The Complete Inspector Morse

by David Bishop

  QUOTE-UNQUOTE: The sergeant falls asleep in Morse’s car. When he eventually wakes up, he asks the inspector where they are. ‘Oxford, Lewis – the place where we work. Well, some of us.’ The sergeant realises he must have been asleep. ‘Oh, really? Didn’t notice any difference,’ Morse replies.

  The inspector outlines his approach to crime-solving: ‘I don’t think, Lewis, I deduce. I only ever deduce.’

  Max has no sympathy for Morse’s lack of sleep. ‘Three corpses in 20 hours. Are they paying me overtime?’

  Lewis is amazed when Morse says he wants to look at water, but the inspector quickly reverts to type. ‘If anyone wants me, they’ll find me looking at fish through the bottom of a beer glass.’

  SOUNDTRACK: Morse books a seat in the circle for the opera as the episode begins. He wants to see Berlioz’ Les Troyens but lives in fear of getting tickets for Puccini’s Madama Butterfly or, worse still, Handel. A counter-tenor accompanied by lute sings John Dowland’s ‘Flow My Tears’ during the Elizabethan dinner. The inspector listens to Les Troyens while driving between Didcot and Oxford. Lewis says it put him to sleep. A pianist plays ‘Love’s Old Sweet Song’ at the Randolph as the story is drawing to a close, a piece of music mentioned earlier by Morse.

  IDENTITY PARADE: Simon Callow is a well-known film and theatre actor who starred in the hit British movie Four Weddings and a Funeral. Roberta Taylor appeared in the soap opera EastEnders as Irene Raymond and moved on to police drama The Bill as Inspector Gina Gold.

  RATINGS: 9.55 million. This is the lowest ever rating for an episode of Inspector Morse, the only time the first transmission of a new episode attracted less than ten million viewers and the sole occasion on which the programme was beaten by a rival broadcaster. The reason is simple: ITV chose to screen The Wolvercote Tongue on Christmas Day, the strongest date in the viewing calendar for its major rival, the BBC. The episode was transmitted opposite Miss Marple starring Joan Hickson, which attracted 12 million viewers.

  THE VERDICT: ‘The Wolvercote Tongue’ gets the second series off to a cracking start. Morse’s stubborn insistence that all the crimes must be linked neatly prevents the viewer from guessing that there are, in fact, two cases connected only by coincidence. Eddie’s disappearance proves a total red herring, and the tale is liberally sprinkled with wilful misdirection. Comic relief is provided by Morse’s relentless humbling at the hands of Max’s harsh science, and by Lewis’ efforts to stay awake. There’s even an homage to King Arthur when a diver holds the jewel aloft from the Thames in the style of Excalibur being flourished by the Lady of the Lake.

  LAST SEEN WEARING

  ‘Find the girl, find who did this, and don’t prat about.’ Morse grudgingly takes on a missing persons case, antagonises almost everyone and gets a reprimand from Strange. But he solves the case and a killing.

  UK TX: 8 March 1988

  SCREENPLAY: Thomas Ellice, based on the novel by Colin Dexter

  DIRECTOR: Edward Bennett

  CAST: Peter McEnery (Donald Phillipson), Suzanne Bertish (Cheryl Baines), Glyn Houston (George Craven), Frances Tomelty (Grace Craven), Fiona Mollison (Sheila Phillipson), Philip Bretherton (David Acum), James Grout (Chief Superintendent Strange), Melissa Simmonds (Valerie Craven), Nicholas Pritchard (John Maguire), Elizabeth Hurley (Julia), Michele Winstanley (Fiona), Julia Sawalha (Rachel), Auriol Goldingham (Lesley), Venetia Barrett (Mrs Webb), Geoffrey Church (PC Franks), Maggie Holland (Martha), Roger Booth (bartender), David Trevena (porter), Susanna Nicholas (receptionist), Amanda Dickinson (check-out girl), Clare Bennett (Becky Phillipson), Charles Gilmore (Charlie Phillipson), George Gilmore (George Phillipson)

  STORYLINE: Morse is trying to read while listening to music at home, but his reverie is shattered by workmen from Craven Construction, clearing the section behind his house. Strange summons Morse to work. The reluctant inspector is given a missing persons case. Schoolgirl Valerie Craven disappeared six months previously. Morse thinks she is dead.

  Morse and Lewis visit Homewood School For Girls, where Valerie was a pupil. The detectives talk with Deputy Head Cheryl Baines, who describes Valerie as interesting, bright and spirited. Valerie’s father, George Craven, runs the above-mentioned construction company. He’s a powerful man with influence in the police force.

  The inspector visits Craven on a construction site, despite being warned by Strange to leave the missing girl’s family alone. Craven has offered a reward for news about her. He tells the inspector to read the files.

  Next day the Cravens get a letter from Valerie saying she is okay. It was posted from London. Lewis reads her diary. It mentions a boyfriend called John Maguire, who lives in London. The detectives travel to the capital and gain entry to Maguire’s flat. Morse finds equipment for taking cocaine. They visit Maguire at the housing development where he sells luxury flats. He met Valerie at a party in Oxford and only saw her once more. He has not seen her for months. The inspector asks when Maguire found out Valerie was pregnant. It’s a guess but proves accurate.

  The detectives interview Valerie’s classmates, then Phillipson and his wife Sheila. Morse asks about David Acum, a French teacher who left Homewood after Valerie disappeared. Phillipson says Acum moved to a huge comprehensive in Reading. Morse visits Acum’s home but the teacher is at work. The inspector speaks briefly with Mrs Acum, who is wearing a green mud-pack on her face.

  Lewis interviews Acum, one of the last people to see Valerie, but the French teacher is little help. Police experts are 90 per cent certain that Valerie wrote the letter to her parents, but Morse insists she is dead.

  The inspector interviews Valerie’s mother, Grace, who does not believe Valerie was pregnant. Grace cannot explain why she waited a day to report her daughter missing. She says Valerie is not George’s natural daughter.

  The detectives are sent a second letter, purporting to be from Valerie. Morse later admits writing it himself, to test the handwriting experts.

  Baines has a late-night visitor. They argue on the upstairs landing and Baines plummets to her death. Next day Max says she was unlucky to die from such a fall.

  Morse discovers elements cut from the real letter posted by Valerie. It was sent to one of her school friends, Julia, who gave it to Baines. The deputy head cut off the salutation and postscript before sending it on to the Cravens. Strange, meanwhile, gives Morse an almighty bollocking for disobeying orders, bothering the Cravens, forging letters and drinking on the job.

  Phillipson says he was at the theatre when Baines was slain. He admits he left the play to meet up with Grace Craven – they’re having an affair. Grace says she meets Phillipson in the changing rooms at Homewood.

  One of Baines’ neighbours thinks she saw a person visiting Baines on the night of the attack, so the police stage a reconstruction.

  Sheila tells Morse she knows about her husband and Grace; Phillipson confessed to the affair. Lewis sees Morse with Sheila and spots a resemblance to a suspect identified by the reconstruction. The detectives question Sheila. She admits visiting Baines on the crucial night, but says the deputy head was already dead when she arrived. Sheila believes Baines was blackmailing Phillipson. She saw Acum nearby as she left.

  Lewis questions Maguire. Valerie listed him as next of kin when she had an abortion. Maguire admits arranging it, but says he wasn’t the father.

  Sheila visits Grace at home. Phillipson arrives later, at Grace’s invitation. Grace says she gave Phillipson an alibi for the night Baines died.

  Morse questions Acum about the death of Baines, then confronts Acum’s wife, who is actually Valerie Craven. The detectives take her home. Phillipson says Valerie ran off after finding him and Grace together. For her part, Valerie says she visited Baines on the night of the murder. As she left, Valerie saw Phillipson arriving. He admits being there, but claims the death was accidental. Baines was blackmailing him.

  THE MORE THINGS CHANGE: The basic plot is similar to the original novel, but some alterations have been made. Valerie Tay
lor becomes Valerie Craven, while her working class family become rich and powerful in the television version. The school changes from a comprehensive to an expensive private school, while Baines becomes a lesbian. In the novel Phillipson slept with Valerie, but in the TV show he has an affair with her mother.

  THE MANY CAMEOS OF COLIN DEXTER: When Morse goes to a library to interview Sheila, Colin Dexter walks out wearing black academic robes.

  DRINK UP, LEWIS: Strange observes that there seems to be another new off-licence nearby whenever he drives past Morse’s area. He describes them as bees round the honey pot.

  The inspector visits a pub after his first effort to see Phillipson, but the landlord has called time and refuses to serve him. Lewis buys the inspector four cans of bitter as a substitute, but Morse calls them undrinkable. To him it’s not real beer.

  Morse and Lewis have white wine with Phillipson and his wife.

  The inspector has a pint in a pub with Max. Morse has a second pint but the pathologist declines another.

  Baines and the inspector have a late night whisky at her home.

  Morse buys a bottle of whisky while shopping with Lewis in a supermarket.

  After Baines dies, the inspector asks a constable to bring him a mug of whisky, but not to make a fuss about it. A furious Strange appears and asks if Morse wants to be breath-tested every morning at work.

  As the case draws to a close, Lewis meets Morse in a pub. The inspector offers to buy his sergeant a pint, but Lewis turns it down. Morse has a second pint. He says thinking makes him thirsty. Lewis relents and has a half. They leave long before the sergeant can finish his drink.

  CRYPTIC CROSSWORDS: Morse works on the Times crossword while Lewis tries to interest him in the letter from Valerie.

  UNLUCKY IN LOVE: A rare episode for Morse, with hardly a hint of romance or even flirtation. He does visit Baines late at night and makes a passing comment about unprofessional conduct, but nothing comes of it.

  LEWIS’ KITH AND KIN: The sergeant wouldn’t mind his daughter Louise going to Homewood. He says she isn’t rich or thick. Lewis picks up groceries from a supermarket while Morse waits outside. The sergeant says he would get shot if he came home without the shopping. Lewis doesn’t like London much. The sergeant’s appalled to discover he earns less in a year than Maguire owes to credit card companies. Lewis describes his religion as ‘the usual’.

  SOPHOCLES DID DO IT: Morse refuses to believe Valerie is alive. He stubbornly believes the case is murder for almost the entire story. He briefly wonders if her father is responsible for her disappearance. Acum, Sheila and George Craven are all suspects in the killing of Baines.

  ONE FOR THE MORGUE: Cheryl Baines dies after falling from the first floor landing of her home, probably pushed by Phillipson. He claims it was accidental. But he has a strong motive for slaying Baines.

  MURDERS: one. BODY COUNT: one.

  MORSE DECODED: As the story opens Morse is reading Thomas Hardy’s novel Jude the Obscure. The inspector has a cousin who’s married to a woman 12 years his junior.

  QUOTE-UNQUOTE: The inspector sums up his lot in life: ‘They put me onto these things when they can smell a corpse. One file – anybody. Two files – Ainley, or McKay. I’m the three-file man.’

  Morse waxes lyrical about sports skirts and their designer: ‘I can never watch Wimbledon without thanking that man.’

  Lewis tears a strip off Morse after Baines is murdered: ‘Well, you’ve got your body, sir. You were so keen to have a murder. You should be happy.’

  Lewis gets a good-natured ribbing from Morse about being a prude: ‘When it comes to biology, it’s a foreign language to you, isn’t it?’

  SOUNDTRACK: Morse listens to Mozart’s first violin concerto at home as the story begins. Max tries to get the inspector to understand the pain experienced by parents of a missing child by comparing the feeling to Morse losing his only record of The Ring cycle by Wagner. Morse glibly replies he has it on cassette too. The action cuts to him driving while listening to Die Walküre.

  IDENTITY PARADE: This story features two actresses who would go on to greater things. Julia Sawalha featured as Saffy in the sitcom Absolutely Fabulous, while Elizabeth Hurley has since starred in such films as Austin Powers International Man of Mystery and Bedazzled. She is almost unrecognisable here, however.

  RATINGS: 11.88 million. Morse bounces back from the disappointment of his Christmas ratings, but still fails to match the pulling power of the first series.

  THE VERDICT: ‘Last Seen Wearing’ is a looser adaptation of Dexter’s source material than was seen in the first series. The original novel has a seedy, grimy feel to it, with scenes set in Soho strip clubs and rubbish dumps. Here, however, the action is shifted to yuppie housing developments and an expensive boarding school. Morse can’t help kicking against all this wealth and power. He gets himself in trouble with influential people and has Strange read the riot act to him. This is a solid but unspectacular tale, enhanced by the conflict between Morse and Lewis. Their clash gives the story much-needed bite.

  THE SETTLING OF THE SUN

  ‘Most murders don’t require solving because they haven’t been planned.’ When a revenge conspiracy goes awry, four people are murdered in quick succession – three of them by the man believed to be the first victim.

  UK TX: 15 March 1988

  SCREENPLAY: Charles Wood, based on a story by Colin Dexter

  DIRECTOR: Peter Hammond

  CAST: Anna Calder-Marshall (Jane Robson), Robert Stephens (Sir Wilfred Mulryne), Derek Fowlds (Kurt Friedman/Michael Robson), Robert Lang (Chief Superintendent Dewar), Avis Bunnage (Mrs Warbut), Amanda Burton (Mirella Lunghi), Philip Middlemiss (Graham Daniel), Eiji Kusuhara (Yukio Li), Tim Barker (Ralph Thomas), Llewellyn Rees (Reverend Robson), Blue MacAskill (Alex Robson), Ellis Van Maarseveen (Heidi Vettinger), Ian McCurrach (Swedish student), Jack Ellis (sergeant), Kenneth Hadley (Peters), Gordon Kennedy (Dewar’s detective), Michael Goldie (tramp), Basienka Blake (gardener)

  STORYLINE: Morse goes to an art exhibition based on images of crucifixion. Afterwards he meets a friend, Dr Jane Robson. They take her wheelchair-bound father, Reverend Robson, to the Botanic Garden. He wakes up, sees Morse’s catalogue from the exhibition and tries to attack a gardener who looks vaguely Oriental. Robson collapses and is taken away to hospital.

  A coach load of foreign students arrives for summer school at Oxford’s Lonsdale College. Jane organises the course. The arrivals are watched by an Oriental man. Domestic bursar Mrs Warbut escorts a Japanese man, Yukio Li, to his room. A German man, Kurt Friedman, is among the other students.

  Reverend Robson dies. Morse sees Jane arguing with a man at the funeral. Later, the inspector attends a college dinner with Jane. The Japanese student excuses himself from the dinner, saying something disagrees with him. Morse presents the prize for best crossword to Friedman. Jane asks Mrs Warbut to have the college porter, Ralph Thomas, check on Yukio Li.

  The porter discovers the Japanese student is dead. He has been laid out in the shape of a crucifix on the carpet of his room, a dagger thrust into his heart. Max examines the body. He finds a severed human tongue next to it. There are wounds to the hands, wrists, and feet. The mouth has been split ear to ear. Max confirms the time of death.

  A helper at the summer school, Graham Daniel, says the Japanese man ate nothing and drank only orange juice during dinner. Daniel saw the Oriental student earlier in the day at the college bar with Friedman and Jane, drinking orange juice.

  The Master of Lonsdale College, Sir Wilfred Mulryne, shows little concern about the murder. Max confirms the severed tongue was cut from the dead man’s mouth. The only stomach contents were crisps and orange juice.

  Next day, Morse sees Jane talking with Friedman and Daniel. There is a plaque outside the college chapel commemorating people from other countries who died during the war. Mrs Warbut doesn’t think it should be there. Morse thinks he sees someone hiding in the college but is unable to catch the person.<
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  The inspector interviews Friedman, who says Yukio Li felt unwell when they were travelling to Oxford on the coach. Friedman is uncertain about German geography. He says Yukio Li acted suspiciously.

  A search of the coach yields a videocassette in a padded bag addressed to the murdered man, containing heroin. There is also a completed crossword from the Times. Morse thinks Friedman, Daniel and Jane are terrified. The same person who completed the crossword also addressed the padded bag. The handwriting matches that of Friedman. The presence of heroin attracts the attention of Chief Superintendent Dewar of the drugs squad.

  Daniel’s corpse is discovered in a public toilet.

  Jane tells Morse that Yukio Li was a drug dealer. He had attended two previous summer schools. She wanted revenge for an undergraduate she knew called Jeremy Collins, who died in a car crash. He destroyed himself with drugs.

  Max says Daniel was strangled the previous night. He adds several startling facts about the dead Japanese man. The ritual wounds were made to hide the fact that he’d been bound and gagged for at least 24 hours. The knife was put into the heart after death; he was actually killed by a blow to the head. Morse protests that everyone saw Yukio Li during the day, including himself! The inspector begins to believe he was set up by Jane to provide alibis for herself, Friedman and others. Jane says Sir Wilfred was Collins’ father.

  Chief Superintendent Dewar says Yukio Li was part of an international drugs syndicate. He was being watched and the Master co-operated. Dewar wants Morse and Lewis out of the way. He thinks Daniel murdered Yukio Li over drugs. The Master suggests an impersonator is involved. One of the other students was an undercover agent watching Yukio Li.

  Morse believes Jane and Friedman tried to set up Yukio Li as a drug dealer, not realising he actually was a drug dealer. The inspector sends Lewis to Jane’s old flat. The sergeant discovers Friedman is actually Michael Robson – Jane’s brother. Morse confronts Jane in her room. He says the real Yukio Li was abducted and held captive. A different Japanese man then played the part of Yukio Li. Morse believes either Michael Robson, or Daniel, or the Japanese substitute murdered Yukio Li. Jane admits he’s right, but claims the death happened by accident when Yukio Li tried to escape.