Controlled Burn

by Shannon Stacey

  “I’m going to miss you, too. If not for the party, it would have been nice to stay for Christmas.” She picked up the pen next to her laptop and fiddled with it. “Maybe I could come back.”

  “Oh, honey, you are welcome to come back anytime you want. And I’d love to spend the holidays with you. You know that. But I don’t want Davey alone, either. We’ve obviously had troubles, but I’m still his mother and he’s been going through a hard time. It would break my heart to imagine him all alone for Christmas.”

  “This particular hard time is of his own making,” Jessica pointed out.

  “That’s true, but he’s going through a divorce and you coming out here hasn’t been easy for him, I’m sure, on either a personal or a professional level. You don’t want to throw too much at him at one time. Not that his well-being is your responsibility, but I know you’ve always worried about him.”

  Marie’s immediate willingness to sacrifice her own happiness for her son’s despite the fact he’d abandoned them and broken her heart was something Jessica had a hard time understanding. Her father loved her and he’d done his best raising her, but his needs came first. Maybe it was because his needs were so often wrapped up with the needs of Broussard Financial Services, but Jessica couldn’t remember the last time she’d been number one on the family priority list.

  “You’re right, I guess,” she said finally. “Before I leave, though, I’d like to get you a smartphone for Christmas. So we can keep in touch.”

  Marie laughed. “Even that fancy phone of yours will accept calls from an old landline.”

  “True. But it would be nice to be able to text sometimes, too. And send each other pictures.”

  “Joe did say maybe I should get one so we can do that.”

  “I’d love for it to be my gift to the both of you, even though I know you’ll have to twist his arm to get him to do a video chat. It would mean a lot to me to keep in touch.”

  Her grandmother wrapped her arms around her. “I don’t care if we have to send carrier pigeons back and forth across the country. We’re not losing touch with you.”

  Jessica blinked back tears and squeezed Marie. “I totally agree. A smartphone would definitely be faster, though. We can go get one today so I can show you the basics before I leave.”

  “That does sound like fun. And I want you to be able to send me pictures of your office and your home. I want to see what your life looks like.” She let go of Jessica and wiped at her eyes. “Maybe you could sneak me a picture of Davey. Not the fancy picture on his website, but a candid shot from the party or something like that.”

  “I can try,” Jessica said, hedging. She wouldn’t try to sneak a picture of her father to send to his parents because that felt like an invasion of his privacy. But she would try her best to get him to agree to let her send one. It seemed like the least he could do at that point. “And I want you to promise you’ll keep me in the loop when it comes to your health and any decisions you make about the house.”

  “Of course we will. I think Joe and I have a lot of conversations about it in our near future, but it’s a hard thing to wrap your mind around.”

  “You can call me anytime to talk about it. It’s a big decision.”

  “The biggest.” Marie was quiet for a few seconds, and then she clapped her hands together. “Okay, we only have today and tomorrow left together, so that’s enough with tears. Let’s go have some fun.”

  * * *

  Rick tried to stifle a yawn, but he was bone-tired and he couldn’t stop it, though he did cast an apologetic glance at Jessica. “Sorry. I swear it’s not you.”

  “Usually somebody yawning every five minutes in my company would give me a complex, but you had a busy night according to the morning news. And you didn’t get a lot of sleep Monday night.”

  “I don’t regret a single second of Monday night,” he said, putting his empty paper plate on the coffee table before sitting up straighter on the couch. “How’s your muffin?”

  “I feel like I shouldn’t be enjoying it so much since it was baked for you by a woman who was so infatuated with you she was using false alarms to get close to you.” She sighed deeply. “It’s a really good muffin, though.”

  “Maybe I should have tried the muffin before I told her I had a girlfriend.”

  She gave him a stern look that only lasted a few seconds. “I’d throw this at you for saying that, but then I wouldn’t be able to eat the rest of it.”

  “I’ll look away while you lick the crumbs off the plate if you want.”

  “That’s sweet of you to leave me some dignity like that.” She chewed and swallowed another bite. “So you told her you have a girlfriend.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Is that the standard defense when a woman shows up at the station looking for attention from one of you?”

  He shrugged, not really sure how to answer that. “We use it a lot, I guess.”

  “So it’s not really specific to you?”

  “Considering you’d spent the night before in my bed, it might have been a little specific, I guess.”

  When she smiled before popping the last bite of muffin into her mouth, Rick realized he’d managed to say the right thing.

  “So if you were introducing me to people now, would you still introduce me as your landlords’ granddaughter?”

  “No. I mean, it might come up, but I want everybody to know you’re with me.” He watched her smile and dreaded the upcoming separation even more. “Are we going to do the long-distance thing?”

  She sighed. “It’s a very long distance. And even though I’m going to be visiting Joe and Marie, it’s not like I’ll be coming back to Boston multiple weekends per month or anything. Maybe it doesn’t need definition. We’ll just keep in touch and see how it goes.”

  “I hope it goes good,” he said, and then yawned again. “I’m going to miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you, too.”

  “What time is your flight tomorrow?”

  “It takes off at 5:45.”

  He winced. “In the morning?”

  “Yeah, so I’m leaving here about four. I took the early flight so I can get there and run by my house, but still have time to get into the office. I didn’t leave myself a lot of time to oversee the last-minute stuff, plus I’m sure my father will want to have a catch-up meeting.”

  “I can set my alarm and go with you.”

  She laced her fingers through his and rested her head against the couch. “You don’t have to. I still have the rental, anyway, so it’s not like you could drive me.”

  “I could drive the rental and then take a cab back.”

  “Rick, they won’t let you past security, anyway. There’s no sense in you losing sleep and throwing your schedule off to drive me to the airport for no reason.”

  “I don’t think there has to be a reason.” The reason was spending every last minute he could with her.

  She inhaled deeply and then turned her head to look him in the eye. “It’s going to be hard enough leaving Joe and Marie. I don’t know if I could stand an airport goodbye with you. I’m not very good at that sort of thing.”

  “So it’s easier if you just get up and get in your car and go?”

  “Honestly, yes.”

  He nodded. “Then that’s what you should do. But text me when you land so I know you got to California okay.”

  “I think if we don’t get there okay, you’ll hear about it on the news.”

  “Don’t say that.” Once she’d put her plate down, he pulled her closer so she was tucked against his side and kissed the top of her head. “Just text me when you get there.”

  “You want me to sit like this so I can’t see you yawn, don’t you?”

  “I swear it’s not personal.”

  �
�Why don’t you go to bed for a while and then you can come down and have dinner with us.”

  “Sounds good. Why don’t you come to bed with me?”

  She laughed, and he felt her head shake even though he’d closed his eyes. “I think it would be hard not to take those yawns personally.”

  “Just to lay down with me,” he muttered. He was losing the sleep battle and he wanted to go stretch out on his bed. But he didn’t want to lose a minute with Jess, even if he was asleep for it. “I’ll sleep better.”

  She got to her feet and grabbed his hands to help him to his feet. “I still have some packing to do and I have to figure out what I’m leaving here, but I’ll lay down with you for a little while.”

  His last thought before he slipped into a heavy sleep with his body curled around Jessica’s was how much he didn’t want her to go.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Even though she practically tiptoed through the house, Jessica wasn’t surprised when Marie shuffled into the kitchen in her well-worn slippers and bathrobe just before four o’clock the next morning.

  “I almost missed you.”

  Her throat tight, Jessica took her hand off the doorknob and set her carry-on bag on top of the suitcase. “I told you not to bother getting up.”

  “You’re not leaving this house without a hug from your grandmother. But I know you didn’t want a big emotional scene so I made sure I only left enough time for a quick goodbye.”

  They met in the middle of the kitchen, and tears spilled over Jessica’s cheeks as her grandmother wrapped her arms around her. “I’m going to come back and visit as soon as I can.”

  “I can’t wait. I love you, honey.”

  “I love you too...Gram.”

  “I like the sound of that.” After a big sniffle, Marie pulled back and wiped the tears off Jessica’s face. “Your grandfather’s not good at this sort of thing, so I let him sleep, but he loves you, too.”

  “Give him a kiss from me when he wakes up.”

  “I will. Now you go before you miss your plane. We don’t want to have to do this again tomorrow.”

  After another quick hug, Jessica slung her carry-on over her shoulder and grabbed her suitcase. “Bye, Gram.”

  She managed to get the door closed and walk down the ramp without her eyes welling up again, but she stopped walking when she reached the driveway.

  Rick was leaning against the rental, his shoulders hunched against the cold. The frigid air made his eyes sparkle and his cheeks were pink, and he looked utterly delicious for four o’clock in the morning. His smile was full of warmth and understanding as he uncrossed his legs and made his way across the driveway to take her suitcase.

  “I take it Marie got up to see you off,” he said, swiping at a leftover tear on her jaw with his thumb.

  “Neither of you listen worth a damn.” She was going for light and funny, but there was too much emotion clogging her throat to pull it off. “You should go back to bed.”

  “I might, after your plane takes off. I’m going to spend every minute I can with you before you go, so give me your keys.”

  He started the car before popping the trunk and made her get into the passenger seat to keep warm while he stowed her bags. Then he slid the driver’s seat back a few more inches and got in.

  “Got everything?”

  She nodded because she wasn’t sure she’d be able to speak. This was exactly what she’d been hoping to avoid when she told everybody to stay in bed. If she hadn’t hugged Marie or felt that kick in her chest when she saw Rick leaning against the car, maybe she would have been able to lie to herself about how much she didn’t want to leave.

  Once he’d backed the car out onto the street and put it in gear, Rick put his left hand on the steering wheel and reached his free hand across to take hers. After lacing their fingers together, he set their joined hands on the center console and navigated through the still sleepy streets.

  Jessica leaned her head against the headrest, trying to blink back tears as his thumb stroked her index finger. How the hell had this happened? She’d come here to fulfill her curiosity about her father’s parents and help them plan for their future, and her entire life had changed.

  She had grandparents now—real grandparents—and she had this guy she’d only known a couple of weeks, but already couldn’t imagine not seeing tomorrow. Or the next day. Or any day in the near future.

  “Hey.” His voice was soft and he didn’t say anything else until she turned her head to look at him. “You’re going to text me to let me know you landed okay, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Good. And I know you like to text because it’s fast and easy, but I want to hear your voice sometimes, too.”

  Some of the tightness in her chest eased. “So you really think we can make a long-distance thing work?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know.” He squeezed her hand. “I hope so. But I do know I’m not ready to just say ‘hey, that was fun, thanks’ and not talk to you again.”

  “I’m not, either.”

  He took his eyes off the road for a second to smile at her. “We’ll figure it out as we go along, then.”

  They talked a little bit, mostly about Marie and Joe, until they reached the airport, where the conversation turned to where the hell they were supposed to be going.

  “I thought you’d have this, being from here,” she teased.

  “I’m not from the airport.” He moved over a lane so abruptly she almost squealed. “Trust me. Nobody has any clue where they’re going here.”

  He finally navigated successfully to the rental car building, then waited with her luggage while she turned the car in. During the shuttle ride to the terminal, he was quiet. But he held her hand and she liked that. She’d forgotten how comforting the gesture could be, and she tried to draw strength from it so she wouldn’t cry when it was time for him to leave.

  After checking her suitcase at the curb, they went inside and she decided they had time to grab a coffee together before she had to get in the security line. Even if it was only a few minutes, she’d take them.

  “Did you leave your car at the airport on the other end?” he asked when they’d found a spot to drink their coffees and watch people.

  “I wasn’t sure how long I’d be, so I took a cab. I’ll just take one to the house and drop off my luggage before I go to the office.”

  “How do you think your father’s going to be?”

  She shrugged. “I think he’s had time to come to terms with what happened.”

  “He shouldn’t really have to come to terms with you visiting your grandparents, you know.”

  “I do know that.” She shrugged again. “But he didn’t want me to know them and I knew that when I got on the plane here. And I stayed when he wanted me to go back. I guess the details aren’t important. What matters is that I did something I knew would upset him and complicate his life.”

  Rick frowned. “You defied him.”

  “It’s not that, exactly. That makes him sound like a tyrant, when in reality, the manipulation is much more subtle. And it’s as much my fear of making him unhappy as it is control on his part.”

  He reached over and squeezed her knee. “That’s not really how family’s supposed to work, Jess.”

  “Aren’t you the one who told me families look a lot of different ways, and there’s no right or wrong or supposed to about any of them?”

  He nodded, his mouth curving in a smile. “You got me there.”

  Usually when she was in an airport, waiting for a flight, time seemed to slow to a crawl, but the minutes flew by and all too soon they had to throw away their empty cups and head toward the security checkpoint.

  “Don’t forget to text me when you land.”

  “I won’t forget to t
ext you.” She’d probably do nothing but think about him for the entire flight, so it wasn’t likely she wouldn’t be thinking about him when the plane touched down.

  He put his hand on the back of her neck and kissed her gently. She sucked in a breath, trying to shove down the emotion, but tears blurred her vision.

  “No tears,” he murmured against her lips. Then he pulled back and gave her a crooked grin. “No sad eyes.”

  “I told you it would be harder for me to leave if you were here.”

  “Good.” His hand fisted in her hair, tilting her head back so she looked into his eyes. “I want it to be hard for you to leave me because it’s sure as hell hard to let you go.”

  “We were supposed to just enjoy each other’s company until I got on the plane.”

  “We did. We enjoyed each other’s company a lot, I guess.”

  She sighed, letting herself imagine for a few crazy seconds what would happen if she just didn’t get on the plane. They’d go back to the house and after spending a few minutes with Marie and Joe, they’d go upstairs to Rick’s apartment. It was so tempting she almost opened her mouth to tell him she wasn’t leaving.

  But even if she took her father out of the equation, she had a life in San Diego. And responsibilities. She was supposed to be hosting the company Christmas party in two days for people who’d worked hard for her and her father for years and who’d helped make it possible for her to spend the past two weeks in Boston without any prior notice.

  And, whether he should be part of the equation or not, she had to consider her father. He was probably on shaky ground and the holidays were coming. If Marie could worry about him being alone after all he’d put her through, Jessica wasn’t going to beat herself up about doing the same.

  “You have to go,” Rick said quietly, and she realized she’d been staring up at him, saying nothing.

  As much as she wanted to share her reluctance with him, it wouldn’t change anything and would only make it harder. “I’ll text you.”

  He kissed her one more time and then ran his finger down her cheek. “Bye, Jess.”

  “Bye,” she whispered as he turned and walked away.