A Dreamer's Today

by E. L. R. Jones

  As if he were reading her mind he said, “Look, I will do right by my child and I will deal with Sharonda. If she is meant to be in my life then she will have to understand this is a part of it and that you are as well. We have been friends for far too long to allow anything to break that up.”

  “You have to admit though that this is something HUGE!” This was grand scale, major league stuff here. I couldn’t understand how he could be so rational and yet supportive, but it didn’t surprise me either because that is who he is. That is why we were friends. He was always the shoulder and comfort that I needed. Something still puzzled me. I couldn’t recall everything about that evening.

  “What’s the matter?” he questioned. I guess he could see the question written on my face.

  “Well, that night was kind of interesting to say the least, but I have to say that I don’t remember everything. I know that I was upset and crying and a mess. I remember that I’d made Mojitos and you coming in, but I don’t really remember every detail of our… connecting. I do know that I was exhausted after and seemed to have enjoyed it, but that is about it.” I said feeling embarrassed that I had to admit something like that.

  “Hmm, well…that makes me feel a whole lot better about the experience,” he said jokingly.

  “Alex, I’m not saying…” he placed one hand over mine and the other in the air to stop me from talking.

  “Linnie, I know that is not what you meant,” he began and suppressed a laugh that I knew was behind that devilish grin he was wearing. “That night was interesting, as you put it, but it was good from what I recall. We enjoyed ourselves for the most part…”

  5 months ago:

  “Alex, I can’t believe that Erik would do this to me!” I said crying into his shoulder.

  “He wasn’t and isn’t worth you beating yourself up like this, Linnie. He didn’t deserve someone with the love that you possess.”

  He spoke the words and I knew that he meant them, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe them at that moment. Erik and I had dated for over a year and I had just found out that for 6 months of that time he’d been with two other women. One of which was his ex-girlfriend that just so happened to be his high school sweetheart. Punk! Couldn’t even tell me to my face, he just left me a message on my voicemail.

  ‘Babe, I have to tell you something and you’re not gonna like it. I have to end things with you ‘cause I realize I’m still in love with Leslie. You know how it is. It’s been great. Bye’

  “A year of my life gone and that is all I get, a voicemail. Dumb! I was just the dumbest person ever. I had settled just because he told me I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen walking. I guess Leslie was over the top…gorgeous… then, huh?” the sobs began again.

  “Linnie, come sit down. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It’s not your fault that he was worthless and couldn’t tell what he had. Stop crying. I brought movies for us to watch, cards if you want to play. You already made the drinks. Tonight we are gonna be the comfort the other needs. I will stay here as long as you need me to. Now where is the popcorn and that lasagna you said you made.”

  I pointed toward the kitchen and let out a little giggle. Alexander Holt, had always had the ability to make me laugh, even when we were in elementary school and should not have been talking. He would get me in trouble every day because of his ignorance, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

  He returned with a tray and provisions for a long night. We popped in the first movie, Die Hard, and I started on my first drink. He started with the lasagna and a drink. We finished that movie and moved on to another set of drinks and Terminator, which is one of his favorite movies. By the time we got to my favorite, Big, I was lying in his lap and sucking back baked beans and lemonheads. He had a box of whoppers and was finishing off his drink. I set up realizing that we were getting low on liquor and went to the kitchen to make some more. He followed me with some of the dirty dishes. As he loaded the dishwasher, which was hilarious because he could barely stand, I began mixing the next batch and cracking up laughing because I wasn’t much better off. He grabbed hold of the counter and looked at me.

  “You thinks I’m drunk don’t cha?” he slurred.

  “Oh I know yous are…you are,” I said it, but it didn’t seem like the words were mine. He reached past me to get a glass and brushed my breast, which made me laugh even harder.

  “You think that’s funny, huh,” he said falling into me and his lips brushed mine.

  “Yeah, you are funny. Now, move, so I can get these made,” I said quickly sliding from in front of him and getting hold of the blender. Did that just happen?

  “Cool, fine, whatever. I’m a go back in there and wait for you to service me,” he said as he slid to the door and back toward the living room. I finished mixing the next batch of drinks and returned to the living room.

  “By the way, I am not servicing you. Numb nuts! You can service yourself if you want,” I said sarcastically. He looked up at me just as confused as ever. “Forget it, drunk one.”

  “I’m not…whatever! So, what’s next? Friday, the 13th or Sleepless in Seattle?” he said holding up the movies.

  As I went to reach for Sleepless in Seattle, he moved his arm back. I was beginning to lie back down in his lap prior to this, so I had to lift up and maneuver myself to try and reach for it again. He moved it further back. We tussled a bit and when I finally retrieved the movie, I was straddling him. Part of his shirt had slid up a bit and a couple of buttons on my shirt had popped off revealing a portion of my chest since I wasn’t wearing a bra. I sat there for a moment as we both took in the position we were in. He was looking directly at my chest. Just then, I felt the excitement grow between us, literally. He leaned forward. I don’t know if he was leading to move me off of him or to kiss me, but I leaned into his lips and kissed him. He responded immediately by devouring my tongue and pulling the rest of my shirt off. I returned the favor. Before I knew it, we were making our way to the couch and then to the bedroom with him carrying me. When we entered the room, the question of protection came up and I believe I said they were in the nightstand, next to bed. The drawer was opened and then ecstasy. The next morning, we awakened in each other’s arms and completely naked.

  I had an extremely jack hammer worthy headache and one look at him showed that he mirrored my pain. I went to reach for the pain meds that were kept in my drawer and it hit me where I was, whom I was with, and what had just happened.

  “Uhm, Alex, did we do what I think we did?” I asked hoping that maybe what I envisioned in my mind was just a dream.

  “Linnie, I believe we did. If it’s any consolation, I really enjoyed it,” he said with a smirk on his face and looking as if he could go for another round of whatever we did the night before.

  “Alexander Graham Holt, if you don’t get out of my bed and your mind off what you are thinking, I will seriously hurt you,” I said laughing and hitting him with a pillow.

  “Rosaline Carrie Miller, you mean to tell me that you didn’t think about what I was thinking when you realized what happened,” he was actually smiling. I pushed him away from me and decided to make my way from the bed.

  “Alex, get your happy, sexy brown body out of my bed this instant,” I said as I tried to cover my exposed body with the comforter.

  “Linnie, you are going to have to take all of those curves and muscles of your thick, honey toned body and make me,” he said as he placed his hands behind his head on my pillow. “What happened last night was good, but I want something that I can remember. This may never happen between us again. Do you really want it to be some drunken thing we can barely recall,” he said and began patting the bed while slowly sliding the sheet away from his covered and aroused body. I had to admit I was interested and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to. Before I could make a mental decision, my body was moving forward and climbing back into the bed.

  Present day:

  “Okay, so w
hen we were together that morning, I know that we used a condom,” I said in a bit of a hushed whisper. “I don’t recall if we did the night before though. I know that we spoke about it briefly…”

  “If I remember correctly, we used several condoms that next morning,” he grinned one of those grins that guys get when they know something they did was compliment worthy.

  “Yes, we used several which is why I am questioning if we did so the night before. There was no way of knowing if one was from the night before or just from that morning,” I said with all the frustration that I felt while rolling my eyes at him.

  “What does it matter now, anyway? You’re pregnant and we are going to have a baby. I’m confused as to how you just found out that you are pregnant. You didn’t know before?”

  It was a legitimate question. One that I had asked myself quite a few times.

  “Not all women get their monthly visitor regularly. Mine definitely visits when she wants, but doesn’t stay long. Thank God!” I said as I began eating my salad.

  “Okay, but for 5 months? That’s amazing,” he said in disbelief.

  “Actually, I got somewhat of one about 5 months ago that lasted 2 days, then it was like a showing another month, then nothing for 3. After the last month, I went to the doctor to find out what was wrong with me. That’s when the good doc hit me with the news,” I spoke the last sentence with such hatred. It’s not her fault that I am pregnant. It is the fault of the two people sitting at the table and a really bad night or possibly the fantastic next morning.

  “Linnie, did you hear me?” Alex was staring at me as if I were a patient in the psych ward.

  “I’m sorry. What was the question?”

  “I asked you if you made another appointment to see the “good doc” because I would like to be there, if you don’t mind?” he spoke the words hesitantly. He was looking at me, waiting for me to respond. I just sat there frozen. I think in that moment, it had finally struck me. The truth of the matter. The realization of our situation. I’m pregnant with my best friend’s baby.

  “Linnie! Linnie!” Alex was snapping his fingers in front of my face.

  “Yeah, yeah, okay. I’m back. Sorry, I just realized that I’m pregnant. I really am pregnant. In 4 months, we are going to have a baby,” I spoke the words more for my benefit than his.

  “Yeah, we are,” he was grinning ear to ear.

  “You’re what!” he didn’t have to look up and neither did I. The echo of the sentiment meant that we were joined by Sharonda and Rachelle.

  “Okay, you’re calling me which means you’re still alive” I said into my cell.

  “If you were my man your black ass, behind wouldn’t be. I know that much.” Rachelle said while doing the stereotypical black girl neck jerk and lip smack.

  “Chelle. Hush! You know, you cannot talk.” I said recalling a couple of situations where she should’ve bounced and didn’t.

  “Whatever, don’t be defendin’ yo’…him just ‘cause he yo’ baby daddy!”

  “Trick please! Don’t go hoodrat on me when you know I’m more hood than you ever will be. You grew up in the equivalent of the Neiman Marcus of lifestyles and you know it.”

  “You right, you right, but you know this situation y’all in is not easy.”

  “Thanks. Sorry Alex, I had to stick Chelle back in the corner. So, what did she say or do? How does she feel about this? Did you explain to her that it was the first and only time anything ever happened like that between us? Please tell me that this didn’t ruin your relationship with her.”

  “Linnie! You done yet? May I speak?”

  “Sorry, go ahead.”

  “She’s fine. She listened to everything that I had to say. I explained everything to her and she was cool. She just left. She said she needed some time to think things over. So, she’s supposed to call me or come by later.”

  “Oh, that’s good. Whew! I really didn’t want to ruin your relationship. She seems like a really nice…uhm…I’ma…hafta…call… you back. Bye”

  “Linnie, what’s goin’…”

  I hung up before he could finish. I told Chelle that we were going to stop by the office for me to pick up some things to work on at home. I figured I would at least catch up on some paperwork. What I didn’t plan on having to deal with was my mother and Sharonda waiting in the lobby area to see me. Great! Just great! Now I have to deal with this foolishness.

  “Momma, hello. Sharonda, how are you?” I said as I walked through the waiting area and stopped at my assistant’s desk. She must’ve been at lunch. Lucky female! “Chelle, it’s gonna be little bit longer than I thought. I will see you in a few,” I said as I closed the door to my office.

  “What are you saying, Ma? This can’t be happening. Are you seriously asking me to give my child away? And for what reason?” I asked with shock and dismay in my voice.

  “Honey, do you really want this child right now? You are at such a crucial point in your career and you are single with no prospects. A child needs to have both parents. You of all people should understand that,” my mother spoke with a genuine sincerity in her words.

  “Mom, in this day and age, women can have a career and a baby and do it all by themselves. There are plenty of single mothers out there. Besides I will not be alone in this. My child’s father will be there and help me with whatever is needed,” I told her as she rifled through her purse.

  “Who is the father?” she questioned. As if I would tell her anything now considering her feelings about the situation.

  “You actually…no! You don’t get to know that. I just told you that you are going to be a grandmother and you act as if this is the worse thing that could possibly happen. I thought I would head off the whole lecture on “how phones work” by telling you the reason for my need to be alone. As shocking as it was to find out that I am pregnant, I never even thought about giving the baby up or getting rid…and here you sit telling me…suggesting that I hand my child over to someone else,” I said as I stood up and began walking to the door. “You and I have nothing else to say to one another. I am perfectly capable of being more than what my child needs,” I opened the door and signaled to Sharonda that I was ready for her. I took a deep breath to prepare myself for possibly another round of ignorance.

  My mother paused at the door. “I’m sorry that you feel that way. I was just offering…” she decided against completing her statement upon looking at my face. “Rosaline, I also wanted to know why that girl is here if you aren’t working?”

  “Ma, you really need to just leave. We have nothing and I do mean nothing else to discuss.”

  “Hi Sharonda. What’s up?” I asked as I took a seat at my desk again.

  “Linnie, I need to know how you ended up pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby? I mean I can’t believe this is happening. Alex, wouldn’t tell me and I was hoping…” Sharonda paused and looked at me.

  “Sharonda, I am sorry, but I really don’t believe that the how or why of the matter is important. I believe that the fact that we are going to be parents is what is important.”

  “The thing is, I wonder if it will happen again. It obviously happened before. I have always wondered how you two were so close and not be anything more and now I find out that you were. He always speaks of you as if there is so much affection for you. I just didn’t grasp that the love was more than a friend’s love.”

  She spoke the words as if they were truth, but I know for a fact that there wasn’t. I just need to get her to that point of understanding. What happened between myself and Alex was great, amazing even, but it was never going to happen again.

  “Sharonda, I am truly sorry that you feel that you were somehow betrayed, but what happened with me and Alex was just a one time happening and before you entered the picture. It wasn’t planned. We’ve been friends for far too long to allow that friendship to be ruined. Plus and more importantly, you are his world,” I looked into Sharonda’s eyes as I sat back in my chair. “We just so happen
to be having a baby, but if you want to trade places, as far as having his baby, I will happily do so,” I added. She giggled.

  “No, Linnie. That’s all you, right there. I need a little more time before I want to do it myself,” she said as she slid forward in her chair. “So, there is nothing that I should worry about between you two?”

  “Nope! Nothing more than two very old friends and their soon to be baby.” I giggled a little at the statement.

  She was up and walking toward the door when she suddenly stopped and turned to face me. “Uhm, can I ask you one more thing? If it is too personal then just tell me, but I would like to know,” she said as she rubbed her nervous hands together.

  “Shoot. What is it that you would like to know? Anything! My life is pretty much an open book,” I said, curious to know what question she could ask me that would make her as nervous as she appeared.

  “How was it? I just wanted to know to compare experiences. I know that we aren’t close, but how was he…I mean it?” she added a little too quickly.

  “That would actually fall into the closed and locked away category. I really don’t feel comfortable discussing that at all,” I said as I picked up the papers and files that I needed, grabbed my keys, and headed for the door. She picked up on the cue.

  “Okay, well I guess I will see you around,” she said as she left the office.

  “A’ight girl, you couldn’t tell her, but you sho’ nuff gonna tell me! How was Mr. Fine and Sexy, Alex?” Chelle said as she reapplied her makeup and laughed at her statement.