by Bellus,HJ
I entertain Darby and try on the dress. The reflection in the mirror is kind and I can’t help but run my hands over my hips. I’ve gained a good ten pounds over the last few weeks. The dress hugs me perfectly.
“You have to get it,” Darby squeals when I walk out.
“Jesus, Kip will have insta-boner,” Ava adds.
I run my palms over the black silky material one more time. “I love it, too, but I don’t want it.”
Both of my friends give me a strange look, waiting on more from me.
“I want to wait until I’m completely disconnected from Zack.” I shudder a minute speaking his name out loud. “Before…before I fully repaint me.”
I watch them shrug in unison.
“Makes sense,” Ava is first to speak.
“I’m buying it for you and we’ll celebrate your new chapter of your life when it happens.” Darby claps her hands together.
I shake my head at her and go back into the dressing room. I take a few more moments to study myself in the mirror. I barely recognize the girl staring back at me. My hair is short and flirty and my face clear of bruises or swollen eyes. The only reminder of my past is on my arm. My fingertips brush over the soft wrap on my arm. I feel strong and powerful in this moment. Please, God, let me remain this way.
We stop at a coffee shop and each order our own unique concoctions of coffee. Of course, Ava’s is caffeine free, Darby’s chalked full of caffeine, and mine a normal white chocolate mocha.
“Caffeine seems to calm me,” Darby announces when we all sit down.
Ava and I stare at each other with smirks playing out on our lips.
“It’s because you should be the poster child for ADD,” Ava finally announces.
“Shut your damn mouth when you talk to me.” She flips us both the bird with laughter streaming behind it.
“Hey, I didn’t do anything.” I hold my hands up in surrender.
“Bullshit, it’s been your theory since our freshman year of college.”
Darby raises her eyebrows in a playful nature. I’m thankful she’s going to have caffeine streaming through her bloodstream. Let’s hope it tames her energy and eagerness for shopping.
Ava pulls out her to-do list and begins checking off items. Darby grins at her phone while texting. Ava and I both gave up on making her put away the damn thing. I catch something out of the corner of my eye.
It’s like I felt him staring at me before I make eye contact. It’s the same guy from the bowling alley. I try not to blatantly stare, but need to know if I know him. He could very well be one of the guys Darby hooked up with her first summer here. She was like a sexual charged Energizer rabbit back then. Not going all the way with most of them, but definitely rounding the bases.
I focus on my half-empty coffee and then glance back. He’s in all black and not shy about staring at me. He looks so damn familiar. His taffy colored eyes suck me in and I want to know who the hell he is and why he’s following me. He’s built with huge muscles, but nothing compared to Kip or Rhett and Zane for that matter.
I take too long studying him and turn quickly back to the table. My fingers tremble with fear as I process who in the hell he could be. Zack’s words echo around in my mind. He will come for me. I’ve always known this, but had the courage to believe in all the good in this world.
My fingers still trembling, the words hitch deep in my throat as I try to ask the girls a question. It takes me a few times before anything understandable flows out.
“Are you okay?” Ava places her hand over mine.
Darby’s head darts up from her phone and she looks around us. Concern paints both of their faces when they look at me. I know I’m pale. I felt every single ounce of blood drain from my face.
“Do…do you guys know that guy?”
Darby isn’t shy about looking around us and making it obvious.
“Which one? This place is filled with them,” Darby asks.
“The one at the counter dressed in all black.”
They both look up for a second and then look back at me. I wait for their realization of the stranger, but they just look confused.
“There’s no one there,” Ava whispers.
I look back up again and he’s gone. I wipe the worry from my brow and try to shake it off.
“Who were you talking about?” Darby asks.
I look again to the place he was sitting and studying me and yep, nobody is there. Am I going that fucking crazy? I rub my eyes and look again. Yep, seems I’m beginning to lose my marbles. It has to be the insecurity inside of me trying to bubble it’s way up.
“Never mind.” I wave them off and try to gain confidence in my voice. “Thought I recognized him from the first summer here. No biggie.”
I don’t fool my friends, but they let it slide. We finish our coffee in silence before we’re off to the next shop.
We shop for endless hours and the girls have several bags wrapped on their arms. I carry some for them in my good hand as we walk back to Ava’s car. They definitely put a new dent in their wardrobe. I spied several new items, I’m itching to buy myself, but it will have to wait for the day I can claim it as myself.
“Guys said dinner is almost done and Kip is on his way over,” Darby announces before cranking the music.
My heart pounds a bit faster with just the mention of his name. All of my senses go into overdrive and it’s not the upbeat song my two best friends are bopping their head to. It’s Kip. It took all my self-control to not text him while out. The girls warned me it was girl’s day so no texting. I’m pretty sure Darby was snapping nudes to Rhett while in the dressing room.
My heart sinks a bit when we pull into Darby’s and I don’t eye Kip’s bike. We beat him here. Zane is chasing Charlie on the front yard and Rhett pulls from a beer bottle while grilling. Both girls leap out of the car and run to their men. I stand like a fool by the car, fiddling with my fingers and feeling out of place.
It’s not a good sign that without Kip I feel lost. It could really turn into something super unhealthy. I slow my breathing and drown down the panic by running all the positives through my head in this moment. It’s a coping strategy my counselor taught me.
I stare at Charlie and giggle when I hear her shrills of excitement seeing her mom. Then gaze over to Darby who’s already wrapped up in Rhett’s arms. His palms splayed across her ass cheeks. She deserves so much happiness and a cove of safety, she has it with him. My heart begins to beat with over pouring positive notes.
I take the first solid step towards my friends and new life. With each step, I feel more confident and not so lost. Charlie spots me and tries to holler my name.
“Ko. Ko. Ko.”
I bend down and open my arms wide for her. She leaps into my open arms and squeezes me in a loving hug with her delicate arms. Charlie leans back a bit and places a tiny kiss on my cheek.
“Hi, sweetie.”
“I’m Charwie.”
“I know.” I giggle at her black and white world. “Thanks for the hugs.”
She runs her hands through my hair with her eyes wide and happy.
“You’re so beautiful and smart.” I tap her nose and then walk over to everyone else.
I squeeze her with each step knowing she’ll have parents and the strong foundation to never let a man abuse her. She’ll know she’s worth more and that even the tiniest of verbal abuse is so wrong. Her mom won’t encourage her to be the perfect wife.
“Chloe.” Rhett nods his head to me.
“Hey.”
“Excuse us a while.” He wraps Darby up and heads for the house. “This little vixen was teasing me with pictures all day.”
“I knew it.” Ava points and wags her pointer finger at her.
Darby lets out a free floating laugh and allows Rhett to pull her into the house.
“What’s that all about?” Zane asks, wrapping his arms around Ava.
“She’s been sexting her lover all day and now reaping the benefits.”
“Was your phone broke?” he growls into her neck.
“It was girl code.”
“So what?”
I take it as our cue to go find Charlie’s play toys. I spot her hot pink car that has doors that open and a stroller handle on the back.
“Want to go for a ride?”
Charlie claps her hands in joy and I take it as a yes. I set her in the seat and buckle her in. Charlie’s not thrilled about being buckled in, but seems to forget as soon as I start pushing her.
“Faster, faster.” She slaps the fake horn.
Good lord, does Ava ever have a handful on her hands. Ava’s beauty and Zane’s wild side talk about an abundance of grey hair. On our third lap around the house, Charlie spots their black lab puppy and squirms to get out of her pink hot rod. I unbuckle her and she bolts for the oversized lab.
He’s well natured and lets her love on him. She climbs on his back and lays down on him, singing a song in her ear.
“Easy, Charlie,” Zane sings from the porch.
I join the others and take a beer when Rhett offers one. I check my phone while paying attention to the others to see nothing from Kip. My fingers itch to text him, but I tuck my phone in my pocket. By the time dinner is ready, there’s still no Kip.
“Where’s lover boy?” Zane asks.
All eyes are on me as I’m piling loaded mashed potatoes on my plate. “I –uh I don’t know.”
“Must have his dick stuck in a fence post somewhere.” Rhett laughs at his own joke while the rest of us just stare at him in disgust.
“Not a good one. Don’t use that again,” Darby warns him.
“I’m sure he’s fine,” Ava whispers in my ear.
I give her a polite nod and take a seat at the table with my full plate of food. My appetite has magically disappeared. I smooth my palm over the beautiful wood table, tracing the different grains in the wood. Darby and Rhett make the gorgeous wood pieces out in their shop. Their house looks like a damn museum with elaborate pieces of furniture everywhere.
My thoughts slowly drift to ugly nasty ones. It’s because I deserve it. I’ve crossed so many lines and am now being punished for it. I float from the idea of Kip with another woman, loving and raining her with his glorious kisses to the awful thought of someone running a red light and smashing into him. He never wears a helmet. He’d be dead on site.
“Ko. Ko.”
I look down to Charlie holding her hands up to me. I hear Ava scolding Zane in the background for letting her out of her highchair.
“She needs to sit and eat instead of giving you a whine and look. She plays you like a fiddle.”
“Jesus.” Zane clutches the top of his hat sitting backwards on his head. “I’m either in trouble with you or her.”
Charlie settles in my lap and sends her dad a cute and very precious smile that would warm the coldest of hearts. And then the little shit blows her dad a kiss.
I whisper in her ear, “You better eat your veggies, sweetie.”
I reach across the table and bring her plate to her. She picks up my fork and tries to act just like one of the adults stabbing at her corn and eating it. I watch Charlie’s frustration build as she only nabs one kernel at a time. Her belly vibrates off my palm when it growls. She tosses the fork and begins eating with her hands.
“I don’t even have the energy right now,” Ava huffs out.
Charlie remains perfectly content in my lap while polishing off her plate and plucking a few pieces of cut steak from mine. I haven’t been a good role model only swirling around the food on my plate. I finally gave in and texted Kip, but no response.
I’ve mentally given myself twenty more minutes before I officially go into freak mode. Charlie’s been the perfect distraction in my lap. She reached out for her sippy cup and sent her dad another air kiss. Zane sent it immediately sliding over the table. She kicks her little feet up on the table and relaxes back on me. Before long her cup wobbles to the side and she’s out.
“I can take her,” Ava offers.
“I like it.” I smile at her. “She’s so sweet.”
Ava smiles and nods in agreement.
“How do you think she’ll handle being a big sister?” I ask.
Everyone else is deep in a conversation about football and business.
“I think she’ll adjust well. Zane and I seem to be opposites in parenting so she’ll be well-rounded.”
“You’re an amazing mom, Ava.”
“Thanks, but I feel like a hot mess most days.”
“You pull it off flawlessly.”
“You’ll be there one day.”
My gut clenches once again. “I’m not sure about that.”
She reaches over the table and clutches my hand. “It will all work out, girl.”
“Sometimes I just feel like all the odds are against me all the damn time. It’s karma.”
“The only karma you deserve is good shit. Chloe, you’ve come so far in such a short time. Keep fighting for it.”
“I’m trying.” Tears prick at the back of my eyes.
It’s all a combination of Kip not being here, my worry of being too independent of him, and dooms day back in Tennessee that’s creeping up way too fast.
Darby brings out the dessert and begins slicing huge chocolate slices of cake. It’s decorated with thick fudge icing. Chocolate is my favorite and any other time I’d be drooling over the masterpiece, but I’m not. Second guessing life is a real bitch.
Everyone’s mostly quiet devouring the cake. Rhett goes on about how amazing it is and I don’t miss the side-glances Darby sends him. They’re so in love. Rhett whispers something to Darby and she shakes her head no. All I hear her say is, “Wait until everyone is here.”
Another reminder Kip could be lying on the side of the road lifeless and covered in his own blood. And I’m here doing nothing for him. He saved and healed me and I’m here frozen with fear. I know a good twenty minutes have drifted by, but I’m too big of a fucking chicken to look at my phone.
“I’m going to get her in her pajamas before she’s too worn out.” Ava picks up Charlie from my arms and Zane follows her into Darby’s house.
I smash my finger into the cake and lick the icing from it. The chocolate is the perfect mixture of sweet and bitter with a thick cream base.
“Holy shit. Did you make this?” I ask Darby.
She nods brightly. “One of the nurses who tended to my mom for years gave me the recipe. She told me it was my mother’s favorite dessert. She’d make it for her once a month.”
“That’s awesome and a damn good cake.” I take one bite off my fork.
My gut twists and clenches and it’s not because of the cake. It’s the loud rumble of an engine nearing us. When I look up, I first spot a dust cloud and then a shiny black bike leading the dust. It’s Kip. Soon his figure comes into view. His hands stretched out gripping onto each handlebar and his legs easily straddling the sexy bike. His dark shades pulled down even though dusk is threatening to overtake the day. The hat sitting backwards on his head makes me melt.
I’m standing on my feet and instantly feel like an awkward and shy bundle of nerves in front of my friends. The worry dissipates then anger strikes. I have no idea where it comes from, but I’m pissed off. It’s the hours of worry I cycled around in my head. I’m so happy to see him, but wanting to slap him at the same time.
The moment he kills the engine, we make eye contact, and he hits me with a dazzling smile, forcing some of the anger from my veins. He effortlessly throws his leg off the bike and reaches into one of the bags strapped to side of his bike. Kip produces a smashed bouquet of varied colored roses. And when I say smashed they’re smashed and have seen better days.
I rush down the steps to meet him halfway to rip his ass and to also kiss him hard. My lips are thirsty for his taste and my damn body hums with excitement.
“Sorry.” He hands me the roses and catches me by one hip.
I raise an eyebrow i
n question.
“I went in to help Ross stock the bar and it took longer than I thought. I figured flowers would be nice and holy fuck me I had no idea how long it would take.”
I can’t help but smile and laugh at the same time. I kiss him quickly and pull back. “Are you allergic to texting?” I ask him.
He pulls his phone from his back pocket. “Dead. And my bike really doesn’t have charging capability.”
“I was so mad at you that I’d planned to slap you. I thought the worst. You and a another girl or even worse an accident.”
I see a flash of pain in his eyes and I realize my words were unnecessary.
“You actually thought I was with another woman.” His grip tightens on my hip.
“I’m sor…” I stop myself and he smiles back at me. “I was worried and then my insecurities were beginning to win the battle.”
He kisses my forehead. “I’ll never, ever hurt you, Chloe, and one day I’ll make you believe that.”
“I know,” I whisper against his lips.
I kiss him lightly and pull back. The hurt in his eyes has vanished and now they are filled with the deep admiration that always lingers in them. He kisses me back, but we’re stopped before we have the chance to deepen it.
“Hey, pussy. Are you hungry?” Rhett hollers from the porch.
Kip nods to him, I turn to our friends, and then clutch his hand in mine and smile at the most perfect flowers in the entire world, shredded petals and all.
Twenty-Four
Kip
Ava is the only one who isn’t wobbling or beginning to slur her words. It’s been way too damn long since all of us just sat around, bullshit and drank. Actually, the last time was when Chloe called. I pull her closer to me when I feel her shiver.
I wasn’t sure how she’d react when I pulled her down into me. She let her limbs collapse into me like second nature. We’re the furthest from the fire pit, so I make sure she’s covered as much as possible.
Darby suggests strip poker and some other ridiculous games. When no one agrees with her she reverts to her special shots. Nothing good comes out of her shots. The last time we all ended up crying, telling stories of our childhood pets’ deaths. But that doesn’t stop her from dragging out the tequila and pickle juice.