Smokey: Soulless Bastards MC So Cal (Soulless Bastards MC So Cal Book 1)

by Erin Trejo

  Chapter 35

  Months have passed in the heat of sex and feelings. Her hair is clenched in my hand. Her back is bowed. Her ass is grinding painfully against my dick. She likes it like this. She likes when I tease her and make her insanely crazy for my dick. Being pregnant hasn’t changed that either. She can’t get enough. At first, I was worried about hurting her or the baby. Imagine that shit! I was fucking worried about something.

  It took me a while to warm up to the idea of her being pregnant. I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle that. I knew that I wasn’t going to be a good dad, but Bray has slowly talked me into the idea. With a mother like her, we can’t go wrong. That doesn’t mean it settled me though. There is still that worry and that fear in the back of my mind. I was never good at things like this. I never knew how to be. I was lost after my family died. I still battle the demon, but Bray slowly brings me back around. The thoughts that I won’t be good enough for my own child are what hurt the most. My parents were the best. They took care of us. They cared, they loved. I don’t know what love is. Not even now can I tell Bray that I love her. I don’t know how to. It unsettles me but she seems to understand.

  “Give it to me, Braylynn!” I roar as I slam my dick inside of her. Her cries are music to my ears. I pump into her, taking everything she has to give. Bray never complains about the rough way I fuck her. She’s like me in some ways; she has a dark side that likes to come out and play when we fuck. I take it too. I embrace her darkness.

  “Harder!” she screams.

  Who am I to deny her? I grip her hips in my hands until I know I’m leaving marks on her perfect skin. My balls slap against her pussy with each thrust. Bray takes it all with a smile. A few more thrusts and I release her hips. I pull out and flip her over. She whines but I smirk.

  “Such a naughty girl,” I tell her as I look into her eyes.

  “Fuck me, Smokey,” she demands. I love when she’s like this. So fucking turned on. I lean down and lift her leg over my shoulder before slipping back inside of her. Bray clenches around me.

  “You like that?” I ask her. I roll my hips watching her eyes roll back in her head. She loves feeling me. I know she does. I pick up my pace, giving her what she wants. I want to feel her explode. I want to watch her face as she comes undone for me.

  “Come on, Bray. You’re so fuckin’ close. I can feel it.” I thrust a little rougher when her pussy clenches. She locks me in and holds on tight as the world explodes around us. We both come in a ton of grunts. I pull out of her and drop onto the mattress on my stomach next to her. Her fingers run up and down my back before tracing my Soulless Bastard tattoo. I shiver just from her touch. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world.

  “You know everything with the baby will be ok, right?” she asks me. I sigh into the pillow, turning my head to look at her. Her eyes sparkle in the light. My heart leaps.

  “I dunno about all that. I know that you will be a great mom. I can’t promise shit on the dad part. As long as I got you to back me up, I think we’ll be ok.”

  Bray smiles before leaning in and kissing me. “I’ll always be behind you.”

  I watch her as her eyes flutter closed. She lies there so perfectly. She’s overcome some of the hardest things in life and came out on top. She’s a survivor. She survived me – that’s a feat in itself. I’ve hurt her in ways that should have ruined her. Instead they made her stronger. I’d like to say that Bray has changed something inside of me but that isn’t true. I’m still the dark asshole that she had the unfortunate fate of meeting that one lonely night. I’m still me and that will never change. What has changed is the way I look at her. She’s not just a play toy anymore. She’s evolved into so much more than that. Although I’d never admit it to anyone, she’s made a spot in my life that I didn’t know I wanted to fill, let alone existed anymore. She held onto to her spot for dear life and that means a lot to me.

  Chapter 36

  I lean against the wall with a beer in my hand and a cigarette hanging between my lips. My normal stance, that is. I watch the commotion as everyone mills around the clubhouse. Everyone is having a good time. The girls are all over Bray and her baby bump. I get a little pissed watching them run their hands all over what belongs to me. Bray said they are just being polite, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to snap their fucking necks every time they do it.

  “What’s the look?” Hawk asks, leaning next to me.

  “You ever look at some of these motherfuckers and want to snap their necks?” I ask.

  Hawk chuckles taking a pull from his bottle. “They’re just happy for you. Like I am. She makes you different yet the same. I can’t fuckin’ explain that shit either so don’t ask.”

  I chuckle before looking over at him. “It’s hard, brother. I don’t know how to be like my dad. I can’t be. I hope I don’t fuck that kid up too bad,” I admit to him. It’s the truth. I can’t be him. I never will be.

  “You don’t have to be him, Smokey. Be you. You raise that kid the way you can. You got a good girl behind you, which is more than I can say for some of these guys. She won’t let you go too far. I don’t think you ever would, but just in case, she’s there.” Hawk smiles as he walks away from me.

  I stand in place watching Braylynn. The ease of moving around the room. Her fearless state being around everyone. I have to admit that I thought after what she’d been through, she would crumble. I thought that she’d have some setbacks, but she’s proven me wrong at every turn. She’s kept her head held high. She keeps moving forward. I’ve never doubted myself more than I do now. Doesn’t she deserve something better than this? Better than the life that I took from her? At the end of the day, that’s what happened. I took a part of her life when I kidnapped her that day. I stole a piece of her innocence. I can’t give it back either. Not that I want to. Some sick part of me likes knowing that I’m the one who stole that from her.

  “Still eye fuckin’ her? Don’t you ever get enough?” Draven nudges me.

  “Hell no. Look at her. She’s a goddamn freak.” I laugh. Draven shakes his head.

  “She’s a good one. I’ll give your sorry ass that. Don’t know how you did it. Kidnappin’ isn’t on the top of the romance list.” He laughs. He’s got a point there.

  “I just told you. She’s a damn freak. Begs me to mark her and shit.”

  Draven lets out a soft whistle. “Do her right, brother. I know that’s hard to do with guys like us. We have a way we work in this world and I get it doesn’t usually involve women. I wouldn’t lose that one, though.” He nods toward her.

  I don’t need him to tell me that shit. I know what I want. She’s all I’ve ever wanted. The baby? I never wanted kids but it’s a part of her. The only reason I say that is that I know how fucked up I am. I know that I can’t be the good kind of father. No matter how much smoke the guys blow up my ass, I’m not him. I’m not my dad.

  “You’re worried. I can see it,” Draven says. I nod my head and take a pull from my beer.

  “Not so much worried. I know how this is gonna go down. I’m gonna do the best I can though. What kind of stories am I gonna tell it later? Oh, I kidnapped your momma. I fucked her tied to my bed in the room you now sleep in. I sent her away to be killed for my own selfish bullshit.” I shake my head. That’s my fucked-up reality. That right there is what my future looks like with a child. I won’t sugarcoat it. It is what it is. I shove off the wall before Draven has a chance to talk any sense into me. I don’t need it nor do I want it. I’ve heard it all. That’s more than I need. They all think I can change for this kid, but I know deep down that this is who I am. I wouldn’t hurt my own child but I don’t know how to love it either.

  “Come on.” I grab Bray around her waist, pulling her away from all the attention. Dragging her sexy body toward the back door, we step outside.

  “What’s wrong?” she asks, looking up at me. I shake my head and sigh.

  “I don’t like people touchin’ you,” I growl when
I look into her eyes.

  “They were just feeling the baby move,” she tries to tell me. I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it.

  “Don’t do that. You’re mine, Braylynn.” That over possessive fuck deep inside of me rears his ugly head. I try to handle it. I try to keep him at bay, but when it comes to her, nothing works.

  “I know I’m yours. I wouldn’t want to be anyone else’s, caveman.” She grins up at me thinking she won this battle. Little does she know, she’s losing. I reach up and grab her around her throat and squeeze. Not tight, just enough.

  “If I tell you that you’re mine, that doesn’t mean you smart off, darlin’.” Sticking my tongue out, I run it over her lips. Bray moans and makes my dick hard. She’s going to be the death of me one day.

  “Who do you belong to?” I growl before pulling her lip between my teeth. She doesn’t answer. I bite into her flesh, tasting the blood that flows forth.

  “Tell me, little flower. Who do you belong to? You don’t answer me and I will fuckin’ show you.” I know she’s testing me. It’s what she does. She likes to see how far I will go. Or how far she can go for that matter before the demon awakens in me. The one she likes to see.

  “Do it. Show me, Smokey. Show me who I belong to.”

  My heart picks up a beat. She challenges me and I love it. Any other woman wouldn’t be able to handle me the way she can. That’s what makes her perfect for me. I slowly back her up against the side of the club. Her eyes widen when she slams into the brick wall.

  “Are you testin’ my patience here, darlin’?” I ask her as I gaze down into those eyes.

  “Maybe. You think you can tell me what to do. I want to see you show me.” Her words set off a desire that it shouldn’t. I shouldn’t want to fuck my pregnant girl through a brick wall. I shouldn’t want to take her so roughly that she won’t be able to walk tomorrow, but this is what she fucking does to me. This is how she makes me feel. My body coils with need and only she can satisfy it.

  “Take the shorts off. Now,” I growl at her. She doesn’t move. She licks her lips and stares back at me, challenging me.

  “You’re gonna pay for that,” I warn her.

  “I’m waiting.” Her eyes stay on mine.

  I reach up and grab her hair, yanking roughly. Her head tilts back, before my lips are on her throat.

  “The beauty of our games are the marks, little flower.” I suck her flesh into my mouth, leaving my mark once again. Bray moans and presses against me. “You’re not in charge, Braylynn. I am. You know that, don’t you?” I nip at her skin as she whimpers and whines.

  “Give it to me, Smokey,” she cries out. I chuckle against her. So, greedy and needy. I like it.

  “Who’s in charge, Bray?” I ask, tugging her hair harder. The angle of her neck has to be uncomfortable.

  “Fuck me, Smokey!” she growls.

  I bite into the flesh of her neck. My body explodes with need.

  “Who owns you?” I roar louder. I reach down and push her shorts to the ground before yanking my dick free. Lifting her in my arms, I slide inside of her slowly. Her lips press against my neck as she wiggles her ass trying to take me deeper. Yeah, that won’t happen. Not until she gives me what the fuck I want.

  “Tell me, Bray. That’s all you have to do.” Her teeth sink into my neck and my dick jerks inside of her. Fuck, the things this woman can do to my body.

  “Yours! I’m all yours. You own me, Smokey.”

  That’s my girl.

  I like to think that she has no control over me, but the fact of the matter is, she does to a point. My heart beats for this woman. She means more to me than I could possibly put into words and yet I can’t find it in me to say I love her. Maybe love is just an illusion for me. I can’t say that I will ever know what really is, but I know what I feel when she isn’t here and I never want to feel that again.

  Epilogue

  I look at Braylynn as she lies there sleeping soundly. Our little girl was born six weeks ago. I can’t believe it. I look down at my little girl sleeping peacefully in my arms. It’s a strange feeling to have inside of me. I never thought that I would want to look into the eyes of my own child. I know that my family would be happy to see this day, but I still don’t know how I feel about it. She’s beautiful. She looks like me. It’s scary to think that I am now responsible for another life. A life that I created. I made this tiny little thing in my arms. How can a monster be a father? In my mind there is no way possible, but the more I look at her, the more I feel that connection to her. I want her to grow up the way I did. I want her to have a happy family that can take care of her and make her smile. I want her to have it all at her fingertips, but with me, she won’t have anything but pain and anguish.

  I shake my head trying to rid the thoughts. She’s my daughter. She is my creation. She is everything that is good in this world. Everything I don’t deserve. She has the power to be something better than I am. She can do whatever she desires in life and having me as her father will only pull her back into the depths of hell. My hell. The one that I have created and mastered over the years. I don’t want that for her. I want Jewels to grow up and live a full life. I want her to have everything that she’s ever wanted. I’m so lost in my head that I didn’t hear Bray wake up.

  “She’s perfect.”

  I glance over my shoulder at Braylynn where she’s shoved herself up in the bed. I turn to face her when I smile and nod. I look down at Jewels once more before placing her in her crib.

  “She is. Which is why I’m askin’ for a transfer to Nomad status.” I cover her with her little blanket before turning back to Bray.

  “What does that mean?” she asks me confused by what’s happening. Hell, I’m fucking confused. I should want this, shouldn’t I?

  “It means, I can’t be what she needs, Braylynn. I can’t be a father. I don’t know how. I need to walk away before I ruin her.”

  Braylynn climbs to her knees on the bed watching me with tears in her eyes. “You can’t leave us now! After everything we’ve been through!” Her anger rises. I can feel the anger and rage boiling through her veins.

  “You want me to ruin her? You want me to fuck her up the way I have you? I can’t do it to her! I want better for her, goddamn it!” Before I can finish what, I’m saying, Bray leaps from the bed. Her fists slam into my face, my chest, anything she can get her hands to connect with. I let her. I let her take it out on me.

  “I hated you! I hated what you were doing to me, but I understood it. I get why you did it! But she doesn’t deserve you to walk away from her!” Bray cries as she slams her fists into me over and over. I lift her in my arms to stop her as Jewels cries in her crib, and that’s when I feel it. Braylynn’s teeth sink into the skin on my neck. I roar as I feel the blood rush to the surface. I quickly shove her off me and watch her body bounce onto the bed. Anger sizzles through her body as she jumps back up, rushing toward me again with blood dripping from her lips.

  “You don’t get to make all the decisions anymore, Smokey! You have us now!” she roars.

  I wrap my hand around her throat, slamming her against the wall. Our breathing is sporadic. Neither of us are in our right minds. We’re two pieces to a fucked-up puzzle.

  “You want me to hurt her? You want me to ruin her?” I grit my teeth.

  “You wouldn’t. She’s your blood! She’s your family now, Smokey! Don’t you see that! You got your second chance to do something right with her.” Tears fall down her cheeks. I squeeze a little harder before my hand slowly releases the grip on her. Her eyes come to lock on mine.

  “How? How can I do that when I’m the fuckin’ monster!” Jewels cries in her crib, but this moment can’t be broken.

  “You aren’t a monster. You saved me, Smokey. Save us all now. You have the chance to have a family again. Don’t throw us away.”

  My head drops, my forehead resting on hers. A tear slides down my cheek as reality hits hard.

  “You have to take he
r at the first sign that I’m ruinin’ her.”

  “You won’t.”

  “Promise me, Braylynn. I can’t live with myself if I hurt her. If I stay, I need you to promise me.” Her hands come to rest on my face, forcing me to look at her.

  “You won’t hurt her. You love her. You may not love me but you love her! She is your child, Smokey. She’s your family.”

  Her words hit hard. My heart races inside of me. My hands become slick with sweat.

  “I do love you, Braylynn. I love you both. Don’t you get that? I fuckin’ love you both.”

  Maybe this is my second chance at happiness. As I take Braylynn’s lips with mine, I think about my life. Maybe she’s right. Maybe this is the time to make things right in my life and raise my family. My demon wasn’t always with me. I didn’t feel this kind of anger or rage until my family was killed. Then it was like the gates of hell just opened up inside of me. Looking back at all that we have been through, all that Bray has been through, I can’t lose them. I almost lost her once when Nick and her dad had her back. They beat her, starved her, and taunted her until she wanted to die. I can’t let that be an option for her anymore.

  “Please tell me you’ll stay,” she asks softly, her head resting on my chest.

  I know that that demon of mine is still lurking just under the surface but for now, he’s calm. I’m willing to battle him for them.

  “I ain’t goin’ anywhere, Bray. How could I? Everything I love is right here.”

  Did you enjoy Smokey, Soulless Bastards MC? Keep in mind that this is just the So Cal Chapter’s series. There will be more to come! Stick around and watch for Draven’s story next!

  Click here for Draven! http://bit.ly/Dravensocal

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