would have joined him at his side, that they would have seen this and been impressed that someone finally was standing up to the watchmen. However, nobody did. Some of them barely looked at him, so he was alone.

  The watchman to the right, the one who had spoken to him already, sighed and tilted his head back. He rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before he spoke again. “Look, I don't know what's gotten into you, but this won't fly. Look around you, do you really think these people care about right and wrong? Those things don't matter anymore. It's a brave new world, and people have far more important things to worry about, like food, and we control the food. So, you had better control your behavior. It's been a long shift, and I'm too tired to have this be a whole thing. So, if you're not going to join the line, then you should go back to whatever little hole you crawled out of and be done with it. I'm not going to ask you again.”

  “How can any of you be happy with this?” Adam asked, raising his voice, stretching out his arms, turning around to address those around him. This garnered more attention, but it still wasn't enough, and nobody joined him.

  “I told you, these people don't care. Nobody does. I don't know what's gotten into you, but you'd better cut out this hero act right now. If I wasn't so tired, I'd get down there and beat your ass. If you really want a fight, then you'll get what's coming to you, just like your friend, but frankly, I don't need the hassle. So, I'd prefer it if you just let go of these delusions of grandeur and carried on with your life, and let us do our jobs.”

  “Your jobs? All you do is stand there and pretend you're doing us a favor.”

  “You don't know what you're talking about. There are a number of buildings just like this one that have people just like all of you, the hopeless, the lost, and they all need is to be kept in line. So really, we are doing you a favor and you should be more grateful. You think you have it tough? We had our own lives as well you know. We lost a lot, just like everyone else. The only difference between all of you and all of us is we adapted to the world. We saw the true nature of it and were able to accept it, and turn ourselves into the type of person who could live here. You must unlearn what you have learned.”

  Adam almost burst with rage when they used a Star Wars quote against him. They didn't get to do that, and they didn't get to try reasoning with him either. In his mind they were monsters. He didn't want to think of them as people he could reason with, as people with lives, people who were just like him and Clark in the old world. Because he didn't want to admit the possibility that he very well could turn out just like them.

  “You stole his wife! He was a good man, a kind man, and you just took everything he had without any remorse!”

  “Is that what he told you?” the watchman said, laughing as he finally moved from his post and came toward Adam, who thought he may have gone too far.

  Suddenly the idea of a beating was getting more and more real, and he realized he didn't want to die, certainly not at the hands of these men. The watchmen approached slowly, each step a step of impending doom. Adam cast his gaze around the room, hoping someone actually would see what he was trying to do and join him so more would follow, but they all stayed to the side of the room. His eyes met Diana's, and he thought that perhaps she would take pity on him enough to join him, but in that moment, he realized she wouldn't. She was far too pragmatic for that, and she wouldn't leave Annabelle alone. He was starting to think he had made a mistake, but there was nothing he could do to stop things now.

  “What do you mean? Of course he told me that. Why would he lie?” Adam said.

  “Oh, I'm sure it wasn't a lie from the way he saw it, but the truth is always a matter of perspective. We didn't kidnap his wife at all, you see. She came of her own accord. We offered her a way out, a better life, and she chose to come with us. If he couldn't handle that, then that's on him. I'll accept what I've done, but I won't stand here and be accused of something I didn't do. So, you'd better get your facts straight before you come here.” Now that he was closer Adam could see the menace in his eyes, and the snarling mouth that spoke venomous words. Adam gulped.

  “You're lying,” he said, but his words faltered.

  He knew the man had no reason to lie, and given Clark's state it wasn't difficult to imagine he had convinced himself his wife had been kidnapped rather than leave of her own free will. Her choosing to leave him when he needed her most was a worse fate than her being taken, and all of a sudden Adam felt very vulnerable. But he also had something else now; a chance to discover information. Questions had plagued him about this
place and the watchmen ever since he first had seen them. Now he knew they were indeed part of a larger group who seemed to patrol buildings like this, but why? And who organized them?

  “I really don't give a shit about your or your friend enough to make up lies. But I do remember his wife, and I'm glad she chose to come with us. I don't know what your friend did in the old world, but he must have been loaded because he was punching well above his weight. It was funny, really. She didn't even hesitate to take the deal. You should have seen the look on his face. She was right out of there.”

  Adam tried ignoring his words, tried not listening to the furious beating of his heart. He knew that, as much as he wanted to avenge Clark's death, any information he could get was more valuable, and it didn't seem as though his plan was going to work anyway. If anyone was going to join him and stand by his side, they would have done so by now, and him getting beaten or killed wasn't going to make a difference. He didn't want to be just another body for the pile.

  “So, what is this better deal then? And if it's so much better, then why doesn't everyone take it?”

  “Because it's not for everyone. We only want people who actually can contribute, who can live in this new world. As you can see it's slim pickings around here and we're pretty selective. There aren't many people who actually can be considered.”

  “So, how do you get considered?” Adam asked, his mind turning quickly.