Alien in the Family

by Gini Koch

  “I really don’t think of him as a prince. I mean a royal prince. And I know Jeff doesn’t think of himself that way.” For which I was very thankful.

  “No. But it is better for all of us if he is presented as such. I assure you, his reasons for refusing the throne will filter down to the idea that he rules here already, or soon will, and that he chose Earth over Alpha Four because Earth is stronger.”

  “But Alexander was just made king. Shouldn’t he be there, reassuring his people he’s on top of things and ready to rule?”

  Renata shrugged. “Chief Councillor Leonidas is there. His presence is more vital right now than the royal family’s.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes. Charles said that, should you ask, to mention the Churchill and royal family of England relationship. He felt you would ask, I must add.”

  “He does know me well.” Guilt tried to muscle in, but I kicked it to the curb. Fine, so Leonidas was the glue and the real leader and Alexander was the figurehead with power. I decided I’d ask Chuckie about the ramifications. Later. After honeymoon later. “Okay, well, good.”

  Renata chuckled. “You need to get some sleep.” She mother-henned me into the bedroom and started shushing the other girls.

  I didn’t argue. I was wiped. Undressed and looked for nightclothes. No A-C Elves here, but what seemed like ages but was only a couple of days ago, I’d unpacked our stuff and put it somewhere. Couldn’t remember where. Went to hang my clothes up and discovered a cute shortie nightgown hanging there. Wasn’t mine, but I assumed Reader had left it for me. Didn’t argue; put it on, and crawled into bed.

  I was almost asleep when I heard some soft mewling. “Come on.” I had Poofs on me immediately. Harlie and Poofikins, but there was a third one. “Are you Fluffy?” No reaction. “Fuzzball?” Again, nothing. “Gatita?” Nada. Called Christopher on the house phone. “Is your Poof with me?”

  “Yeah. Jeff’s got the jealousy thing, you might remember? Wanted it there just in case Reynolds tried to slip past seven women, including the Amazon Queen, in order to steal you away in the night.”

  I snorted. “Sweet. So, what’s your Poof’s name?”

  Silence.

  “Christopher, I know everyone else’s, and I don’t want to say, ‘hey you,’ to it.”

  More silence.

  “How bad could it be? Chuckie’s is named Fluffy, for God’s sake.”

  “Fine. Toby.” I heard Martini start laughing in the background.

  “Toby?”

  “Yes, Toby.” Christopher sounded really annoyed and I was worried Martini was going to die, he was laughing so hard.

  “Why is Toby such a funny name to Jeff?” I heard some mumbling, but no answer. “What? Speak up.”

  He heaved a sigh. “It was the name of my stuffed toy when I was little, okay?”

  “Awww, that’s sweet.”

  “Yeah, thanks.” He didn’t sound thankful. Martini was still laughing.

  “Did Jeff have a stuffed toy when he was little, too?”

  “Yes, he did,” Christopher shouted this. Didn’t slow down Martini’s laughter. “His was named Murphy.”

  “Also sweet. There’s nothing embarrassing about naming your Poof Toby, you know. I think it’s cute.”

  “Wonderful. Jeff’s Poof came named. Have I mentioned that we look like idiots with those things?”

  “Oh, no! Toby! Don’t touch that!”

  “What? Is it hurt? What happened?” He sounded totally freaked.

  “Toby’s fine. I think you can stop pretending you don’t like it now.”

  “I hate you.”

  “Yeah, yeah, just stop trying to be all Mister Macho about them. They’re adorable, and you know it.”

  “Fine. Can we hang up now?”

  “Sure, I’m tired. See you in the morning.”

  “Doubt it. Our drill sergeant has views on when any of us will see you again.”

  I yawned. “Fine. Well, whenever. Night, Christopher. Love to Jeff.”

  “Goodnight, Kitty. Enjoy your last night as a single woman.”

  We hung up, and I snuggled into the bed. It seemed huge without Martini in it. The three Poofs cuddled up around my head and started purring quietly. Heard the girls out in the other room—they were still wide awake and having fun. Me, all I wanted was to be cuddled up next to Martini. I wondered if I should get up and work on the enjoying some more but realized I didn’t want to. Maybe marriage wasn’t going to be all that different, after all. Possibly Martini’s jealousy might abate somewhat, that would be a good thing. Of course, maybe he’d want me to cook, too. Then again, maybe he would just want things the way they’d been. On the other hand, I knew he wanted kids, and as soon as possible, though he had said when I was ready. What if I was never ready? What if we couldn’t get pregnant? What if he got bored with me?

  My cell phone rang. My purse was by the side of the bed, so didn’t take too long for me to dig it out. “Jeff, what’s wrong?”

  “I will not get bored with you. I am not going to force you to cook. My jealousy is never going to go away, get used to it. Yes, I want kids, I’m sure we won’t have a problem, and from what my father’s said, you’re never really ready to have them, you just think you are. Stop worrying or else I’ll have to hurt James in order to get up there with you. I love you, go to sleep.”

  “I miss you.”

  “Me too. Last night like this, okay? I think that’s James’ sadistic point.”

  “Yeah. Would you have named your Poof Murphy if it hadn’t been named Harlie?”

  “No idea. Happy I don’t have to worry about it. Go to sleep, baby. Tomorrow’s a big day.”

  “Do you like your tux?”

  He laughed. “Yes. I just hope you like it. Reynolds insinuated I’d love your dress.”

  “I hope so.” I was starting to get sleepy, but I didn’t want to get off the phone.

  “You want me to talk you to sleep?” He sounded amused, not upset.

  “Sort of. The Poofs aren’t the same as being with you, you know.”

  “Thank God. You like the nightgown?”

  “Oh, it’s from you? I thought it was from James.”

  “There’s nothing like your bride-to-be saying she thought the lingerie you bought her was from another man to make you feel all warm and secure.”

  “Oh, stop. He’s been doing everything else. I’m afraid he’s going to drop dead from the exertion.”

  “He’s having a field day, I’ll give you that. So, you don’t like it?”

  I laughed. “I do like it. I didn’t spend a lot of time looking at it, because I didn’t realize it was from you.”

  “Oh, that’s fine, then.” He sounded reasonably pleased.

  “You want me to get up and look in the mirror or something?”

  “Yeah,” his voice dropped to a purr. “Then think about me.”

  “So you can see me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Mmmm . . . that sounds interesting.”

  “Yeah.” His voice was still a purr. I heard Christopher in the background and Martini sighed. “My nanny says we have to get off the phone. You could still look in the mirror,” he added. I heard Christopher bark, “No.” Martini sighed again. “Or not.”

  “Okay. I’m tired anyway.” I was, but it had sounded kind of weird and fun at the same time.

  “I love how you think.”

  “Then I’ll go to sleep thinking of you.”

  “Sweet dreams, baby.”

  “They will be. I promise.” Closed the phone, snuggled back up into the pillows and the Poofs, and went to sleep.

  My last thought was that maybe, for once, nothing would go wrong with a big, important extravaganza. Our track record wasn’t that good, but I optimistically hoped for a reprieve. Did kind of think I’d earned it.

  CHAPTER 67

  SOMEONE SHOOK ME AWAKE. It felt like a man’s hand. “Jeff?”

  “No. Time to get up, girlfriend.”
>
  I cracked an eye. “It’s dark.”

  Reader sighed and walked away. I tried to go back to sleep. I heard a noise and there was bright light right in my face. “What is that?” Flung a pillow over my eyes.

  “We call it sunlight on our planet. Get up. We are, as usual, running late.”

  “James what are you doing in here?”

  “Getting you and the rest of the females moving.”

  “Get the guys up first.” I rolled over.

  Covers were pulled off. Poofs started grumbling. “Interesting, you sleep commando. Bummer, though . . . I’m still gay.”

  “Then go away.”

  He laughed. “You want me to give it a shot anyway?” He grabbed my ankles and pulled me to the edge of the bed.

  “Oh, fine.” I rolled over and sat up. “There, sitting up. What time is it, anyway?”

  “Nine. You’re supposed to be at the salon at nine-thirty.” He dragged me to my feet and into the bathroom. “Shower. Quickly. Don’t worry about your hair.”

  “James.” I said this with as much whine in my voice as humanly possible.

  He kissed my forehead. “Do it, or I’ll tell Jeff I saw what he wants no other man, gay or straight, ever seeing.”

  “He’ll pick it up if you enjoyed it.”

  Reader patted my butt as he shoved me into the bathroom. “Guess I’d better plan to say that I object to the wedding, then.” He closed the door but I could tell he was waiting.

  “I want to, you know, before I shower.”

  “Fine. I’ll be back in five minutes. If you’re not in the shower, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.”

  “Nazi.” I whispered it under my breath. Then felt guilty. “Okay, not a Nazi. Just suddenly a major anal retentive.”

  “Heard that, both thats. Get into the shower.”

  “Eavesdropper!”

  “Laggard.”

  Decided he was more awake than me and so likely to win the war of wit right now. Started the water. Showering quickly wasn’t an issue if Martini wasn’t with me. Dried off, wrapped the towel around me. Checked to see if the coast was clear. It was, unless I counted Reader standing there with his arms crossed.

  “That’s the fastest you could shower?”

  “I had to shave my legs.”

  “Fine, I’ll accept that excuse.” He checked my legs out. “Okay.”

  “What, you didn’t believe me?”

  He rolled his eyes. “Put on the white dress Jeff bought for you. It’s a color match to your wedding dress.”

  “Well, how lucky.” I looked at him. “Where are you going to be while I do this?”

  “In here.”

  “James, we’re about at that point where Jeff and Paul might have real reasons to question us.”

  “Yeah. However, there are seven other naked women out there and I’ve already seen everything you own. So I’m sticking with you. I’ll turn my back.”

  I looked closely at his head. “Geez, you know, you already have stubble.”

  “Yeah, thank God.”

  “I didn’t realize your hair grew so fast. That’s really manly and virile.” At least, in my opinion.

  “Back to that part where Jeff and Paul start worrying, babe.”

  “Fine, fine.” Went into the huge closet. “I put my wedding lingerie on before I get into the wedding dress, not now, right?”

  “Right.” He sounded distracted.

  Peeked out to see him sitting on the edge of the bed. He had his back to me, and he was playing with the Poofs, the three with me and his own. It dawned on me that he wasn’t an empath. I got dressed and sat down on the bed next to him. I hugged him from behind. “I’m sorry, James. You’re doing everything I couldn’t even think of doing or have planned for myself, let alone someone else. I’m sorry I sound like a whiney brat instead of grateful.”

  He chuckled, but I felt him relax. “It’s okay, girlfriend. I know how it is. The person in charge always gets the complaints.”

  I leaned my head against his back. “I’ll stop complaining. Because everything you’re doing is beyond wonderful, and I appreciate it a lot more than I’m managing to let you know.”

  Reader shifted and hugged me back. “It’s okay. I understand, don’t mind, and love you, so even when you’re being a pain in the butt, you’re still my girl.”

  “I love you even when you’re channeling Martha Stewart, Emily Post, and every fashion designer on the planet at the same time.”

  The Poofs crawled into our laps and started purring. “The love in the room is amazing. Let’s move before Jeff or Paul come in and I have to turn straight, because we’ll have to run off to the Free Women’s planet in order to escape their wrath.”

  “Wise choice.”

  We got up, and I got the critical eye. “Not bad. If we’d had to, you could have gotten away with this as your wedding dress.”

  “Only if we wanted my side of the family to die of embarrassment. This is sort of revealing for a wedding gown.”

  “The lingerie helps.” He rubbed his hands together. “Grab your purse, load up the Poofs, and let’s get going.”

  Checked to make sure the other girls were ready—they were. Apparently Reader had woken me up last. He hustled us down to the salon, installed everyone other than me with a stylist, and took me to the back.

  A slim, reasonably attractive man was waiting. “Jimmy, it’s about time.” He sounded huffy and like he was faking a French accent.

  “We were delayed.” Reader didn’t sound apologetic. He put me into the chair. “Kitty, this is Pierre.”

  “Is Peter another cousin of yours?”

  “Oh, she’s a bright one, Jimmy,” he said, fake accent gone. “But, no, darling, long ago ex-boyfriend. Still, how can one say no to those cheekbones?”

  “No idea, I’ve never been able to.”

  “I see we agree. The start of a lovely relationship. Call me Pierre here, though, will you, darling? It’s an image thing.”

  “No worries. James, what is Pierre doing to me?”

  Pierre answered. “Darling, we’re fluffing you up.” Reader started to cough.

  “I know what that term means.”

  Pierre gave me a wicked grin in the mirror. “I’m so impressed. No wonder our Jimmy adores you.”

  “James?”

  Reader managed to recover himself. “Pierre? It’s her wedding day, okay?”

  “I imagine her intended can’t wait to lock up the darling who knows how to fluff.”

  “He’s all over it. He likes my hair the way it is.”

  Pierre snorted. “I’m sure, darling, I’m sure. Jimmy, the veil is, what? A piece of netting? This is all you could come up with?” He pointed to the veil which was hanging off a cabinet at his station. It didn’t look like much, I had to admit.

  “I don’t even know if I want her in a veil.” Reader sounded exasperated.

  “She’s in a mermaid I presume?”

  “Yes.”

  “Wow, you’re good.” I was impressed.

  “Darling, no one has a better eye for what to wear when than our Jimmy. But he’s lost it with the veil.” Reader started to argue and Pierre put up his hand. “Dearest. You’re tired and look peaky. No one is accusing, no one is berating. Give me a moment.” He pulled out a cell phone. “Dennis, darling! Yes, yes, no time, darling, no time. I have a blushing bride in my chair, and the veil someone foisted off on her is ghastly. It’ll be death, death, to the whole ceremony. Hang on.” He handed his phone to Reader. “Describe the ensemble to Dennis, Jimmy.”

  Reader rolled his eyes but took the phone. He wandered off to have this conversation in semiprivate.

  Pierre turned back to me. “Now, darling, Dennis will get us something immediately. I know why Jimmy wasn’t thinking veil, no reason to hide that pretty face. Speaking of which, makeup thoughts?”

  I got the impression this was a test question. “I pretty much never wear makeup. I don’t think I should today, beca
use Jeff wouldn’t know who I was.”

  “Jeff is our eager groom?”

  “Yes.” I was hoping Martini was picking up some of this. Pierre was a hoot and a half, and I was actually starting to enjoy being with him.

  “Wise choice, darling, very wise. You have enough color in those lovely fair cheeks, your lips clearly haven’t been drained of color by too much lipstick, and your eyes are, or, well, will be once you’ve had a latte, bright and sparkling.” He looked over his shoulder. “Janice! I need a double latte.” He looked back to me.

  “Vanilla. Extra vanilla.”

  “A double vanilla latte with a triple shot of the vanilla in it, immediately.”

  I didn’t see Janice, but I assumed she scampered off to fill my drink order. I was really enjoying this, and Chuckie’s warning from the day before surfaced. I knew he was right—Martini would be open to me doing this all the time. As a thrilling indulgence on the big day, it was great. Every week and I’d feel like the Queen of Shallow.

  Reader came back and tossed Pierre his phone. “Dennis says he’ll get the right thing over immediately.”

  “Fabulous. Jimmy, dearest, I understand why you didn’t want to cover up her face. But, truly, netting?”

  “I had a lot of other things to take care of.”

  “James was running around like crazy.”

  “She is adorable. I’d wrap her up and take her home if I could. Fine, darlings, all is forgiven. We’ll see what Dennis sends and go from there.”

  My latte arrived before Dennis. I shared it with Reader, who was starting to pace like a caged leopard. “James, you okay?” He nodded. “We’re really behind schedule again, aren’t we?”

  “No, not so much.” He sounded distracted. Pierre and I exchanged looks in the mirror.

  “Darlings, going to step aside just for a moment, be right back.” Pierre trotted off.

  I got up out of the chair and grabbed Reader’s arm. “James, what’s wrong?”

  “I think I’ve forgotten something.”

  “Like what?”

  “Something important.” His voice was tense.

  I hugged him. “James, whatever it is, I’d have forgotten it, too.”