Release Candidate

by Aziz, M.

  A series of barks echoed.

  ‘You been eating some E numbers or what?’

  Gus shot forward as if to attack. Tomás backed up against the fridge. His bare feet patted the floor as he jumped. Gus stopped short and sat back quietly.

  ‘Damn schizo dog.’ he shook his head and opened the cupboard. He pulled out a tray and rolled-up packet.

  Gus sniffed the jellied meat put down before him. He peered up and walked away. Tomás raised his eyebrows as he sat back down. The sound of a hovering spaceship floating around the house landed in the study.

  ‘Mum!’ shouted Tomás.

  A pause. ‘Yes?’ her reply was muffled by layers of walls.

  ‘Did Gus get his chunks?’

  ‘Of course.’ her footsteps approached the kitchen. She opened the door.

  ‘He went all possessed for a second. Thought I’d give him some.’

  ‘You know I always feed this beast. Is habit now.’ she picked up the tray.

  ‘And he wasn’t getting all wound up while I was doing a deal with Death? Not been recycling his food from the front?’

  ‘I not notice. I just do what Marilyn say. Just give time, Tomás, is just dog.’

  ‘Mum, he never grrs at new faces. Marilyn told me she took him out when the postman was just coming. Not a fang as a greeting.’

  ‘But does postman live here?’

  ‘True.’ he looked at Gus following Estela. ‘Probably just a random thing, then.’

  ‘You got plan today? Rest is good plan, no?’ she took his cleared crockery to the sink.

  ‘Watching crap tele is on my list. I also want to go online. Buy back all the junk I gave away. Think about what the hell to do beyond that.’

  ‘You call your good friend?’ her soapy gloves squeaked on the bowl.

  ‘Haroon? I’ve butterflies about meeting him just yet. Just want to get used to myself.’

  ‘Now I use to your voice, I forgetting old one. Only small time pass since... I try remember old voice but is getting hard. Makes me down. So quick.’ she paused.

  Tomás crossed his arms on the table. He rested his forehead on them.

  ‘Mum, please.’ he lifted his face.

  ‘Your father he come back late. He say he bring something for you.’

  ‘Oh, wow. I’m up for that!’

  Marilyn returned a few hours later. Two department store bags in one hand, two shoe boxes cupped in the other arm. Guided by canned laughter she went to the living room. She found mother and son reclined on their tweed sofa. They were watching an old TV comedy. Gus laid in the centre of the rug, head on paws. Tomás leant forward.

  ‘Come on then, let’s see what Miss Santa got me!’ he rubbed his hands.

  ‘Well, one of these boxes is yours.’ she put the items down. ‘I have the receipt but I’m sure they’ll fit.’

  ‘Well, what are you waiting for? Open, open!’

  She opened the green box, pulled the covering tissue and waved the classic brown workman-style boots around.

  ‘Now that’s good choice.’ he said.

  ‘I also got some boring white socks. For whatever size feet.’ she pulled out a check white shirt and a green top from a bag. ‘These are a size up as well. And in there.’ she pointed to the other bag. ‘The one pair of gorgeous navy cords, two sizes up, and a four pack of striped boxers. If I failed there’s always the sites. Or you can come with me next. But these shouldn’t be tight and see you through a few days at least.’

  ‘There’s no doubt they’ll fit. I’ll put ‘em on in a bit.’

  ‘Eh, Tomás.’ Estela tutted. ‘In machine first after try.’

  ‘Don’t worry, Mum. I’ll do that when the sun goes down. I’m desperate to give these lungs what they want.’

  ‘What funny thing you get, Marilyn?’ asked Estela.

  ‘I got some heels. I didn’t feel the need to hurry from the shops for the first time in a while.’ she laughed.

  ‘I bet you look hot in whatever it is.’ Tomás raised his eyebrows.

  Marilyn pulled out a pair of dark purple suede open toes. Tomás winked. She looked away.

  ‘Not very good material, but is okay.’ said Estela. ‘Wait ‘til you my age, you will like more like me. Is phase.’

  ‘So. Anything interesting from you two this morning?’ asked Marilyn.

  ‘You wish.’ Tomás looked at Estela who shook her head. ‘Unless you include waking up without cursing.’

  ‘Okay.’ she paused. ‘Well, I’m going to put these up in the bedroom and then refuel from all that shoving in the aisles.’

  Tomás nodded. He watched the TV a few minutes more, waiting for Marilyn’s footsteps to track back down to the kitchen. Once they did he got up.

  ‘I’ll go get rid of this forest.’ he pointed to his face.

  ‘Good boy.’ smiled Estela. ‘You call me if something happen, okay?’

  Gus lifted his head up, looking as if deciding whether to follow. He rested his head back on his paws.

  Tomás walked up to the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror and removed his gown. Unblinkingly he watched the stubbly face copy his movements. Briefly looking at his padded, jock-strapped groin he returned to his reflection. An ensuing head shake resembled a classic cartoon character recovering from a fall. After a brief snivel he picked up a new, unopened razor handle. The packet crackled as it gave birth.

  Following brushing his teeth, washing his face and squirting shave gel he took the blade to his face. Placing it barely pressed to a cheek he slowly began mowing down a patch. Nodding at his reflection, he made more confident strokes. Efficiently clearing through black-speckled white foam. Moving to his neck, scraping downward from the left, he approached the centre of his neck. A growing hand tremor jolted him. A small slit slowly oozed red above his Adam’s apple. He turned the blue tap to maximum. Throwing handfuls of water and patting the cut diminished the colour’s severity collecting on his palm. Towelling himself in the mirror, he breathed out to see a small row of maroon dots ready to congeal.

  ‘Bloody hell... I hope this is just some kind of side effect.’ his reflection whispered. He tore a bit of toilet paper.

  Walking into the bedroom, he ruffled through the bags on the bed as if blind. The white shirt went on with the tag still hanging in his back. Cords hugged him without needing a belt. His bare feet plunged into the boots.

  Clunking down the stairs in a stuttered fast tempo made Estela enter the hallway.

  ‘Very smart.’ she said. ‘What is hurry?’ his upturned collar magnetised her hands.

  He shrugged and walked into the kitchen.

  Marilyn sat with a plate of biscuits. He walked towards a cupboard on the left.

  ‘Buttons.’ she bit.

  ‘Oh.’ looking down he noticed them all misaligned by one. ‘Yeah.’ shaking his head he opened the cupboard and examined his medicine.

  ‘What’re you doing? You don’t want to OD.’

  ‘Yeah, right. I’m just checking something.’

  ‘Don’t enlighten me will you.’

  He shut the cupboard.

  ‘Did you see any, like, any leaflets with that stuff?’

  ‘You don’t always get them with hospital pharmacy items.’

  ‘Yeah, but this isn’t some fucking easy-build furniture we’re talking about!’

  Marilyn pressed her fingertips into a triangle. Tomás breathed out. He pulled a chair.

  ‘Okay. This is probably nothing, but you see this.’ he raised his head. ‘I did that. And I was running the blade like a feather.’

  ‘So? At least you didn’t do your ear.’ she scoffed.

  ‘Yeah, but I’m not really that clumsy. Don’t usually dig ponds anyway. The odd little scratch, maybe. I hope I haven’t dented the paintwork on the first day.’

  ‘But you’re not fully used to moving yet. Or knowing how moisturised you are, knowing how hard to press. Don’t worry about it.’

  ‘Whatever. This hand.’ he lifted it up. �
��It disobeyed me.’

  ‘I think you’re just looking for attention now.’ she crossed her arms. ‘You probably should have stayed in bed longer. And how do you know it’s the medicine? I’d say finishing the course will be the end of your problems.’

  ‘I guess.’ he drummed his fingers.

  ‘It’s nothing to cry over. You told me yourself the very first time you shaved you turned into a tomato.’

  ‘But this body isn’t a soft-faced, acned little runt. But you’re right, you’re right. I probably just have to calm down. But I tell you, I felt like a marionette for a few seconds.’

  ‘You need something to occupy you.’

  ‘Then can I go on your laptop? Just want to draw up a list of stuff I want.’

  ‘Fine by me.’ she paused. ‘But don’t go symptom searching.’

  He looked away.

  ‘You know how it is, you have a cold and you find something there that tells you you’ve days to live.’

  ‘Yeah, but last time I didn’t have the flu.’

  ‘Have you taken your bandages off?’

  ‘I forgot they’re a temporary part of me. I’ll take ‘em off in a bit. They do itch like hell sometimes.’

  ‘Well, I’m taking Gus around the block. I don’t want to catch you on some medical page. They won’t even cover your situation anyway.’

  ‘I’ll be looking elsewhere by then.’ he laughed.

  She glared.

  ‘Alright, alright.’

  Marilyn entered the hallway and beckoned Gus. The dog’s busy footsteps followed her out. Tomás walked out shortly after.

  An hour later Marilyn entered the bedroom. She found Tomás lying on the bed, boots off and above the covers.

  ‘I made a little folder of bookmarked pages.’ he said to the ceiling. ‘Couldn’t be bothered going through all the personal details and payment registering crap just yet. I also don’t know what the deal with my bank is.’

  ‘I bet you never thought of clearing browser history. But I can read it in your face already.’

  ‘Ah, drop it.’

  ‘Do I have to nag you about your bandages? Get easy!’

  ‘Now there’s an idea. I’ve not pissed in a few days. Well, this body may have, but...’

  Marilyn stepped back. She looked at the door, then back at Tomás. Her eyes slowly moved to the floor. Tomás sat at the bed’s edge. He unbuttoned his shirt and began pulling at layers of microporous tape under each arm pit. He squinted as bits of hair peeled off with the tape. The pads fell to his lap. Devoid of any visible scarring, the moderately hairy chest looked youthful and taut. Marilyn put a thumb to her lips. Tomás scratched his chest, examined it and nodded.

  ‘Well, they didn’t make me a top-heavy babe.’ he laughed. ‘Um. I don’t know now. I mean, would you like to turn around? I don’t mind. It’s cool for now, if you’re..?’

  ‘Er, I’ll, I’ll go. You can tell me if there’s anything.’ she left before he could reply.

  Tomás locked the door as Marilyn descended. He pulled his trousers down and patted the hyperbolically padded jock strap. Sliding it off, he carefully pulled at the panty-liner-looking bandage. He looked at his new genitals.

  ‘Jeez, are all guys like I was?’ he asked himself aloud. Cupping his mouth he quickly searched a bag on the floor for boxers and socks.

  Dressed up and looking at himself in the landing mirror he nodded at his movements and clothing. Downstairs he found Gus in the kitchen. The dog raised its head before resettling. Tomás tried the living room and found Marilyn with remote control in hand beside Estela. They looked up at him.

  ‘I forgot to say thank you.’ he smiled. ‘You never pick dud stuff. The shoes are a bit tight but that’s just newness. All’s good, though. You know everything.’

  Marilyn’s smile came forced. She returned to flicking through an information service.

  ‘You feel hungry, Tomás?’ asked Estela. ‘I make your favourite.’

  ‘It’s building. Though I’m not sure what my tongue thinks. You know how your own spit feels in your mouth? Mine feels weird. Grittier.’

  They heard scratching at the kitchen door. Gus was violently barking.

  ‘What’s up with him again?’ asked Tomás.

  Marilyn put down the remote and went to the kitchen. Gus bared his fangs and got up on his hind legs.

  ‘Easy boy!’ she said. ‘What’s up with you? Sit with us Gus.’ she held the door open.

  Gus skidded down the hall. His raised brows revealed the whites of his eyes. He stood inches from Tomás and cut the silence in rapid fire. An invisible force field kept Gus from pouncing.

  ‘What the...’ said Tomás.

  Marilyn stood behind Gus. She clapped her hands. The dog didn’t budge. Estela leaned back on the sofa rest and covered her ears. Gus closed his mouth just enough to still show his spiky gum line. His tail wagged like a paper hand fan. His pads shook as if ready to spring. Tomás crossed the force field and kicked Gus’s stomach as if dinting soil. The dog bounced back. Marilyn picked him up. Gus convulsed in her arms with rage. She gave Tomás a deep stare and locked Gus back in the kitchen.

  Estela put her hands down. Marilyn re-emerged in the hallway. Her redness revealed equal the fury Gus had. Tomás rubbed a hand down his face.

  ‘What’s your problem?’ she yelled.

  ‘Marilyn, Marilyn...’ he replied.

  ‘Just because you’ve had a hard time lately...’

  ‘Look, I didn’t mean to.’ he interrupted. ‘It just happened.’

  ‘Just happened?’

  ‘I didn’t think that. Well, I did but it wasn’t...’ he scrunched his eyes.

  Estela looked up at him. She shook her head.

  ‘Go on.’ said Marilyn.

  ‘Like I said.’ he looked at Estela. ‘I did something weird this morning and I did the same again. I’m scared!’

  ‘Are you saying... You think there’s still something inside you?’

  ‘No. Well, maybe.’ he shrugged. ‘Just a few actions are not my own. I’m not, like, schizo or whatever. Barber said the head was all clear, right? Nothing useful left in it? I read online...’ he gulped.

  Marilyn’s nod egged him on.

  ‘Alien hand syndrome. It can happen with damage. Maybe I have that? Maybe it’s my pills? Maybe they’ll help? I don’t know.’ he collapsed on the sofa.

  Estela patted him as if dealing with a sparked appliance. Marilyn sat beside him. Her breathing took a minute to settle.

  ‘Hey,’ she said softly, ‘don’t take me wrong. Maybe you’re just stressed?’

  ‘I read that too.’

  She slowly crawled a hand to one of his. ‘There’s no need to worry. We have a follow-up with the Professor. Hell, we can try to bring it forward if we need to. You have us with you. It’ll be okay.’

  ‘I hope so.’ he looked at his lap. ‘Everything is perfect but this little thing. It’s a bit like a shiver, you know?’ he sighed. ‘I can’t find the right words.’

  ‘Tomás.’ Estela’s jaw quivered. She rubbed his back. ‘Don’t tell father this thing. You alive is why he happy again. We sort this, is no big issue. They do lot in hospital now.’

  Tomás shrugged.

  They had just finished an early supper when the front door mechanically fizzed. Alberto’s unique rhythm of steps entered the kitchen. He nodded around the table. Tomás’s eyes hinted a smile as he wide-mouthed bit into a green apple. Estela and Marilyn washed and dried dishes respectively. The clank of plates and water throbbing in the sink resembled an avant garde orchestra.

  ‘I put in microwave soon.’ said Estela.

  Tomás watched as his father pulled a chair and sat. He hurried chewing.

  ‘You’re glowing, my boy.’

  Marilyn looked back. She almost dropped a side plate.

  ‘I do. I mean, I am well.’

  ‘I forgot to ask, son. Do many things still feel the same? I just thought about that since morning. It hits me when I st
art thinking about what it must be like for you now.’

  ‘It’s all the same, so far. What tastes like medicine, tastes like... You get the picture.’

  Alberto laughed.

  ‘But you know, some things I taste they have a different... What’s the word I’m looking for?.. A different feel in my head now. You know, like the first time you eat something you connect a feeling with it. Your mood or where you were when you first ate it. Well, that’s starting again with foods I already know. Even though I know what things taste like and how I felt about them in the first place, it’s like the new second impression has more value than the first. Things feel a bit different in my mouth but taste is taste.’

  ‘Oh.’ Alberto rubbed his chin. ‘That’s pretty interesting. What else is new, my boy?’

  The sound of slammed plastic was followed by a hum and bright light emanating from the corner.

  ‘Apart from not wanting to collapse, I have more sensitive skin now. I think.’

  ‘Good, good.’ he patted Tomás’s shoulder. ‘I hope you just rested today. Nice clothes.’

  ‘These? It was Marilyn. I haven’t done anything.’

  ‘Gus?’ Alberto looked under the table. ‘I just realised why the kitchen seems dull.’

  Tomás looked at Marilyn. She took the baton in the guise of a plate.

  ‘He was just being a bit of a pest.’ she laid a pile of chicken and vegetables.

  ‘A pest?’ he parroted. ‘Gus?’

  ‘Alberto. Eat before get cold.’

  ‘Don’t worry, Estela.’ he waved his hands. ‘I’ll wash up when I’m done.’

  ‘Tomorrow,’ Tomás looked at Marilyn, ‘I want to start looking around at places. Don’t get all soppy on me. I don’t plan to move out just like that. I can’t. But I need to start making steps now. And it’s not like I’ll then disappear. Once things settle I don’t have to act like a secret agent, you know. Neighbours might think I’m my cousin with the same name.’ he laughed.

  ‘I understand, son.’ he forked some chicken. ‘What is this life if you can’t use it?’

  ‘But before you do, you have sort thing like bank, your papers. It take little bit of time, no? And you not well until that Professor say.’

  ‘I know. As I said, Mum, I just want to look.’

  ‘Estela, don’t fuss, woman! Look at him. And it will be good for Marilyn to get back to working too. To talk with other girls.’