literal leigh 05 - joyful leigh

by Melanie James

  “Tonight. That’s why I skipped that cup of gorilla milk or whatever Brad calls it,” Gertie answered.

  “Yep. I’m going down to the plantation with her for a week or so. Don’t worry. We’ll be back soon enough.”

  We thanked them both and once they left, Hunter and I both realized we forgot one important thing. “The turkey! Damn! I guess we’re stuck with it for a while longer,” Hunter grouched.

  “I could just see if I could zap it down there. There’s no guarantee that I would hit my mark. Like Gertie said before, it’s not like the thing is going to sit still for long.”

  “Give it a try, Leigh. You can do it. I have faith.” He went to find the turkey but returned empty handed. “It’s gone. I have no idea what happened to it, but the door to his room was open and it found its way out of here somehow.”

  My guess was that Hamster Dick had come across it and accidentally let it get away.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Sybil Explains The Order of Dobrin

  The days of school left until the holiday break were finally down to single digits. Day by day we added ornaments and little holiday touches to our home. The historic Schlitt house was looking more like what I pictured an old house should look like during the holidays. We already have lots of snow and it added to the effect. My charity fund at work was growing bigger by the day. All in all, I was honestly full of joy.

  “Guess what, Luna? The fortnight came and went. And no Sybil. See? It was nothing more than a dream.”

  “Meow.” Luna cried, as if to say to me, “Don’t speak too soon.”

  There was a knock at the front door. “Hello? Hello? Leigh! It’s me, Sybil.”

  “What? No. Whatever crazy you’re bringing, I don’t want any. Go away, please.” Reluctantly, I opened the door and let her in. “I really was hoping you were just a dream metaphor. For what? I have no idea.” I poked her arm. “Apparently, you’re real.”

  “Of course I am! This is important. Remember, Cosmos told you that there is a negative force? Something that is sucking the positive vibes from people? He wasn’t quite accurate it seems.”

  “What are you getting at?”

  “That bomb. We know who planted it. It isn’t about holiday spirit. It’s about identifying any magical or supernatural being. The powder that was in that bomb would have spread throughout the city and any of us, you, your witch friends, would have been able to be detected by our enemy’s high tech equipment. Once they’ve identified you, they’ll hunt you down and who knows what they’ll do.”

  I was shocked and told her what had happened to us. “That’s who they were then! We were recently followed by two big creepy guys down at Daley Plaza. They looked weird. Who are these people and why are they doing this?”

  “Really? Two guys? I suppose it could be. As far as I know, that isn’t something they would typically do. It’s too risky for them. They would rather use tricks and traps. You’ve no doubt heard about the persecution of witches and anyone that practices magic during the medieval times in Europe? It even happened here in the American colonies. The persecution has been going on for centuries. There is an organization that is actually behind all of these things. What is so contradictory about them is that they persecute practitioners of magic, yet they seek to gain it for themselves. They want to control the entire magical world. The group was once called The Order of Dobrin and was supposedly under the control of the Teutonic Knights. Back then, those knights gained fame by waging wars against the pagan countries to the east of Europe. Lithuania was one of those pagan lands. There, one of the knights from The Order of Dobrin, a man named Villius encountered all sorts of magic and enchanted beings. The legend says that he came upon a certain Lithuanian ragana, which is a name for old witches that lived in the forest. This ragana’s name was Dalia, after the goddess of giving and taking. Similar to the Fates of ancient Greece I suppose. Anyway, she disguised herself as a beautiful maiden and seduced Villius to go to her home, deep in the forest. Once she had him as her prisoner, she changed into her true form, which must have been pretty frightening. She supposedly cut off his right arm as payment for his life. She probably figured that a knight without his right arm would be harmless. However, Villius wanted revenge. He became fascinated with magic and obsessed with trying to control all magic for himself. What he couldn’t control, he destroyed. His knights relentlessly pursued and punished all of the witches they could find. They’ve been at it ever since. This organization has been on a secret worldwide crusade to control free magic for centuries under the guise of witch hunts, trials, and inquisitions. They’re hypocrites because they use magic they’ve stolen in order to wipe out people like you, me, and all of our friends.”

  I shook my head and laughed. “You have to be kidding. What could they possibly want from someone like me? I’m nothing but a rank amateur when it comes to this stuff. And don’t tell me it’s because of my desk. I’ve been through enough when it comes to that.”

  “No, it’s not the desk, but it’s the fact that you were just a normal woman who suddenly became a witch. A normal woman with hidden power. The same thing happened with Gertie, and now Lindsey, Kelly, and Randy. It must scare the hell out of them to know that new witches are being created. Cosmos believes they are getting desperate. They must have had information that magic beings would be at the Furry convention and that’s why they put the bomb there. They have an informant or more likely they have planted listening devices.”

  “So you’re saying they’ve bugged us? What, my house? How would we know?”

  “That I don’t have answers to. I can only tell you what Cosmos and I have learned. We’ve been dodging these bastards for centuries. We need a leader. We need to form a united front somehow to defeat these people. The Order of Dobrin has one grand master and fifteen so-called knights. That’s it, but they are very influential people. They are probably in high offices of some sort. We don’t know their names and as they die off, they are replaced from their hereditary bloodlines. They could be male or female.”

  I knew what Sybil was up to finally. “So that’s why you and Cosmos are interested in me. You think me and my friends are their next targets and you might be able to catch at least one of them in the act of hunting us. Then you’ll figure out their network.”

  “Exactly. You’re pretty sharp.” Sybil was obviously impressed.

  “Meh, not too big of a deal. I read a lot of fiction. It makes you think about global conspiracy theories, secret orders, that sort of stuff. By the way, do you know Marie Laveau? She wants me to let her know when you’re here. Why?”

  “Yes, I do know her. We’ve met. I’ll be honest, she used to think Cosmos and I were nut cases and delusional about this whole conspiracy that has gone on for centuries. Although, she is partly correct. Cosmos is little bit nuts, if you hadn’t guessed. But now, ever since that bomb was planted, she realizes we were correct this whole time. I’m heading to New Orleans from here to meet with the Witches Union.”

  “So what do I do? Look for bugs? I wouldn’t know a listening device if I saw one.”

  “Yes, anything. And never ever discuss plans involving magic in your house, just in case. Get ahold of Marie if you notice anything. Warn your friends and avoid any public displays of magic.”

  “Okay then. I’ll be sure to do that. I can’t say I’m convinced yet, but just in case, I’ll keep an eye out.”

  Chapter Twenty Three

  A Big Surprise

  Hanukkah was well underway and there were only a few days left before Christmas. To be fair, Hanukkah—traditionally a mostly private observance contained within a family’s home—has been elevated to a similar level of public jubilation as Christmas, only here in America. Christmas was also redefined as a huge commercialized shindig in America. It’s a far cry from when the first New England settlers, the Puritans, would levy fines on anyone displaying as much as a single holly flower in celebration of Christmas. God forbid they should put up a Christmas tre
e. So, I suppose the lesson we can draw from history is that as Americans became more diverse, they unleashed a new love for big brash displays of celebration—of any kind. All I have to do is remember what we Americans have done to the once obscure holidays of Halloween and Saint Valentine’s Day. This multicultural outreach is where Hunter tried his hardest.

  “Hunter, you know you don’t have to give me a gift for everyday of Hanukkah. It’s usually something for the kids, maybe a little money, smaller gifts, and then maybe one bigger gift. It hasn’t quite caught up to the gift exchange level of Christmas yet. Well, at least not in my family. God knows.”

  “Exactly! You’re the one that gave me the idea of blending together traditions and holidays. I’m just getting in the Leigh spirit. This is something I really want to do for you. So, hush. Accept your gifts and get used to it, because I’ll always do this for you from now on.” Hunter was visibly excited to surprise me with the things he picked out for me. I have to admit, it was sweet and it made him that much more adorable. “Here you go. I hope you like it.” He handed me a small box wrapped in blue and white paper.

  I’m just not good at accepting things. I feel awkward about it and I don’t know why. That doesn’t mean I don’t love getting gifts, not by a longshot. “Okay, thank you.” A clear plastic box was revealed after I tore off the paper. “A snowflake!” I opened the box and lifted out the silver snowflake. “It’s a necklace! A silver snowflake necklace!” I was impressed. This guy knows me well. “Here, take it.” I handed him the necklace and I turned around. I lifted the hair up from my neck and he knew just what to do. His strong hands reached around as he brought the chain around my neck. He purposefully breathed close to my ear, sending shivers down my spine as he kissed my ear lightly. Then he kissed the back of my neck before he carefully fastened the clasp and kissed my neck one more time.

  My heart pounded and my skin tingled. I turned around and kissed him. “Thank you. Now, don’t you want to unwrap your gift?” I winked and didn’t have to say another word. Hunter continued with the light kisses around my neck as he unbuttoned my sweater. The kisses didn’t stop until the only items that remained on my body were the little snowflake necklace and my diamond ring. That night we made love in the candlelight, on the weird rug that Randy had picked out.

  For the next few days of Hanukkah, Hunter gave me more small gifts. One day it was a box of chocolates, another day a half dozen roses, then a bookmark in the shape of a silver snowflake. I had to reciprocate with more than just throwing my naked body at him. To be honest, it seemed like I was getting more of a gift than he was receiving with the gift exchange. But, as they say, “it truly is better to give than to receive” and this only proved it to be true. Still, I had to come up with something. That’s when I discovered the bargain tool bin at the local hardware store.

  The fifth night of our little gift exchange, I handed him a wrapped cardboard box with enough small presents in it to make up for the previous days when I had nothing to offer. Nothing other than shamelessly throwing my body at him. “Leigh! I told you, you didn’t have to give me anything. I was doing this just for you.” He wasted no time in ripping the box open.

  “I hope you can use it. It’s…it’s …tools.” I wasn’t really sure what the different gadgets were in the bargain bin. I just made sure I had enough of them. I even packed the box with enough scrap paper so it wouldn’t rattle too much.

  “Whatever it is, I already know it’ll be perfect because it’s from you! Let’s see what’s in here.” He pawed around in the box and tossed aside the crumpled pieces of paper I had stuffed among the gifts. “An easy out, a set of drill bits, a little clamp, a spark plug gap gauge, and a funnel.” One of the balled up pieces of paper fell out and it unraveled. Something on it caught his eye. I saw it, too. It was a page that I had torn from a magazine earlier in the day. It was a picture of a nice wedding gown that I meant to save. Curiously, Hunter looked at it but didn’t say anything and for some reason I felt slightly disappointed.

  On the morning of the sixth day of Hanukkah, Hunter was at work and I was upstairs in the shower. I thought I had heard something. A beeping noise. I should mention that we had been hearing turkey sounds on occasion and knew our runaway turkey was still hanging around the neighborhood. I didn’t think this was the turkey. When I heard loud banging noises, I shut off the water, quickly toweled off, and grabbed my fluffy bathrobe.

  “Luna? Come on, stay with me.” I was worried the paranoid conspiracy that Sybil told me wasn’t the load of bull I counted on. My heart was racing with a fresh shot of adrenaline. “We’ll look from the bedroom window.” Down below, in our little front yard was a huge brown pile of what I thought was mud. Next to it was a structure made of huge moss covered boulders. “What the hell?” I saw a large truck driving away down the street and realized the noises I had heard was the truck dropping this trash in my yard.

  With Luna in my arms, we went out to the sidewalk so we could get a closer look. The stones were arranged to form a small shelter. There was a door on the front made of dark wood and a little silver door knocker in the shape of a dagger. “Should I open it?”

  “Meow.” I took that as a definite “no.”

  The pile of mud wasn’t what I thought either. It was brown, smooth, and solid like cement that had been shaped into a small brown adobe hut in an almost igloo shape. It too had a wooden door with a five pointed star, a pentagram, burnt into it. The thing had a familiar smell about it. “Gingerbread! This is my gingerbread house I wished for? I call bullshit! It’s supposed to be cute and decorated with goddam gumdrops and fucking frosting.” I paced in front of the two structures and came to the conclusion the hovel of mossy rocks was probably my elf house. “It’s supposed to look like Christmas! Like in one of those cartoons!” I growled and paced. “What the fuck?”

  “What the fuck indeed.” A woman’s voice said from behind me. I turned around and saw the women from the neighborhood watch.

  “Oh, here we go. Bitches on a mission,” I mumbled to Luna.

  “You cannot leave this trash in your yard, missy,” the scary woman who ran from my house said. “I don’t care if you are some kind of witch. This is a respectable neighborhood.”

  “First, I am not a missy. It’s degrading. Secondly, this is my yard. My yard, not yours. I suggest you go home and worry about your yard.”

  “There are ordinances you know. Ordinances about creating a public health and safety problem. What is that muddy looking thing anyway?”

  “It looks like a dinosaur took a dump,” one of the other women said rudely.

  The first woman, the one I assumed was the leader walked up to it. “Let’s just see.” She grabbed the handle of the door and tried to open it. “I think this witch is hiding something in here. Probably one of those meth labs we’ve heard about at our neighborhood watch meetings.” The other two women joined her in attempting to access the gingerbread igloo. Without warning, the door swung out and what I can only describe as a hideous dark clawed hand snagged the women inside. It was accomplished with lightning quick speed.

  I was shaking and my voice quietly quivered. “Oh shit. What was that? The neighborhood watch…gone.”

  The door opened slowly this time. A little old woman covered in a ragged black shroud walked out. She had a crooked walking stick made from a dark brown tree branch. It shined from years of handling. “Hello. You must be the young witch who brought me here. Pretty good magic, pretty damn good indeed.” She looked around at the street we lived on. “Huh. I’m a country gal myself, but to each their own.”

  “Hello…I…I’m Leigh Epstein and this is my cat, Luna. Sorry about that, I was only trying to get a gingerbread house. Not yours in particular.”

  “Oh don’t sweat it, Leigh. I don’t mind a change of scenery. The name’s Dalia by the way.”

  “D…D…Dalia? You wouldn’t by any chance be from Lithuania would you?”

  “Of course I am! I’m a ragana. That’s j
ust another kind of witch. I tend to stay to myself in the forest. People are too quick to judge someone like me. Just like those brothers Grimm—assholes and their little fairy tales. If I ever get my claws on those sons of bitches, they’ll beg for mercy. I mean look at those stories and how they turned it all around. Prince Charming? Yeah right. Those princes were just obsessed horse jockeys and asshats of the first degree. You know, I was out in beautiful maiden form one day, minding my own. Along comes some prick on a pony. Says he needs to rescue a maiden in order to get some cheesy medal or something. I says ‘sure, you can say you rescue me, but you gotta give me some of that lance-a-lot, if ya know what I mean.’ I take him back to my place, and I changed into something more comfortable. Same thing I have on right now. Suddenly he can’t raise his flag, I mean his noodle went limp. You know what I’m saying, Leigh? He starts blaming it on me being a witch. I told him to quit crying like a little bitch. Well, one thing led to another, like fights do. I cut his arm off and he ran away. So guys like him. Those are the real Prince Charmings that the Grimms’ lied about.”

  “Let me guess. That knight’s name was Villius.”

  “Yeah! You know Villius? You try to get him to fill your tank, too? You know, try to get him to ride in the pink Cadillac? Shampoo the wookie? Tickle you with the unicorn horn? Do you get what I’m saying, Leigh?”

  “Uh…uh…yes, I get what you’re saying. And no, I’ve never met him. I’ve only heard the legend about his knightly order.”