Rana caught his hesitation and realized that something had stopped him from speaking everything that was in his heart. That aura of mystery surrounded him again, this time arriving unbidden. Though she knew that these new feelings and the situation were difficult for him, she sensed she had won him, and the thought made her smile happily. When the time came—and it would—he would explain everything to her. Until then, she would give him her love and her trust, and she would teach him to do the same with her. There was still so much they had to learn about each other and about the life they would share, she mused as she kissed him hungrily and embraced him. In Oglala, she murmured seductively, “Tonight, I am Wild Wind and you are White Eagle. When Wi returns with a new day, we will become Rana and Travis again.”
Chapter Ten
The following morning, while Nathan was away from camp, Rana stopped her chores to ask Travis in a rush of words, “Were you angry with me because you thought I asked Lone Wolf to force you to marry me? Do you think I used the Elk Dreamer’s love medicine to snare you? Did the wicked tales about Wild Wind cause you to mistrust me?” She had decided it was time for openness and honesty between them, for she knew it was the only way they could grow closer. She had come to understand that it was not enough to love and desire a person; friendship, loyalty, trust, and respect were also vital. She knew this attraction between them was far more than physical. But did he? He seemed slightly withdrawn this morning, a little nervous, even a little guilty and embarrassed. Perhaps it was the reality of a total commitment that frightened him, for he had always appeared so independent. Or perhaps he was overly concerned about Nathan’s reaction to their intimacy. Men viewed such things so differently from women. In the wilderness, life was precious and often too short, and she believed it should be lived to the fullest. She didn’t want him to worry or pull back into himself, for she truly believed they had been made for each other.
Travis looked into the arresting face of the woman who had blinded him to everything except her the night before. It was intimidating to be so enthralled by another person, another power. There were so few people he admired, respected, trusted. If Rana’s feelings and dreams did not match his… He wanted to trust her totally, but he was afraid, for he remembered the defiant, arrogant, disobedient vixen she had been, the kind of woman her mother had been, the kind most women were. And how could she love him and desire him after his deceit, with his half-blooded heritage? How could she, a beautiful, ravishing woman, want nothing from him except his love? He had always lived by his instincts, and they told him now to be wary of this bewitching woman, wary of his hunger and weakness for her. Like her, he needed time to adjust to this complicated situation and to these often alarming and novel emotions he felt. Yet, having realized all this, he still could not force himself to hold back from her completely. He stopped in the midst of saddling the horses to respond. “I wasn’t mad at you, Rana. I know you didn’t have anything to do with Lone Wolf’s joining demand; he made it before you saw him or spoke to him after my arrival. I’m partly worried about the ranch. We’ve been gone a long time. Besides, you have more magic than any Elk Dreamer, micante, and it’s driving me crazy trying to keep a cool head.”
Rana smiled. “I know this magic between us is hard for you and we must travel this new path slowly and carefully. We stood beneath the eyes of the Great Spirit and spoke joining words, but the whites say they mean nothing. It is painful and confusing when the head and heart think and feel differently, or when others control your words and feelings. I was raised to accept and to honor Oglala laws and customs, to believe in Wakan Tanka. My head hears your white words, but my Oglala heart battles them. It is like saying to the whites the sky is green and the grass is blue when I have been taught otherwise by the Indians, as have you, White Eagle. For years I was Indian, but now I am white and must yield to the laws and customs that control my new life. You and my grandfather have asked me to make many changes quickly. Have you forgotten how it was when you left the Hunkpapas? Did your heart and life change as soon as you left your mother’s lands? Was it easy and painless for you?”
He responded instantly, “No, it wasn’t easy or painless, Rana. In fact, it hurt like hell and I battled those changes for two years. I didn’t know where I was heading or what I was going to do. If it hadn’t been for your grandfather, I would still be a hostile, bitter loner, drifting from place to place, fighting and rebelling and searching for myself—if I were still alive, that is. I was forced to leave my home; my family was dead. You’re lucky; you’re returning to your home and a family. Just the same, it won’t be easy in the beginning. But you have people who love you and want you, people who’ll help you adjust. At least you won’t be alone in a world you don’t understand, as I was. My past damaged me, Rana. I need time and understanding.”
Travis ran his fingers through his thick sable hair and adjusted his red headband. As he attempted to decide what to tell her about his experiences, his green eyes narrowed and his brows knit, causing tiny lines to form above his nose and creating a misleading frown. He gazed at her, his look direct but uncertain. “There’s so much you don’t know about me, or your new life.” He glanced at the ground, allowed his eyes to dart from side to side, then looked back at her.
As she awaited his reply, her puzzled expression matched his perplexed one. She recalled what Nathan had said about the Hunkpapas “rejecting” him. “You said you were ‘forced’ to travel a path away from your mother’s lands. Will you explain your strange words? Where did you get the scars on your body? How, Travis?” She could tell he did not want to talk about his past, and probably had not revealed it to anyone but her grandfather. She was pleased he had told her this much and she hoped he would relate even more about himself, though she prayed he was not mourning a lost love. If he could be open and honest, it would mean he wanted her to understand and accept him. Yet his hesitation and tension indicated there were things he was not ready to face.
He sighed heavily. After last night, he owed her an explanation, though it would be hard to lower his guard and be candid. If he allowed her to get too close too quickly, it might impair his judgment. To relax himself, he joked, “I don’t suppose you can think any worse of me than you already do. All right, Rana Michaels, I’ll tell you what happened years ago in the Hunkpapa camp and why I was in such a hurry to get out of the Oglala camp and far away from Lakota lands.”
Rana listened intently as Travis described his troubled past from his birth to his departure from the Hunkpapa village. He did not leave out his father’s treachery or his mother’s death or Pretty Rabbit’s role, or how, after the Hunkpapas’ torture, he had been forced to escape to avoid being executed for crimes he had not committed. His anguish and bitterness were evident to her. He had been betrayed and rejected by everyone and everything he had loved and respected. When he confessed he had been afraid the Hunkpapas would arrive and repeat the false tale to the Oglalas before he could recover her for Nathan—especially during the mix-up with the guns and the morning he had bound her and ridden off rapidly with her—she understood why he had been so aggressive and anxious to get her and Nathan out of that area with all speed. She surmised he had been right, for Indians rarely forgot or forgave a matter of broken honor. Yet she still sensed he was not telling her everything about his past.
“When I left the Lakota lands long ago, if you hadn’t been a little girl I would have stolen you and taken you along with me,” he teased to lighten the gloom around them. “You see, Miss Michaels, I’ve been nothing but trouble to myself and others since I was born. Now do you understand why I said you’d be glad you weren’t joined to a jinxed renegade like me? If not for your grandfather, I’d be worse than I am. By now, the Hunkpapas have reached your camp and Lone Wolf has probably learned what he will believe to be the black truth about me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he sends a band of warriors to hunt me down and rescue you. I was determined you were going home with Nate, even if I had to carry you hog-tied and sc
reaming every mile of the way. That’s where you belong for lots of reasons, including your survival. I swear I tried to honor my promise to Lone Wolf and Nate about you, but you found my weak spot and captivated me.”
Travis waited for her to say something, but she just kept staring at him with those liquid blue eyes that he could not read. He prayed she wasn’t sorry about last night. “I’ll make a deal with you, Rana. If you decide to reject me for any reason, I’ll leave the ranch and never come back, if that’s what it’ll take for you to remain with Nate. He turned my life around and gave me everything I needed. Seeing him happy means a lot to me. Adopted son or not, I swear I won’t make any claim on the ranch. It’s rightfully yours. I wouldn’t want you to think I was trying to hold on to it by ensnaring you. I know I deceived you in the Oglala camp and I’ve broken my word about staying clear of you, so I guess you have little reason to trust me. But, please, make sure you know what you want and what you’re doing.”
Beyond Travis, Rana could see Nathan approaching and knew there would be no time or privacy to express her feelings. She realized how much Travis loved and respected Nathan. She was certain he had never begged anyone for anything before today, and his willingness to risk and sacrifice so much for Nathan touched her deeply. Travis had just shown her the path by which she could force him to marry her. It would be easy for her to demand that he marry her in order to be allowed to remain with Nathan and the ranch, but in her heart she knew she could not walk such a path. He had been tormented and betrayed too many times, and it would be a grave mistake for her to use any kind of coercion to win him. As he had said, he needed time and understanding. For Nathan’s benefit, she declared aloud to Travis, “You said you would replace Cloud. Do you have a white stallion on the ranch?”
For a moment Travis was baffled by her question and behavior; then Nathan called out, “You two ready to ride?”
Rana smiled at her grandfather and nodded. “I’m eager to get home, Grandfather. I’m tired of riding and camping. Travis has promised to give me a horse as special as Cloud.” Her gaze met Travis’s as she spoke words that carried a dual meaning. “I will hold him to his words.”
“If Travis said it, Rana, you can believe him. Sometimes he’s a little hard to live with, but he’s the best man I’ve ever met. I don’t know what I would have done all those years if he hadn’t been with me.”
“You’re biased, Nate,” Travis teased in return, wondering which words she was going to hold him to. To Rana he said, “Let’s go before he gets mushy on us.” He grinned at her then, letting his eyes say far more to her than “thank-you” for the way she was treating Nathan.
When they reached the Fort Cobb Agency, again Travis left them camped nearby while he scouted the conditions in the area. He had not been gone ten minutes before Rana began questioning Nathan about this mysterious, enchanting man with whom she believed her destiny was entwined.
When Nathan discovered that Travis had divulged part of his past to Rana, he assumed it would be all right for him to reveal more facts to her. After all, he decided, they would be living together in the same house. Too, he had dreams of bringing these two young people together, for he could not imagine a better match for either one. He sensed they were being drawn to each other, and that pleased him, though he had no doubt their attraction intimidated the carefree Travis, who had a history of bad luck with women.
Nathan related what he knew about Travis’s experiences with the Hunkpapas and described the incident that had brought him and Travis Kincade together, including details of Elizabeth Lowry’s treacherous role in their meeting. He was not surprised when Rana asked for more information about the two women who had caused Travis to display such a grim attitude toward the female sex. As Travis had instructed, he avoided an explanation of Travis’s relationship with Clarissa Caldwell, for Travis had felt she might drop innocent, though dangerous, clues to Harrison and his daughter when they eventually met.
Nathan and Rana discussed Travis’s life in the Hunkpapa camp and on the ranch. Clearly she was fascinated by his adopted son. When finally they had exhausted the subject of Travis Kincade temporarily, Nathan saw the perfect opportunity to relate more information about Rana’s father.
“Why did my mother marry such a wicked man?” she probed after listening intently to Nathan’s words.
“I wish I knew, child. I guess love is one of those mysteries of life. Sometimes we don’t use wisdom to pick the person we love. I remember when I first saw my darling Ruth,” he murmured dreamily. “She was the prettiest girl I had ever laid eyes on. I couldn’t think about anything until she was mine. Whenever I left on a roundup or cattle drive, I couldn’t wait to get back home to my Ruthie. I hated for us to be separated, especially for months at a time. I wish you could have known your grandmother, Rana. If she hadn’t died so young, your mother would have had someone to keep her straight. I should have remarried, ‘cause I didn’t know much about raising little girls. Sometimes it’s hard to believe they’re both gone forever,” he mused dejectedly.
As Rana touched his arm and smiled comfortingly at him, Nathan ventured, “Maybe how I felt about Ruthie was how my Marissa felt about your father. It’s a shame he was so bad. All he wanted was my ranch and money; that’s why he married her. Some men are just plain greedy and evil, and they’ll do anything to innocent young girls to get what they want. I tried to keep her from marrying him. I begged her to marry Todd Raines; she had been seeing him for a few months and had seemed to like him. I guess I was wrong about their feelings. She told me she didn’t want to marry a poor wrangler. She knew I would have made Todd my partner if they’d married, so that wasn’t the real reason she refused his proposal. She just up and ran off with that fancy gambler and crushed poor Todd’s heart. If she hadn’t, she would be alive today. And if Travis hadn’t come along, Todd would have his place in my life now. He’s still real special to me.” He paused for a moment, lost in thought. “If Travis had been around, Marissa wouldn’t have looked at another man. ‘Course the marriage wasn’t all bad.” Nathan beamed as his eyes washed over Rana. “They had you, my precious little Rana. Lord knows I wouldn’t take anything for you. I’m so glad I got you back.”
“So am I, Grandfather,” she agreed, then kissed his cheek.
Nathan declared that it was time he took a nap in order to be ready for his guard duty later that night, and as he settled into sleep, Rana watched him with deep affection. She noticed the way the dappled sunlight filtered through the trees and illuminated his blond and silver hair. His skin was leathered and lined from age and exposure to the elements, but he was still a striking man. She recalled how his gray-blue eyes filled with warmth and love and glowed with happiness each time his gaze settled on her, and she was glad fate had returned her to her family. This older man needed her sunshine in his life, sunshine that she was determined to provide for the rest of his days.
Rana had come to realize that he and Travis were right about her having no future in the Oglala lands, but she ached over the hardships she knew her adopted people would endure. Yet, as Travis had told her, there was nothing she could do to keep the Lakotas from their destiny except suffer and die along with them, which would have been her fate if she had insisted on remaining in the Dakota Territory. She hoped she could return one day to visit them, especially Lone Wolf and Myeerah. She would pray for their survival and hope they could change with the times as she had, as she was determined she would.
She was looking forward to her new life on the ranch and to winning the heart of Travis Kincade, for he warmed her soul with a strange radiance that could only be love. As she considered Travis in this light, speculations about her parents invaded her thoughts. How she wished she had known them, or could remember them. Her lack or loss of memory made her feel that something special was missing from her life. But she knew that if she worked hard, Nathan Crandall and Travis Kincade could fill the void.
Rana was giving Travis more thought than she had ever gi
ven anything in her life. She knew they could offer each other more than a physical attraction, and she prayed he would recognize that truth and surrender to it, as she was doing. They could make a good pair—fighting, working, living, and loving, side by side. She understood that his luck with women had been bad, but that could change if he would only allow it. He was skittish and wary. She needed to be patient with him, to show him she was not like those other women, who had used and hurt him. She didn’t want him to feel trapped, or to claim her out of guilt.
She envisioned his handsome body, which had been scarred by so many troubles. Worse, his heart had been scarred deeply as well. His enticing body, though healed, would always carry reminders of those tragic events, but his heart could recover if he permitted her to tend it with the medicine of love. He had not expected to become entangled with her. She dreamily recalled their passionate night together, which had made her long to share many more. Perhaps he had confessed more than he had intended that night and now regretted his candor. At least she was confident that she was not in competition with another woman, dead or alive. But, she asked herself, which would be easier to battle, a real woman or painful ghosts from his past? Still, with these facts in her possession, she could understand him and better plan her winning strategy…
Later that night, while Travis was taking his watch, he attempted to force his thoughts from the girl who was sleeping by the campfire, for she was a powerful distraction. He could not forget how she had smiled at him upon his return that evening. She had laughed and chatted with Nathan, and with him. All afternoon he had been eager to get back to camp just to be near her, and his body had ached for hers then, as it did now. He truly enjoyed talking with her, looking at her. Her smile warmed him all over, and her voice made him quiver. He could think of nothing more pleasant than holding her in his arms while they shared their innermost secrets and desires, unless, of course, it was making love to her. Yet, he couldn’t move too swiftly with her, or she might think he wanted more from her than her love. He had to be careful around her, for they couldn’t carry on a secret affair under Nathan’s nose; that would have been wrong.
Sweet Savage Heart Page 27