Finally Mine

by Anne Hansen

  My father nods, inspecting Vin from the top of his hoodie to the tip of his combat boots. “Nice to meet you, Vin,” my father says, though his voice makes it clear he finds meeting Vin here anything but “nice.”

  “Nice to meet you, sir. I’m sorry to run, but I have to head to work,” Vin says. He looks at me. “Good-bye, Keira.”

  “Bye,” I squeak. I hold my breath as Vin leaves and Dad stands in the living room, staring at me like he’s never seen me before. “So, how was work?” I ask, trying to sound like it’s any old normal day and not, in fact, the day my father almost caught me in bed with my boyfriend.

  “Who is that young man, Keira?” my father asks slowly.

  “Vin? Oh, he’s a good friend.” It’s not a lie. He is a friend.

  My best friend.

  Also my heart. My life. My passion.

  Of course, I don’t want to say all those things to my father, who’s mortified enough as it it. These are the times I miss having Mom around so much, it’s a dull ache inside me.

  “A good friend?” Dad repeats. “How old is he?”

  “He’s nineteen,” I say. A little bubble of defensiveness wells up in me. “He’s a senior at Eastside, too. He just stayed back a year as a kid.”

  “Right,” Dad says, pulling the word out. “I bet he did. He looks like a thug, Keira.”

  I bristle. “Really? Well, he’s not. Actually he’s more like a boyscout than any thug. He’s the one who came over and fixed the leak in kitchen faucet. And the bathroom drain? Vin unclogged it.”

  I bite my bottom lip because I know my father had a hard day, and I don’t want to make things awkward between us, but I feel like I’m being interrogated.

  Dad rubs his temples. “Keira, if those things needed fixing, you should have told me. I’m your father, I’m the one who should be fixing things around here. Frankly, I don’t like the idea of you playing house with that guy while I’m away at work.”

  All the frustration, sadness, anger, upset that’s been simmering low inside for so long starts to boil.

  “So you want me to wait for you to fix things around here? Are you telling me you didn’t notice that the bathroom sink took twenty minutes to drain?” I point to the window in the kitchen. “How about the window? Vin helped me replace the glass. Did it not occur to you that having cardboard over our broken window wasn’t safe or very insulating? Winter is right around the corner.”

  “I know that!” my father snaps, slamming his hand on the table.

  I jump and back up. My father was always such a calm, laid-back guy growing up. It was Mom who was wild, daring, mercurial.

  “If you know that, you need to help me fix it,” I say softly. I go over and put a hand on his shoulder. “Dad, I try to do things for you…so you won’t worry. But you can’t expect me to be able to do this all on my own.”

  He looks up at me with tired eyes. “Okay. So you need support. Girlfriends, buddies, I need to be around more. But that guy?”

  I take a slow, deep breath and try to get my anger under control. “You met him for five seconds, Dad. How can you possibly have anything against him?”

  He shakes his head. “Sweetie, your old man has been around a long time. I’ve run into lots of different people. And I know when I see someone who’s not up to my standards for you.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I was nervous this might happen, that you might fall in with the wrong element. I should have known I couldn’t just pull you out of an exclusive girls’ school in the best neighborhood and plop you down in the middle of…the middle of the hood, for crying out loud.”

  “The hood?” I snort. “Dad, Eastside isn’t as fancy as Mallory, but I think labeling it ‘the hood’ is a little melodramatic.”

  “This isn’t the life you were supposed to have, Keira,” Dad says, pacing back and forth. “I’ve stuck my head in the sand, thinking you’d stay my little girl while I got us back on track. Now that…delinquent is taking advantage of the fact that you’re innocent and—”

  “Dad!” I cry, the fury swirling so fast and hot in me, I’m not sure what’s about to fly out of my mouth, and I really don’t care. “Funny, you think you and Vin are so different? You both seem sure I’m made of porcelain, some innocent little girl who need protecting, and you couldn’t be more wrong! I’m tough. As tough as Mom was. I know how to take care of myself. I know how to roll with whatever gets thrown my way, and I’m sure as hell not sitting pretty waiting for anybody to make my life all better so I can live some perfect existence!” I yell, out of breath.

  “Keira, tone it down,” Dad cautions, but I’m way beyond the point of being able to regain my calm. “All I’m saying is that maybe you need to reconsider the friends you’re making here, especially since this isn’t where people like us really belong. I think it’s great if you have acquaintances to help pass the time, but getting serious with someone when you’re so close to leaving this place for college just seems silly. And I’m definitely not comfortable with you having guys over when I’m not around.”

  “You want to lay down rules now?” I shake my head. “You want to tell me who I can be with when you leave me here alone day after day, and basically tell me to fend for myself? I’m not blaming you, Dad, but I’m asking you to give me a little credit. I’ve had to grow up pretty fast since Mom died, and I think I’m doing a really good job. I think I earned a little more trust from you.”

  “I think you forget I’m still your father, Keira,” my dad says, the warning clear in his voice. “I’m sorry I’ve had to work so much, and I’m sorry you were uprooted so suddenly. Lord knows I wish it could have panned out any other way. But my not being here doesn’t give you free reign to invite over whomever you want, whenever you want. I trust you, Keira, but you’re not experienced enough to make the choices you’re making. You have a bright future ahead of you, and I want you getting ready for it.”

  “I am getting ready for it,” I say, my voice cracking as tears well up in my eyes.

  “I don’t want to see you cry, but you have to be realistic, sweetie,” Dad says, his voice softening. “That guy isn’t going the places you are, I can guarantee that. Nipping this whole thing in the bud will make it that much less painful when you take your next step out of this place.”

  I try to imagine my life without Vin.

  Vin, who tucked me in even though I’m way too old to need that kind of babying. Vin, who made sure my truck was safe when I was scared I wouldn’t make it to school. Vin, who helped me with my pre-calc when he hardly had any time to spare.

  Vin, who tried so hard to protect me from himself, even when he was the one and only thing keeping me from drowning when I was most lost.

  “You’re judging him before you know him,” I say, and I feel so tired, I can barely bring myself to keep fighting.

  My father walks over to me and hugs me tight, even though I’m too stiff and cold to return the gesture.

  “Honey, you’re young. I’m sure he’s…very attractive to you. But this is infatuation, and it’s not the kind of distraction you have the luxury to get caught up in. You need to stay focused so we can get out of this place and back to our normal lives.”

  He kisses my head and, instead of beating a dead horse, I turn and walk back to my room.

  I’m not sure who to call, who to turn to. I decide to ask Lily and David to come over. When they agree immediately and knock on the door fifteen minutes later, I let my father open it. It’s a one-hundred-eighty degree change from how he treated Vin. He shakes their hands warmly, leads them in, even gives me the ‘okay’ sign over their heads when I walk over to them.

  I choke back a scream and march to my room, David and Lily jogging behind to keep up.

  “What is it, sweet pea? That text was tragically melancholy, and you’re not even big into drama like Lily and I are,” David sighs, plopping onto my bed.

  “Is everything okay?” Lily asks, taking my hands.

  I don’t mean to start blubberin
g. I don’t. But I’ve held so much in for so long, and it just gushes out like a waterfall. I bawl and snot into the tissues Lily grabs from my desk. They hold my hands and rub my back, determined to help me get it all out.

  And I do. Starting with how sick my vibrant, healthy mom suddenly got, and how, overnight, like a switch being flipped, the life seemed to drain right out of her. I press through and tell them how Dad started working like crazy, but also screwing up. How his bosses were kind, but he made too many missteps, wouldn’t take their advice and slow down. And when it came time for cuts, he was at the head of the line.

  I tell them about how I knew the foundations of my life were shaky when I accepted a job at Silver Poplars. I wanted to make money, but I also wanted to get away from the house that held too many ghost memories and echoed with loneliness.

  And then I got to Vin. And I felt like I could have talked all night, telling every gorgeous detail that I’d been so careful to shield my heart from. It had been too painful to remember all the good aspects when things started to fall apart, and now that they’re falling back together, it feels like I might jinx it.

  By the time I wrap up with my fight with Dad, Lily and David are completely slack-jawed. And silent.

  I don’t know if I’ve ever seen either one of them silent, so we’re all just sitting there shocked for a few long minutes.

  Finally David opens and closes his mouth. “What?” He shakes his head, jumps off my bed, paces back and forth and throws his hands up. “What, what, what? Who are you? How were you living this entire tragedy and heartbreak right under our noses? How do you show up at school and smile and get A’s and talk to us about stupid school gossip when you have all…that…weighing on you!” He slaps both hands over his heart and falls to his knees.

  And Lily bursts into tears.

  “What the hell is going on?” David asks, looking at me like I might have the answer to all this crazy emotion flying around the room.

  I definitely don’t.

  We both stare at Lily as she points a shaky finger David’s way. “How can you see that when it’s Keira, but you lied to me about being attacked? Me. Your best friend. And you still won’t talk about it!”

  David walks across the room on his knees and takes Lily’s hands in his, kissing them softly. “Because you’re too sweet, Lily,” he says in a voice so soft, it’s a whisper. “When that happened to me, when they were kicking me to kill me, all kinds of weird shit went through my head. And a lot of it had to do with you. I thought that if I was going to die, I’d die thinking about love. And when I was okay, I didn’t want the most loving, kind person I know to ever have to deal with all that hate and ugliness. I didn’t want you to be bitter on my behalf, Lily.”

  Lily’s pressing the heels of her hands over her eyes, and David and I wait to see what she’ll do, what she’ll say. She finally just holds her arms out wide. David nestles close on one side, and he gestures for me to join on the other.

  I hug them to me tight, and I know, in that second, things will work out. We’ll all figure out a way because we have eachother. There are blubbery apologies, more hugs, and a few more rounds of tears before we all collapse on the bed, side by side, spent.

  “So,” David says. “How exactly are you planning to reconcile this whole Sharks vs Jets thing with your father and Vin?”

  “I have no idea.” I rub my temples, wishing the smashing pain of the headache building up behind my eyes would go away quickly. “The thing is, Dad hasn’t even given Vin a chance. He freaked out based on less than five minutes of meeting him.”

  “Maybe you can get your father and Vin together?” Lily suggests. “I mean, there must be something the two of them have in common. Sports? Action flicks? A love of good Mexican food?”

  I wrack my brain for what the two of them could possibly see eye to eye on.

  “I can’t think of anything,” I admit after a few long seconds.

  “There’s always the obvious,” David points out. “No matter how different they are, they both care about you.”

  I nod and lie there with my friends, the three of us staring at the blank white of my ceiling. I think about my father and Vin, the two people in my life who love me the most. I think about how hard it will be if they don’t manage to find common ground.

  And how much harder it will be for me if the only thing they wind up agreeing on is how much I need to be protected. I don’t know if I can stand two of them treating me like I’ll break at any second if they don’t handle me with kid gloves.

  I have a method to my madness when it comes to the nuts and bolts of boosting a car. A lot of what I do relies on my gut. I can feel when I need to be cautious, when I need to walk away, when there’s an opportunity I should jump on.

  The more Gio pushes me, the harder it is to focus on what my gut tells me to do. I’m desperate, and desperation is scary as fuck.

  That’s why I want to push everyone I care about as far away from this mess as I can. I have a bad feeling it’s only a matter of time before I get caught, before it all comes crashing down on top of me. The clock is ticking, and I’m not sure if I’m going to make it to the finish line in one piece.

  Dom finds me a few hours before the run. I’ve been waiting on the keys, trying not to bug him because he told me he could do it, and I trust that. If it falls through, I’ll be forced to break into the houses and look for spares. That brings a whole other dynamic to the crime, since it adds B&E to the list and gives me that much more of a chance of getting caught.

  I’m usually pretty detached before a run, but not today. My palms sweat, my knees shake, and I feel like I’m gonna lose my lunch. This is worse than rookie shit, but I’ve never done what I’m about to do with the stakes so high.

  I’m balancing too much as it is, and it’s only gonna take the slightest screw-up to send everything swirling down the fucking drain.

  “Vin?” My brother nods for me to follow him.

  We go out to the row of nondescript gray and black cars, all of them top ten common models with clean plates, spotless and perfectly maintained. The key is to drive to the area in something so common, no one would give it a second look.

  I’ll use them to drive as close to the marked homes as I can get, park them in active lots at surrounding shops where they’ll never be noticed and leave them. Later in the week, we’ll hand the keys to secretaries we trust, then send them by taxi to get their nails done or do some random shopping in stores where the shadow cars are still parked. When they’re done getting pampered, they’ll drive the cars back to the garage, and we’ve made a clean exit. We’ll do this in the few days following the boosts, and that will tie up the last few loose ends.

  I get into the first car in the row, and Dom hands me a stack of fat envelopes labeled with codes that coordinate with each car. But these are way too heavy to just hold keys. I slit the first one open and find a magnetic dealer plate, a professional license with my picture and Dom’s information, and the key.

  “What’s all this for?” I ask, looking at my brother with surprise.

  “You’ll be in a cop-heavy area. There’s no reason to panic if you happen to get pulled over.” He points to the package. “My license is clean as a whistle, not even a traffic ticket. I had my girl at the DMV run it just to check. The dealer plates will keep you from having to worry about registration issues, and I made sure I used a high end dealer, so there won’t be any suspicion. Go slow, drive safe, don’t panic.”

  “You must’ve had to pull a lot of strings to get this all in order,” I say, flipping through the envelopes and feeling pretty damn impressed with my brother.

  Dom shrugs. “There’s a secretary at the dealership who’s not committed to staying there. Or in the country. She’s heading back to the Philippines in a week and a half. We had a few drinks, I gave her a little something to help finance her trip, and here we are. If it ever gets traced back, it will be too much effort to track her down.”

  “Smart as
hell,” I say, honestly blown away by all the thought my brother put into organizing this.

  Dom gives me a half smile. “It was a lot of planning and some random good luck on my part. I know it’s not how you usually do it. I know you like to keep things simple, but I don’t want you to be left hanging. I get that I can’t actually go with you and help, so I did what I could on my end.”

  I put my hand out like we’re gonna shake, but Dom pulls me in and gives me an awkward half-hug.

  “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this,” I tell him.

  He claps my back hard. “Yeah, well don’t get caught, man. You’re a shitty mechanic, but I think if Dad and I get some one-on-one time training you, you might actually be able to make something of yourself.”

  I raise my eyebrows. “I wouldn’t go that far. Maybe you can hand me a broom and have me sweep up. Or rotate tires. I’m alright at rotating tires.” I attach the key to my keyring, just to make things look more legit, and swing open the door of the shadow car. “Wish me luck.”

  “Follow the plan and you won’t need it,” Dom says, crossing his arms. “We’re almost there, Vin. Almost.”

  “We’ll get there,” I promise him, then slam the door and focus everything I have on this job.

  I drive out of our beat neighborhood, watching my speed and my exits. When I pull into the busy parking lot of high-end strip mall, I park in an inconspicuous spot, one where I’m hidden in plain sight. I get out and walk into the little market, pick up a few things, pay with cash, and walk out with the paper bag in my arms. Now when I make the trek to the community, I look like I a guy with a purpose instead of a shady drifter.

  The baguette sticking out the top of the paper shopping bag is an extra detail that helps me look and feel like a full-fledged hipster, and that’s the kind of disguise that will guarantee I don’t stick out in this area.