Make a Christmas Wish

by Julia Williams

  Adam

  Felicity is looking dubiously at me as I’m arranging the lounge the way that Dave suggested to me. I hadn’t wanted to tell her what was happening, but she’d got wind via Kenneth that things were getting a bit out of hand. After her hysterics on me, Emily hadn’t been able to stop confessing all to him, and Felicity had been on the phone straight away to check we were all right.

  ‘I’m still not sure if I understand what’s going on,’ she had said, ‘but if Livvy is causing all this trouble, I’ve a good mind to give her a talking to, dead or not. She shouldn’t be behaving like this to Emily. It’s unkind.’

  Which is pretty decent considering Livvy is her daughter. Felicity is a great listener; I ended by confiding what Livvy had been up to, and found her surprisingly sympathetic. Now she is looking at me questioningly.

  ‘Do you think this will actually do the trick?’

  ‘I have no idea,’ I say. ‘But I feel we have to try everything. Are you sure you’re OK with me doing this?’

  Felicity sighed. ‘Not really,’ she said. ‘But I think if it is Livvy causing all this grief she’s left us with very little choice. I’d love to be able to talk to her, but she doesn’t seem to want that. Sadly she’s always been stubborn. I want her to be at peace, and if this is the only way …’

  The doorbell rings and Father Dave is standing on the doorstep. He doesn’t look much like a vicar. He’s arrived on a motorbike, so is clad from head to foot in leather, but when he takes his gear off he’s wearing what looks like a pair of velvet pyjamas, which is incongruous to say the least. There’s not a sign of a dog collar.

  ‘Hi,’ he says, ‘call me Dave.’

  Of course he does. Anyone less likely to perform an exorcism I can’t imagine.

  ‘I’m Adam,’ I say.

  ‘So tell me a bit about your wife,’ says Dave. ‘Why do you think she’s come back? What’s preventing her from letting go?’

  Where to begin?

  ‘It’s my fault she’s angry,’ I say. ‘Mine and Emily’s. That’s my new girlfriend. But we had problems for a long time before that. We have a son called Joe, who has Asperger’s. It was tough on both of us but particularly on Livvy.’ I pause, I’ve been so used to not telling people about Livvy’s drinking, it’s still quite hard to break the habit. ‘Anyway, Livvy and I – it became quite destructive. She started to drink, and I found that – difficult.’

  Difficult is putting it mildly. The times I came home to chaos, and Livvy slumped on the sofa with Joe upstairs on his computer, the tea not ready, and nothing to eat in the house; or when she promised me she’d stopped drinking and then I’d find the empty bottles stashed away in the bottom of cupboards; the awful day when she nearly lost her licence … After that she had consented to seek help, but she gave up quickly saying they couldn’t do anything for her. It was impossible. And I felt bad for not being able to help, and bad for resenting her, and hating what she was doing to all three of us.

  ‘So it’s you she’s angry with mostly then?’ says Dave.

  ‘I think so,’ I say, ‘but she hasn’t taken too kindly to Emily being here.’

  ‘And you feel that Emily is threatened by her?’ says Dave.

  ‘Yes,’ I say, ‘Livvy tried to smash a lightbulb on her head. Emily was lucky it missed her. And then she went round to Emily’s flat and left threatening messages everywhere. We’re worried it’s getting out of hand.’

  ‘OK,’ says Dave, opening a little box, and getting out a crucifix, candle and holy water. And a prayer book. I’m tickled, despite myself. With his long woolly beard and strange purple pyjamas he looks more like Gandalf than an exorcist.

  ‘Does Joe know about this?’ Felicity asks suddenly.

  I deliberately haven’t mentioned it. And Joe is at Caroline’s. I don’t know how he’ll take it.

  ‘Not exactly,’ I say.

  ‘Adam,’ warns Felicity.

  ‘I know, I know,’ I say, ‘but how can I tell him? Better if he thinks that Livvy has just left us alone.’

  ‘And you can really count on that being the case?’ says Felicity.

  I know I can’t, so I shrug and say nothing, and Felicity says, ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

  I know she’s right, but I have no idea what to say to Joe. I’m being an ostrich about it, just like I was about telling Livvy I was leaving.

  The doorbell rings again.

  ‘That’ll be Emily,’ I say, glad of the interruption.

  Emily is very agitated.

  ‘Any sign of Livvy today?’ she says.

  ‘None whatsoever. And when Father Dave has finished, with any luck she’ll be gone for good.’

  I know doing this may mean I never get the chance to properly make amends, but I also know we can’t go on like this.

  Emily

  The priest recommended by Zandra didn’t look much like any priest Emily had ever met before. He was a bit hippyish, with a long raggedy beard. But he seemed competent enough, setting up his crucifix and candle, and then saying very seriously, ‘Are you sure this is what you want?’

  ‘I am,’ said Emily quickly, but Adam was slower to respond. She wondered whether he really was ready to do this to Livvy. His relationship with her was so complicated, even he didn’t know what he wanted, but he nodded anyway, and squeezed Emily’s hand.

  ‘OK,’ said Dave, in hushed tones, ‘let’s proceed. First let’s turn the lights out.’

  He looked very solemn as in sepulchral tones he began to read out a prayer about banishing Satan. Emily had to stifle her giggles. This was crazy. What on earth did they think they were doing? Then he paused and looked round.

  ‘Livvy, are you there?’

  There was a rattle and the room went cold, and everyone could feel her. Felicity, who had been looking as sceptical as Emily, grabbed her arm tightly.

  ‘Livvy?’ she said uncertainly, but there was no response.

  The cold deepened, and Emily could feel Livvy’s malice all around her. Hairs prickled the back of her neck. She didn’t feel like giggling now.

  ‘You know your time has passed,’ said Dave. ‘You need to move on and leave the living behind.’

  Livvy clearly didn’t like this as the fire flared in the grate and the lights flickered on and off. Emily felt more terrified than ever. Livvy evidently wasn’t planning to go without a fight.

  Dave waved some incense which was so strong it nearly made Emily cough, and he threw some holy water round the room for good measure.

  ‘Livvy, I exorcize you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost,’ said Dave, holding his crucifix aloft. Despite her fear, Emily’s feeling of the absurdity of it all returned. She almost expected him to say, ‘Expelliarmus!’ There was no way this was going to work.

  There was a sudden flaring of the lights and what sounded like a shriek, and suddenly a whirlwind was blowing through the room, lifting cups, books, papers, and throwing them on the ground. They were all blasted back from the strength of it. Emily could feel Livvy’s fury at what was happening.

  To his credit, Father Dave held his ground, and lifted his crucifix once more.

  ‘Livvy, I banish thee from this house,’ he intoned, his hair and robes blowing behind him, making look more like Gandalf than ever.

  The whirlwind blew even fiercer; Emily found herself gripping hold of the sofa so as not to be blown over. Livvy was so strong. And she could see Father Dave almost bending into the wind as if to push her back.

  ‘Livvy!’ he shouted above the noise. ‘Begone!’

  The fire guttered and died, the front door blew open, and with that the whirlwind vanished.

  There was a moment of stunned silence before Adam went to pick up the fallen papers and cups.

  ‘Is that it?’ he said nervously.

  ‘I think so,’ said Father Dave. ‘I can’t feel a presence any more.’

  Everyone breathed slightly easier.

  ‘That almost seemed too easy,’ said
Emily, relief pouring over her in waves. And then she jumped as the front door banged again, and Joe came marching into the lounge looking livid.

  ‘What have you done to Mum?’ he said.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Emily

  Emily stood with her mouth open, utterly horrified. How on earth were they going to explain this?

  ‘Joe!’ said Adam looking shell-shocked. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Caroline had to study, so I came home,’ said Joe. ‘What have you done with Mum?’

  ‘Nothing,’ said Adam feebly.

  ‘Don’t lie,’ said Joe, ‘you’re not very good at it. Mum’s gone, I felt her go through me. She was angry. Why did you make her so upset?’

  Emily wanted to say something, but what? Instead she watched Adam miserably trying to justify what had happened.

  ‘Oh Joe,’ said Adam, ‘I didn’t want to upset Mum, but what you have to understand is that she’s been causing us a lot of grief.’

  ‘Because you haven’t been listening,’ said Joe angrily. ‘And now you’ve sent her away.’

  He was implacable: cold; angry. This was worse than anything Emily could have imagined.

  ‘Joe,’ she tried to intercede. ‘Your mum tried to hurt me. She smashed a chandelier on my head.’

  ‘She was cross,’ said Joe. ‘She wasn’t going to do anything to you.’

  He was speaking as if Emily was a very small and stupid child.

  ‘Yes but then she came to my flat and left nasty messages,’ Emily said. ‘She frightened me, Joe. What should we have done?’

  ‘You should have done nothing,’ said Joe. ‘You’re not my mum.’ He turned to Adam. ‘You should have listened! I want my mum back.’

  It was true, it had always been true, but Emily still felt Joe’s bitterness cut through her like a knife.

  Joe was very agitated now and kept pacing around the room. Emily looked helplessly at Adam, not knowing what to do.

  ‘Perhaps I should leave,’ she said.

  ‘Yes, you should,’ said Joe. Emily had no idea he could be that icy.

  ‘Joe!’ said Adam.

  ‘I don’t want her here,’ said Joe. ‘I want Mum.’

  ‘Joe,’ Adam said again, but Emily shushed him.

  And with that Joe went ballistic. Lashing out, sweeping the cups Adam had picked up and throwing them to the floor, pulling the bookcase down so the books came tumbling everywhere, and smashing the lampstand on the table.

  Father Dave was cowering in the corner, clearly thinking he’d entered a madhouse, while Felicity and Adam attempted to calm Joe down.

  Emily hovered on the outside, not daring to enter the fray. She had never seen Joe like this. She didn’t even know he could behave this way, and she had no idea how to deal with it. Besides she felt her presence was making everything worse.

  ‘I’ll just leave then,’ Dave mouthed at her, nervously gathering his things and dodging a book that Joe had chucked randomly in his direction.

  A ridiculous sense of politeness meant Emily felt obliged to show him out.

  ‘Do you really think Livvy’s gone?’ she said.

  ‘I can’t feel any presence in the house any more,’ Father Dave said again, ‘so certainly for the time being, I’d say so.’

  ‘What?’ She was alarmed. ‘You mean she might be able to come back?’

  ‘No, no, nothing like that.’ Dave was backtracking wildly. ‘This normally works, but Livvy seems a very strong character. I’ve never encountered a spirit so strong.’ He nodded towards the lounge, and said, ‘I think she has a very good reason for what she’s trying to do. You know where I am, if you need me again.’

  Thinking it might even be better to have Livvy in the house again than go through another meltdown with Joe, Emily shut the door, and reluctantly returned to the lounge, where Joe was a sobbing mess. Felicity had managed to calm him down, and was promising him hot chocolate, but to Emily’s dismay he wouldn’t look at either her or Adam.

  ‘I think I’d better go too,’ she said. ‘I can’t think my presence here is going to help.’

  ‘Good idea,’ Adam said. He barely seemed to notice her, and Emily tried not to feel a pang. She was no good in this situation. Joe, quite rightly, was the focus of all his attention. As Emily let herself out it struck her that though it looked like they’d got rid of Livvy, perhaps she had won after all.

  Livvy

  Oomph! The force of the exorcism is far greater than I imagined it would be. I fought it as much as I could but in the end the spell Father Dave cast pushed me out. It actually hurt – as if someone had punched me in the solar plexus, and I may even have screamed. What I do know is that I went flying through Joe, who’d chosen that minute to come home. I felt his distress and anguish when I went through him, but I couldn’t reach him to calm him down. I can see I could use that to my advantage eventually, but for now I am lying winded in the street, feeling much weaker than I’ve done since I came back to haunt Adam. I get up slowly and gingerly, walk up to the house, and bam! I’m on the floor again. There’s an invisible barrier that acts like glass, and stops me getting in. I go around the whole house, but only the back garden is accessible to me. Whatever Father Dave has done, he has shut me out of my house pretty effectively.

  Bugger. Bugger. Bugger. That has set plan Get Emily Out of My Husband’s Life back a bit. Still at least I am still here. I hate to think where I would be if the exorcism had worked properly. Letitia had warned me that her potion wouldn’t be totally effective, but I suppose I had hoped for more.

  ‘So what happens then?’ I had asked.

  ‘You just wait, sugar cakes,’ she told me. ‘We’ll make them think you’re gone for good, and then you come and see me again, yeah? That’s if you really want to live again.’

  ‘Of course I do,’ I said. Who wouldn’t? Does anyone who dies really want to go to the other side? ‘Otherwise Underworld wouldn’t be packed with lost souls, would it?’

  Letitia looked at me strangely. ‘That’s not the way it is for most,’ she said. ‘They know their time’s up and they need to sort their shit out before moving on. But then there’s the ones like you …’

  ‘What do you mean, like me?’

  ‘Well you, honey, ain’t happy with that, you want more,’ said Letitia. ‘And I can give it to you. But what I’m offering ain’t a quick fix. Them that want Letitia to work her magic have some difficult choices to make.’

  I had wanted to ask her what she meant, but she’d vanished into the heart of Underworld, and I didn’t see her again for the rest of the night. I wonder if she’s totally trustworthy, remembering Malachi’s hint that this isn’t the way forward. I brush the thought off impatiently. All Malachi has done since he found me in that car park is tell me what to do. At least with Letitia I’ve got a plan and if Joe is now as cross as I think he’ll be, then it’s already working.

  Adam

  It’s been two days since the exorcism, and there’s no sign of Livvy. This is something to be grateful for, because Joe is refusing to speak to me or Emily. He’s locked himself in his room and keeps muttering about traitors. I’ve never seen him like this, even after Livvy died, and I don’t know what to do. Each day I come home from work, and try to talk to him, and each day he refuses to acknowledge me. He is eating his meals in his room, and spends more time than ever in the loft, looking up at the stars. I am at my wits’ end.

  Felicity is the only one he’ll talk to, though he’s even called her Judas. She keeps saying, give it time, but I’m not sure she’s right. As far as Joe’s concerned I sent his mum packing. Can he ever forgive me?

  And where does that leave me and Emily? I thought we were doing the right thing, but maybe it’s still too soon. It’s only been a year. Perhaps bringing Emily into the house this Christmas was a mistake.

  Christmas: what are we to do about it? With Joe not speaking to half of us, it’s going to be a nightmare. I so wanted to make it right for him this year, a
nd all I seem to have done is make things much worse.

  After work I can’t bear the thought of going home, so I take myself off for a walk. Emily is coming over later with food for the big day, and I’m not sure I’m up to it just yet.

  I find myself wandering down to the towpath where we used to go on family walks when Joe was little. He always liked looking at the houseboats, for some reason. Before he was born, Livvy and I had often joked about buying one.

  ‘It will be cosy, and cute,’ Livvy used to say.

  ‘Nice in summer, probably perishing in winter,’ I would point out.

  ‘Ooh, but so romantic,’ Livvy would reply, ‘just think of the fun we could have.’

  And then we would cuddle together and walk home, to a meal, or a drink, or a slow lovemaking by the fire. The world had seemed full of possibilities then, no thought that our dreams would perish in the sand.

  It being Christmas, the houseboats are looking festive, decorated with sparkling lights, wreaths, and the odd Christmas tree. There are signs saying: Santa please stop here, and even a large inflatable Santa in the doorway of one. I envy the people in those houseboats. Unlike mine, their lives look normal and bland.

  I watch a couple negotiate a buggy on to one. They are laughing and joking – the toddler between them bonding them in love. Looking at them reminds me of how things used to be. Livvy and I were so happy once. I feel unspeakably sad. We’ve really messed things up between us, and now I can never put that right.

  You need to tell her.

  A voice enters my head, and I look around. Weird. There’s no one there, apart from a mangy old black cat staring at me balefully. I swear I’ve seen him before.

  Yes you, he seems to say, before giving me a disdainful look and disappearing. Great, now I’m imagining I’m getting advice from a cat. Too bad it’s no good. It’s too late now. Livvy’s gone, and I got rid of her. No wonder Joe hates me.

  Joe’s Notebook

  I am very angry.