Instinctual

by Amanda Mackey

  Kate’s head spun around so she was looking at Jake for the first time since he’d starting talking. “Marry me?”

  “Yes. I was never going to do that job forever. It was just long enough to gain enough information to bring The Organization to its knees and to earn some big dollars for our future. At first I thought it would only be a twelve month stint, but then it dragged on and on until finally it ended just over a week ago.”

  Jake had been going to marry her? How could he have expected to marry her when he’d walked out without saying a word? How could he have possibly expected to show up out of the blue and ask her to marry him? To expect her to say yes?

  “But Jake, how could you think I’d marry you when I didn’t even know if you were alive? I don’t know about in your world, but in my world when someone wants to marry another person they normally stick around. They normally confide in the other about their whereabouts and plans.” It was so crazy, she wondered what he had been thinking.

  “I know. I can see how stupid it all must sound, but at the time it made sense to me. I was going to return after twelve months and propose, but as it became harder and harder to leave The Organization, I realized that my plans had been nothing more than a pipe dream.” He was staring into space, miles away.

  “What happened, Jake? How did you end up out of your body like me?”

  “Things are just so hazy about that time. I remember running from danger…shots…”

  Kate blanched. “Shots? Were you shot, Jake?” Just when she thought things couldn’t get any shittier, he landed this one on her.

  “I think so. I… I’m not sure. I do know one thing, though. I need your help, Kate. My body is lying in a prison.”

  “What the hell? You’re in jail? My God! Were you arrested and shot for being a spy?” Things were quickly going from bad to worse as she forgot about her own situation and focused on Jake.

  He rose off the bed and started pacing. “Look, what I have to tell you may sound extreme but you have to remember that the people I was spying on are evil. They are a law unto themselves and don’t deal with traitors or spies very kindly. While I can’t say exactly what happened to put me in the prison, wired to machines to keep me alive, I can tell you that they’re keeping me alive for a specific purpose. I just don’t know what that is yet.”

  Kate felt sick, wondering if she should let Jake proceed or not. Just what sort of fucked up crap had he been involved in? And for her father to endorse it? Everything she thought she knew about her loved ones had just shifted in the space of an hour. When all this was over with she’d be confronting her father about getting Jake involved and taking him away from her. Christ! Her dad had known how much Jake had meant to her. How could he? How dare he!

  Jake’s eyebrows rose as he saw Kate struggling with her anger. “I know this is all a lot to take in, but please, just hear me out and let me finish.”

  Kate didn’t respond but merely nodded, not even looking at him.

  “I’m being held in some sort of run-down abandoned prison on a remote island. I don’t know why I’m being kept in that particular hell-hole, and trust me, it is a hell-hole, but I can only guess that it’s to keep me hidden. It’s the perfect place when you think about it. Only accessible by chopper or boat. Who would ever find me?”

  Kate’s resolve crumbled at the thought of Jake lying in some cold, lonely room, isolated from the world, his life in the hands of heinous people. He didn’t deserve that kind of torture.

  “Jake, I’m so sorry. That’s horrible! Why are they keeping you alive? I mean, I want you to stay alive, but what are their motives? What greater plan do they have for you?”

  Grabbing his hair with one hand and clenching it, he growled, “I don’t know but I don’t like it! The leader of The Organization doesn’t do anything without an ulterior motive. You can bet there’s a damn good reason why he didn’t just let me die. I need to find out what it is.” He moved to the bed, anger in his stride. He sat down beside Kate, half leaning on his side with an arm out for support, facing her.

  “How do you plan on doing that?” Kate squeaked, her voice cracking. What sort of monsters had Jake been involved with? She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes tight, fighting against the craziness.

  Jake’s hand came to rest on hers. The warmth of it only marginally helped quell the rising apprehension she held for Jake’s safety.

  “Well, I’m just going to have to use my invisibility to my advantage. Try and get the information I need.”

  “And then what? How is that going to help you? How is that going to get you out of that place? We need to get you out!” Kate almost yelled as she turned her hand in Jake’s and squeezed tightly.

  “There’s more, Kate.” Jake’s voice had gone quiet.

  “More? How can there be more? How can anything get any worse than you being held prisoner in some ramshackle prison in the middle of the fucking ocean being kept alive by evil criminals? Tell me how, Jake? If you’ve been shot you need to be in a hospital!”

  He cupped her chin as his thumb rubbed gently over her cheek, turning her face so she would look at him fully. “You said you wanted to hear all of it.”

  “I wasn’t expecting any of this. Hell! This is all so screwed up!” Her gaze met his and she had to contain the urge to reach out and console him. Give him some comfort. He must be feeling so alone and scared, knowing what those bastards had done to him.

  “I know, baby. Welcome to my world. This is what I was trying to shield you from. These people have no respect for human life.”

  “Why though? Why you? You were a spy, for God’s sake! That’s enough reason to wipe you out, not keep you alive. I’m just not getting that.”

  “There are still things I don’t understand, either. I guess they saw something in me that they liked. I’m not sure. Whatever the reason, I’m still lucky to be alive.”

  Kate still hadn’t pulled away from Jake’s touch. The contact was making everything a little more bearable.

  “They’ve got someone administering pain medication every day, changing my drip and collecting the waste.” His hand left her cheek and moved to her hair as he wove his fingers through the shimmering strands.

  “That sucks, Jake. I feel for you, I really do. We have to try and do something to get you out of there. We need to get help!”

  “I think that’s the reason I came to Vernazza. To get your help.”

  Kate offered a half-smile that was forced at best. She pulled apart his words thus far and tried to organize them in such a way that some sense could be made of it all.

  “Okay so, just to refresh, you took a job offer from my father because you thought it was a proposition you couldn’t refuse. You infiltrated a powerful crime organization as a spy and lived and worked as a criminal for the last four years or so after you’d trained your ass off for twelve months, were somehow found out by these maniacs, and gunned down, only to be taken to a crumbling jail in the middle of nowhere and kept alive after they had a change of heart. Is that correct?”

  “In a nutshell, yes. You have to understand. I haven’t been living a normal life since I left. This is the kind of shit that goes on. It’s a whole other world, Kate. One I never wanted you to be a part of.”

  “I get that you wanted to keep me safe. I do. What I don’t get is why you wanted to be involved with all this? Why would anyone in their right mind want that?”

  Jake removed his hand from Kate’s head and squeezed the back of his neck as if trying to find the right words.

  “Everyone thinks they are invincible, I guess. No one thinks that any harm will come to them. We all delude ourselves into believing that. Sure, I knew there were risks. I thought I could overcome those risks. It turns out I’m human after all.”

  “I have been so angry with you. For so long all I thought about was when I saw you again I would chew you out for leaving me without an explanation. It crushed me, Jake. It crushed me like nothing ever has befo
re.” Kate’s voice cracked from the explosion of emotion.

  “And now?” Jake whispered.

  Kate could hear the sliver of hope in his voice. “Now? After hearing all that, I don’t know what I feel any more. I want to be angry with you. God, I need to be angry at someone! Part of me feels grateful that you were doing it to protect me and that you did still care. Another part of me is so Goddam pissed that you got involved with something so insane, Jake. Couldn’t you have just become a regular cop and been put of traffic duty or something? I would have traveled anywhere, just to be with you.”

  She was looking intently at him now. Really intently, only his head was still facing down as if he was too ashamed to make eye contact. There was an uncomfortable silence as Kate waited for a reaction from Jake.

  Unhurriedly, he lifted and turned his head. Kate saw nothing but pain in his eyes.

  “I get it now, Kate. I do. If I had known how much I would scar you, I never would have left.” It looked like he was going to say something else but instead he rose off the bed and walked out into the kitchen.

  Kate knew it was to escape the smug smile on her face. She stayed put, not knowing whether to go after him or not. Some inane part of her that was ignoring the voice in her head that told her he deserved everything he got, wanted to reach out to him and acknowledge his anguish. She counted to twenty slowly, hoping that by the time she reached him he would have calmed down somewhat. As she counted she noticed the photo of her and Carlos.

  Poor Carlos. She had gone behind his back and kissed Jake. Really kissed him and really enjoyed it. She was a shitty girlfriend. He didn’t deserve that.

  Kate rose from the bed and went out to Jake, stopping for an instant to look at her father with a sad smile. Even sleeping, his brows were knit as if frozen in place. A look of concern that hadn’t left him since she’d first seen him at the castle.

  Jake didn’t look much better when she entered the kitchen as he stood at the counter and stared out into the night that held no more of a view than the adjacent villa. He seemed to be looking through the black into somewhere unreachable.

  “Jake?”

  As she waited for him to respond she couldn’t help but be in awe of the physique that defined his tense arm muscles, wide shoulders, and seemingly clenched butt, all gloriously decorated in the black that he wore so succulently well.

  Get a hold of yourself, Kate. Guilt, remember? Carlos? Your boyfriend?

  Who the hell was she kidding? While she was standing in the same room as Jake, Carlos was pushed aside. It was hard to even remember what day it was or why she was supposed to be angry with this divine creature.

  “Kate.” It was a fractured sound that emanated from him, filled with self-loathing. He hung his head in shame.

  It called her to take action. The air was tense as she neared him. He stiffened at her closeness as if he wasn’t sure if she was going to chastise him or not.

  When Kate’s hand reached his arm, he turned to face her. She offered him a concerned, gentle expression that he probably didn’t deserve. There was no hint of malice, just kindness. As she brought her other hand up to his other arm and smiled ever so slightly, he crushed her to him. She made no attempt to move and if anything, she felt herself soften like butter.

  Jake shook with grief, and she too shuddered with him, succumbing to his hurt that was now flowing through her.

  “I’m so, so sorry, Kate. I know now how selfish I was and how much I hurt you. Hurt us. I didn’t deserve you. You were always too good. I swore I’d never leave you and the first chance I got, that’s exactly what I did. Whether or not it was to protect you was irrelevant. I was too interested in my own egotistical whims. I…” He couldn’t finish.

  “Shhh. Jake, it’s okay. I know the truth now. You didn’t leave me because you didn’t love me. For so long that’s what I thought it was. It killed me to think that. As much of a prick you were to assume you were doing what was best for me, I’m glad that you still cared. But here’s the thing. I’m with Carlos now. If he knew we were standing here like this, he’d be pretty pissed off, and with good reason.”

  Even saying the words out loud, she failed to convince herself that there was nothing to having her arms tightly wrapped around Jake’s rock hard body. Who was she kidding?

  “I owe Carlos. He helped me to feel again. To care and to get over you.”

  Jake pulled back from Kate so that her arms remained loosely draped around his waist. “Do you love him?”

  ‘What?” The question took her off guard.

  “Simple question, Kate. Do you love him?”

  Kate pulled away and went to the chair at the table, sitting down and staring at the terrazzo floor tiles.

  “It’s complicated.”

  “How complicated is loving someone? You either love the guy or not.”

  “I care about him. He’s good to me.” She was trying to say that she loved Carlos, she really was. She wanted Jake to know that she’d moved on but with him standing near, her mouth just didn’t seem to want to say the words.

  “That’s not what I asked. I think you’re stalling because you don’t love him. You like him but it’s not love. It’s not what we had and it never could be.”

  It was true. She knew it with everything she had.

  She still wasn’t looking at Jake as he closed the gap and stood over her, carefully pulling her chin up so that she had nowhere else to look but up at his beautiful face.

  His tingling fingers lit a fire deep within that burned her to the core. It was wrong on so many levels but how could she fight something so glorious?

  “Baby, I know you still love me. I feel it. You just won’t admit it because you’re stubborn and I hurt you. I get that. I won’t push it. Seeing the look you get in your eyes when I’m near is enough of an answer for me.”

  “I can’t hurt Carlos. He doesn’t deserve it.” There was a shred of logic left but not much.

  Jake’s mouth set at those words. “Kate. About that. I don’t think Carlos is as squeaky clean as you think he is.”

  Kate blanched under Jake’s touch before she shoved his hand away and stood up again, her body in defense mode. “How can you even say that, Jake? You don’t even know Carlos. Why would you say that to me? Are you jealous?”

  “No! I’m not jealous. He’s not who you think he is.”

  This conversation was not happening. She didn’t want to argue about Carlos. She didn’t want to argue, period.

  “He’s exactly who I think he is. He would never just take off and leave me in the middle of the night with no good reason and then vanish off the face of the earth! Don’t tell me he’s not who I think he is!” Okay, now she was lying to herself. She knew there was something off about where Carlos worked but what the hell right did Jake have to bad mouth the guy?

  She stormed out of the kitchen, past her father, and back into the bedroom, as if by doing so it would put an end to the conversation and placate Jake. She could feel him hot on her heels, clearly not done yet.

  “Oh, you think you have everything figured out, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I do! How dare you walk back into my life and tell me that I don’t know my own boyfriend when you have never even met the guy! You’re unbelievable, Jake!” Unbelievably, spot on.

  She thought her relationship with Carlos needed some defense, though. After all, he wasn’t here to defend himself.

  “Remember all that I told you before? How you wanted me to lay all my cards on the table and leave nothing out?”

  “Yes, and we’re done with that.”

  “No. We’re. Not!” Jake’s roar almost shook the walls.

  “I don’t want to talk about it anymore!” She threw herself down on the bed facing the wall.

  “I’m not done yet. There’s more. Damn frustrating woman! You’re going to hear it whether you fucking like it or not! Let’s see how perfect you think your boyfriend is after this!”

  Silence.

  “K
ate, the reason I know that Carlos is not who you think he is, is because I know that for a fact.”

  “Oh, right. So, what? You’re actually friends with him?” Her voice was whiny like a child’s.

  A strange sound escaped Jake’s throat at that remark. “Friend? You think he’s my friend? Christ, Kate. I’d hardly be friendly with a guy who’s a major player with The Organization and who’s babysitting me in prison.”

  Kate rolled over so fast, one would have barely noticed the movement. “What the fuck, Jake? What do you mean? You’ve got him mistaken with someone else. Carlos would never, ever be involved in that shit. That’s just insane! You’re insane!” Her voice was so high she almost sang the words.

  “I’m not insane and I kid you not. I have stood within an inch of the man who’s in the photo on your bed stand. I’m okay with names but I never forget a face. The guy you think is so honest and caring is leading a double life, Kate. He’s working for them. I swear to you! I wouldn’t bring it up if I wasn’t one hundred percent sure. He’s been working for The Organization and has been given the task of watching over me. While you think he’s away on some sales seminar, he’s holed up in the rotting jail where my body is.”

  Kate sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, looking like she’d been dealt the final blow. It was too crazy. She just couldn’t believe it. There had to be another explanation. She knew Carlos would never do that. Would he?

  “But… that’s just ridiculous! What possible reason would he have for lying to me?”

  Jake knelt down in front of her, not touching her, lowering his voice to a quieter, gentler octave.

  “I’m sorry I had to be the one to tell you. You’ve been through so much these past few days.” He pushed his hand through his hair as if not sure what else to do with it.