But Nathan Crandall had come along, found him, and adopted him, so to speak. It had taken him months to heal, and when he had gone looking for the Lowrys, he had learned they had been robbed and slain by bandits. He had never found the two bastards who had nearly beaten him to death, but he believed that one day they would cross his path again.
Nathan had been having trouble with rustlers and renegades and had begged him to return to the ranch after his search, so he had returned and stayed to help the man who had saved his life. Time had passed, his ability to feel had slowly increased, and he had never left Nathan Crandall’s side again. From the day Nathan had found him to this one, whenever he had needed a woman, he had paid for one in town.
Travis’s thoughts turned to Clarissa Caldwell. Just like Beth, that little vixen had pursued him for years. But he had learned his lesson, and he had never done more than tease her with lips and hands when it had suited his purpose to taunt her or to pull information from her. Besides, he did not want to give Harrison Caldwell anything he could use to harm Nathan, or do anything that might be used to force him to leave the ranch and the man who was his best friend. He knew how much like Beth Clarissa was, and he was not about to be ensnared by the same trick twice. Just like Rana had said, he never made the same mistake two times…
Rana… Rana was nothing like those vindictive bitches who had schemed against him and had made him so cynical. He remembered how she had felt in his arms and how she had wanted him as fiercely as he had wanted her. He recalled how Black Hawk had tried to attack her, and he suddenly realized that she might turn to another man eventually if he kept pushing her away. Her expression of moments ago flashed before his mind’s eye and his heart lurched wildly with desire and panic. By damn, you’re mine, Rana Michaels, he vowed and rushed off to see what was keeping her so long.
Travis found her resting her forehead against a tree while she cried softly, her body still clad in the drying blanket and her other possessions carelessly lying on the ground. He realized how deeply he was confusing and hurting her with his contradictory words and actions. “Please don’t cry, Rana,” he entreated. “I really got us into a terrible mess, didn’t I? Don’t hate me. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Hate you?” she echoed, lifting her head and gazing into his troubled eyes. She leaned against the tree. “That is not true. So much is happening around me and inside me. Why do you fear me and reject me and race from my side each time we touch with deep feelings?”
Travis looked at her and replied honestly, “It isn’t you I fear, Rana; it’s my loss of control that scares me. When there’s nobody around like Nate or Lone Wolf, I can’t stay clearheaded or restrained. We’re too attracted to each other to be alone. Lordy, woman, you make me think and feel crazy things. No one has ever tempted me or affected me like you do. Staying around you is like tossing a match on a dry haystack and hoping it won’t catch fire. You make me feel weak and reckless. I tried to return to camp to avoid more temptation, but I was worried about you.” His respiration had altered noticeably and he was staring at her with intense longing, though he was afraid to touch her. He desperately wanted to yank her into his arms and kiss her again and again, yet he was frightened by what such contact would lead to. His hands were shaking and he was beginning to feel tense and damp all over from the strain on his self-control and from his burning desire for her. He warned himself to return to camp immediately, but he could not force his legs to obey his conscience’s precautionary message.
Rana understood his dilemma, for she shared his feelings. They both wanted each other, needed each other, and she felt they should surrender to the battle that was raging within them. She knew how close they were to the yielding point and had already decided which path she wanted to take. Their bodies, and even the air surrounding them, were charged with emotion. Surely this was meant to be, she told herself, refusing to stop her hand from reaching up to caress his taut jawline yet knowing what such physical contact would do to both of them. It seemed as if the Great Spirit had entrapped them together, as if He had created this unique moment just for them to discover each other, as if He had lowered some magical flap for privacy to this lover’s tepee of nature’s construction. Travis’s pull on her was too great and she could not resist it, did not want to resist it. Her instincts told her that as surely as Mother Earth was fated to change her face with each season, they were fated to change their lives and hearts this season. In a tone just above a silky whisper, she told him, “There is no reason for your fear and control. I yield to you by my choice, for I desire you. It is sad and painful to deny such needs. Is it not better to walk a path of truth and happiness? How can I remain near you if I cannot have you? Your rejections cut my heart too deeply. If your feelings match mine, why must we remain apart and in torment? How can this beautiful and powerful thing between us be evil or wrong?”
Her words, expression, tone, and nearness prevented him from retreating or protesting. He was intoxicated and utterly entranced by her. Travis grasped the hands caressing his cheeks and pressed them to his lips. As his gaze remained fused to hers and he absorbed her presence, his lips and tongue played sensuously in her palms. When she moved closer to him, his arms slipped around her body and his lips seared over her right ear. As they drifted down her throat, she trembled and swayed against him, enslaving his senses. His mouth brushed over her bare shoulder and traveled back to the hollow of her neck and up to her ear to nibble there. When Rana’s arm encircled his waist and she arched her body against his, Travis’s hands slipped into her cascading tresses; they cupped her head and lifted it. His eyes held hers for a heart-stopping instant before his lips captured hers in a fiery kiss that ignited their smoldering passions into a roaring blaze of urgency and reality-consuming force.
One kiss blended into another, leaving them breathless and increasing their cravings. As Travis’s hands wandered over her shoulders and back, the drying blanket glided to the ground. The feel of her succulent flesh against his greedy hands drove him wild with desire. As his fingers moved over her soft curves to caress her buttocks and upward to rove over her tempting breasts, he shuddered with rising need.
Rana shifted sideways to give him more freedom to explore her aching body. He cradled her in the curve of his right arm as his mouth feasted at hers and his left hand closed over a firm breast. When its peak instantly responded and became taut with desire, his mouth was enticed to drift over her chin and down her throat to capture it, leaving behind a tingling trail of kisses. The bud danced joyfully with his lips and tongue until she urged him to share this new bliss with the other brown peak.
She was astonished by how his actions affected her from head to foot; even her tummy quivered in anticipation and delight and her legs grew weak. Her entire body was alive and aflame, as was his. Passion’s fires burned brighter each moment. His mouth returned to hers and they kissed feverishly. They wanted each other instantly, fiercely, but each instinctively knew their joining should not be rushed, even if control was becoming impossible.
Travis’s left hand moved past her abdomen, enticingly stroking her flesh along the way, and boldly entered the auburn forest between her sleek thighs. As it labored skillfully, eagerly, gently, his mouth worked on hers until she was limp and breathless. “Take me, Travis,” she urged hoarsely, “for I burn for you.”
His mouth seared over hers in a blaze of passion and he held her tightly, possessively, against his body. Suddenly an owl screeched loudly overhead, startling him and alerting him to their dangerous surroundings. “We can’t, micante, not here, not now,” he told her painfully. “Nate would be furious and hurt if he discovered my betrayal. I promised him and Lone Wolf I wouldn’t do this, because of our false marriage. Besides, this place isn’t safe with my senses so dulled and my mind so distracted. I want you like I’ve never wanted any woman, but we shouldn’t have to rush our first union, or fear discovery by Nate or some enemy, or feel as if we’re doing something wrong. There’s a lot to be se
ttled between us before we go any further, and we need a special time and place to come together. Lordy, you do steal my wits and control!”
Rana grasped his head between her hands and forced him to meet her compelling gaze. “We can and we must, Travis. You are mine, and I need you, as you need me. I do not care if we are not joined under the white law. You are not seducing me, or taking advantage of me, or betraying Nathan Crandall. You must not think and feel this way. This matter is between White Eagle and Wild Wind—no one else. Do not leave us burning for each other again.”
Travis listened to her arguments and observed her expressions. She was being truthful with him, and with herself. He knew there would be no turning back this time, for it really didn’t matter that this wasn’t the best place to make love for the first time, or even that they would have to rush and remain alert.
He released her to remove his pants and drop them beside her belongings. Then he bent over and spread the drying blanket at the foot of the tree. “I can’t resist you any longer, Rana. Hunger for you is eating me alive inside. Right or wrong, I must have you tonight.”
They sank to the blanket together and, as they lay down, he warned, “I have never desired anything or anyone as I crave you. Once you are mine, no man will take you from me and I will never release you. The burning of flesh is nothing compared to the burning of a heart. If both do not blaze fiercely for me alone, Wild Wind, do not yield.”
She clasped his face and drew it close to hers. “If yours do not burn for me alone, White Eagle, do not take me, for, in doing so, you pledge your heart, life, and honor to me.” She paused for a moment to look deeply into his eyes. “But if they do burn as fiercely as mine do, you must claim me tonight, for it is torment to be near you and be denied you. Did we both not know this time would come when our eyes and bodies touched in Lone Wolf’s tepee? We can no longer resist what must be between us.
Their eyes locked as each sought the other’s pledge in the glowing moonlight, then both smiled. Travis lay half atop her and, for awhile, they were content to look into each other’s eyes and caress lightly, lovingly. Both knew time could be short, but they savored each moment. They nibbled on each other’s chins, savored each other’s lips, shared warm respiration, and drowned in pools that reflected love and desire. It was a time to move with tenderness, to explore emotions as well as passions, to allow spirits to mingle as well as fiery bodies. It was a time to tame the fears and doubts that had enveloped and restrained them; it was a time to surrender to the wild winds of sweet ecstasy. It was a time for sweet, savage hearts to fuse and become one for all days.
Travis stroked her mischievous curls and teased fingers over her features as if he had been a blind man studying them. “My heart is beating loud and heavily, micante. I’ve never felt this way before, wanting a woman with more than my manhood, and it’s frightening. I knew this union would come to pass the moment my eyes touched on your painted image, for I desired you even then. Yet I can hardly believe you’re real, or you’re here in my life, and in my arms tonight. I was afraid to reach out to you, afraid you could never feel this way about me. And I’m not a man used to experiencing or admitting fear. I’ve always had bad luck with women, so I’ve never liked or trusted many. You’re so different, and that worries me. I need to know you better so I can understand what I’m thinking and feeling. Giving and sharing come hard for me.”
Rana’s finger teased along his neck and shoulder as she replied, “I too feared the strange feelings that attacked me. Each time you left camp, I prayed for your return. Your face gave joy to my heart and your voice stirred my soul. Lone Wolf was forcing me to join, and I was afraid to refuse. How could I explain that I desired a stranger? I have wanted you and this moment since the first night you came to my brother’s tepee. When I awoke to find you gone, I feared I would not be allowed time to know you. Each time you turned away from me, it confused and pained me deeply, for I did not understand many things. Each time we touched, I knew why I had refused to join to another. In my heart, I was waiting for you, Travis Kincade, and I must have you for my life-circle to be complete and happy. This is as it should be for us.”
Travis leaned forward and sealed her lips with his. They kissed and caressed until the flames of heady desire raged within their minds as well as their bodies. Very gently Travis entered her receptive womanhood, holding her possessively and fusing their lips in that special moment. He hesitated briefly to master his throbbing manhood and to allow her time to adjust to their physical bond. She had not cried out, and he assumed that her active life had allowed her to embrace this moment with little discomfort. He had known that a virgin would experience less pain if the man were gentle and patient, and he had tried to be both.
Softly he whispered, “You are mine now, micante, and I am yours. We have become a circle that must remain joined forever.” His body shuddered then with enormous need and from the wonder of her total surrender. His sexual pleasure had never reached such heights before. He labored lovingly, carefully, until she was matching his rhythm and their bodies were working feverishly as one. Both could feel the heady tension building within and between them, building to a pitch that beat as forcefully as war drums.
Eagerly, rapidly, they climbed passion’s spiral until they swayed sensuously on the precipice of victory, overcoming all doubts and hesitations, then flinging themselves over the edge of control. When her rapturous release came, her mouth and body clung to his, extracting every instant of the glorious experience and telling him to cast his own caution aside. As he seized blissful ecstasy, he murmured against her lips, “You are mine, Wild Wind, forever mine. Let no man or thing come between us. We are one now.”
They lay nestled together on the thin blanket, aglow in the warmth of sated passion. Contentedly they listened to their joyous heartbeats and to the harmonious blending of music sounds created by nocturnal creatures, birds, and insects. Moonlight made its way through the trees into the small clearing and splashed across their entwined bodies. A hint of a breeze tried to rustle the leaves and branches, but they were too supple with new life to comply. The fragrance of wildflowers and the heady smell of pine teased at their noses. Serenity surrounded and pervaded them.
As the night air became cooler, they snuggled closer together, not wanting the moment or their contact to end. But they were in enemy territory and Nathan was sleeping not far away. Though neither felt tired or drowsy, both knew they needed rest and sleep for their journey.
Travis propped himself up on his elbow and gazed down at Rana. He watched how the moonlight gleamed on her shiny hair and was reflected in her entrancing eyes. His heart fluttered. He wished they could make love all night, but the hour was late and the idea dangerous, especially when he considered his reckless seduction and his rash confessions.
She smiled and asked, “Do you know how rare you are? I am glad you belong to me.” She pulled his head to hers and kissed him.
“I’ve made plenty of mistakes, Rana, but I don’t guess I turned out too badly, did I?” he jested, teasing his fingertips along her spine. He knew it was time they returned to reality, but he dreaded it. There were things he did not want to do or say, things he did not want to face.
“I would trade nothing and no one for you, Travis Kincade.”
He kissed the tip of her nose. “I sure am glad I traded something for you, woman. Do you know how hard it’s been to resist you? Or how hard it will be for us to avoid each other until our lives are settled?”
Rana’s heart was too full of love and happiness to comprehend his last words. A dreamy haze still enveloped her. “I am glad White Eagle defeated Travis Kincade in this battle. We cannot change what is meant to be, and it hurts us and others to try.”
“But sometimes we hurt others if we don’t try, micante. Like Nate, when he discovers what happened between us tonight. I’ll have to find the right words to explain our feelings and behavior to him. He trusted me to keep my word to stay clear of you. I have proven myself
a man of little honor, a man of weakness.”
She scolded him angrily, “Do not speak such false words! You are not to blame because we could not resist the fires that burned between us. Our Indian souls are bound as one; it was our Indian bodies that yielded. We are not children, and we cannot be forced to reveal our actions and feelings to anyone, including our family. Speak no evil of yourself. You have more strength and honor than any man I have known. Some things must be held secret; a moment such as we shared is one of those things. If you tell my grandfather, it will spoil it for us. Please, let White Eagle belong to Wild Wind in silence until the moo… day when Rana and Travis can share their secret. Wild Wind and White Eagle are joined and have done nothing wrong. Rana and Travis must find themselves and each other if they wish to share our life-circle.”
Rana loved him, but she did not want Nathan to force Travis to marry her under the white law. She felt it was important that they share this special secret and intimacy, for she hoped it would bind them together in both worlds. She wanted him to learn to love her and trust her above anyone else, including her grandfather. She wanted him to ask her to marry him again, but this time of his own free will, not because of force or guilt. He needed the freedom to decide that he did not want freedom from her.
“Your words are true and wise, micante…” Travis began, about to ask her to marry him under the white law. But unwillingly he recalled the many problems and perils he faced, perils that could endanger Rana if he staked his claim on her too soon. He knew he would have to overcome them first; only then could he take her as his wife for a second time. For now, they needed to explore feelings: their own and each other’s. They needed to learn to trust and to share completely. This thing between them was more than physical; it had to be given time and effort so that it could be allowed to flourish. He just wished he felt less guilt over duping Nathan. “I don’t want anything to stain this special moment. For now, it will remain between us. We will allow Travis and Rana to seek themselves and each other, but Wild Wind will always belong to White Eagle alone.”
Sweet Savage Heart Page 26