A Sister’s Gift

by Giselle Green

  Ruffles comes and pushes his nose right under my hand like he always did when he wanted to be stroked. The softness of his fur beneath my fingers feels so familiar but I see now there are little flecks of grey among the yellow; he’s getting old. It makes me sad.

  ‘Poor Lettie. That can’t be easy for you, seeing your friends suffer like that.’

  I shake my head, not wanting to say any more because the truth is I never expected to feel like this. I went out there to document the plants and seeds they use for medicinal purposes, I never meant to become as involved with the people as I have.

  ‘There is so little I can do for them, Rich. A lot of the time I feel so helpless, so useless…and, oh, the destruction that’s going on there! You read about it in the papers but when you actually see the acres upon acres being stripped bare of so much life…’ I trail off, not knowing where to even begin at the injustice and the stupidity of it all. ‘The Amazon has been called the pharmacy of the world. The shaman I’m working with there – Tunga, he’s José’s father – he has pharmacological knowledge that would put any Oxbridge chemist to shame and we will lose it – all of it…’

  ‘You’re doing what you can, Lettie,’ he smiles sympathetically. ‘But I’m glad you’re back. You’ve been away from home a long time, you know.’

  ‘I had to go, Rich.’ My voice has gone suddenly quiet and I know he hears it.

  Does he even realise why I left when I did, the way I did?

  ‘But I’m glad to be back too,’ I admit. ‘The reason it’s all happened so suddenly, well – I’m here on a mission, actually and if there’s any way I can enlist your help I’d be really grateful…’

  Richard leans back and regards me fondly and I know he’s going to say, ask away because there’s nothing you would ask us and we’d deny you, you know that, but I stop him even as we both hear the key turn and the sound of footsteps at the front door.

  ‘I’ll tell you all about it when you’re both together,’ I explain. ‘Because – to be honest – this is a biggie.’

  I put down my mug of cocoa and uncurl from the sofa but before she’s even come the length of the corridor Hollie has already spied me. Her shopping basket drops to the floor. One green and red apple rolls rapidly down the hallway and comes to a halt in the corner.

  ‘Oh my God, you’re here!’ Her hands go to her mouth, her eyes bright with joy and surprise. ‘I can’t believe it! Why didn’t you ring to say you were arriving today?’

  I run to hug her, my sister who is all muffled up against the winter weather, her scarf and coat feel cold to my touch, her face pinched and frozen against my lips even though it is nowhere near cold enough to snow.

  ‘Is everything all right? I mean, when you contacted me to say you’d be coming back you didn’t say why. You haven’t quit your job, have you?’ My sister is looking at me, wide-eyed with concern.

  ‘Everything’s fine, Hollie. I came back because I missed you both and I wanted to see you again and…’I glance at Rich.

  ‘She’s on a mission,’ Richard adds mysteriously, eyes twinkling as we both turn to look at him. He holds up his hands to her questioning gaze. ‘I have no idea what it’s about, Hol. You came home just in the nick of time…’

  ‘Hey, I really wanted to see you both too,’ I protest. And that’s true. They’re just not the only reason why I’m back. ‘Oh, it’s nothing we need go into now,’ I answer in response to their curious stares. ‘I’ve only just got back! I need to touch base first. I want to see my room and I want to watch the telly and some local news and…I’m ravenous. Were those mince pies I just spotted in your bag, Hollie?’ I pick up the bag while she hangs up her coat and carry it through to the kitchen.

  ‘There were a couple of things that arrived for you among the post this morning – cards, I think,’ Hollie calls through. ‘That’s a coincidence, isn’t it?

  I pick up the two envelopes that have been propped up beside the toaster. One’s an official-looking letter in a brown envelope with the PlanetLove logo on the outside – that’ll just be run-of-the-mill admin stuff no doubt. The other one’s a card. I throw that one down on the surface impatiently. I’d recognise that handwriting anywhere. Duncan.

  Bollocks to that. Without opening it, I rip the card in its envelope to shreds and pop it into the bin on top of some potato peelings. I warned him not to contact me and he shouldn’t have.

  ‘Who was the card from?’ Hollie appears at the door, eyes still sparkling at my sudden arrival, Rich behind her, his hands on her shoulders.

  ‘No one.’

  ‘I still can’t believe you’re really, actually here!’ She comes over and gives me a long sisterly hug. ‘I missed you so much. And I want to know – oh, everything. Everything about everything. And all about your mission, of course,’ she smiles encouragingly at me. ‘It’ll have something to do with seeds, let me guess?’

  ‘Not seeds,’ I correct her. ‘It’s about people this time. My friends in Manaus. I need to do as much fund-raising as I can while I’m here.’

  ‘Whatever we can help you – or them – with, you know that we will,’ Hollie wraps her arms comfortably around mine. ‘I can’t tell you what it means to me to have you back here with us this Christmas.’ Her eyes are shining. She means it, I know that. About any help they can give me, too.

  Except it isn’t just a small amount of money I’m talking about here – a bring-and-buy sale in the village hall isn’t going to do it. And they don’t have any real money. The only thing they have that’s worth anything is Florence Cottage. I look around at the medieval cottage that’s been in Auntie Flo’s family for generations.

  This is probably worth a bob or two.

  Hollie

  There’s a mist of fine rain pattering down on the leaves outside. I can hear it and a chilly damp morning air greets me as I walk into the lounge. That’s because Scarlett is out already inspecting the winter shrubs and she’s left the French doors open. I don’t suppose they have to worry about central heating bills in the jungle…

  Typical Scarlett. I always had to remind her about things like that when she lived here, but, instead of the irritation I used to feel, I get a shiver of happiness instead because she’s back. Suddenly and unexpectedly and miraculously, Scarlett’s back, summoned like some elemental out of the depths by my wish.

  ‘Hey, sis!’ She appears with a bunch of bright red berries in her hand. ‘Just getting into the festive spirit here. I thought I’d make you a garland. Holly for Hollie.’

  ‘Wonderful!’ She’s wearing Richard’s dressing gown and a pair of my PJs and everything looks far too big on her. We’re going to have to feed her up a bit while she’s here. She’s been eating some strange things in Brazil, she was telling us about it last night – howler monkeys and bright orange fruit with many pips and insect larvae…

  Ruffles is out there with her. I can just about spy the plumy tip of his tail wagging happily from behind a clump of elder. Sambuca nigra, she’d call it. She was always a natural botanist, passionate about the garden at Florence Cottage. From the time she was old enough to follow Flo around with her little plastic watering can she could name the plants that covered every inch of it, but when she came back from horticultural college I remember fondly, it was suddenly all Latin names with her.

  ‘Look at how well the Lunaria biennis has thrived in the peat patch over there.’ She bends to pick up a bunch of Silver Pennies growing freely in the beds beside the hydrangeas. ‘So pretty, they used to be my favourite winter harvest out of everything.’

  I nod. ‘Auntie Flo called that plant Honesty. She said it suited you.’

  ‘Honesty?’ my sister giggles.

  ‘Yes, because you were always rubbish at lying to get yourself out of trouble…’

  ‘Ha. I can still remember the day Auntie Flo told me I was wasting my time putting them in. But I didn’t have anywhere else to put them,’ her clear wide eyes look up at me earnestly now, ‘and I’ve always thought –
“Nothing ventured nothing gained,’ don’t you agree?’

  I nod, hugging my mug of tea closer to my chest as I join her on the lawn. I wonder if I’ll get the chance to speak to her properly this morning? She hasn’t gone into what her ‘mission’ is yet, but she’s come back so full of all her new friends and exciting life. I can scarcely dare to hope there’s any point in asking her about the baby thing, and yet, as she said, nothing ventured…

  ‘Scarlett, it’s really funny that you should turn up right now because…’

  ‘Smell that.’ She holds a sprig of festive yellow Winter Sweet under my nose, twisting it to release its spicy fragrance. ‘I planted that against Flo’s advice too. D’you remember?’

  ‘It’s lovely.’ I curb what I was just about to say to her, feeling her excitement catch in my own belly. ‘And you’ve always had a sound instinct about what to plant and where. The garden has always been your baby, hasn’t it?’

  ‘Talking of babies,’ she nudges me gently, ‘how about you and Rich? When I left I thought you two were really going for it – another round of IVF and all that?’

  ‘No.’ I look down and my thin slippers have begun to soak up the dew and rain on the grass, making my toes curl. ‘I mean – we did, but nothing came of it.’ I clear my throat. ‘Actually, Scarlett, I…’

  ‘It’s funny how we change, isn’t it, sis?’ Scarlett turns to me, earnest-faced now. ‘I’ve changed. Have you noticed?’ She twirls around and her laughter scatters like a circle of bright droplets of water out of the sky.

  I stop and regard her. She’s not been back a full day yet. In some ways, she feels like a stranger still. She’s got the essence about her of somebody who’s been to faraway places, an air of the exotic and the strange and unknown. At the moment she doesn’t feel very much like my kid sister.

  ‘Your hair – you’ve cut it shorter.’ She seems to be waiting for a response so I have to come up with something. ‘It’s shoulder-length now,’ I add.

  Scarlett laughs. ‘It was hardly practical in that heat! I had it all chopped off as soon as I could but it’s grown back.’

  I raise an eyebrow. ‘You have changed then.’ When I think of the hours she used to spend with those straightening tongs, hogging the bathroom mirror…

  ‘Hollie, I meant that I’ve changed here.’ She puts her hand over her heart, ‘You know, inside. I’ve had my eyes opened to the world. I wish…’ Her gaze flickers over her once-beloved garden, taking in everything proprietorially and yet at the same time dismissing it all. ‘I wish I could even begin to describe to you what I’ve been through over the last year and a half, the people I’ve met.’

  We were all up till two last night as she tried to describe it all, I remember now with a yawn. We heard all about the Yanomami, her second family as she described them, who’ve been looking after her during her time there. It was a huge relief to hear that she’s got caring people looking out for her.

  ‘It’s just…changed my values, you know.’ She looks at me earnestly. ‘The way I feel about everything.’

  I give a little laugh. ‘You’ve just grown up,’ I tell her. ‘You’ve experienced a different culture so you can see the world from a different perspective, that’s all.’

  ‘Yes,’ she enthuses. ‘A totally new perspective. That’s it. And I want to share that with you and Rich, Hollie. It’s just…’ She takes in a deep breath, unable to impart the magnitude of these new truths she seems to have stumbled upon.

  ‘Well.’ I pat Ruffles briskly. ‘I guess there’ll be time to debrief over the rest of your stay with us. You haven’t told me yet how long you’re planning on being here?’

  It won’t be nine months, though, I realise with a sudden pang. I must have been crazy to ever imagine there could be any hope in asking Scarlett to carry my baby for me. She won’t. She can’t. She’s had her ‘eyes opened to the world’ now. What could I possibly offer her that would entice her to stay?

  ‘How long I stay here will depend on…’ She looks at me solemnly and stops. ‘Your face has gone pale all of a sudden. Are you all right?’

  ‘I’m just hunky dory.’ I take a deliberate sip of my tea, shrug my shoulders. I’m all right. I have to be all right. I turn my face away so she won’t see the foolish tears that have suddenly sprung into my eyes.

  ‘You sure you don’t want to go back in? You see, I’ve become…more aware of other people,’ Scarlett says deliberately. ‘Being with the Yanomami people, it’s made me more aware of just how selfish I’ve always been. I have, haven’t I?’

  ‘I wouldn’t have called you selfish,’ I protest. A little self-centred maybe.

  ‘No, I was. Selfish. And, well…I hope I’m not any more. Because my second family, they – well, they aren’t so hung up on possessions, because for one thing, they’re always on the move. The forest gives them everything they need, you see. It’s their larder on tap. How can I explain it?’ I wish she didn’t feel quite so strongly that she had to. She’s scanning the garden at Florence Cottage again as if she could draw some comparison between it and the Amazonian jungle.

  ‘I think you’ve been living on overdrive these past few months,’ I tell her kindly. ‘Being home for a bit will do you some good. You can potter about in the garden for a bit and that’ll help calm you down.’

  Scarlett sighs then. It’s a sound that I’m familiar with from the past. It means you really don’t understand anything, do you?

  And maybe I don’t.

  My sister makes a deliberate effort to shift the conversation back onto me now.’ So, um…what have you been up to, anyway? How’s Beatrice Highland doing next door? How’s…the bridge?’

  ‘Great. Everyone’s great, thank you…’ I throw her what passes for a smile, glancing up at the grey sky. The misty rain has turned into bigger droplets and I can feel them running down my cheeks. ‘In fact, you’re right. Perhaps we should head back in now?’

  What am I up to? Let me see. I struggle for anything to compare with her adventures.

  ‘There’s a new picture of Rochester Bridge that we’ve just acquired for the Trust’s collection. It’s by a local artist, Oliver something. I’ve got to organise the framing of that.’

  Scarlett looks at me blankly. ‘You’ve got to frame the picture?’

  ‘It’s going to be quite a challenge,’ I bluster, realising that she’s just travelled eleven days down the Amazon in a dug-out canoe surrounded by alligators so it probably doesn’t sound like much of one to her.

  ‘Is it any good?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘The picture,’ she says levelly.

  ‘Oh, the picture. Um. It won a competition with a whole panel of very distinguished judges including the Pro-Rector at the Royal College of Art, no less, who chose it to hang in our permanent collection so I guess it must be very good.’ I don’t care about the picture. I look at my sister openly now, wanting to share my real concerns with her, but Scarlett laughs.

  ‘You don’t “get” it, though? Too modern for you?’

  ‘It’s not very traditional,’ I confess.

  ‘And everyone knows how our Hol loves her traditions…’ My sister pulls a face.

  ‘Scarlett…’ We’ve reached the French doors and I pause to pick up the old towel I keep to wipe the mud off Ruffles’ paws before he’s allowed back in the house. Scarlett smiles, watching me, and I remember she’s been living in a round hut surrounded by mud, living, eating, breathing mud, and all this is going to seem a little pernickety to her now. I hold my peace.

  ‘I think,’ she says mildly once the warmth of the cottage has thawed us out a bit, ‘you shouldn’t give up so easily on your plans to start a family. It’s what you’ve always wanted to do, isn’t it, sis? And they’re so clever with technology these days. There’s all sorts of help for couples who are having difficulties…’

  ‘Seeing as you’ve brought it up,’ I swallow, pausing in my brisk rubdown of the shivering Ruffles, ‘actually I…

&
nbsp; ‘And I was thinking, when you do start a family,’ she runs on, gesturing to the lounge, ‘this place really isn’t going to be big enough for you, is it?’

  ‘That may be jumping the gun a bit.’ I sit up on my knees and Ruffles slinks off to lie beside the log fire. ‘I’d need to actually have a baby first.’

  ‘And it isn’t happening?’ Scarlett gives me an unexpectedly sympathetic hug. ‘I want you to be happy.’ She takes my hands in hers and her fingers are as warm as toast while mine are icy. ‘Look, tell me what I can get you for Christmas? What would make you happy, Hollie? Anything at all?’

  I give a small, choked laugh. If only she would listen, I might be able to get it out. I might be able to share with her the thing that’s been on my mind for weeks now.

  ‘I’ve got a pay packet now, don’t forget,’ she reminds me. ‘I’m not a penniless student any more.’

  ‘I don’t need you to buy me anything, Lettie.’

  ‘No, come on. You tell me.’ My sister has taken on a businesslike air now. ‘Something nice. Something lovely. Something to really cheer you up. What’ll it be?’

  ‘Nothing, really. Nothing at all.’ But I know Scarlett, she’ll never take no for an answer. She’ll have her way if it kills her so I’ll have to think of something. ‘Um…bath oil?’ I offer, but she shakes her head dismissively.

  ‘No, no, no! Think big! Think bold. I’m thinking adventure days out here. I’ll buy you and Rich a balloon ride, how about that? Or a day racing cars at Silverstone?’

  ‘That…really isn’t the kind of thing I’d appreciate, honestly.’

  My sister sighs exaggeratedly. ‘What about scuba diving then?’

  ‘I don’t swim,’ I remind her. If there’s one thing she can’t have forgotten it’s that, surely?

  ‘You haven’t learned yet?’ She looks shocked. ‘I really thought you would have learned to swim, Hol. After…you know…’ She bends to pick up Ruffles’ towel and examines it thoughtfully. ‘I think you should. I’ll book you in for a course of lessons, OK? I’ll find a really sympathetic instructor and…’