For a moment we just stand there awkwardly. Then she goes and sits down on the bed. She picks up one of her old stuffed toys and holds it on her lap.
‘Scarlett.’ I sit down gingerly on the edge of the bed beside her, and somehow the words that come out next are more about reassuring me than they are her. ‘Are you sure you want to go through with this?’
‘I’m cool.’ She smiles at me beatifically.
‘No. I mean…I mean, have you really thought about how this decision is going to impact on the rest of your life? Your work…’ I have to say all this, even though I don’t want to. ‘I have to make sure…’
When my sister smiles, a cherubic dimple appears on each of her cheeks. She’s got that ‘I know what I’m doing’ look on her face right now. She strokes the bright blue tiger on her lap in front of her.
‘It’s OK,’ she says.
‘I was just thinking about Guillermo. The guy you told me about from Brazil,’ I press. She only just mentioned him last night, and briefly at that. I have no idea how important he might be. ‘Have you thought about how he might take it?’
She looks up, surprised. ‘Why should he worry about it? I can’t really see that it’s any of his business.’
My God. She hasn’t thought this through at all.
‘Well, if he were someone you were planning on maybe having a serious relationship with…it might be significant, that’s all.’
‘This baby is something that I’ve decided to do for you, Hollie,’ she tells me firmly. ‘It’s between us. You and me. No one else. I carry it, and eventually, when it’s done, you get to keep it. So I guess there’s no more to be said,’ she attests. ‘Let’s go for it.’
‘Well, OK,’ I tell her at last. ‘If you’re really sure. Would you like me to stay with you while you do it?’
My sister looks up, shocked. She puts the blue tiger firmly down on the floor beside her.
‘No,’ she tells me crisply. ‘I really don’t think that would be such a good idea, do you?’
I flush. Of course. I didn’t mean to embarrass her.
‘How silly of me. I just wasn’t sure if you knew what you had to…’
‘I’ve pretty much got the idea, Hollie. I learned about the birds and the bees a long time ago.’
‘Well, naturally.’ I blush. ‘I’ll just go and sort out…the other side of it then, so to speak?’
‘Fine.’ She plumps her pillows up on the bed. She wants me to go away. I can see that. I go into the kitchen and stop by the sink for a few minutes to gather my wits. I need to calm down. If I pick up the vial of Richard’s sperm in this state of mind then I’ll drop it for sure and the day will be wasted.
I feel giddy now. I feel odd.
‘So – do you still want to go ahead with this today or don’t you?’ Scarlett’s voice behind me makes me jump. She’s followed me out of the bedroom and she’s leaning against the kitchen doorway now, arms folded.
‘Of course. I’m just checking…we’ve got everything we need.’ I fumble in the drawer, looking for the plastic syringe which I bought specially for the purpose. It’s wrapped up in cellophane and I pull uselessly at it, all thumbs. ‘I had a feeling that today would be the day,’ I smile at her, ‘so I woke Rich up early…’ I pause, a little taken aback by the frown that crosses her face for an instant. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to make it awkward for you,’ I bluster.
‘Is that the um…?’She’s staring at the syringe in distaste.
‘It’s what you’ll need to use. The…er…delivery system, so to speak. We’ve already got Richard’s…contribution. It’s in the fridge, don’t worry.’
My sister’s eyes widen and she moves to the counter where I’ve just put down the syringe.
‘OK, so you need me to use this?’ She picks it up curiously.
‘And you’ll also need…this.’ I open the fridge and hand her the precious vial and she takes it in one hand, and holds it up to the light, peering at the very small amount of semi-opaque fluid in consternation. ‘Well, obviously…it’s…’
My sister makes a small choking noise in her throat which she turns into a cough. ‘Of course,’ she says.
‘If you’ve changed your mind,’ I begin, but she waves me away.
‘I haven’t changed my mind, Hollie.’
‘It’s just that you…’I open my hands, at a loss for words.
‘I know what I’m doing, don’t you worry.’ She’s got that look on her face again, the one she always used to get when she was younger and she was being brave about something but didn’t want me to see it. I wish she would let me put my arms around her. I wish she would let me see how brave she’s being in agreeing to go through with this because I know that she must be feeling all sorts of conflicting things right now.
‘I’ve got very good reasons for doing this, Hollie.’ In an effort to recover her composure she’s gone quite cold and distant. She doesn’t need to be like this with me though, she really doesn’t. ‘I’ve got the best reasons in the world for doing it so there’s no need to look at me so apologetically.’
‘I know you’re doing it for the best reasons,’ I begin but she doesn’t let me finish.
‘And anyway, there’s a favour that I need to ask of you too. A big one. A huge one.’ Her eyes are glinting. ‘There’s something you can do for me that’s very important for me too,’ she promises and then, before I get a chance to say anything else, she disappears into her bedroom with the syringe and the vial, and the door shuts firmly behind her with a resounding click.
Scarlett
‘OMG. You’re having your sister’s husband’s baby, you say? Omigod!’ Lucy sounds scandalised. ‘How? When? Does Hollie know about this?’
‘Of course she knows. She was in the house with me when I…’
‘Bloody hell, Scarlett.’
‘What?’ I ease the phone a bit nearer to my ear.
‘This is a little bit risky, even for you,’ she breathes down the phone. ‘With Hol in the house! And…you’ve barely been back a few weeks. When did you do it?’
‘We did it just now.’ I’ve been sitting here with my pelvis leaning up against the headboard for the last five minutes to let gravity take its natural effect, but I’m not sure how long I’m meant to stay here for. I’m starting to feel a bit dizzy. ‘Your sister’s had three babies, hasn’t she? I thought maybe you’d be able to give me a bit of advice.’
‘Bloody Nora, the girl’s so casual about it. Sorry – did you say you did it just now?’ I can feel her almost frowning down the line. ‘How on earth can you know if you’re pregnant then? It takes a few weeks before you find that out.’
‘I know that, you wally!’
‘You mean you’re…just hoping?’
‘I certainly do.’
‘I’m…I’m totally freaked out about how casual you’re being about it, that’s all. Richard’s a hunk, I grant you. I used to have a crush on him myself once upon a time…’
‘On Richard? You did? Hang on a minute, I need to shift.’
‘But being with him while Hollie’s actually in the house…’ she gasps. ‘Never mind the actual ethical considerations of…Scarlett, I have understood you right, haven’t I?’ The penny is beginning to drop.
‘She is the one who asked me to become a surrogate for her in the first place. Richard wasn’t even here.’
‘Oh. A surrogate…’ There’s a pause while Lucy realises her mistake. ‘So you did it using a…’
‘Well, naturally.’ I gasp with laughter. ‘What do you take me for?’
‘Sorry, honey. My imagination ran away with me there for a bit.’ God, this is uncomfortable. I hear her giggle before I put down the phone and shuffle my legs a bit higher up the headboard. I look at my watch. How much longer…?
‘Richard is a hunk, though, you’ve got to admit,’ she says when I get back to her. ‘He’s just as good looking now as he was when we were fourteen, even better in fact.’
‘A hunk who hap
pens to be married to my sister,’ I say quickly to shut her up.
‘Come on. You used to have a thing for him too,’ she remonstrates. ‘We both did. We’d wait for him to come round the corner by the newsagents after work and then “bump into him by accident,’ remember?’
Man, this girl has a good memory. I had forgotten all about that.
‘I never had a crush on him. And we only did that “bumping into Rich by accident” the one time. That was because you insisted. We came round the corner so fast you fell over and he had to help to pick you up.’
That’s embarrassed her enough to put a lid on it. When she continues, she’s changed tack. ‘Anyway, surrogacy. Wow. Your boyfriend with the funny name in Brazil – what does he say about it?’
‘It’s not a funny name. It’s South American for William, pronounced Gij-yer-mo.’
‘Gij-yer-mo then. Is he cool with it? I thought some of these South American dudes could be a bit possessive about their women.’
‘I’m not his woman!’ I baulk. ‘And Gui doesn’t know anything about it yet. I’ve been debating how to put it to him.’
‘So…’ Lucy’s voice has gone low and confidential again, ‘how did you actually – er, I mean, what was it like?’
‘Cold and plastic. Shaped like a turkey baster.’
‘Yuck! Poor Scarlett. You get all the backaches and the stretch marks and your sister gets all the fun.’ This was precisely what I rung Lucy up to have a moan about but as soon as I hear the words coming out of her mouth I just want to tell her to shut up.
‘I don’t intend to get any stretch marks,’ I tell her airily, ‘and, as for Guillermo, we’re potentially an item – if he plays his cards right – but I’m not his property and he knows that.’
‘I’m just saying…’
‘Well, stop saying. It’s annoying…’
My back is aching. Enough of this gravity lark. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and sit up.
‘It may be annoying to you, but once you’re in a committed relationship you have to learn to take the other person into account a little more. Can you imagine,’ she runs on, ‘what might happen if you didn’t?’
Ever since Lucy got married a year ago she isn’t so much fun, I realise. Lucy and I go way back – as far as primary school. She’s the girl who used to laugh so hard she’d wet her pants then spend the rest of the day walking around without any on. But now she’s all prim and proper I suppose she’s forgotten about stuff like that.
‘I don’t worry too much about consequences,’ I remind her. She knows me of old. She should know this. I’m lying here now, picking the fluff off my flannelette pillow and it suddenly occurs to me I still need to reply to Guillermo’s text from this morning. Should I tell him about what I’ve just done? Maybe I should…
‘If you’re planning on getting pregnant I imagine all that’ll change pretty quickly.’
‘I can’t see how,’ I tell Lucy. ‘I have no intention of letting this pregnancy get in the way of my normal life, honey.’
I hear Lucy give a snort at her end. She’s an auntie three times over so she reckons she knows everything there is to know about babies but her knowledge is entirely second-hand.
‘It does slow you up, Scarlett,’ she insists. ‘You’ll get all sorts. Varicose veins, constipation, heartburn, exhaustion…’ she tells me enthusiastically. ‘You won’t be able to carry on in the jungle just like it’s nothing.’
‘Of course I will!’ I stand up on the bed so I can open that ruddy window that Hollie always closes. She’s got this thing about heating and everything always being closed. It gets so stifling in here. There’s a stiff snow-laden breeze blowing off the Medway this morning and a few icy particles land on my fingers. I put them in my mouth and let the flakes melt on my tongue.
‘I shall carry on working right up till the end, just like…like all the actresses and other people you hear about do. I don’t suppose I’ll get too much heartburn and all that stuff – I’m pretty healthy, you know.’
‘And morning sickness.’ Clearly she’s been thinking of other things that could go wrong while she was quiet. ‘You’ll get that for sure. My sister had three months of throwing up, constantly!
‘Your sister doesn’t have to work,’ I put in uncharitably. ‘I do. I can’t afford to languish. I’m going back to Brazil the minute the pregnancy’s confirmed,’ I carry on over her prophecies of doom. ‘Then I’ll come back once it’s time to have the baby and hand it over. Mission accomplished.’
‘In all that sweat and heat out there, are you sure? And you’ll be heavy as an elephant, ankles swollen, hardly able to move…’
‘People do have plenty of babies out there,’ I tell her stiffly. I only phoned her because I didn’t want to go straight out and face Hollie just yet. I thought she would be supportive. We used to have so much fun together. I thought she’d be well impressed at how much I’ve changed. It shows how much I’ve matured, doesn’t it? ‘Besides,’ I tell her virtuously, ‘I’m doing this for an unselfish reason, so don’t try to put me off it. I’m doing this for Hollie and Rich. And I’m doing it for my tribespeople too.’
‘Oh, yes?’
‘Well…’ I hesitate, wondering whether to fill her in on the most important part of my plan and then I go for it. In for a penny…’As soon as Hollie’s expecting she’ll realise this place is too small so they’ll sell up. The minute that happens, it unlocks my share of the funds from this place so I can use it for PlanetLove.’
‘That’s very decent of you.’ Now Lucy does sound impressed. ‘What you’re doing is all so worthwhile, isn’t it? I wish I could do something worthwhile,’ she sighs.
‘Well,’ I console, ‘I’m sure all the customers at Interbank Divisions appreciate the sterling job you do. I thought you loved it there anyway?’
‘It’s Interbank-Eurobank now,’ she reminds me. ‘And yes, it did used to be great – before all the consolidation measures and chopping and changing about of our roles. It’s all a real bummer here. No time for fun any more.’
‘Shame.’ The thought suddenly inserts itself that I still need to get hold of Professor Klausmann; I need him to sign my papers for South America and I really should be making a move.
‘My new boss is a total bitch,’ she adds venomously. ‘In fact I’m even thinking of…’ She’s been playing with something on her desk at work, like a penholder or somesuch, because it suddenly all comes crashing down and she gets all flustered. I can hear her, picking it all up. ‘Dave and I are trying for a baby too, as it happens.’ Her voice has lowered a notch.
God, the whole world’s at it, aren’t they? She’s kept that pretty quiet. That must be how she knew all about the side effects of pregnancy – she’s been reading up on it.
‘Hey! We can be pregnant together then.’
‘Except you’ll be in the jungle,’ she reminds me. ‘If you actually get pregnant, of course.’
‘Why ever wouldn’t I?’ My nose is getting cold, standing by the open window. ‘Where has all this snow come from so suddenly? What’s it like in Snodland? It’s coming down thick and fast over here,’ I tell her.
‘They’re expecting over six inches in the Medway later on,’ she informs me. ‘Trains back home from London tonight will be totally buggered as usual so Dave’s called in sick.’
‘Crap. I was planning on going up to town in a minute.’
‘Don’t bother,’ she warns. ‘I’d leave it till tomorrow if I were you.’
‘Anyway,’ I suddenly remember her previous comment. ‘What d’you mean if I get pregnant? It’s automatic, isn’t it? The body does it all by itself.’ From here I can spy the edge of a viburnum bush; I planted that eighteen years ago. It leads into the winter-flowering jasmine that climbs over the trelliswork on the fence. It has flourished and grown beautiful, just like everything I have planted. Just like the baby will. I really should end this conversation and go out and catch that train.
‘It wasn’
t like that for your sister,’ she reminds me.
‘Well, it will be for me.’ I’m certain of it. I’ve never failed at anything I’ve turned my hand to yet. I’ve never even had to try that hard, come to think of it. ‘I’ve got to go, Luce. I bet you I get pregnant before you do,’ I tease.
‘At least I’m going to have a lot more fun trying,’ she coos before she hangs up. Trust her to have the last word on it.
The snow is turning sleety now. Little puddles of melting ice are collecting on the window ledge. My fingers are red and frozen. If I get ready quickly I should still have time to go up to get my papers sorted. I should go, but I don’t feel like it any more. Suddenly I feel…let down and disappointed. I feel as if my day has somehow been hijacked. I really wanted to get my papers signed today, not waste any more time.
‘Who’d have thought it?’ I freeze at the sound of Hollie’s voice beneath my window ledge.
‘Oh yes. The retaining wall this time. Front of building next time.’
What’s she doing out there with the Bridge Trust’s gardener in this weather? I never heard the front doorbell go.
‘At least it’s only the wall that’s got cracks in it.’
‘That’s the problem with these listed buildings. Can’t touch much, and when you do you wish you didn’t have to. That’s why a lot of folks sell up. Specially young folks. Got no choice, do they?’
He’s right, I muse, she should listen to him.
‘Come now, it’s in the family, isn’t it, Gaffer? Can’t put a price on that.’ That’s our next-door neighbour Bea’s voice I can hear now. What are they doing out there? Whatever it is, I hope they’re not hanging about too long. I was about to go out there and fill Hollie in on her end of the deal and I don’t mean learning how to swim. I might as well let her know what I’m expecting, it’s only fair. She’s far too attached to this place and she’s going to need time to adjust to the idea of letting it go.
A Sister’s Gift Page 11