Falling for Max: Book Nine of The Kowalskis

by Shannon Stacey

  She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes. “Are you listening to me?”

  “Of course.” Kind of.

  “What did I say?”

  “You were telling me how amazing I look in this sweater.”

  She snorted. “Close. I asked if you’d started Christmas shopping for your family yet.”

  “Oh. I’m done, actually. I always order Christmas gifts the first week of November. Because I wrap them myself and bring them with me instead of having them delivered, I like to leave plenty of time. What about you?”

  “I usually do one marathon shopping day, in actual stores, the Saturday before Christmas.”

  He frowned. “Between the depleted selection and the crowds, that doesn’t sound very efficient.”

  “No, it’s not. But it’s a rush. Like my equivalent of rappelling down a mountain or bungee jumping off a bridge.” She pointed her fork at him. “You know, even though you’re done, you should go with me just to experience it.”

  “I’ve never experienced tequila shots, either. I can do one and then the other, and get both experiences out of the way at the same time.”

  “I’m not taking you drunk Christmas shopping with me.” She leaned back in her chair and watched him over the rim of her glass as she drank her wine. “I might take you home with me tonight, though, and let you kiss me good-night. And good-morning.”

  “It’s the sweater, isn’t it?”

  She smiled that smile from the photo on his phone, and his pulse raced. “It’s a really nice sweater.”

  * * *

  By Tuesday, Tori was ready for a day off. She’d found her rhythm, working the ten-to-two shift and doing her design work, as well as spending time with Max, but life at the Trailside Diner was turning into a sitcom. A bad one.

  When Max walked in a little before two, she wasn’t surprised when he stopped right inside the door, scowling. His nose wrinkled and he gave her a questioning look as he walked to his regular counter seat. “I may be a little on the straightlaced side, but I did go to college. Why does the diner smell like marijuana?”

  Tori grimaced. “Another applicant bites the dust.”

  “At least he or she is probably pretty mellow about it.”

  “Uh, yeah. Unfortunately—or maybe fortunately, depending on your stress levels or general mood—she couldn’t tell the difference between intake and exhaust in the HVAC system and was blowing smoke in the wrong one. Not that either was the right one for dispersing pot smoke on the job, but you know what I mean.”

  “What is Paige doing about it?”

  “Rose is baking four batches of brownies. The first batch is cooling now if you’d like one.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  His expression, which showed quite clearly he knew she wasn’t kidding, made her laugh. “As soon as we could smell it, Paige left because she had Sarah in a playpen in the office. Drew came over, and Sam Jensen from the fire department, and they made sure all the exhaust fans were running. And I’m making signs to hang on the door so people can choose whether or not to come in.”

  “It’s not very strong,” he said. “Although I’m not sure if it’s growing more faint, if I’m getting accustomed to it, or if I’ve stopped caring.”

  “I’ll get you a brownie.” She poured him a coffee and went out back to get two of Rose’s perfectly baked, slightly gooey in the center brownies.

  “Those look really rich,” he said when she set the plate in front of him. “I was kidding about being high, you know. There’s a trace odor.”

  “I know. But have you ever had one of Rosie’s brownies?” He shook his head. “Then take advantage of the excuse and have two.”

  She hung the sign on the door, warning potential customers of the issue and noting that Sam Jensen had given the all-clear for them to remain open. Then she went through the checklist of things to do before Ava showed up, like checking sugar packet supplies and ketchup bottles. It seemed like forever before the clock hit two, and then she was free.

  “Did you come to town for errands?” she asked Max once she’d left the diner behind her for the day.

  “Yes, if having coffee and a slice of pie is an errand. Although the brownies were better. I also thought maybe I’d see if you wanted to hang out at my place. I’m making tacos for dinner.”

  “That’s the best offer I’ve had all day.” She tucked her arm through his as they walked down the sidewalk. “I’m going to take my car, though. I can’t stay too late.”

  He bumped her with his hip. “How late?”

  “Late enough,” she said, and then she laughed when he gave her a suggestive raise of his eyebrows. “I want tacos first, though. I don’t remember the last time I had tacos.”

  Since she was taking her own car, anyway, Tori took a few minutes to shower and change into non-diner clothes before heading over to Max’s house. She probably should have declined the invitation, she thought as she drove, a country singer belting out a song about moonlight, sex and tailgates on the radio. It was a problem, her inability to hold Max at arm’s length. Or, more accurately, her lack of desire to keep him at a slight distance.

  She’d been excusing it to herself with the friends-with-benefits line. They hung out together a lot because they were friends. They had sex because that was the benefit. The truth—that they were together whenever possible because they liked being together and pretty much met the definition of a real couple—was like a sore tooth. Occasionally she’d gingerly poke at it until it hurt, and then she had to stop. But, also like a sore tooth, she was going to have to face it eventually.

  But not tonight. She cranked the volume knob on her radio, letting the song drown out her thoughts. She’d already accepted his invitation and she didn’t want to disappoint him. Plus, there would be tacos. As long as she kept telling herself she was in it for the food and the orgasms, she would be fine.

  When she arrived, he took her down in the basement to show off an engine he’d just finished painting. She loved the way his eyes lit up when he talked about the train’s history and she didn’t have to feign interest when he pulled a huge, obviously old book off a shelf and showed her the picture of the real-life version he’d worked from.

  They lingered in the basement for a while and then she sat at the kitchen island to watch him start prepping for dinner. She knew he preferred to eat at six, but he was making the tacos earlier than usual.

  “I know you don’t want to stay late,” he said, pulling a variety of vegetables out of the fridge.

  “Mmm-hmm.” She’d told him she wanted tacos before sex, so he was trying to get them out of the way as quickly as he could get away with.

  He talked about his family while he cooked. His mother had called earlier, so he had a lot of news from Connecticut. Though Tori didn’t know any of them, she liked hearing him talk about his parents, his brothers and their families. Love and amused affection was strong in his voice and he was animated in a way he usually reserved for sports and trains.

  “Did you tell your mom about me?” she asked when he paused for a moment.

  He stopped chopping a strip of green pepper and looked at her, but his gaze returned to the pepper without really making eye contact. “I told her about you. I...I told her we’re friends.”

  But not friends with benefits. It hurt somehow, that his family didn’t know she was more than just a buddy who stopped by to watch ball games, but she was the one who’d made the rules. Throwing around cute phrases with his mom that were meant to elevate casual sex between friends wasn’t anybody’s style, really, but especially not Max’s.

  “Your mom sounds really awesome,” she said. “Your whole family does, actually.”

  “Like any family, there are rough spots, but yes, I think they’re pretty awesome.”

  Lucky guy, she thought.

  An hour later, she’d had her fill of tacos and was ready to work them off. Because it was habit, Max went into the living room after they’d cleaned up and started loo
king for a movie for them to watch. She liked cuddling on the couch with him, but she’d been poking at that emotional sore tooth too much and she needed sex, not affection.

  She went into his bedroom and stripped off her clothes. Then she took one of his crisp, white button shirts and pulled it on. It came almost to her knees and she had to roll the sleeves several times, but she liked the way it looked and she thought Max would, too.

  Standing in front of the TV, he was flipping through the channels, so she leaned against the doorjamb. “Hey, Max.”

  “There’s nothing worth watching on tonight. We might have to break out a DVD.”

  “Max.”

  He turned, his brow furrowed in annoyance. “I—”

  The remote fell out of his hand as the annoyance magically disappeared from his features. She waited, but he didn’t say anything. That intense gaze raked over her body and she felt the thrill of victory. There would be no cuddling in front of the television tonight.

  “Now I know why I love long-sleeve button shirts so much,” he said in a low voice. “I’ve been waiting to see you in one.”

  “Enjoy the view, because it won’t be on long.”

  Giving her a naughty grin, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. “We should update your contact photo.”

  “Max!” She turned to retreat back to his room, but his legs were a lot longer than hers, so she actually had to run.

  She didn’t get the door closed in time and it hit the palm of his hand with a thud. “You are not taking pictures, Max.”

  His cell phone appeared in the gap and she plucked it out of his fingers. As soon as she had it, she backed up and he pushed the door open. “It’s good to keep contact photos updated, you know.”

  She dropped the phone onto the thick braided rug and kicked it under the bed. “Nice try. There is no way in hell you’re taking a picture of me wearing nothing but your shirt.”

  “I don’t need a picture.” He lifted her and set her on the edge of the bed, his thighs holding her knees apart. “I’ll never forget the way you look right now.”

  * * *

  Max was a fast learner and, thanks to a wastebasket tucked discreetly under his nightstand, he didn’t have to leave the bed after making love to Tori anymore. He was free to simply roll away for a second, then go right back to savoring the feel of her naked body under his.

  “Tacos and orgasms,” she mumbled. “You sure know how to make a lady happy.”

  “I should write a how-to book and make millions of dollars.”

  “I get half. Call me a research assistant.”

  “I don’t think research assistants get half.”

  She chuckled and ran her fingernails up his back. “I don’t think most research assistants are as thorough as I am.”

  The shiver that tickled his spine was partly due to her touch, but also the rush of emotion that slipped the tight leash he’d been holding on to for dear life. This was what he wanted. Back on the first of October, when he’d made out his to-do list, he’d been looking for Tori. She wasn’t just companionship and sex. She laughed with him and pushed his buttons and made him excited to see her, no matter how much time they spent together.

  He pressed a kiss to his favorite spot—the soft skin at the base of her throat—and couldn’t hold it back anymore. “I’m in love with you, Tori.”

  Her body went rigid, as if he’d physically shocked her, but he didn’t regret saying the words. He’d tried to play along with the friends-with-benefits thing as long as he could, but he didn’t have it in him to pretend anymore.

  “Let me get up.”

  “Tori, I—” He was afraid if she got up, she wasn’t going to listen.

  “Let me get up. Now.”

  He rolled away and she slid off the bed. In the time it took him to pull a pair of sweats out of a drawer and pull them on, she’d managed to get dressed.

  “That was a sucker punch, Max,” she said, zipping up her jeans.

  “I don’t really have the ability to live a lie or pretend everything’s okay when it’s not. I’ve tried hiding how I feel about you and I can’t do it anymore. I say what’s on my mind—sometimes even when I shouldn’t—and, if there’s a problem, I fix it. You’ll always know where you stand with me.”

  “And you knew where you stood with me.”

  “The difference is that I’m being honest with myself and you’re not.”

  “Don’t you dare.” She pointed at him. “Don’t you dare stand there and try to tell me what I feel.”

  She walked out of the bedroom and Max felt an insane urge to call his brother and ask him to talk to Tori for him. He knew he couldn’t, but he also knew if Tori left angry, she might never talk to him again.

  He caught her in the kitchen because she had to put her shoes on. “Please don’t leave angry. I’m sorry I said you weren’t being honest about your feelings for me.”

  “Max.” She leaned against the island and put her face in her hands. “You don’t understand.”

  “Then please explain it to me so I can.”

  “You and I want different things in life. You know that.”

  “I want somebody who understands me the way you do. I want somebody who laughs at my jokes like you do. Somebody who enjoys being with me and likes me the way I am. Like you do.” He wished she’d look at him. “I made a new list to describe the kind of woman I’d fall in love with and it just said Tori.”

  “Stop. Stop saying you love me. You don’t.”

  “If I don’t get to tell you how you feel, you can’t really tell me how I feel.”

  “You joked about practicing how to be friends with benefits, Max.”

  “I think we’ve been more than that for a while. And I was trying to convince myself I could settle for friends with benefits for now, and that maybe in time you’d trust that I wouldn’t hurt you, but I can’t hide how I feel about you.”

  It made sense to him, but he was afraid. The more he talked, the more Tori looked like a wild animal whose fight-or-flight instinct was kicking in. Maybe he should shut up, but if they didn’t come to a resolution right now, in his kitchen, he was afraid they never would.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Tori’s heart ached and all she wanted to do was run. If it had been some random guy, she would have. But this was Max and, if she didn’t make him understand, he would blame himself.

  It wasn’t him. It was her.

  “I didn’t want you to love me,” she said softly. “I’ve already hurt you, Max. I can see it on your face and that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do. I knew you aren’t really wired for casual sex, but I wanted you and I did it anyway.”

  “I’m a grown man, Tori. I might not be loud or assertive, but don’t mistake that for weakness.”

  “I don’t think you’re weak. But you can be hurt and it kills me. It’s killing me to hurt you now. Imagine being together for years and having children and doing...this.”

  “This is normal, Tori. This is a disagreement. An argument. Hell, call it a fight if you want to. But people do it. And you make peace and move on. Together.”

  Her heart felt as if it was going to explode in her chest. “I imagine saying the things to you my mother said to my father and you saying to me the words that came out of his mouth and it hurts. I can’t...I just can’t.”

  “Tori, I would never say something hurtful to you deliberately. I love—”

  “So did they, Max!” She knew her voice was growing louder and higher pitched, but she couldn’t seem to stop. “They loved each other. They vowed to love and respect each other forever and look where they ended up. They say there’s a fine line between love and hate and it’s true. I’ve seen just how fine a line it is and I’m not living my life walking that line.”

  “You’re being unreasonable.” Before she could give voice to the rage that toneless statement of logic filled her with, he held up his hands. “No. I’m sorry. That was the wrong thing to say.”

  “
You think?”

  “Tori. I didn’t mean that your feelings are unreasonable. They’re your feelings. But you’re superimposing your parents’ relationship over ours, and that’s not fair. Not only is it not fair to me, but it’s not fair to you.”

  “I’m messy, Max. Not physically. Emotionally. And you’re not. You’re orderly and logical and you can’t understand how terrified I am that if I let myself love you, someday we’ll turn on each other and inflict pain on each other. Or our children.”

  “You’re right. I don’t understand. I want to, but I just don’t understand walking away from a chance to spend the rest of your life with somebody who loves you, messy or not, because your parents’ marriage ended badly.”

  “I know how it sounds. It doesn’t make sense, but there’s logic and then there’s feeling. And what I feel is fear. Every time I think about loving you—and I’ve done a lot of that—I see your face. The look in your eyes right now. It hurts me to think I’m causing you pain. But at least, right now, it can be a clean break. We’re not married. Hell, we’re barely a couple. We don’t have children. I can just walk away and you’ll find somebody who can love you the way you deserved to be loved.”

  “I’m not going to stop loving you because you go home and don’t return my calls.”

  “You will. Maybe with me out of the picture you and Nola can give it another—” She broke off, unable to say it. Tears clogged her throat and she shook her head.

  “I don’t know how to make you trust me. How to trust us.”

  “You can’t.” She swiped at the tear that threatened to run over her cheek. “I’m going to leave now, but I want you to know this is my fault. It’s nothing you did. It’s nothing you said wrong.”

  “I love you, Tori.”

  “Except that.”

  She didn’t look back. There was nothing left to say.

  She made it halfway back to her apartment before she had to pull over because she couldn’t see through the tears anymore. She cried hard, trying to purge enough emotion so she could drive.